Rising Dream, Fallen Star
by MrsShortHand
Summary: He was the lead singer of The Volturi. I was a new musician with everything to prove. We were Hollywood's It couple. Until he ruined everything. Can our love be saved if he can't save himself? A story about love, lemons, lies, and learning to forgive. AH
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

"_There are certain shades of limelight that can wreck a girl's complexion." _

– _Audrey Hepburn_

The sun was slowly inching down on Rome's horizon as I sat in my hotel room, looking out at the gorgeous city. Memories flooded my mind of a previous time when I had actually been able to go around the ancient wonders and sight-see. Being a closeted Audrey Hepburn fan, I traveled from landmark to landmark pretending I was in _Roman Holiday._ It made it that much more thrilling that my companion, at that time, was alluding the paparazzi. We spent an entire day going "incognito," laughing at ourselves, and insisting to anyone around us that we were regular American tourists. Yet, even with sunglasses and baseball caps on, he couldn't fool anyone. Just walking around in the sun, there was a radiance that shined off of him. I closed my eyes and imagined his warmth next to me, standing in front of the Trevi Fountain…

"Ouch!" I was immediately brought back to the present, as my right ear felt in flames.

"Isabella, keep your head still and we wouldn't have this problem!" My hair stylist scolded me; wagging the same curling iron at me that had just done damage to my earlobe.

"Wait, you're the professional. How is this _my_ fault?"

My makeup artist swooped in front of my face and began smearing concealer on with a sponge. "Isabella, darling, you are the only person either of us have had the pleasure to work with that does NOT like getting makeovers! You resist the change, instead of letting us make you into the beautiful superstar that you are. And because of that, you get burned."

I rolled my eyes at her double-entendre. "You know that I appreciate you both very much and there's no way I could make myself ever look this good on my own." They both nodded in agreement. "It's just been a very long tour. I've loved every single minute of it. Part of me doesn't want it to ever end; but I'm also ready to go back home to my own bed for awhile."

Just then my father knocked on the door and peeked his head around. "Almost ready, kiddo?"

"Just a few more minutes, Charlie."

"There's an American reporter here to see you." He had a glint in his eyes. "He's from _Rolling Stone_."

I whirled my head around, immediately causing my hair and makeup artists to curse at me again. "You're kidding."

"When do I ever kid?" This was true. Charlie had always been a straight-forward kind of guy.

"What's he doing here?"

"To see you, obviously." _Yup, no beating around the bush with this guy. _He glanced at his watch. "He'll be up in 5 minutes. Be ready."

My stylists got down to business. There was no more joking around and I kept my head perfectly still for them. By the time there was a second knock at the door, they were already packing up. I looked in the mirror. _Damn they did a great job._ My brown eyes popped with the eyeliner that encircled them; with just a slight shimmer to the top of my lids. Everything else was very natural looking. My long, brown hair was set to loose curls with plenty of volume at the top. I looked down. I was still in jeans, with a rip in the knee, and a fitted Mariners t-shirt. _Well this will have to do._

"Come in!" I called out. My stylists ushered their way out the door as a young-looking man walked past them. The look of surprise could not have been any more apparent on my face as my mouth, literally, hung open. I was expecting a middle-aged journalist with glasses, a pencil, and a notepad. Instead, I was greeted with an extremely handsome, tanned guy, who couldn't have been any older than me. I did a quick once-over and noticed his nice shoes paired with jeans and a simple white button-down, short-sleeve shirt that barely covered his biceps.

"Isabella Swan?" He asked and smiled, flashing his brilliantly white teeth. I just nodded.

He walked in and extended his hand. "I'm Jacob Black. I'm with _Rolling Stone_ and have been sent to write a piece about you for our upcoming issue. It's an article about the Top 10 artists to be on the lookout for this year. We've seen how much success you've had over here in Europe and think it's only a matter of time before you hit the States."

_This is too good to be true. Wait – what if it is too good to be true?_ Immediately, my suspicion started to rise. _How come I wasn't notified about this before? And since when did Rolling Stone journalists become so young and good-looking?_

"And they sent you all the way to Rome for this interview, Mr. Black? Surely you've taken a look at my schedule and saw that this is my last night on tour. I head back to the States tomorrow. Wouldn't it have been more cost-efficient to wait one day?"

"You can call me Jacob. And to be perfectly honest with you, I just happened to be in Italy on vacation this week when they called me and told me to cover your final night on tour. They want an interview with you, pictures of you on stage, and some sound bites from your fans."

"Please don't view this question as ungrateful, because I'm extremely excited about finally being recognized back home…but why wasn't I informed of this interview beforehand?"

Jacob glanced down. "I um…think it was a last-minute decision. They want all this emailed to them by tomorrow." I wasn't an idiot and knew exactly what he was tactfully trying to say. I wasn't their first choice.

I wasn't sure how Jacob thought I would react to this news but he suddenly had a hard time looking me in the eye. I laughed, immediately lightening the mood. "Well I guess I'm extremely lucky that you're in Rome this week. Although, I'm sorry to cut into your vacation time."

A look of relief crossed his face, as he made eye-contact with me again. "Really it's my pleasure. You're actually helping me out."

That suspicion started to tingle at the bottom of my stomach again. "How so?"

His cheeks flushed red. "Well…um…I hope you don't take offense to this, but I'm actually an intern with _Rolling Stone._ I'm finishing up my last semester in Journalism at Columbia University. I just happened to be on my Spring Break here with my buddies when my supervisor called me to let me know they needed this story. If I do a good job, I could have a position waiting for me at the magazine after graduation."

"So I really was the bottom of the barrel for this article, huh?"

Jacob blanched. "Oh no, Ms. Swan, that is not what I meant at all…"

I held up my hand to stop him. While humor was definitely not my father's strong suit, I had received plenty of sarcasm from my mother. "It seems to me, Jacob, that a bit of luck has come both our ways. You need this article for a job and I need this article for a career. So how can we help one another?"

Jacob's showed his pearly white teeth with a huge smile. "Have any deep-hidden secrets I can expose for an explosive piece?"

"I can't sing a lick. Auto tune is my best friend."

"So _American Idol _is all a big conspiracy."

"There's your cover-story right there." I gave him a big grin and reached into the hotel refrigerator to pull out two Cokes and tossed one over to him. Already I was feeling much more at-ease.

"How about we start with the basics and I'll get the juicy details out of you later?" He winked at me. _If I didn't know any better, this guy was flirting._

I spent the next half-hour going over the same biography that could be found on my website. I inherited my artistic genes from my mother. She taught me to truly appreciate music and the classics like Joni Mitchell and Carole King. Every Sunday was cleaning-day. My mother would put on a record, give me a rag, and we would go around the house singing; using our Pledge cans as pretend microphones. It wasn't long before I started singing in local festivals; but living in a small town like Forks wasn't going to get me very far. When I was 12 years-old, Charlie decided the best chance I had at being discovered was in a big city. So every weekend we'd hop in his red pick-up and drive to Seattle or Portland. During vacation time we'd travel even farther to San Francisco and Los Angeles. I'd sing for anyone who would hear me. At the time, I was having a blast. I was doing what I loved while having family road-trips across the country. We did this for 3 years and I couldn't have asked for more.

But my mother wanted more – or actually less. She told Charlie she couldn't handle moving around so much. In an argument I heard between them, while they thought I was in bed, my mother said that she wanted me to follow my dreams and become successful but she didn't want to have to give up all her dreams as well. She gave Charlie an ultimatum – go back to Forks and continue the normal life we once had; or keep chasing this dream without her. I can't imagine the turmoil Charlie must have gone through having to pick between his wife and his daughter. In the end, he called her bluff and we continued to travel without her. Only it wasn't a bluff. A few months later, we came home from one of our weekend excursions to find all of her stuff packed up and gone from the house. A simple note said that she wanted more in life. She wanted a divorce.

My mother made her new life in Phoenix, where I would visit her twice a year. Ironically, she got remarried to a baseball player where half of her year was spent traveling around the country after his team. I guess his dream was a good one for her to follow. My father, on the other hand, never got over the divorce. He never forgave himself for that matter either. We stopped traveling and, aside from small school musicals in Forks, I stopped singing.

Jacob broke into my thoughts, "Do you feel your singing was to blame for your parents' divorce?"

I was taken aback by his bold question. No one had ever asked me that before; not even my closest friends. I swallowed and took a deep breath before answering. "I'm not the naïve little girl I was 8 years ago. I know it takes a lot to destroy a marriage and my mother loved me dearly. Neither of them would ever want me to feel like I was the cause of their divorce. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't hold some resentment towards my mother. She made my father choose between me and her. And when he refused to do so, she made the choice for him and chose a life for herself."

"You can hear a lot of that pain in your music."

I studied his face. "You've heard my songs?"

He smiled sheepishly. "I picked up your CD on the drive over here and listened to it. You have some great upbeat tunes and some beautiful melodies, but your lyrics are what caught me. They're pretty raw."

Jacob Black was turning out to be full of surprises. "Thank you," I said. "That means a lot. I guess any artist needs to be a masochist and dig deep into their pain to let it all out, huh?"

"The good ones at least." He smirked. "Speaking of good artists – how'd you end up on _American Idol_?"

"Is that a dig towards _AI?_" He shrugged his shoulders and waited for an answer. "I went to Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle for music. I had toyed with the idea of moving down to Los Angeles after high school, but didn't want to leave Charlie by himself. At least, in Seattle, I could come visit him on the weekends. My roommates and I watched the first couple seasons of it and when we heard auditions were coming to Seattle, we decided to take a chance. The rest is history."

"But you didn't win."

I took another sip of my Coke. "Thanks for ripping open that old wound," I said teasingly. "Nope. I came in 5th. According to Simon, he didn't think I had what it takes."

"So how'd you go from 5th place on a reality show to headlining your own small tour in Europe?" He looked genuinely interested.

"A lot of luck." I winked at him.

After the _American Idol _tour ended, I was fortunate enough to meet up with some record producers, who wanted to immediately start making an album. The album was too dance-music for my taste; and ultimately because I don't think I enjoyed the music I was singing, it never got released. However, as luck would have it, one of my slower songs off the album was heard by some movie producers, who used it in the film _Love Actually._ Charlie took over being my manager because he insisted you couldn't trust anyone in the music industry. He was able to get me a small opening gig for the modern rock band, The Volturi,when they were touring Europe. I was able to begin writing an album that I actually wanted to make while on tour.

"From there Europe embraced me and I've embraced Europe," I finished telling my biography. "It's hard to be seen as anything more than a Reality TV star in America; but I feel my album really speaks for itself and I just need to be given a chance."

"Hopefully this article will give us both a chance," Jacob said.

"I'm counting on you," I said, flashing him a big smile.

He glanced beside me at my bed and shifted a bit in his seat. He cleared his throat, "Speaking of The Volturi…I have some questions about them…"

My heart dropped a bit. It never failed that my name was always brought up alongside The Volturi's – more specifically the lead singer. It didn't help that the band was made up of three astoundingly beautiful men that immediately produced high-pitched screams from female fans. The last thing I needed, as my career got off the ground, was an angry mob of fans turning on me because I was linked to their true-love. I wanted to make a name for myself and I wanted to make it on my own – not attached to anyone else.

I glanced in the direction where Jacob's eyes were focused and silently cursed to myself. I left my laptop open on my bed and, sure enough, my screen saver was outing me to this journalist with affectionate pictures. I quickly, without any suave whatsoever, reached over and snapped my laptop shut.

"Yeah The Volturi are a great group of guys," I said quickly. "I learned a lot from them on the road and they really helped me write some of my songs and figure out my music style. They'll forever be some of my life-long friends." _Now please drop it!_

Jacob either didn't get my subliminal message or completely ignored it. "There have been rumors circulating for months now about you and the lead singer. And I couldn't help but notice those pictures on your laptop…"

"Just friends!" I cut him off. "Right now I'm only focused on my career and don't want relationship rumors to hinder that opportunity," I looked him straight in the eye. "If you understand what I'm saying?"

"I understand Isabella," he gave me that shit-eating smile again. "It's hard to let go of an opportunity that's been given to us; especially when it can further one's career." And in that moment, I wanted to cry. Because I realized that while he was trying to further his career as much as I was; the only way for him to do that was to ruin mine. Jacob had been extremely sociable and easy to talk to – two traits that I just became a sucker to. _Hold it in…don't let him see you upset. Hold it in._

"Well thank you for the opportunity," I said briskly. "Hopefully there's a way that we both get what we want out of this."

"I'll do my best," he said and got up to leave. _Sure you will – your best at ruining me._

"Before you leave, make sure you talk to my father. He'll set you up with as many VIP tickets you need for tonight's show."

Jacob turned to walk out the door but then spun around and stared at me one last time. "You have an amazing story to tell, Isabella. It's all there in your music. Europe usually catches on to good music before USA does. There's a reason they love you here and I have no doubt you're going to become an International success."

He exited without waiting for a reply and I was left standing, open-mouthed, in the same position as when he first entered. _Did I have him wrong? Was he speaking the truth right then and everything would work out? Or was he just using his charming ways and sweet-talking skills one last time?_

I sighed and flopped back on the hotel bed. I'd find out soon enough when the article came out. I glanced at the clock – only one hour 'til show time. My last headlining show. While I was exhausted from my 3-month tour and ready to be back home, I wanted to make sure I savored this moment. It could very well be my last time touring.

Just then my phone rang. I flipped it open, without looking at who was calling and mumbled, "Hello?"

"Congratulations on your last show, baby. I wish I could be there with you tonight."

Just as he could do every time, his voice made my heart leap. "Edward."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

"_A thousand miles seems pretty far  
But they've got planes and trains and cars  
I'd walk to you if I had no other way"_

_- Plain White T's_

Edward Cullen was the 25-year-old lead singer for The Volturi. His flawlessly smooth skin, piercing dark eyes, and tousled brown hair that looked like he just rolled out of bed made him one of the sexiest musicians around. _People _magazine named him number 31 on their 100 Most Beautiful People list; citing not just his brooding good looks, but his ability to make millions of hearts break with his haunting voice and soulful lyrics. He was the epitome of sex at the piano. _And he was mine._

I could hear a bass and drum being tuned in the background, on the phone. "Are you in rehearsal?"

"Yeah we're taking a 20 minute break and then running it all from the top," Edward said. "I wanted to make sure I got a chance to talk to you before your last night on stage."

Edward was currently in Los Angeles preparing for their upcoming World Tour. As luck would have it, The Volturi released a new album only a few days into my European tour. The constant promotion of the album, plus preparing for their first World Tour, had left us with very few times that we could be together over the past few months. And now that I was on my way home the next day, Edward was about to begin traveling over the next 4 months. The irony was not lost on either of us. Whenever Edward had two days available, he would immediately hop on a plane and fly to my next destination. My thoughts ran back to the last time I saw him three weeks ago.

_I had just finished up my last show in Paris and was walking back to my hotel room, thankful to have the next day off to shop in the city before moving on to the next destination. I wearily stuck my key in the door, said goodnight to Charlie, and was fully prepared to take a swan dive onto my bed. However, when I walked into the room I was greeted with dozens of multi-colored rose bouquets placed on every available table space._

_ "What the…" I stared around in amazement. My phone began to ring and I immediately knew who it was, without even looking at it. "Did you do all this?"_

_ "Well if it wasn't me then you certainly have some explaining to do," Edward chuckled back._

_ "They're gorgeous."_

_ "You're gorgeous." And even thousands of miles away he was still able to make me blush. "Do you remember the last time we were in Paris a year ago?"_

_ I laughed, thinking back to my first couple weeks on tour with The Volturi. "Yes, we couldn't stand each other. I thought you were an arrogant, womanizing, asshole. And I think your exact words to me were 'self-righteous cock-tease.'"_

_ "But Paris changed all that."_

_ "Tsk, tsk, tsk. For someone who claims to be such a romantic, you're getting your cities mixed up. It didn't change until Rome."_

_ "For you, maybe. But for me, it was shortly after midnight when we were walking back from the Eiffel Tower. We all ate at that restaurant next to it. The others decided to go home after dessert but you insisted on staying until all of the wine was finished. You called me a 'raging alcoholic' and deemed that I was the only one suitable to help you in your task."_

_ I was absolutely speechless. "I don't remember any of this."_

_ Edward chuckled. "That doesn't surprise me, love. We stayed there until closing and when I tried to get us a cab to go back to the hotel, you insisted on walking because 'that's what Audrey Hepburn would have done.' I was tempted to let your drunken-ass walk yourself back; but since I __**am **__such a gentlemen, I decided to follow you."_

_ "My hero," I sarcastically drawled. I sat down on the bed and picked up a rose, twirling it around in my fingers. _

_ "You decided to stop in a park on the way back to look up at the stars. And that's when you started telling me everything. You rambled on about your hopes and dreams; your family and your fears. And that's when I realized, Isabella Swan, that you are one of the most interesting and complex women I have ever met. I actually decided to kiss you right then and there, but you turned your head and puked right into the rose bush."_

_ I gasped. "No I didn't!"_

_ "Two times."_

_ And then I looked around the room at all the beautiful roses, understanding the new symbolism they held. "Edward you're horrible!" I wailed; then burst into a fit of laughter until tears were streaming down my cheeks._

_ "Like it or not, Bella, that was the moment I realized I wanted to make you mine."_

_ I wiped the tears from my eyes and snorted, "Yeah right. In the beginning, it was all about the chase for you."_

_ "I'm still chasing you," he said._

_ I sighed. "I'm right here. Come find me."_

_ Just then there was a rap at my door. I froze and glanced between the door and the phone in my hand. He couldn't have; could he?_

_ "Edward…." I said warily, creeping my way to the door. _

_ "Hmm?"_

_ "Are you playing with me?" I peeked out the door but when I didn't see anyone I swung it wide open. Edward stood there, giving me one of his iconic side-smirks. "But you're supposed to be in New York for the Today show," I said, unaware that I was still speaking into the phone against my ear._

_ Edward lowered the phone from my ear and stepped inside the room; closing the door behind him. He wrapped his arms around me, giving me a quick kiss on the top of my head, and kept his face buried in my hair. "I was. I hopped on a plane right after the performance. I couldn't wait to see you any longer."_

_ Believe me, I was thrilled to be in Edward's arms again; but my mind was whirling as I had his schedule memorized back and forth. "But you do Letterman tomorrow," I said incredulously. _

_ Edward lifted my chin so that I was looking into his eyes. He smiled and lowered his lips right above mine, without touching. "Bella, love. I have to be back on a plane in less than 18 hours. I had hoped we would spend our time doing…other things than talking."_

_ His words snapped me back to reality. I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought his head down, crushing them against my lips. Kissing Edward was like being stuck in a desert for days and only being given a Dixie Cup of water. It was never enough. My tongue explored his mouth like it was the first time while he backed me up towards the bed. I frantically tried to tear off his shirt while never breaking our kiss. Edward chuckled against my lips then pulled back to help take off his t-shirt. _

_ "Relax, Bells. We don't have to rush. We have plenty of time to enjoy ourselves." He reached down and pulled off my shirt in one, quick swoop. I laced my arms back around him and began a trail of kisses from the base of his neck up to his ear. I licked the bottom of his earlobe and felt him shudder. _

_ "I missed you so much, Edward."_

_ He lowered me down to the bed and climbed on top of me, mimicking the same trail of kisses I just gave him but lowering them further down to my breasts. I let out a moan as he cupped one breast and flicked his tongue lightly over my other nipple._

_ "I love you, Bella. Always."_

My thoughts were brought back to the present and Edward on the other end of the phone. "What are you thinking about?"

"Paris," I sighed. He let out a small groan on the other end, which made it perfectly clear that his memories were just as fresh as mine. "How are the guys?" I asked, trying to change the subject before our minds got carried away with us.

"They're great. They both say hi and good luck tonight. Rosalie went out with Emmett today to buy him new clothes for the tour. He's been in and out of the dressing room showing us his new 'rock star persona.' He pretends to grumble about being Rosalie's doll but we all know he loves playing dress-up with her."

I heard a little scuffle and then a new voice appear on the line. "Edward's a lying sack of shit. I only like playing dress-up when I'm the one dressing Rosalie. Don't believe a word this dirt bag says."

"Sure, Emmett, whatever you say," I laughed. Emmett was the drummer of The Vulturi and Edward's older brother by a year. Although, the way he acted sometimes I could have sworn he was the younger one. _Actually, scratch that. When they're together they both act like teenagers. _The two couldn't have looked anymore different. While Edward's sex-appeal derived from his intensity, Emmett's appeal was on display for everyone to see. I teased him that in a past-life he was probably Rambo. His arms were like tree trunks.

"So when are you coming back? Rosalie can't wait to see you," Emmett teased. I rolled my eyes. Rosalie and Emmett had been a couple since high school. He was madly in love with her and it was clear that no matter how big and strong Emmett was, Rosalie clearly wore the pants in their relationship. To say she was protective of the boys was a bit of an understatement. She had known them all the longest – way before they ever became famous; and in her mind, that gave her the right to screen anybody that tried to enter their inner-circle. Even though Edward and I had been together for almost a year, she made it perfectly clear that she still did not trust me.

"Oh yes, how I've missed Rosalie and her snarky comments," I sarcastically replied.

"You're growing on her," he insisted.

"Like a disease," I scoffed.

Edward took back the phone. "How's Jasper?" I asked. Jasper was the band's bassist and Edward's lifelong friend. It was actually Jasper's idea to start a band in high school and came up with the name. Jasper had always been a history buff. He said The Volturi was a mythological vampire coven formed in Italy during the Romantic period. _"But you're not a goth group," I remembered saying to him when he explained the name. His eyes twinkled as he smiled at me, "Yeah but it's still a pretty cool name."_

"He's the same as ever. Actually he's chatting it up right now with one of our new tour stylists. Her name is Alice and I think he's pretty enamored with her. Rosalie seems to have hit it off with her as well because Alice keeps sneaking her clothes." _Great! So maybe Rosalie wasn't protective – maybe she just plain, old, hated me._

"Thanks for adding in that last part. Are you insinuating I should bribe her to like me?"

Edward laughed. "Who the fuck cares about her? Shouldn't it only matter what I think of you?"

"No," I pouted.

"Well enough about these guys. How are you?" he asked, turning serious. "What are you feeling right now?"

I sighed. "Too many emotions. It's like I don't want it to end because this has been an amazing once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me. I love being on stage and the fans here are incredible. It'll be hard going back to a complete nobody at home. But I'm also really tired. I miss home. I miss my own bed. And I miss you."

"I miss you being in my bed," he whispered seductively.

Goosebumps ran up my arms. "That too."

"So come to me!" he said, excitedly. "I can get you on first-class, out of Rome, tomorrow morning and you'd arrive in Los Angeles just in time to see our opening night. And then afterwards we can get reacquainted…"

The offer was tempting. My heart was screaming yes. But the reality of being on a plane for 17 hours and going straight to a rock concert was an all too sobering thought. "Edward, we talked about this…"

"I can't wait another week Bella." I could hear the desperation in his voice. We had already discussed the timing of when we would see each other again. The last thing I wanted was to hop off of my 3-month tour and immediately hop onto his tour. I needed some time to regroup. My plan was to fly back to Phoenix and spend a few days with my mother. From there I would return to Forks until The Volturi came to Spokane, where I could meet up with Edward again. We'd spend a few days together and then decide our next meeting point.

"Baby, I'm exhausted," I sighed. "God, I miss you so much – but I also miss my mom and my home. Just give it a few days? Besides, I don't think I'd have much of a shot convincing Charlie to change my plane tickets to see you any sooner," I said, trying to joke around. But the truth was, Charlie was not a fan of Edward. No matter how much Edward tried to prove himself, Charlie could not get over the womanizing role Edward portrayed to the media. He was certain I was playing with fire and bound to get my heart broken.

I was, in no way, naïve about Edward Cullen. I knew what he was about the minute I stepped foot on tour with him a year ago; and had no problem calling him out on it. I saw women revolve in and out of his tour bus and hotel room night after night in each city. He was, by all means, living up to his role of being a sex-symbol. When he first told me he wanted to be with me, I laughed it off as him trying to obtain another conquest. I didn't trust him in the least. But then he slowly started to change. After shows, he stopped going to the clubs and bars. He'd invite me onto his tour bus just to talk. He began to open up to me and let down his egotistical persona. This was the Edward I fell in love with. This was _my _Edward – the Edward the media and his fans didn't get a chance to see. Only me.

"Fine," Edward sounded defeated.

"Besides," I continued. "It wouldn't look good for me to be seen jumping immediately off of my tour to go on yours."

"I don't care how the fuck it would look. You're MY girlfriend," he said, clearly getting annoyed.

"And why does anyone need to know that? Why can't I have a chance to start my career the fair way? And besides…" I said, knowing I was about to give a low-blow, "You certainly don't have a problem keeping your image of a man-whore, rock 'n roll star." _I can't believe I'm starting an argument with him._

"The minute you want to go public, Isabella, let me know," he snarled into the phone. "I'm fine putting an end to this act any time." I could picture him pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"You know damn well it's not about being some act, Edward. It's about protecting my career! I refuse to be known as some fame-whoring girlfriend. Just today I was interviewed by _Rolling Stone _and all the reporter wanted to know was the juicy details on us…"

"Wait, hold up!" Edward interrupted me. "You decided it was ok to have a 20 minute conversation with me and start an argument BEFORE telling me that _Rolling Stone _did an interview with you today? Are you crazy?"

"I got side-tracked?" I said sheepishly.

"What was it for?"

"The Top 10 Artists to be on the watch for this year." He whistled. "But I wasn't their first choice for the article," I quickly added.

"Who the hell cares if you were their last choice? You're going to be in the magazine!" he said, excitedly. "This is HUGE for you Bella!"

"Edward…the reporter saw pictures of us on my laptop during the interview. I insisted we were just friends but the pictures prove otherwise."

"Were they naked pictures of us?"

I gasped. "Edward! We don't have any pictures like that!"

"Then who cares?" he laughed. "It's bound to come out eventually. Christ, we've been together for nearly a year already. Don't you think I want to have you on my arm when we go to events? I don't want to keep tip-toeing around the issue."

"Just give it a little more time, ok? I don't want to be known as Isabella the Reality Contest Loser; or Isabella the Groupie Girlfriend. I just want to be known as Isabella the Singer."

"You'll prove that all on your own, love."

I sighed. "I hope you're right."

There was silence on the phone for a second before I heard a knock on my door. "Isabella, it's time to get ready," I heard Charlie call.

"Ok be out in a minute!" I yelled.

"Showtime?" Edward asked.

"Last time."

"Break a leg out there, baby. I'm really proud of you for all that you've accomplished. I'm really sorry I can't be there to see this."

"I'm sorry I won't be there to see you open tomorrow night."

"We could change that…" he trailed off.

"Edward…" I warned, not ready to get in another argument.

He paused; then groaned. "So one more week, huh?"

"It's not that bad."

"Tell that to my cock." I sat in stunned silence but he just laughed. "I'll call you after the show tomorrow night when you're in Phoenix. I love you!" He quickly hung up.

I shook my head and stared at my phone for a second before packing up my carry-on bag to bring to the theater. I gave myself one more look in the mirror and took a deep breath. One thing was for sure – this upcoming week wasn't just going to be difficult for Edward.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

"_I know you haven't made your mind up yet,_

_But I would never do you wrong._

_I've known it from the moment that we met,_

_No doubt in my mind where you belong."_

- _Garth Brooks_

"Ladies and gentlemen, you're now free to move about the cabin. In a few minutes we'll begin serving refreshments," the flight attendant said into the loud speaker.

I groaned, unbuckled my seat belt, and stretched my legs as best I could sitting in coach. When we arrived at the airport in Rome, we were told something was wrong with the plane's electrical system. We sat around for six-hours, waiting for a new plane to be ready for take-off. As a result, people were bounced to different flights, seats were rearranged, and I was left crammed next to Charlie. I now sat staring up three rows ahead to the business-class seats I was originally supposed to be in. I glanced at my watch and cursed. If I had listened to Edward, I would be sitting in luxurious first-class right now and landing in Los Angeles. Now I wouldn't get to Phoenix until after midnight.

"Drinks?" the flight attendant asked, coming to our row.

"Vodka," I blurted out.

She looked down at me, unsure if I was joking or not. "Would you like that with anything?"

"Ice."

"I'll just have a Coke," Charlie said. The attendant nodded and said she'd be right back. Charlie looked over at me. "This is a 10 hour flight. Are you sure you want to start drinking now?"

"It's a 10 hour flight, Charlie, what better time to start?"

He shook his head and rummaged through the back of the seat in front of him. "Do you have anything to read?"

I pulled out the 6 magazines I had bought in the airport, handing them over to him. "Take your pick."

He leafed through them and then looked up at me, raising his eyebrow. I glanced down at the magazines – 3 were gossip, 2 were music, and 1 fashion – and 5 out of the 6 had Edward Cullen on the cover.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"I'm forced to choose between reading about what clothes go best with my figure or this creep?" He pointed to the cover of one magazine. "I think I will need a drink now."

I rolled my eyes. "For the last time, he's not a creep, Dad."

"I can't see what's so interesting about this guy that he's on 5 magazine covers. Don't you know enough about him already?"

"Their album just came out. I wanted to read some of the reviews and interviews."

He flipped open _Star_ to a picture of Edward at a gas station, with his BMW, and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

"I'm so glad to see that Edward is just like us and can pump his own gas," he said, sarcastically. "Too bad the idiot doesn't know not to smoke around the pump."

Before I could defend him anymore, the flight attendant came back with our drinks. I thanked her and quickly took a gulp, knowing the only way I was going to get through this conversation was with some alcohol.

"Oh so you're a fan of The Volturi too?" the lady asked; glancing down at all the magazines on Charlie's table.

"Not me. My daughter," Charlie said. He turned to look at me, grinning. "In fact you could say she's a bit infatuated with this Cullen boy here." He pointed again to the picture of Edward.

"Oh sweetie we all are!" the attendant gushed. "Some of my girlfriends have been on his flights. They tell me he is quite the charmer."

"I'm sure he is." I smiled sweetly.

"Seems like an egotistical prick to me," Charlie said.

"Charlie," I growled.

The attendant laughed lightly. "Oh he's all of those things, but when you have looks like he does you're allowed to be. Just be glad your daughter only has a crush on him and she's not dating him." She patted him on the shoulder and walked back down the aisle.

"Thrilled," he muttered.

I raked my hands through my hair and let out a frustrated sigh before taking another gulp of vodka.

"Charlie, I'm not going to keep arguing about this with you. Edward is a part of my life and I love him. You've had a year to accept this and if you can't I'm sorry; but I'm not going to let you speak poorly about him anymore. Don't make me choose between you or him – you, of all people, should know not to do that."

I looked up at him and could see the pain flicker in his eyes before he masked it over.

"I'm not going to make you choose, Isabella. But I won't sit back and watch him hurt you either."

"How has he hurt me, Dad? When has he been anything but sweet and loving towards me? You keep worrying about what he is going to do to me; you haven't taken time to see all that he's done for me already."

"A leopard can't change his spots."

"Well thank God Edward's not a leopard. He's a human being who makes mistakes and learns from them."

Charlie muttered and put the magazines back on my tray table before turning off the overhead light and putting on his earphones. This was my cue that according to him, the conversation was done. I looked down at the magazines and shuffled through them, debating which one to read first. My curiosity peaked when my eye caught _US Weekly's _title, "Has Edward Cullen Found Love?" I opened it up and began reading about the other celebrities Edward had been linked to:

_Edward Cullen has never been a stranger to the Hollywood nightlife. His escapades in nightclubs have shown him in and out, daily, with different women. At previous times he's been connected to Paris Hilton and Playboy Playmate, Holly Madison. But all that seems to have changed for Edward. Friends close to the singer say he's out less frequently. The Volturi's publicist, Rosalie Hale, explained that with their new album recently released and an upcoming world tour, all of the boys in the band have been working overtime. _

_However, sources close to the famous bachelor say Edward may have finally settled down. The Volturi's new album, for which Edward wrote all the lyrics, is filled with heartfelt love songs. On one track, "Roman Holiday," Edward sings about a secret love affair; which may be reminiscent to Edward's real life. Cullen refused to speak about his relationship status to US, but explained that "Roman Holiday" was based off of his appreciation for the Aubrey Hepburn film. _

_Yet, sources close to the band also say that Edward has made numerous trips within the past months to various European countries. Rumors have been circulating for some time that Edward has been linked to former American Idol contestant, Isabella Swan; who also opened for The Volturi on tour last year. Edward and Isabella have denied any relationship rumors, stating they are just friends. However, Isabella is currently touring across Europe this summer – which could explain Edward's frequent trips across the Atlantic. Has Isabella, or another woman, finally been able to tame Edward's wild ways? Or will Edward's hard-partying antics catch-up with him again as he embarks on his first world tour with The Volturi?_

I groaned, took another swig of vodka, and leaned my head back against the seat. Edward was right – it was bound to come out sooner rather than later. The rumors were only going to continue. I thought back to Edward's argument the night before about wanting to go out with me publicly and have me on his arm at events. The truth was… I wanted that too. I hated living a lie and saying, "no comment." Edward Cullen was one of the most sought-after bachelors and I would love to publicly stake my claim on him. But I was also very aware of what would happen if our relationship was thrust into the spotlight.

At any given moment, on any given day, Edward was swarmed with paparazzi. The cameras loved him. Even during some of his most scandalous, drunken moments, Edward was always portrayed as the Rock-n-Roll God. I just knew it would not be the same for me. I would only be seen as one of Edward's conquests, trying to scramble my way into the spotlight. I knew all too well how the media could "make or break" you after finishing _American Idol._ I had ended the season, went on tour, and immediately felt I had the world at my fingertips.

I had only been photographed a few times for gossip columns, but they all seemed to be screaming the same thing: _15 minutes of fame were up._ I was already trying to make a name for myself without the words "reality star" attached. If the gossip columnists were this brutal to me just for being on _American Idol_, I could only imagine what they'd write about me being with Edward.

I leaned back in my chair and turned on my iPod. I scrolled to The Volturi and clicked on "Roman Holiday." Closing my eyes, I thought back to the day that inspired the song.

_(Rome – 1 year ago)_

_I sat on a couch in the backstage area, eating a salad, and waiting for the show to begin. Emmett, Jasper, and Edward were playing Playstation on the big screen while I watched._

"_I'm gonna get so fucked up tonight.," Edward said out loud. "I love Italian women."_

_I snorted. "What else is new?"_

_Emmett flashed me a smile. "She's right, bro. You've said the same thing about the French, Spanish, and English women. And the minute we get home I know you're going to say how much you've missed the California girls."_

"_What can I say? I appreciate God's greatest creation."_

"_Appreciate isn't the word I would use," I said._

"_Isabella, why don't you come out with me tonight and I'll show you how much I can appreciate you?" He smiled at me seductively._

"_By giving me a shit-load of diseases? No thanks."_

_Emmett laughed. "Face it, Edward. Isabella is probably the only girl that hasn't fallen for your tricks. You can't win them all."_

_Edward stared at me for a second and a sly smile crept up his lips. "Not yet, anyway."_

_I just rolled my eyes and returned my attention back to my salad._

_Jasper shook his head. "Edward Cullen – always wanting what he can't have."_

_Before Edward could retort, my cell phone rang interrupting the conversation. "Hello?"_

"_Hey, sweetie." Renee's voice came through on the other end._

"_Hey, Mom – shouldn't you be boarding the plane right about now?" _

_I had been waiting for our Rome destination for almost a month because my mother was scheduled to arrive tomorrow. It worked out perfectly because we had a day off; so the two of us could spend some much needed mother-daughter time sight-seeing all of the ancient ruins. Then the next day she would get to see me perform in front of a sold-out crowd._

"_Oh, honey, I'm so glad I reached you! I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner, but we just found out that Phil's team has made it into the Championships! Isn't that great, sweetie?"_

"_Yeah, that's awesome. Tell him I said congrats."_

"_They play the day after tomorrow. So I'm sure you understand that I need to be here for him."_

_My heart dropped. I couldn't get anything out of my mouth and had to swallow a few times before finally responding. _

"_What about me? What about sight-seeing in Rome?" I whined, not caring how childish I sounded._

"_This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for him, Isabella. You still have a few weeks left of touring. As soon as I get off the phone with you, I'm calling up the airlines and seeing if I can change my tickets to meet you in Germany. I know it's not what we originally planned, but we'll still have a ton of fun. By that time, Phil will be able to come too. You understand, right?"_

_I stammered for a minute, unable to fathom what she was saying. She was doing it again – she was choosing Phil over me. I should have understood by now that for her, there wasn't even a choice involved – Phil would always come first. _

"_Yeah…I understand. Listen, I, um, have to go now. We're starting the show any minute. We'll talk later, ok?"_

_I hung up the phone before she could respond and sat for a minute in stunned silence. The boys still were in the corner playing Playstation and numerous crew members were coming in and out to get dinner; but in that moment I felt utterly alone._

_Jasper looked up at me, seeming to sense my change in mood. "Everything ok, Isabella?"_

_I looked down at my phone and began picking my nails. "Yeah…it's fine. My mom's not coming tomorrow. It seems there are some other….priorities…that are more important."_

_I could feel the tears brimming at my eyes and refused to cry in front of them. Without even thinking, I flung my phone across the room smashing it against the wall. I quickly jumped out of my seat and walked down the hallway, without saying another word. I had made it to the door of my dressing room, right as the tears started to spill over, when I felt a hand on my shoulder._

"_You're not ok. Do you want to talk about it?"_

_I spun around; surprised to see Edward had followed me. His eyes showed genuine concern. I tried to wipe away my tears but they just kept spilling out._

"_It's…no…big…deal," I hiccupped between each word. _

_He shook his head and pulled me into my dressing room, handing me some tissues. "It's ok to be upset, Isabella."_

"_As if my day couldn't get worse, I'm now crying my eyes out in front of Edward Cullen."_

_He stared at me and his eyes clouded over so I had no clue what he was thinking. "I'm not as bad as you think I am," he said after a moment of silence._

_I wiped at my tears, suddenly feeling guilty. "I know…I'm sorry. Thank you for helping."_

_Edward sat down next to me; still holding the box of tissues. "So your mom picked Phil over you again?"_

"_How did you know?"_

"_You mentioned some of the issues with your mom back in Paris."_

_I shook my head, trying to remember when I had talked about any of my private life to Edward. "Yeah well…I should be used to it by now," I said._

"_It's still fucked-up." He pushed another tissue at me. All I could do was just nod my head in agreement._

_A knock came at the door, interrupting my thoughts. "Isabella, are you in there?" Charlie called out._

"_I'll leave you to talk with your dad," Edward said, starting to stand up._

_I put my hand out to stop him. "No, it's ok. The last thing I need right now is to have Charlie angry with Renee and go into another 'I told you so' spiel about my mom."_

"_I'm getting ready for the show, Charlie," I called out. "Can we talk after?"_

_I heard him grumble at the door and shuffle away. I glanced back at Edward, who was still staring at me, the concern written all over his face. I had never seen this side of him before and it was a bit unsettling. This was not the Edward Cullen I had grown accustomed to teasing relentlessly. He ran his hand through his hair, causing it to stick up on one end. I almost gasped out loud as I was suddenly hit with the thought that he was actually attractive. I blushed and looked down at my nails._

"_Is there anything I can do?" he asked._

"_No, it's fine. I was just excited for a day of sight-seeing tomorrow with my mom. I'll probably just go on my own now."_

"_I'll come with you," he blurted out –surprising us both._

_I looked up at him and smiled. "That's nice of you, but really I was looking forward to just walking around like a normal tourist tomorrow. You know as well as I do that the minute you step outside the hotel, swarms of paparazzi will be all over you."_

_A flash of mischievousness shone in his eyes. "Ah, but that's where The Ice Queen comes in hand. I'll have Rosalie put in some calls to get us private entrance into some of the landmarks. You don't think, after all these years, that I've learned how to become a master of disguise?"_

"_Well, to be honest, I thought you loved being in the spotlight any chance you got."_

_He shook his head and stood up, walking to the door. "Like I said, Isabella, I'm not as bad as you think I am. The first order of business tomorrow is getting you a new phone." He winked at me and closed the door behind him._

_The next morning I awoke to loud banging on my door. I glanced at the clock, seeing it was only 8am and groaned. I rolled back over, hoping the knocking would cease. It didn't._

_I threw the covers off of me and stormed to the door. "What?" I yelled, swinging it open to come face-to-face with Edward._

_He looked me up and down slowly and smirked. "Sexy pajamas."_

_I glanced down and blushed. My pajamas actually consisted of some raggedy old gym shorts and a t-shirt from high school. I could only imagine what I looked like to him in that moment._

"_What are you doing?"_

_He whipped out some sunglasses and a baseball cap from his back pocket. "The master of disguise is ready to go! Rosalie has our first appointment at the Coliseum in two hours. If we plan on getting a new phone first, we have to get a move on."_

_I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. "You're serious, aren't you? It's 8am – what the hell are you doing up before noon? And how come you're not hung over?"_

_He ran his hand through his hair and I thought I saw a blush creep up his face. "I..uh…didn't go out last night."_

"_Are you sick? 'Cause I don't want to be next to you all day if you're not feeling well."_

"_I'm not fucking sick, Isabella. Do you want to see Rome or not?"_

"_Well…yes…" This was all too unbelievable for me, this early in the morning. He pushed past me, into to my room, and flopped on my bed; turning on the TV. _

"_What are you doing?"_

"_You've got 30 minutes to get dressed."_

"_Then get out of my room!"_

_He flipped through the channels, landing on Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. "You've got a bathroom with a door. Get ready in there. I didn't skip out on partying last night and wake up at the ass-crack of dawn just to get stood up. I'm not taking any chances that you'll go back to sleep when I leave. You now have 29 minutes to get ready or I'll start charging porn to your room."_

_I stood there, gaping at him. He flicked the Pay-Per-View button on the remote. "Ohh. Hot Sluts 8! I've only seen 5, 6, and 7! 28 minutes now."_

_I cursed at him and rummaged through my suitcase to find some clothes before going into the bathroom and slamming the door shut behind me._

_Three hours later we exited The Coliseum through a back staff entrance, thanking our private tour guide. "That was incredible!" I gushed._

"_Yeah, all the times I've been to Rome I've never actually been inside there," Edward said._

"_Seriously?"_

_He smirked at me. "But I can tell you the best nightclubs and restaurants to go to in the city."_

_I rolled my eyes. "Of course you can."_

"_Don't knock it. At 7pm you'll be thanking me for my knowledge when we dine at the top of Hassler's Hotel. It has some of the best panoramic views of Rome."_

"_Ah, so now I know what a date with the charming Edward Cullen must be like before you get them back to your hotel room."_

_He snorted. "You really think I'd need to do all this to get a girl back to my room? Half the time we don't even get back to my room – so I sure, as hell, don't need to wine and dine them." _

_He winked at me, threw his hat and sunglasses back on, and grabbed my hand before flagging down a taxi. We hopped in. "La Bocca della Verita," he told the driver and handed him some cash._

_I gasped. "Just like Roman Holiday!" He smiled at me but didn't reply._

_We sat in the cab, in silence, as I tried to figure out what was happening with my emotions. Up until this point, I had viewed Edward as a one-dimensional womanizer. The Edward I had been with for the past 2 hours had been kind, good-natured, and polite. Of course, he was still quite the charmer; which had me unsettled. Was this the side of Edward that made girls fall in love with him – only to be hurt later? The fact remained - he used women left and right._

"_Don't you ever feel bad?" I asked out loud._

"_About what?"_

"_About sleeping with all those women."_

"_Actually I feel quite good afterwards," he joked. _

_He then looked at me and saw the seriousness in my eyes. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. I now realized this must be a nervous habit for him. _

"_They know what they're getting into with me, Isabella. They're using me just as much as I'm using them."_

"_I can't believe that."_

"_Look at the girls I'm with. None of them are 'take-home-to-mom' material. They come to me because they want the status. They want to be able to say, 'I fucked Edward Cullen.'" _

_The cab driver glanced back at us through his rear view mirror when Edward said his name but Edward ignored him. _

"_If any of them want a relationship with me it's only to get something out of it themselves. So, no, I don't feel bad at all."_

"_I remember, in college, being so in love with Linkin Park. I would go to all their concerts in Seattle and I kept dreaming of the one day Chester saw me in the crowd, took me backstage, and we fell hopelessly in love. You don't think any of the girls you've used have been like me – hoping for that one shot at a real relationship with you?"_

"_No I don't," he said matter-of-factly. "And there are three things wrong with your story that prove that to me. Number one – how the hell could you think Chester Bennington was attractive?"_

"_Shut up. That has nothing to do with proving my point."_

"_Fine," he laughed. "Number two – you're the typical romantic female. You have dreams of being the girl that changes the bad guy. However, if you were actually faced with the reality of that situation I don't think you would go through with it because the reality would be nothing like your fantasy. Which brings me to my third point – if you were a die-hard fan, hopelessly in love with the image of me, I wouldn't do that to you."_

"_How can you be so sure about that?"_

"_Because…you're a girl I would take home to mom." _

_Before I could respond, he hopped out of the car and thanked the cab driver. I stepped out and set my eyes on a wall that had a face on a plaque with a hole in the mouth. A small line formed in front as people waited to take their picture with it._

"_So what's the story behind this place?" Edward asked, obviously wanting to change the subject._

"_It's the Mouth of Truth." I obliged. "The legend is that if a person puts their hand in the God's mouth and lies, the God will bite his hand off. In Roman Holiday, the two characters came here when they were sightseeing; the whole irony of the story being that they were both lying to each other. Gregory Peck told a lie and pretended that his hand was cut off when he pulled it out of the hole. Audrey Hepburn's shriek was actually real and not part of the movie because Gregory had played a prank on her. It was such a cute and genuine moment that they kept it in the film."_

_Edward stared at me with a small smile on his face and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. _

"_What?"_

"_You're unbelievable."_

_I shifted, suddenly uncomfortable. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"_

_He smirked. "I haven't figured it out yet." We stepped up to the front of the line. "You go first."_

_I stepped up and placed my hand in the mouth. "I've had more fun today with you than I would have had with my mom."_

_He cocked his head. "The truth?"_

_I pulled out my hand, still whole. "I guess so!"_

_He flashed me his huge smile and placed his hand in the mouth next. "Hmmm should I tell a truth or a lie?"_

"_Don't tempt the Mouth of Truth," I teased._

_He looked me in the eyes. "I am extremely attracted to you."_

_My mouth dropped as we kept staring into each others' eyes. Was he serious? How was I supposed to respond? And how was I supposed to fight back the same exact feelings I was suddenly having towards him? Unsure of how to break the tension, I pushed his hand further into the mouth._

"_It's eating your hand!" I tried to laugh it off._

_He opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by a man yelling his name. "Edward!"_

_We looked over just in time to see a guy, with a camera, taking a picture of him._

"_Shit," he cursed. "The taxi driver sold me out."_

"_What do we do?"_

"_There's only one of them now, but more will probably show up soon." He looked down at my feet. "Good, you're in sneakers. Ready to run?" _

_Before I could answer, he grabbed my hand and we took off down the street. Edward had us zig-zagging up and down alleys. I glanced behind us, as he pulled me along, only to see there were now 5 photographers chasing us._

"_There are more now," I called out._

_He looked behind us. "We have to get off the street and lose them in a crowd."_

_I pointed to a flea market on a corner to the right. "Over there."_

_He grabbed my hand again and pulled us across the street and into the crowd of people. We bobbed in and out of vendor stands. Just when I thought I couldn't run anymore, Edward pulled us into a photo booth and yanked the curtain shut. We stood in the enclosed space, pressed against one another. Both of us were panting for air and staring at each other when we heard footsteps rush by us a few seconds later. The paparazzi were gone._

_We continued to stand together; neither one of us able to break away. My breathing started to slow down, but for some reason my heart continued to race. I wondered if Edward could feel it too since our chests were pressed together. Our faces were inches apart and I couldn't stop staring into his eyes. They were absolutely beautiful and full of so much complexity that I had never noticed before. His jaw was perfectly chiseled and I wanted so badly to run my hand across his 5 o'clock shadow. My gaze went back up to his eyes, wondering what he was thinking, when he reached his hands around my back and pulled me even closer to him. His lips crashed down on mine and his tongue pushed open my mouth in one quick movement. _

_For a split second I froze, not knowing how to respond, before I reached my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss even further. His hands ran up and down my back as his tongue danced with mine. He alternated between open-mouth kisses and sucking on my bottom lip. _

_He pushed me against the back wall of the photo booth so that his whole body was up against mine. I, inadvertently, groaned in his mouth which caused his kisses to become more frantic. His hand slid up the back of my shirt and I shivered at the touch of his cool skin. He lowered his head to trail his kisses down my jaw and into the crook of my neck, running his tongue back and forth._

_This is insane! I thought to myself. We need to stop this._

_But before I could come to my senses, Edward brought his lips back up to my mouth and in the same movement, brought one hand around and cupped my breast, pinching my nipple lightly. I purred in his mouth and he smiled against my lips, pulling the fabric of my bra down to have full access. He rolled my nipple between his fingers…_

"_Mi scusi! Sei finito?" A man screamed beyond the curtain. We were brought back to our senses as someone banged on the photo booth. _

_I pushed him back, gasping for breath, quickly readjusting my clothes. Pushing past him, I stepped out of the booth, and muttered a quick apology to the family waiting by the side. Edward stepped out next to me and put his hands in his pocket._

"_Well, that's one way to lose the paparazzi," he joked._

_I looked at him, anger flashing across my face, as he tried to appear innocent. "So was this your plan all along? Charm the shit out of me all day so you could prove to the guys that you could get into my pants?"_

_Edward threw up his hands, defensively. "Whoa! I had no intentions of fucking you in a photo booth. And I don't think you would have done that either."_

"_Damn right I wouldn't have! I'm not like all your other whores!"_

"_I can see that."_

"_What's that supposed to mean?"_

_Edward pinched the bridge of his nose; clearly frustrated. "Why does it have to mean anything? Why can't I just enjoy the company of your presence today and kiss you because I wanted to kiss you?"_

"_Because I don't trust you," I said, honestly._

"_So let me prove you wrong." He pulled out ten $100 bills and handed them to me. "Go out and enjoy yourself this afternoon. Buy a nice outfit for tonight and meet me at the Trevi Fountain at 6:30. We can talk more at dinner."_

"_What - are you paying me for my services?" I spat out._

_Edward's eyes clouded over with anger. He leaned down close to my face but kept his voice low and calm. "I don't pay for sex, Isabella. And I certainly don't pay for a kiss and a quick feel-up. You don't want to take the money? Fine. But there's no way they're letting you into dinner in jeans and a t-shirt. Stop trying to turn everything I do against me. All I'm trying to do is give you a nice day after your mom dicked you over."_

_He words struck me and I immediately felt an overwhelming sense of hurt and guilt. I quickly turned my head so he couldn't see the pain on my face._

"_Shit, Isabella, I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry," he said, pulling at my arm._

"_No, you're absolutely right," I said, shaking him off me. I still refused to look at him. "I'm sorry for second-guessing your motives. I'll…umm…meet you later." _

_I spun around and hurried off, unsure where I was going but needing to be as far away from Edward as possible. _

_I walked out of the hotel and glanced down at my watch. I had 15 minutes to arrive at the Trevi Fountain. I wasn't exactly sure which way it was and still hadn't convinced myself going there would be the best decision. _

_After I left Edward, I wandered around the streets of Rome, aimlessly. I was angry at him for kissing me. I was angry at myself for kissing him back. I was angry with my mom for ditching me for Phil, yet again. I was confused, as hell, as to what had happened between Edward and me. But the truth was I had enjoyed myself this morning. I sighed to myself and finally grabbed a cab, heading to the fashion district. After window shopping at Prada, Chanel, and Dior, I finally stepped into BCBG. I instantly felt like I was in Pretty Woman, as the sales associates ran their eyes up and down my t-shirt and jeans. _

"_Can I help you?" she asked condescendingly._

"_Yes, I'm going out to dinner tonight at The Hassler and need a dress."_

_Immediately the lady looked up, smiled, and showed me the way to some cocktail dresses. "You must have a fabulous date tonight if he could get you into The Hassler!" she exclaimed._

_I ignored her comment, unsure how to even begin to answer that. I spent about 30 minutes trying dresses on, annoyed that the sales associate still hovered over me, before picking out a blue lotus print strapless dress with a black empire waist band. I paid the associate with cash; promising myself to pay Edward back, even though I knew he blew through more than $1,000 a night in a club on alcohol._

_After grabbing my dress, I headed to Stewart Weitzman's and found a beautiful pair of black high-heel sandals with a satin rosette at the toe. I grabbed a small black clutch to finish off the outfit and rushed back to the hotel with just enough time to shower and do my hair and makeup._

_I sat in the back of the cab, picking at my nails and thought back to what the sales associate said about having a fabulous date. Was it a date? If it was, why was I going? After the stunt that was pulled back at the flea market, I had every right to go home and not show up. But Edward seemed hell-bent to prove that my assumptions about him were wrong; and I was curious to see if he could succeed._

"_Curiosity killed the cat," I muttered to myself._

_The driver stopped the cab and pointed a block down the road to where the fountain was located. I paid him and started to walk towards the fountain. When I got a few feet away from it I stopped._

"_This is stupid – why are you even here?" I said to myself._

_And then I saw him. He was staring up at the fountain with his back towards me. He was wearing black trousers and a light blue button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. My breath caught in my throat and, in that moment, I knew I was absolutely attracted to the man; and that realization scared the shit out of me._

_He turned around, catching sight of me, and I saw him inhale sharply. Then he gave me a huge smile and my stomach jumped. I smiled, shyly, back and walked towards him._

"_Hey…"_

"_I wasn't sure if you were going to come."_

"_To be honest, I wasn't sure if I was either."_

"_I'm glad you did," he said. "You look gorgeous."_

_I blushed. "You clean up pretty nice yourself."_

_He turned towards the fountain. "So what's the legend with this thing?" he asked, his eyes twinkling at me._

"_You're supposed to throw a coin in the fountain. One coin means you'll return to Rome and two coins means you'll find love. When you throw it, you have to turn your back and throw it over your shoulder."_

_He reached into his pocket and pulled out some change, extending his hand to me. I grabbed a coin, turned around, and threw it into the fountain. He took two coins, putting the rest in his pocket, and turned around to throw his in as well. "I've been to Rome plenty of times," he explained as I eyed his choice. "I figured it was time for something new."_

_I smiled and shook my head. A street musician with an accordion came by, singing a song. The old man looked at us and smiled._

"_A song for the lovers?" he asked._

"_Oh no, we're just friends," I said, quickly correcting him._

"_Not true!" the man exclaimed with a thick-Italian accent. "You look at him with adoration. He stares at you with passion burning in his eyes. You may lie to each other, but you cannot lie to the Trevi!"_

_Edward shifted next to me, clearly uncomfortable, as I looked down at the ground. "What is your name?" the musician asked me._

"_Isabella."_

"_Ah, of course! Bella! A beautiful woman should only have a beautiful name! A bella rosa for the bella ragazza?" he asked, pointing to his wagon full of different colored roses._

"_Oh no, but thank you…" I started to say…_

"_I'll take one of each color," Edward cut in._

_The musician clapped his hands. "Lovers! Just as I said!" He grabbed 5 roses and handed them to me. "For you, Bella." I thanked him and Edward paid the man._

"_Come on," Edward said. "We don't want to be late – it's a few blocks up the road." As we turned away from the vendor, Edward kept staring at me with a smirk on his face._

"_What?"_

"_Bella," he said slyly. "No one's ever called you that before?"_

"_No."_

"_He was right, though. It fits you."_

_I felt a blush creeping up my face. I lowered my nose into the roses, pretending to smell them, to mask it from Edward. "Thank you for the roses."_

"_No problem, Bella," he said with a smirk, emphasizing my new nickname._

_As we started to walk up the cobblestone street, my high-heels got caught in the stone and I stumbled. Edward thrust out his arm and grabbed a hold of my elbow, helping to straighten me back up._

"_Falling for me already?"_

"_You wish," I quipped._

_Edward continued to hold my arm as we walked up the road. I glanced over at him and a thought suddenly struck me. "Edward, you're not in disguise. Everyone will recognize you out here."_

"_It would look more suspicious wearing sunglasses at night," he said. "Besides, I'm counting on being recognized at The Hassler."_

"_Will there be a lot of paparazzi?"_

"_Not when we get there. I'm sure the hotel will inform them, though, once we arrive. They can't bother us on top of the roof but we'll probably have to deal with them on the way out."_

_We arrived at the front of the hotel and were greeted by the doorman. As we walked up to the front desk, the concierge smiled at Edward. "Ah, Mr. Cullen so glad to see you joining us again! Your table is all ready for you at the top. Please take these elevators and have a fabulous evening."_

_We got into the elevator and I couldn't help but giggle. He cocked his eyebrow at me._

"_I guess there are some perks to being famous."_

"_You'll find out soon enough."_

_He swooped his head down against my neck and breathed in. "God, you smell so good, Bella." _

_My senses immediately were on overload as memories from the photo booth came rushing back to me. Was he going to kiss me again in the elevator? But before I could worry about that, the doors opened to the roof of the hotel._

_Edward held my hand as we walked out and I gasped, taking in the view of Rome. The Coliseum was lit up in the distance and even farther out I could see The Vatican. It was breath-taking. _

"_It's beautiful!" I exclaimed._

"_Yeah, it is." I glanced back at him and he was staring straight at me. I felt the familiar blush return to my face._

"_Mr. Cullen – if you'll follow me, your table awaits you," a young Italian woman practically purred at him._

_He placed his hand on my back and led me over to the edge of the roof. It was in that moment, I realized there were plenty of tables in the restaurant but nobody else was there. We sat down in our seats._

"_There's nobody else here," I whispered to him._

"_I…um...may have bought out the entire restaurant for the night." He smiled sheepishly at me. I nearly spit out my water. _

"_What can I get started for you this evening, Mr. Cullen?" the waitress asked, sweetly, with her back to me._

"_We'll start off with two garden salads and the tortellini alfredo for our entrée. And please bring us a bottle of your best wine."_

"_Absolutely, Mr. Cullen. And if you need anything…anything at all…you be sure to call for me," she added, seductively._

_I rolled my eyes as she walked off. "Jealous?" he asked with a smirk._

"_No!" I said indignantly. "I just can't believe the way she fawned all over you…Well, I mean, I guess I can believe that. But it was just blatantly disrespectful to ignore me."_

"_I could care less about her," he said, waving his hand. "I hope you don't mind that I ordered for you."_

_I shrugged. "You've been here before. I trust you know what's best."_

_He smiled. "Well that's a start to trusting me, right?"_

"_I…uh…" I wasn't sure how to respond, but was relieved I didn't need to as the waitress came back with our salads and wine._

"_Here you are, Mr. Cullen, our 1965 Cabernet." She opened the bottle and poured him a glass. She started to turn around to leave, as I stared at her in disbelief, but Edward grabbed her elbow. _

"_You seem to have forgotten the lady. I would hate to think that my date was being disrespected."_

_We both gasped. "Absolutely not, Mr. Cullen. I apologize. It was an accident." She hastily poured me a glass and walked away._

_Edward lifted his glass to mine but I just stared back at him. "So this is a date?"_

_He shrugged, seemingly unaffected. "Take it for what you like." _

_I wanted to press the matter more, but he quickly changed the subject. _

"_So what was your favorite part of the day?"_

"_Oh God, I don't know. I loved seeing The Coliseum, but the die-hard Aubrey Hepburn fan in me died putting my hand in the Mouth of Truth."_

_He smiled. "I'm glad you had a good day. I'm sorry your mother couldn't be here for it."_

_I shrugged and looked down at my salad. "It's no big deal."_

"_Why do you always do that?" he asked. "You have a right to be angry with your mom, but you brush it off. Why don't you tell her you're upset?"_

"_It wouldn't matter. My mom made her choices long ago when she left Charlie and me. Yes, I'm angry with her. I'm angry for what she did to me and what she did to Charlie. I'm tired of her constantly using Phil as an excuse for everything. I hate having to visit her in Arizona where she pretends that we're best buds and that my whole teenage years weren't scarred because she walked out on us." _

_I had begun to work myself up and could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes. Edward took his hand and gently placed it on top of mine on the table. I wiped underneath my eyes and took a deep breath. "But that doesn't matter. I can tell her how upset I am and risk losing my mother. Or I can learn to live with her choices and let go of the pain."_

_He frowned. "But you're still in pain."_

"_I'm a work in progress," I said, smiling at him. "What about you and your family?"_

_He removed his hand from mine and went back to eating his salad. He shrugged as he finally accepted my change in the subject._

"_For having two rock-star sons, they're surprisingly very normal. My dad is a plastic surgeon in Hollywood and my mother involves herself in as many charities as she can. They got married after college and have been in love ever since. It's just me and Emmett and we were lucky enough to have the means to afford whatever we wanted growing up. So when we wanted to start a rock band, my dad made some calls to some of his clients and we were in a recording studio within a week."_

"_Must be nice."_

"_It was nice, but I realize the value of hard work. I see what you're doing, Isabella. How you started out on American Idol and have kept struggling to make a name for yourself. Your music is amazing and you deserve nothing more than to get your next big break. I know you want to do this all on your own, but you have to realize that in this industry it's all about who you know. Let me help you."_

"_I really do appreciate that. But I've come this far…I don't want to ride on any coattails."_

"_I could at least put in some calls to some radio stations…"_

_I held up my hand. "I have a publicist, Edward. She knows people in the industry too. If I ever feel I need your help, I promise I'll ask. But for now – let me do things my way."_

_He shook his head but grinned at me. "You're pig-headed, aren't you?"_

_"Just like Charlie."_

_The waitress came back with the tortellini and I dug into it, realizing I barely ate anything all day and was starving. Edward watched me for a moment. "I like this about you." He was pointing to the plate of food. _

_I swallowed my food. "What?"_

"_Whenever I go out to eat with a woman, she barely eats more than a lettuce leaf. It's so fucking annoying. But you're enjoying the food; it's refreshing."_

"_So it's good I'm a pig?" I joked, taking another bite of the tortellini._

"_It's good that you eat," he laughed; then reached over the table and ran his finger under my lip where I had some alfredo sauce. He brought his finger back to his mouth and licked it off. _

_It was absolutely, utterly sexy and my pulse was racing. I downed my glass of wine in the next second. Edward raised his eyebrow and poured me another glass. "You're not going to get drunk tonight, are you?"_

"_I'm not the raging alcoholic," I said and he chuckled to himself. "So what do your parents think about your rock star ways?"_

"_They tend not to believe the tabloids, since they know the real me."_

"_But there's no denying you sleep with a lot of women."_

"_I certainly don't go publicizing that to my parents and I doubt it's something they'd ever bring up with me. Does Charlie talk to you about your sex life?"_

_I laughed, remembering the one and only time he tried to bring it up to me. "He once tried to have the talk with me after I went off to college. He fumbled through the whole 'when a man loves a woman' speech, until I finally just cut him off and told him I knew about sex and I was protecting myself."_

"_Your dad's a really cool guy."_

"_A little overprotective – but yeah, he's a good guy." I took another sip of wine. "So do the guys know you're trying, desperately, to have me change my opinion about you?"_

"_Is it working?"_

_I shrugged. "There are parts of you that are a mystery, Edward. The guy I got to know today is a lot different than the person I've know the past month on tour. So right now I'm trying to figure out who you are."_

"_I've never denied that I like to party, Isabella. When I'm on tour I savor every moment of it. If girls will throw themselves at me, then I'm not going to turn my back on it. But that doesn't mean that's the only part to me. Just like being a reality show contestant isn't the only part to you."_

"_Touché."_

_The waitress came back to the table and asked us if we wanted any dessert. Edward waited politely for me to answer. _

"_I'm seriously stuffed. I don't think I could eat another thing." _

_He sent the waitress away, giving her his Black Amex card, and topped off the last of my wine._

"_Why Edward Cullen, are you trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me?" I teased._

"_Believe me, Bella, whatever I do tonight you'll want me to do," he winked at me._

_I couldn't respond to his statement, so I simply drank the rest of my wine in silence. He signed for the check and pulled my chair out for me. I stood up and could immediately feel the wine. He put his hand against my back to help steady me. "You ready to go?"_

_I glanced out at the beautiful view again. "I guess so. Thank you for dinner and for an amazing day."_

"_Thank you for giving me a chance."_

_We stepped in the elevator and I was half-expecting Edward to immediately pounce on me; but he remained on his side of the box. And the sad part was, I was almost a little disappointed he didn't try to make a move. _

"_The paparazzi are going to be outside when we leave. Just walk behind me and don't look up – the lights will blind you."_

_I nodded as the doors opened and we stepped outside. Flashes of lights were going off in all directions around me._

"_Edward, what do you think of Rome? Edward, what did you have for dinner? Who's the girl?" They were all screaming at him. I ducked my head down and kept following, but I nearly bumped into him when he stopped._

"_Rome's been a blast," Edward said to the camera. "And this is my tour mate, Isabella Swan. She's our opening act and I was just giving her a tour of the city today. Isabella's going to be the next big thing! Her album comes out soon but you can request her single, "Impossible," on the radio."_

_I looked up at him, shocked, and heard the photographers start yelling out questions to me. "Isabella what all did you see with Edward today? What's it like being on tour with The Volturi? Can you sing for us now?"_

_He nodded at me to say something but I drew a blank. "Umm…I love Rome! It's by far my favorite city on the tour. I threw a coin in the Trevi Fountain tonight so I promise to be back again."_

_Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me into the back of the town car, waving goodbye to the photographers. "Look at that – they already love you, Bella. They're eating that shit up about the Trevi Fountain." _

_I turned around in my seat and punched him in the arm. "What the fuck?"_

"_Don't play dumb with me. I know exactly what you pulled back there; after I told you I didn't need your help."_

_He rubbed his arm. "Well it was either promote you or tell them that we were on a date together. What did you want?"_

_I stopped. "So it was a date?"_

_He looked me in the eyes and I could tell he was serious. "You tell me. By all means, I had every intention of making that a date. Can you admit to yourself that you just went on a date with me?"_

_I turned my head away from him to look out the window. "You make it sound as if I think you're a despicable person."_

"_That's what I think sometimes."_

"_Edward, you're a great guy. After today I can see why so many women fall for you. But I can't keep up with your lifestyle. I don't even want to try and keep up with it." I turned back to look at him. "Besides, can you honestly look at me and tell me that part of today hasn't been about chasing after what you can't have?"_

_He opened his mouth to say something; but then stopped. The driver pulled up to the hotel and I quickly jumped out. "Thank you for the date, Edward. It was a fabulous day and night that I won't forget."_

_I walked as fast as I could towards the elevators, trying to push the button to close the doors._

"_Isabella, wait! Goddamnit, Bella! Don't shut me out now!" Edward yelled and pushed the doors back open, jumping into the elevator with me. My back was against the mirror and he put his hands on either side of me so I couldn't move. _

"_Yes, so maybe today started out as a game. Maybe I was trying to get you to fall for me, but I fell for you instead, ok?"_

_The elevator dinged and the doors opened to my floor. I pushed past Edward and walked down the hall. He followed quickly on my heels; my ignoring him seeming to have no effect on his determination. When I got to my door he spun me around and pulled me up against his chest. _

"_Tell me you don't have feelings for me. Tell me that kiss at the flea market meant nothing and that our dinner wasn't one of the best dates ever. Because I can't say any of that to you. So if you want me to leave you alone, you're going to have to say it to me."_

_I shook my head. We both knew I couldn't say any of that either. _

"_I…" but before I could say anything else, Edward's lips came crashing down on mine. He licked and nibbled at my lips before diving into my mouth. I was pinned between my hotel door and his body so I wrapped my arms around his neck and wrapped one leg around his waist. He grabbed my ass with one hand and pushed himself into me. I could feel his erection pressing against me and I became wet. I moved my kisses down to his neck and started unbuttoning his shirt, licking further down with each button unclasped. I felt him shudder against me. He grabbed my hand and took the key card out of it, sliding it into the lock behind me. The door opened and I could feel myself starting to fall backwards, but Edward grabbed my ass and lifted me up so that both legs were now straddling around his waist._

_The door shut behind us and we continued kissing as he backed his way towards the bed and sat down. I was now sitting on top of his lap and felt his dick pressing into me. I began moving my hips back and forth, rubbing against him. _

"_God, Bella," he groaned._

_I unbuttoned the last button on his shirt and tore it off of him, sliding my arms up and down his biceps. I continued to gyrate on his lap while he moved his kisses up to my ear, licking my earlobe, and then moving down my neck. He grabbed the top of my dress and pulled it down to my waist, exposing my bare breasts. He stopped his kisses and pulled back to look at me. I suddenly felt very self-conscious and tried to cover myself, but he pulled my arms back down._

"_God, you're beautiful, Bella."_

_He grasped one breast in his hand, fondling it, and took the other one in his mouth, nipping and sucking at it. I let out a moan and he pulled harder. He licked all around and then moved his kisses over to my other breast to begin his assault on that one._

"_Edward, I want to…" I reached my hand down to his pants, but he lightly grabbed my wrist to stop me. He started the trail of kisses back up my neck and towards my lips._

"_I want to too, Bella…" that's all he had to say for my hand to reach out to his pants again, but he lightly grabbed my wrist a second time. I let out a whimper against his lips and he kissed me deeply. "I want to…But I need you to trust me more."_

_He put his hands on my face and pulled back to look me in the eye. "You're not just a conquest for me, Bella. I'm going to prove it to you. I want you, but I don't just want your body. I want to be with you."_

"_You do?" I squeaked._

_He nodded, kissed my lips one more time, and gently pulled my dress back up in place. He groaned. "I better go before I can't say no again." _

_He lifted me off of him and started to walk towards the door. "Don't forget your shirt," I said._

"_Keep it. It will be a hell of a lot sexier thinking about you sleeping in my shirt than your raggedy ass PJ's." He winked at me._

_I stood up and stripped off my dress, revealing only my black lacey underwear. Edward's eyes flickered with lust and he licked his lips. I put his shirt on and buttoned one button in the middle. "There, now you know what to think about," I said, smirking at him._

_He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me towards him; kissing me again. "You're making it impossible to go," he mumbled against my lips._

"_Well you're the one trying to be all chivalrous for once in your life, not me."_

_He pulled back. "I am," he said, seriously. "I'll see you in the morning, ok?"_

_I nodded and held the door open as he left. He started down the hall. "Edward?" I called after him. He turned back around and I smiled. "I want to be with you too."_

The song ended and I pressed the next song on my playlist, sighing as I relived the memories. Edward took me out on five more dates before we made love. He was so dead-set on proving me wrong, he had no idea he was driving me bat-shit crazy from lust. Shortly after that, we came out to his band mates as a couple.

"_I knew something was up!" Emmett had exclaimed. "I hadn't seen Edward with a girl for nearly three weeks!"_

"_Congrats, Isabella. You're the only girl that's been able to tame Edward Cullen," Jasper laughed._

I glanced over at Charlie, who was passed out. Edward had always been polite and respectful to him, but Charlie couldn't seem to get the images of Edward's hard partying ways out of his head. Renee, on the other hand, thought it was fabulous that I was dating a rock star and was waiting for the next red carpet event that I could invite her and Phil to on a double-date.

Ironically, as polite as Edward had been to Charlie, even when Charlie hated him; it was much harder for him to be nice to Renee, who loved him. He had only come to Arizona with me once and had to keep biting his tongue as Renee gushed to him about how close she and I were.

Edward pushed me to speak up to my mom, but since I refused, he did the next best thing. He got me into a recording studio and told me to sing out all my anger and hurt. After a very cathartic week, I presented my new songs to my record label; who were convinced I had the best rock album of 2010. _Now I just need to convince everyone else._

I flicked off The Volturi and switched over to my album. I put on one of my own songs I wrote with Edward; preparing myself for the emotional roller coaster my mom was about to put me through when I landed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

_And I've always lived like this,_

_Keeping a comfortable distance._

_And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness._

_Because none of it was ever worth the risk._

…_But darling, you are the only exception._

_-Paramore_

**Edward's POV**

_Hey it's Isabella – I can't answer the phone but leave a message…_

I flipped off my phone and lit up a cigarette in my dressing room. I had tried calling Isabella three times before the show started but it went straight to voicemail. Our show had just finished and she still wasn't answering. I knew the likelihood of something being wrong was slim, but it still irritated me that I couldn't talk to her.

Being on tour made me nervous – and I could never tell her that. The last time The Volturi toured was in Europe with Bella. Bella knew that I was reckless and partied hard when she first met me; but I'm sure she didn't know the extent of it. The amount of women I was with every night on tour was equal to the amount of drugs available to me. I only did that shit recreationally. So when Bella and I started seeing each other, I stopped cold-turkey with the drugs and women.

In the process of proving myself to her, I started to prove things to myself. I was getting tired of my rebellious image and wanted to take myself more seriously. I had actually fallen in love with a woman and wanted to put her needs before mine. I was growing up. Now don't get me wrong, Bella is no saint. She's more like me than most people realize. She'll curse like a sailor when she's upset; can drink most women under the table; has moves in bed that prove she hasn't been virginal for a long time; and, thanks to me, has picked up the bad habit of smoking. But there's something about Isabella that makes me want to be a better man. She makes me remember the man I was before being thrust into the spotlight with my bad-boy image already in place. Maybe it was because she was still new to the music industry, but she wasn't tainted. She wasn't jaded. And I swore to myself that I wouldn't let either of those things happen to her.

It was already too late for me. And while Bella made me a better man, she couldn't change all of me. I had buried too many demons. These demons had stayed locked up for over a year; but as we were about to embark on our world tour I could feel them starting to fight their way to the surface. I would have every temptation imaginable surrounding me on tour. It was easy to ignore those temptations when Isabella was by my side in Europe. But I wasn't sure how long I could "just say no," without her, on tour. That's why I wanted her to fly straight to LA from Europe. I needed her with me. I had no intentions on hurting Isabella and planned to stay faithful to her. But I was also fully aware that sex and drugs would be thrown at me, every night, for the next four months; and it was bound to wear me down.

There was a quick knock on my door and Jasper peeked his head around. "After party's at Boulevard 3 – you ready to go?"

I took another drag of my cigarette and put it out in the ashtray on the counter. "Yeah, I'm just gonna get changed quick. I'll be out in 5 minutes."

"You hear from Isabella?"

I shook my head and took off my wet t-shirt. "Nah. She's probably still in the air or something." I glanced back at him and noticed that Alice was standing behind him in the hallway. I raised my eyebrow at him, but he just shrugged.

"Hey Alice, are you joining us tonight?" I called out to her.

"I wouldn't miss it. You guys did great tonight," she said, whisking her fingers through her pixie hair cut.

I shrugged. "There are still some kinks to work out but nothing the fans would have noticed. Jasper had a great solo, though, don't you think?"

Jasper lowered his eyes at me, knowing full well what I was doing. "Well the girls don't come to hear my solo, they come to see your ugly mug," Jasper retorted, not giving Alice a chance to respond.

"I dunno, Alice…who'd you rather see? Me? Or Jasper?"

Alice's mouth dropped open and I clearly flustered her. I smirked at Jasper. "Get dressed you dick," he said and slammed the door shut.

I laughed to myself and quickly changed into a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I grabbed my phone, debating whether to call her one more time, before deciding against it and putting it in my pocket. I opened the door and walked down the hall, where there were fans with backstage passes waiting anxiously for me to approach them. I smiled politely and started signing autographs while continuing to move towards the exit.

"Oh my God – Edward I love you so much!" a girl, who couldn't have been older than 18, squealed; tears running down her cheeks. "Can I get a picture with you?"

I put on my picture-perfect smile, "Oh course, love." I grabbed her camera and quickly snapped a picture of both of us. I gave her a wink and walked out the door. I could still hear her hyperventilating behind me.

I hopped into the limo, where the rest of the guys were already waiting and Emmett immediately handed me a beer. I clinked it against his and sat back against the leather seat.

"And so it begins," Emmett said, taking a long chug of his beer.

"They were fucking insane tonight," I said, referring to two girls who managed to run up on stage and grab me.

"They can be as insane as they want! We're fucking sold out in almost every city!" Emmett cheered.

"Not that you don't love the attention," Rosalie taunted.

"I have no problem letting Emmett be the one mauled, as long as you don't," I said cocking my eyebrow at her.

"I have no problem with that either!" Emmett said. Rosalie promptly turned around and punched him. "Ow, baby – damn, you know I'm kidding!"

Rosalie turned her attention back to me, "I'm so glad to see that first-class ticket from Rome I scrambled to get for you was put to good use. Where is Ms. Isabella?"

"She went to spend some time with her mom."

"What a shame. All the times you supported her and flew to her concerts and she couldn't do the same for you."

"Fuck off Rose; you have no clue what you're talking about."

"You know it's not like that, Rose," Emmett spoke up in Isabella's defense.

"What the fuck is your problem with her anyway?" I spat.

Rosalie swirled the champagne in her glass. "I don't have any problem with her."

"Bullshit."

"No, really. If anything I'm actually quite impressed that she was able to turn your sorry-ass into a normal human being."

"Rosalie's just protective of our group, that's all," Emmett said. "You know she has to be our friend and publicist."

"Well I don't see you giving any shit to Jasper and Alice," I muttered so that Alice couldn't hear on the other end of the limo.

"That's different. Jasper's a sweet guy. I can see why Alice likes him," she said, taking another sip of champagne. "I honestly have no clue what Isabella saw in you when you first started dating."

"Yeah well maybe she saw the real me," I spat out.

Rosalie opened her mouth to say something and then closed it. She looked at me for a long moment. "Maybe," she said quietly and turned her attention to Emmett.

I looked out the window of the limo as we drove along Sunset Blvd, happy the conversation was over. I knew, deep down, Rosalie respected Isabella – but she had too much fun being a bitch to her for Isabella to ever realize that. But some of Rosalie's taunting had hit me. Isabella had changed me; and here I was worried that I was going to resort back to the same old Edward just because she wasn't with me. I realized Bella had a hell of a lot more faith in me than I had in myself.

As I stared out the window, I thought back to the end of our tour last year and how we dealt with the distance:

_Our last two nights of the tour were in London. As we grew closer and closer to the end, I could feel Isabella pulling away from me. Sure, she was still in my bed almost every night, but our conversations about anything substantial grew few and far between. I could see it in her eyes – the absolute uncertainty as to what the end of the tour meant to our relationship. And I did nothing to calm her fears because I didn't know either._

_After our last show, we all headed out to various clubs in London to celebrate. By the time Isabella and I got back to my hotel room, we had drunken sex throughout the rest of the early morning hours. The sun was starting to rise and light was creeping into my room as Bella lay against my chest. I looked down at her, with her eyes closed, and kissed the top of her head. I had no clue what was going to happen later that day when we had to say goodbye. Neither of us had talked about our relationship and what it meant. I knew I didn't want to be without her but I also knew I didn't have much to offer her if she stayed in Washington and I stayed in Los Angeles._

_I laid my head back and closed my eyes, starting to go to sleep, when Bella startled me by speaking. "I guess we should address the elephant in the room?"_

"_What do you mean?" I asked, even though I was fully aware of what was about to come next._

"_What's going to happen to us?" she asked quietly._

_I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. I had weeks to prepare for this answer, but I still didn't have anything of quality to say to her._

"_Christ…I don't know, Bella," I said. "I'm not the long-distance relationship type."_

_I immediately felt her stiffen in my arms. I waited for her to say something but she didn't. I continued to lay in silence, unsure what to say next. I felt a trickle of water on my chest. Isabella quickly rolled off of me, turning her back towards me, and I realized she was crying. I tentatively put my hand on her shoulder._

"_Bella?"_

_She stayed silent for another second then cleared her throat. "It's already morning," she said, trying to sound normal, but I could hear the tightness in her voice._

"_Bella…listen, baby…"_

_She stood up and started to put on her clothes. "I have to pack up a lot of stuff before we leave. I should start getting it together."_

_I sat up in bed. "Don't do this, Bella."_

_She turned around to face me and gave me a tight-lipped smile. "You should go back to bed and get some rest. I'll come say goodbye to you before I go."_

"_I don't want you to go," I pleaded._

_She looked at me, with such sad eyes, and I thought for a second she was going to change her mind. But then she turned around and opened the door. "Get some rest," she whispered and walked out._

_I groaned and fell back against my pillow. "Fucking great," I said to no one. I debated running after her, but still had no clue what to say. I wanted to be with Bella; but what could I promise her once we went back to reality? I closed my eyes and tried to get my thoughts together so I knew exactly what to say when Bella returned…_

…_I opened my eyes and sat up, with a start, realizing I had fallen asleep. I looked at the clock and saw it was already 1pm. _

"_Shit!" I jumped up and threw on some pants, trying to rush to Bella's room before I missed her. As I was about to open the door, something on the ground caught my attention and I realized it was a piece of paper. My heart pounded as I picked it up and opened it:_

_I couldn't say goodbye. After spending some of the most amazing months with you, and falling so hard for you, how can I say goodbye to it all? Thank you for showing me the real Edward Cullen. You have certainly proved to me what an amazing man you are. You mean more to me than I can even say. But I guess all good things come to an end, right? You'll always hold a place in my heart. I'm sure we'll see each other again._

_ -Bella_

_ My stomach churned and it felt like my chest was being gripped by a vice. I swung the door to my hotel room open and ran out, hoping to still find her in her room._

_ "Bella!" I pounded on her door. "Bella – open up! C'mon!"_

_ Jasper stepped out of his room and glanced down the hallway at me. "Edward? Bella's gone already. She said goodbye to us about an hour ago."_

_ I looked up at him, my heart sinking. "She said goodbye to you?" I slid down the wall and put my head in my hands._

_ Jasper sat down next to me in the hallway. "What's going on?" I didn't say anything but handed him the letter._

_ "So you guys broke up?" he asked after reading through it._

_ I shook my head and shrugged. "I told her I didn't do long-distance relationships."_

_ "So you wanted to end it?"_

_ "No."_

_ "Well, fuck, Edward. You, sure as hell, gave her mixed signals if I can't even understand you."_

_ I punched the wall behind me. "I don't even know what I want!"_

_ Jasper stood up and handed the note back to me. "Oh you know what you want. You're just too afraid to admit it."_

_

* * *

I flew back to Los Angeles and fell into a slump. Friends and previous lovers were all calling me to meet up with them but I kept ignoring their phone calls. I stayed in bed, watched TV, and started writing songs on the piano. Every song I wrote seemed to be about Bella. Every time I fell asleep I dreamed about her. I would pick up the phone to call her constantly throughout the day, only to put it back down. I missed her. I wasn't sure how to get her out of my mind; and quite frankly, I wasn't trying to either._

_ "That's it!" My mother, Esme, exclaimed to me on the phone one day. "I'm coming right over there. I haven't seen you since you've returned and you're making no attempt to see your father or me. Are you sick?"_

_ "Mom, I'm fine. I'm just tired. It's jet lag."_

_ "I know you better than that, Edward. Don't lie to your mother."_

_ "Sorry," I mumbled into the phone._

_ "Emmett said it's about a girl."_

_ "Yeah, well Emmett needs to keep his damn mouth shut," I snapped._

_ "Edward Cullen!"_

"_Sorry…" I apologized for the second time._

"_Did you get a girl pregnant?"_

_ "Jesus, mom, no!" I said; horrified that my own mother would naturally assume the worst of me._

_ "I'm not deaf to all the gossip I hear about you from the young girls at my different galas, Edward. I choose to believe the best but I just wanted to make sure."_

_ "It's not like that, mom."_

_ "Is it Isabella?"_

_ I gaped at the phone for a second. "Goddamn Emmett and his mouth!"_

_ Esme chuckled. "Oh honey, Emmett didn't say anything about her. You've mentioned her name so many times during your phone calls with us that it was quite obvious you were enamored with her. I was hoping to meet this girl that had captured your heart."_

_ "Don't hold your breath. She's back in Washington. I'm pretty sure our relationship is over."_

_ "Why?"_

_ "It was great when we were on tour because we were with each other every day. It was easy. But how am I supposed to continue a relationship with her when we're always apart?"_

_ "I thought I raised you better than to give up when things got tough."_

_ "I'm not giving up. I'm being realistic."_

_ "Let's look at the reality of the situation, Edward. You haven't left your house in a week because you're still pining away over a girl, who you think is too hard to be with. It looks like it's harder to be without her." _

_ I stayed silent, fully aware that she was right._

_ "You also have the financial ability to see her more frequently than most people do in long-distance relationships. So what's really stopping you, son?"_

_ "How can I be sure it's all going to work out? I don't want to hurt her."_

_ "Honey, when I married your father I had no clue everything would work out. I still don't know that. All I know is that I'd much rather be with him than without him." She paused for a second. "Do you love her?"_

_ I took a deep breath in and let it out, shakily. "I don't know."_

_ "Oh I think you do," my mother said; and I immediately thought back to the same thing Jasper said to me when I told him I didn't know what I wanted. "My son wouldn't change for a girl he simply likes."_

_ I stayed silent, taking in what she said. Was my mom right? Isabella was the only girl I had ever opened up to and let myself become vulnerable. She saw who I really was – all the good and bad – and she still trusted me. She made me want to be the best man I could be for her. And, as I sat there thinking back to the past months together, I realized I only wanted to be with her. _

_ "Mom, I gotta go," I said quietly. "I've got some stuff to take care of."_

_ "I'm sure you do, sweetie," and I could picture Esme giving me one of her all-knowing smiles. "Take care."_

_ I hung up and scrolled through my contacts, landing on Isabella's name. I paused, unsure what to do. Was it already too late? I had let her walk out the door in Europe. Would she let me back in so easily?_

_ I scrolled past her number and dialed my brother's instead._

_ "Aloha!" Emmett said; and I remembered he and Rosalie were on vacation in Hawaii._

_ "Hey, I need your help."_

_ "What's up, little bro?"_

_ "Can Rose get me Isabella's address?"_

_ Emmett whistled. "So you've finally come to your senses, huh? Give me a few minutes. We're on the beach right now and it's gonna take some convincing for her to make any phone calls to the office."_

_ "Thanks, bro."_

_ Ten minutes later my cell phone rang again. "Yeah?"_

_ "You owe me big, Cullen," Rosalie hissed into the phone._

_ "You found her address?"_

_ "Yes, dipshit. And if you had taken a moment to look on you would have found it just as easily." Rosalie rattled off the address for me. "I also have you booked on a first-class flight to Seattle on American. It leaves Burbank in two hours so you better rush."_

_ I was speechless. "Rose…thank you."_

_ "Yeah, whatever. Just don't make a scene in Washington, ok? I don't want to have to cut my vacation short to explain what you're doing up there."_

_

* * *

Eight hours later, I drove my rented Volvo down the 101 and past the sign welcoming me to Forks. I followed the GPS directions, turning down small side streets until I reached my destination. Forks was one of the smallest towns I had ever seen. It was, literally, like something you'd see in a movie. There were no Starbucks…no McDonalds…I had no clue how Isabella grew up in this deserted little town. I glanced at the clock on the dashboard. It was already 9pm and I was still unsure about what I was even doing. After a 2 ½ hour plane ride and a 3 hour drive, I had run through countless scenarios and scripts as to what to say. But as I turned off the engine and opened the car door, I couldn't remember anything I had prepared._

_ I walked slowly up the gravel drive and stepped onto her porch. Her porch lights were on and I could hear the TV faintly through the windows. It was a fairly chilly night and I rubbed my arms, regretting I didn't bring a jacket. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door._

_ A few seconds later the screen door opened and Charlie stood in front of me wide-eyed. It suddenly hit me that Isabella still lived with her dad and I realized that all my ideas of romantically sweeping her off her feet when she saw me were halted._

_ "Um…Hi, Charlie…can I…"_

_ "I knew it was too good to last," Charlie mumbled then shut the door and turned back inside the house._

_ I stood there, dumbfounded, for a second; unsure what to do next. I looked like a complete tool just standing on her porch. I was ready to knock on the door again, when I heard Charlie call out, "Isabella you have company."_

_ A few seconds later, Isabella opened the door. Her eyes immediately widened and the smile on her face dropped. I stared at her, taking all of her in, unable to say anything. She was wearing baggy grey sweatpants and a form-fitting blue t-shirt, exposing some of her skin above her waistband. Her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail. And she still looked absolutely beautiful._

_ "Edward…" she stammered. "What are you doing here?"_

_ "I…uh…sorry, I didn't know you still lived with your dad," I rushed out._

_ "I stopped leasing my apartment after traveling so much. It didn't make any sense." I nodded and we stood in silence again. "What are you doing here?" she repeated._

_ "I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to you."_

_ She looked down, guiltily. "I left the letter…"_

_ I held up my hand to stop her. "I didn't __want__ to say goodbye to you, Bella."_

_ Isabella looked in the house and then walked out onto the porch, closing the door behind her. She nodded her head to the side, motioning for me to follow her. We walked a few feet towards the woods next to her house. A faint light from the house shown on our faces, but otherwise we were completely covered in the darkness._

_ "Edward, it's ok. I get it. You don't want to be tied down in a relationship right now…"_

_ I lightly cupped her chin and made her look up at me. "I made a mistake."_

_ She looked up at me, quizzically._

_ "I was scared, Bella. I was scared about my feelings for you. I was scared that if we tried to make our relationship work I'd end up hurting you."_

_ "You already hurt me," she whispered._

_ I felt like she punched me in the gut. "I know. I hurt too."_

_ I rubbed my thumb against her cheek and leaned my head into her hair, inhaling her scent. "I missed you so much."_

_ She tilted her head to look up at me, causing our lips to be merely inches apart. "I missed you too," she said and I could feel her hot breath on my face. _

_I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her up against me. My tongue dove into her mouth, desperate to taste her again. She let out a little gasp and then opened her mouth, willingly, kissing me back with as much fever. She wrapped her arms around my neck and could feel her pressing against my hard-on. I squeezed her ass with my right hand and pushed her harder up against me. Before I could register what she was doing, Bella lowered one hand from around my neck and dove into the waistband of my pants, wrapping her fingers around my cock. She slowly stroked my shaft, sweetly torturing me._

"_Jesus, Bella…" I moaned into her mouth._

_She pulled back and smiled at me. She continued her slow strokes while staring up and me, never breaking eye-contact. I stared into her eyes filled with so much passion and my heart swelled. Isabella meant everything to me. I never wanted to be without her again._

"_God…I love you," I blurted out._

_Her hand froze. She looked up at me stunned. I immediately felt embarrassed and scared that maybe I had mistaken her feelings. I gently pulled her hand out of my pants and held both her hands by my side. She still stared at me, looking for some explanation. I looked down sheepishly._

"_Did you mean that?" she whispered._

_I fought the impulse to defensively deny it. I licked my lips and nodded. I lowered my head against her forehead and looked her directly in the eyes. "I love you Isabella Swan."_

_She gasped and a tear trickled down her cheek. I quickly kissed it away. "I love you too," she breathed out._

_I grinned and pulled her up off the ground. She wrapped her legs around my waist and I kissed her passionately. After a few minutes we both broke away, gasping for breath._

"_If we don't get out of here soon, I'm gonna fuck you right in the middle of these woods," I said and licked the nape of her neck._

_She giggled and wiggled against my dick. "I'm ok with that."_

"_I'm not. I want to make love to you properly…all…night…long," I said, inflecting each word with a kiss._

_Isabella hopped back on the ground and readjusted herself. "Give me a minute to grab some clothes. I'll meet you back at your car." She quickly kissed my cheek and ran back into her house._

_We drove north to a hotel in Port Angeles. I looked over at her in the passenger seat, grabbed her hand, kissed it, and smiled at her wickedly. _

_She raised her eyebrow at me. "What?"_

_I shook my head and kissed the back of her hand before sending a trail of kisses up her arm. "I thought we were out of the ugly pajamas phase," I said, keeping my left hand on the steering wheel but running my right hand along the waist band of her sweats._

"_Yeah, well I wasn't exactly expecting my boyfriend…who I didn't even know was still my boyfriend, might I add…to show up in the middle of the night."_

"_Oh I'm still yours," I said heavily before sliding my hand below her panties and rubbing her slit. "As long as you're all mine." She gasped as I flicked my finger against her clit._

"_I'm all yours," she panted. _

_I smiled and shoved one finger inside her pussy. "You sure?"_

"_Yesss" she moaned and I shoved another finger deep inside her._

_I tried to keep my eyes on the road, while glancing back every so often to look at Bella's gorgeous figure beside me. I continued to finger-fuck her, pushing deep inside. I hooked my finger inside, pressing into her G-spot. She let out a loud moan and gripped the door handle, her head thrashing to the side._

"_That's it baby. Don't hold back. Cum for me."_

"_Oh God, Edward…" her legs started to shake so I increased my speed._

"_Cum Bella."_

_Bella gripped my thigh with her other hand and squeezed it hard. She was panting and I felt her clench down around my fingers and begin to spasm. After a few seconds I felt her begin to relax. She dropped her head down against her chest with her eyes closed and let go of my thigh. I gently slipped my fingers out of her pants and leaned over to kiss the top of her head._

_After she caught her breath, she looked up at me with heavy eyes. "I'm going to get you back for that."_

_I smirked at her. "Oh I'm counting on it."_

_We checked into the hotel about 45 minutes later. We almost didn't make it to the hotel room after Bella started undressing me in the elevator. We spent the next two days, completely naked, holed up in the room. We ordered room service, watched movies, and made love over and over again. By the time we left Port Angeles and returned to Forks, we had a 3-month schedule planned out for when I would come to Washington and when she would stay with me in Los Angeles. _

"_So you really think this is going to work?" Isabella asked, looking over the schedule one more time._

"_I love you. We'll make it work," I said._

* * *

The limo pulled up outside the club and the driver opened the door. I shook my head, clearing my mind of the memories and stepped out of the car into the waiting lights of the paparazzi. The same was still today as it was a year ago – I loved Isabella; and whether I was on tour or not, I was going to make it work.

We pushed our way past a screaming group of fans waiting in line outside and walked into the building. Immediately, old friends and people in the industry started to greet us. I walked over to the bar and ordered a Jack and Coke. Jasper saddled up next to me and ordered himself a beer and a glass of wine for Alice. She thanked him and turned to talk to some of her friends beside the bar.

"So is this a casual fuck or something more?" I asked Jasper.

Jasper shrugged and took a swig of his beer. "I'm open to see where it goes."

"Bullshit. Your monogamous ass is already following her around like a puppy dog."

"Should I tell Isabella you're dogging on monogamy?"

"I'm completely fine with monogamy when it's with the right person. You, however, will fall into a relationship with any pretty girl."

Jasper glanced at Alice. "She's different."

I looked at her right as she caught Jasper's eye and winked at him. "I believe you."

Jasper threw his tip on the bar on walked off towards Alice. I polished off my drink and was about to get up and make my way around the club when an old acquaintance, Garrett, sat next to me.

"Well look who's back," Garrett said. "Care to buy me a drink?"

I motioned to the bartender. "2 Jack and Cokes – make them doubles."

"Thanks, friend. Can I return the favor?" he asked, pulling a small bag of white powder out of his pocket.

I shook my head. "I don't do that shit anymore."

Garrett slapped his hand on the bar and howled. "So the rumors are true! Edward Cullen is pussy-whipped!"

I jumped up and shoved him forcefully off his stool, causing him and his drink to crash on the ground. Everyone who was standing in our immediate area stopped to look; and I realized I caused a scene.

"No need to get defensive, friend! I was just joking," Garrett said, standing back up.

Emmett and Rosalie showed up by my side.

"Everything ok?" Emmett asked me.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Garrett was just leaving."

Garrett held up his hands, as a peace offering. "I apologize, Edward. I certainly don't want to upset my best customer. You know where to find me." He turned around and walked away.

Rosalie slapped me on the back of the head. "I thought you stopped that shit!"

"I did! I was just telling Garrett that."

"Yeah well next time can you tell him without making a scene? That's the last thing I want to deal with in the morning."

I grabbed my drink and pushed my way further into the nightclub. On the lower level everyone was dancing to the music. I stayed against the balcony, nursing my drink, while staring down at them. A couple girls, I noticed, who I had hooked up with in the past saw me and waved at me to come down and dance with them. I shook my head and sat down on one of the couches.

I opened up a bottle of Grey Goose at the couch and poured it into my glass. Another person sat down next to me and pushed their glass forward. I willingly obliged and poured them a drink.

"If I remember correctly…I think this is the same couch where you and I got acquainted before," the person spoke.

I looked up at the strawberry blonde woman sitting in front of me in a mini sequence tube dress. She sipped on her drink and scooted closer to me.

"Hey Tanya."

Tanya pouted. "All I get is a 'hey' after all we've been through?"

I laughed and took another gulp of my drink. Tanya Denali was another rich bitch heiress. She seemed to be at every party or event I was at; and eventually I responded to her constant advances. Contrary to what Tanya wanted to believe, we were never in a relationship. We'd meet at a party, have sex, and I would kick her out before morning. It didn't stop her from spreading rumors to the tabloids, though, about how I was madly in love with her. I started fucking her good friend, Paris, afterwards just to show her who was boss. I wasn't proud of what I did to her; but Tanya was a dime a dozen and only wanted the status of being my girlfriend – something she'd never have.

The only problem was that Tanya was now on tour with me. Tanya used her daddy's money to record her own album; and seeing as her daddy owned half of the record label The Volturi was under, she bought her way straight onto the opening act of our tour. The sad fact for Tanya, though, was that while money could buy her an album – it couldn't buy her fans. I listened to her tonight from my dressing room and quickly had to turn off the feed. She was trying to sound like a mix between Britney Spears and Courtney Love, while looking like Tila Tequila. It was complete trash. I had been trying to avoid her up until this point; but knew we were bound to meet up.

"I'm surprised it took me this long to find you," Tanya said.

"You must not have been looking hard enough."

"Isn't it great that we'll be on tour together?" she asked, sliding up against me and putting her hand on my upper thigh. "We can get to know each other again."

I moved her hand off my thigh. "I think I know all I need to know about you, Tanya."

Tanya pouted and refilled my drink with more vodka. "I kept hearing how much you changed but I said I wouldn't believe it 'til I saw it with my own eyes. First I see you throw Garrett out of here and now you don't want to play with me? What's happened to the Edward Cullen everyone loved?"

I shrugged and walked back over to the balcony, trying to get away from her. "Things change."

She followed and stood next to me. "What's her name?"

"None of your business."

She trailed her finger on my shoulder. "She doesn't have to know, you know. No strings attached."

I pushed her hand off me. "No thanks."

She stood back and looked at me. "So you really have changed," she exclaimed. She shook her head and threw back the rest of her drink. "Well, I can't say I'm not jealous – since I didn't get to be the one who tied you down first. Whoever she is must be pretty amazing. I respect that."

I looked at her, curiously. "Thanks."

A waiter walked by with a tray of champagne and Tanya grabbed two glasses, handing one to me. "A toast to new beginnings," she said. "And to friendship."

We clinked glasses. "Just friends," I said.

She nodded. "I get it, Edward. Just friends."

Tanya opened up her purse and pulled out a joint. "Care to join?" I shook my head. "Is your new girl a nun or something?"

"Fuck off."

Tanya patted my arm. "Relax, I'm just joking."

I honestly didn't know how Bella felt about marijuana. I hadn't done it around her and had never seen her do it; but I didn't think it was a big deal. In fact the entire band smoked up every day while we recorded our new album. I just didn't feel like being around Tanya anymore and wanted to leave.

"Come on," Tanya prodded. "It'll help you relax. After this, I promise I'll leave you alone." I sighed and took her joint. We moved back to the couch to sit down and smoke up.

Two joints later we were giggling over old memories and taking shots any time one of us said "fuck."

"Do you remember the time we fucked in the grotto at the Playboy Mansion?" Tanya laughed and took a shot.

"I fucked so many bitches in that grotto I don't remember," I said. She poured another shot and I took it.

"You stole the bottom of my g-string and walked away. I had to walk out of there showing my shaved pussy to everyone!"

"You loved it."

"Maybe, but it was still an asshole thing to do."

"Sorry."

Tanya grabbed my hand and stood up. "Come on, let's dance!"

I stopped her and put my hand out against the table to steady myself. "I can barely walk."

"Too many shots," she snickered.

"Lemme find Emmett…" I started to walk away but Tanya pulled me back towards her.

"He left with Rosalie awhile ago. We're staying at the same hotel. I'll help you get back."

I tried to protest but followed along as she grabbed my hand and walked us out of the club. Outside photographers were still waiting. Tanya kept a hold of my hand and smiled for the paparazzi.

"Edward – are you and Tanya a couple again?"

"No comment," Tanya smiled sweetly up at me.

The flash from the cameras was making my head spin. I couldn't speak but shook my head "no."

The limo pulled up and Tanya helped push me into the back of it. I sat down and laid my head back against the seat. Tanya sat next to me, resting her hand on my chest.

"You want some water, sweetie?"

I nodded and she put a water bottle up to my lips. I took a few gulps then closed my eyes, waiting for the car to arrive at the hotel. I started to think of Bella and how different the night would have been if she had been with me. We would have made a quick appearance at the club and then returned back to the hotel for a night of passionate sex. Hell, we probably wouldn't have even made it to the hotel. I would have placed her on top of my lap and let her ride me in the backseat. I started to imagine her on top of me and kissing me. My cock started to get hard thinking about her in my lap and licking my neck.

"Edward," I heard a moan; but quickly realized it wasn't Bella's voice.

I opened my eyes and found Tanya straddled on top of my lap, her huge DD's popping out of her dress, as she tried to unbuckle my belt. I quickly sat up and shoved her off me.

"What the fuck are you doing? Get off me!" I yelled.

Tanya tried to adjust her dress as the limo pulled up the hotel. "You came on to me!" she squeeled.

"Like hell I did. Stay the fuck away from me!" I jumped out of the limo and grabbed the first elevator to my room. I leaned back against the wall, afraid I was about to get sick. My first night on tour and I already almost cheated on Bella. Granted, I was currently stoned and drunk out of my mind; but that certainly wouldn't matter to Bella. My phone began to buzz in my pocket. I looked down to see a text.

_Just landed after 6 hour delay. Super tired. Will call in the morning. I love you!_

Guilt consumed me and I made it to my hotel room just in time to get sick in the bathroom. I splashed water on my face, stripped down, and laid back on the bed. Tonight was one huge, fucking mistake. I should never have let Tanya get me drunk or high. But there was no reason why Isabella had to know about it. Tanya came onto me, but I didn't respond. I pushed her away – and from now on, I knew to stay far away from her. I wouldn't let this happen again. And I wouldn't let myself get this shit-faced again either. I rolled over and quickly texted Isabella before going to sleep:

_I love you Bella._


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:**

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Twilight (obviously), but the idea for this story is all mine and has been many years in the making.

Thank you to everyone who has added me on your Story Alerts. Please review my story and let me know what you think.

While I enjoy writing, there's no way I would ever be able to come up with songs or lyrics for The Volturi or Bella that would be acceptable. After a lot of thought as to what I wanted each of them to sound like – I decided Isabella is a cross between Kelly Clarkson and Pink. The Volturi is a mix between One Republic and The Script.

Seeing as how I "borrowed" the Twilight characters for my story, I decided to borrow some of these artists' songs as well and make them the characters'. In my profile you'll find both Bella and The Volturi's albums with the songs they sing and the artists the songs belong to.

**

* * *

Chapter 5:**

_I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,_

_I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky,_

_And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change,_

_And breakaway._

_-Kelly Clarkson_

**Bella's POV**

The harsh sunlight was beating down directly through the window and into my face. I rolled over and groaned, trying to cover my head with the pillow but I could still feel the warmth on my skin. I kicked off my covers, hoping to fall back to sleep quickly but the sound of the TV and pots clanking around in the kitchen deemed it impossible. I sighed and looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was 10am – much later than I usually slept. But between the jet lag and the fact that I didn't even arrive at my mom's house until 2am, I was absolutely exhausted.

I decided to put on a bikini, with shorts and a tank over top, in hopes that I could fall back asleep outside sunbathing. I glanced down at my phone that was blinking back at me. I hit the screen to open up the text from Edward.

_I lovo yvu Bubba_

I snorted, reading his drunken text. _At least I hope it's a drunken text, or we have really big problems._ Part of me wanted to call and tease him about it, but I also knew that there was no way in hell he was alive at this hour. I shook my head, laughing to myself, and walked out of my room and towards the kitchen.

Renee was at the stove making her classic chocolate chip pancakes. My stomach growled, causing me realize exactly how hungry I was. As I walked up towards her, I quickly lost my appetite seeing Phil sitting at the table, reading a newspaper, in his boxers. I tried to keep my eyes down as I shuffled my way over to my mom and gave her a hug from behind.

"Well you're up earlier than I expected!" Renee said.

"Damn Arizona sun."

"You're just not use to seeing it in Forks."

I grabbed a plate of pancakes. "Well I'm gonna go outside and get reacquainted with it."

My mom grabbed two cups of coffee and followed me out to their picnic table. I was thankful Phil decided to stay back. I dove into the food while my mom watched.

"So how was Europe?"

"Amazing."

"And when am I going to get a chance to hear my daughter on the radio here?"

I shrugged. "Charlie's got some stuff in the works. I just did an interview for _Rolling Stone_. He seems pretty confident my break's about to come."

My mom sat back and sighed. "Are you sure your father's doing enough? I'm sure he has your best interest at heart, but it may be better going with someone that has some more influence in the industry. Couldn't Edward…"

"No, mom," I cut her off. "Charlie's a great manager – even Edward's said it. And I'm not asking Edward for any favors. I can do this on my own."

"If you say so," Renee sighed. She looked back at me with a twinkle in her eye and stood up, going inside quickly to get her laptop, before returning.

"Well, you may be able to do it on your own, but it still helps to have extra support." Renee opened up her computer and turned it in my direction. "I made a fan page for you, since I'm your number one fan."

I looked at the website where there was a picture of me singing on stage with big purple font that said, "Isabella Swan's Fan Page." There were different tabs labeled "About Isabella," "Music," "Pictures," and "On tour."

"You did all this?" I asked in disbelief.

"I just got done taking a web design class at the local YMCA. I worked on it all day yesterday to surprise you. And look – in just one day you've already got over 2,000 hits!"

I clicked through the links, reading the brief history about myself and how I developed my passion for music from my mother. It continued with how I was wrongfully eliminated from _American Idol_, to my present-day, sold-out tour in Europe.

I looked up at her, returning the huge smile she was giving me. "I'm seriously impressed, mom."

"Well this old woman still has a few tricks up her sleeve."

I clicked on the photo tab to see countless pictures of me singing from when I was just a toddler up until my current tour. There was also a section for professional photo shoots I had done. The last tab was labeled family. I clicked on it, looking back at the old pictures of me, Renee, and Charlie traveling around to different music festivals. The memories were bittersweet.

"I didn't even know you still had those pictures."

"Of course I saved those! I knew my baby was going to get big one day. I'm gonna need these when _Behind the Music_ comes asking me for an interview."

I rolled my eyes and continue to scroll through the pictures. I came to the last two pictures on the page and gasped. My mom had uploaded two pictures of Edward and me from when he had visited Arizona. Underneath the photos it was captioned as "Isabella's boyfriend, Edward Cullen, visiting the family." I didn't bother to read anymore but I could see that both pictures already had over 100 comments underneath them.

"Holy shit, Renee – what did you do?" I yelled, jumping out of my seat.

She turned the computer back to her to see what upset me. "What's the big deal?" she asked innocently.

"You know we haven't gone public with our relationship! Why the hell would you put pictures of us up on the Internet for the world to see?"

"I don't see what you're so upset over," my mom said, brushing me off. "I read all those gossip sites and they all link the two of you together."

"Exactly – it's gossip, mom! They didn't have any proof…at least until now."

"Fine, if you're this upset about it I'll take them down," Renee said, starting to type at the computer. "Most of these comments are very supportive of you two, though. You two could be the next Bradgelina."

I rolled my eyes. Neither of us were THAT beautiful – especially not me. Renee made one final click on her laptop and then closed it.

"There – it's all gone. I'm sorry that I wanted to show my daughter how much I loved her."

I ran my fingers through my hair, shaking my head. I had been in the house for less than 24 hours and the guilt trips were already beginning. "I'm sorry, mom. I really do appreciate everything you did. It's just…you know how sensitive I am about my relationship."

Renee waved me off. "Phil and I are going out grocery shopping. Do you want anything?" I shook my head and she walked back in the house.

I sat silently, staring out at the horizon, drinking my coffee until I heard the car doors shut and my mom's car pull out of the driveway. When I knew I was left alone, I opened her laptop back up just to make sure the pictures were gone. I hated not trusting my own mother. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw they were really off the website. I then pulled up TMZ to check out the latest gossip.

The first picture that immediately popped up on the website was Edward walking out of a nightclub last night. He looked horrible. His hair was a mess, his shirt was disheveled, and he could barely open his eyes. _So that's why I was called Bubba this morning, _I thought to myself; clearly seeing how drunk he was. The headline said "Edward Cullen: Back on Tour and Back to His Old Ways." I clicked on the video clip and watched as Edward stumbled out of the club, holding some big-chested red-head's hand.

_"Edward, are you and Tanya back together?"_

_ "No comment!" she giggled._

I watched as Edward looked up in a daze and shook his head no, before being pushed into the backseat of the limo. I could feel the jealousy rising up inside of me but I tried to push it back down. This wasn't the first time Edward had been photographed with a woman in our relationship. I was used to the media constantly trying to romantically link him to whatever girl he was with at the time. But why was Tanya Denali leaving with him? _It doesn't matter what SHE was doing – you trust him, Isabella, _I told myself. I went back to the homepage and read the caption underneath the picture:

_Last night The Volturi kicked off their world tour in Los Angeles, and Edward Cullen was seen celebrating late into the morning hours. Edward needed help leaving Boulevard 3 and was even rumored to get in a bar fight with someone inside. Fortunately for Edward, Tanya Denali, one of his ex lovers – who just happens to be touring with him – helped him back to his limo. When asked if they were back together, Edward quickly denied it – possibly because it's been confirmed that Edward is dating this opening act instead (click on link). We wonder what she has to say about Edward's antics last night? And more importantly – where was she?_

I felt my stomach lurch as I read the words. My hand shook as I clicked on the link provided in the excerpt. Sure enough, the same two pictures I had just forced my mom to take off the website popped up. The word's "Isabella's boyfriend" were highlighted and circled.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" I screamed out in the open air. "I'm going to kill her!"

I pulled out my phone, not caring what time it was, and quickly punched in Edward's number. It rang and went to voicemail. I growled and called him back two more times until he finally picked up.

"I think I'm dying," he croaked out.

"You're just hung over – and you deserve it after the scene you caused last night."

"What are you talking about?"

"TMZ has video of you leaving Boulevard 3 with Tanya Denali on your arm. It also says you got into a bar fight?"

He groaned. "I'm gonna be sick, Bella."

"You're not off the hook. Call me back," I snapped and hung up the phone.

I paced around the backyard, waiting for his call. I was seriously freaking out. Not only was our relationship now out in the open, but thanks to Edward's antics last night it looked like I was just another girl hanging on his arm. 10 minutes later my phone rang.

"Feeling better?"

"No."

"How come you didn't tell me Tanya Denali was on tour with you?"

"Are you seriously getting jealous about this?" he asked annoyed.

"I'm not jealous," I said defensively. "But I don't like finding out that you're spending 4 months, on tour, with your ex-girlfriend from a gossip site that has you two leaving a club hand-in-hand."

"She was never my girlfriend, Bella."

"That's supposed to make me feel better?"

"It should. She's never meant anything to me – so she certainly doesn't mean anything to me now. I'm sorry I didn't mention it earlier. I honestly didn't think about her when I was told she was touring with us."

"Well what's this about a bar fight?"

"I didn't fight anyone. I pushed a guy because he called me pussy-whipped. God, if you're going to drill me on this TMZ shit at least let me read what the article says."

"Oh yes, please read it – and be sure to clink on the link they've provided as well."

I heard him type at the computer. He was silent and I could hear his heavy breathing as he read his way through the article.

"I don't see why you're so upset, Bella. There's been worse shit printed about me…Well look what we have here!" he said, cutting himself off. And I knew he clicked on the link.

"You can thank my mother and her amazing fan-site making skills for that."

"Renee did this?"

"I made her take it down, but it was obviously too late."

"So this is what you're really upset about?" When I didn't answer he groaned. "Jesus, Bells, I'm so fucking hung over right now. I know you're mad but you already know my stance on this and I really don't want to get into an argument right now."

"But we were outed by my own fucking mom!" I whined.

"I understand that…and I will agree with you that Renee's not winning any Mother of Year awards any time soon. But whether it was your mom, an old friend, or a good camera lens that caught us kissing – it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"So I'm not getting any sympathy?"

"I just threw up and was ordered to call you right back! Where's my sympathy?"

"Well you did that to yourself," I grumbled.

"I could say the exact same thing."

"WHAT?" I yelled into the phone.

"Oh my God, Bella! My head cannot take this right now. I'm going to hang up!" He yelled back at me. "It's the same argument over and over – you don't want this to ruin your career. Well what do you care about more, Isabella - us or your career? Did you ever think that maybe I'd lose some fans for becoming unavailable? Do you think I care? I understand that your career's just taking off; but fucking trust me, Bella! I won't let anything bad happen to you. Stop being so goddamn pigheaded and doing everything on your own. Let me protect you."

His words struck a chord with me and I choked back the tears. I was so busy taking care of Charlie and myself my entire life, I had never realized that maybe Edward wanted to be the one taking care of me. He was right – I trusted him completely with my heart and my career. I knew he wouldn't let me down. I needed to stop fighting it and let him take control.

"Fine," I sniffled.

"Listen, we don't have to send out a press release or anything," he said, softening his tone. "But the next time an interviewer asks me I'm going to tell them that I am absolutely, madly in love with you."

"Ok," I compromised.

"Give me a few hours to sleep off this headache, ok? We can come up with a plan tonight, if you want."

I hung up the phone and wiped the remaining tears away from my eyes. I flipped open the laptop to check my inbox and was surprised to see there was an email from jblack rollingstone. I double-clicked on it.

_Hi Isabella,_

_ I hope this email finds you well. Thanks again for letting me interview you in Rome. Your voice is seriously amazing live. I just wanted to send a quick follow-up. The magazine goes out for publishing tomorrow and since Sony has informed us that they're rereleasing your album with some new songs next month, we're actually bumping you up to the Number 1 person on our list of people to watch. You're now going to have a full page spread. Sony's provided some beautiful photos of you. I already wrote the article but we're looking to beef it up with some more info now. I have the track list that Sony gave me below. Some of the songs I haven't heard and I noticed you wrote a lot of them. Is there any way you can send me those songs and a brief description of the meaning behind them? If you have any questions feel free to call me on my office line. Congratulations!_

_ Jacob Black._

I scrolled through the track list he provided, absolutely befuddled. Sony hadn't said anything to me about releasing my album next month. And they certainly didn't say they were adding new songs. But, if this were true, I had written 7 out of the 14 songs on the album. I picked up the phone to call my dad right as he started to call me.

"I've got good news and great news," he said.

"Sony's releasing my album next month?"

"Ok…so you know the great news."

"Yeah I just got an email from that reporter at Rolling Stone, wanting a brief summary on some of the new songs on the album. Is it true that half of the album will be songs I wrote?"

"The minute I got back, I presented them with the recordings you had done while you were touring and they loved them. They have a whole marketing campaign set up for you to help promote your album. They want you to fly to LA to meet up with them tomorrow so they can go over the whole plan with you. You'll also have to rerecord some of those songs in their studio."

"This is unreal. I've been waiting two years for this - and now it's suddenly happening over night?"

"You've got some angels looking out for you, kid."

"So when do I need to be in LA?"

"The sooner the better. I'll be flying in first thing in the morning and driving straight to the studios."

"Ugh…mom's not even home right now for me to tell her."

"How does 5:45 work? You'll get into LAX by 6:30pm. Do you need me to book you a hotel too?"

I looked at the clock and smiled to myself. If I got in by 6:30, I could easily catch a cab to the Staples Center and surprise Edward before he went on stage. "No, I've got a place to stay," I grinned. "Can you just call and make sure I have a backstage pass waiting for me at the Staples Center tonight?"

Charlie grumbled and muttered about not being late for the meeting tomorrow morning before promising to put in the request. I flipped off the phone and did a little dance to myself before texting Renee that I had to leave for LA. I sat back down at the computer to return Jacob's email.

_Jacob –_

_ Can you believe I found out the great news about my album from YOU first? You should feel honored! I've attached the songs that are going on the album, but keep in mind they're a rough cut and I'm actually heading to LA tonight to rerecord them. Below is a quick summary of why I wrote the songs. Most are about my childhood experiences. I, honestly, went into the studio as a cathartic experience; not expecting to produce all these songs that I'm so proud of. Thank you so much for helping me. I hope you got what you wanted as well! If you need to follow-up with anything else, my cell number is below._

_ -Isabella_

I quickly went through the track list and wrote an explanation to each of the songs. Part of me was a bit worried as to what Renee would say when she heard some of the songs that were picked to go on the new album. Most of them I had written and recorded with Edward. It wasn't until after he finished editing them that we realized we had some high-quality songs in our hands. It was one thing to sing about all my anger and pain – it was another for my mom to hear it. _I'll deal with that when it happens,_ I told myself. There were two more love songs I had written, while in Europe, about Edward. I kept it casual in my email to Jacob saying there were parts of real relationships in all of my songs.

I hit send and started to rush around the house, getting my stuff together. Renee texted me with a frown face and said she probably wouldn't be back in time. _There's the guilt trip again. _I started to respond to her when my phone buzzed with another text:

_Love the songs. I'm sure I'll be interviewing you again real soon. – Jacob_

I smiled, realizing that meant he got the job. I continued to pack up my clothes, singing to myself. I couldn't believe that I thought my career was ruined a mere hour ago and now I was about to get everything I wanted. Tonight I'd be in Edward's arms and tomorrow I'd finish making my album.

I looked in the mirror and smiled at myself, "Get ready, Isabella Swan – your life's about to change forever!"

_If only I had known how true those words were…_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

_Absence sharpens love,_

_Presence strengthens it._

_-Thomas Fuller_

**Edward's POV**

I walked towards the backstage area of the Staples center with sunglasses covering my bloodshot eyes. I had woken up an hour prior and my headache had gone from searing pain to a dull and constant ache. It felt like Emmett was using my head as his bass drum. _How much did I fucking drink last night? _I kept my head down, trying to go as unnoticed as possible as I walked down the hall. The last thing I wanted was to placate to a screaming fan. I skipped my dressing room and went straight to the one next to mine, pounding on the door.

"I had a feeling I'd see your sorry-ass soon," Emmett said, opening up the door. I grumbled and pushed past him into the room. He threw a bottle of Ibuprofen at me. "The rest is on the table. I'd say you should thank Rose for getting it for you; but you probably should steer clear of her 'til your headache's gone."

I quickly threw 4 of the Ibuprofen into the back of my mouth and swallowed. The rest of what Emmett was referring to was the Cullen boys' infamous hangover remedy. After playing around with different strategies all throughout our high school years, Emmett and I finally figured out the closest concoction to relieving a hangover. It consisted of 4 Ibuprofen, 2 bottles of Revive Vitamin Water, and a large order of Jack-in-the-Box mozzarella sticks.

"Is she pissed about the TMZ article?" I asked, chugging back one of the waters.

Emmett nodded. "So what the fuck happened last night, bro?"

"Tanya happened."

Emmett raised his eyebrow. "Did you…?"

"No!" I said defensively. "Not that she didn't try."

"Does Isabella know?"

I nodded. "I told her nothing happened – and it's the truth. She doesn't need to worry about Tanya throwing herself on me. I can handle that myself."

Emmett snorted and looked me up and down. "Clearly."

Rosalie burst into Emmett's room, her eyes narrowing when she saw me. "I was about to send security to drag your ass out of bed if you weren't here."

"I'm here," I said nonchalantly.

"Your first night on tour and you want to start pulling this shit?" Rosalie snapped at me.

"Start it off with a bang, right?"

"Listen, Edward, my job is to be the BAND'S publicist – I'm not going to get caught cleaning up every single one of your messes for the next 4 months."

"I walked out of a club, drunk, with a girl. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is my entire day was spent warding off phone calls over leaked pictures of you and Isabella. Everyone wants to know if you two are together; and if you are – are you cheating on her with Tanya Denali?"

"What did you tell them?"

"I said that you choose to keep your relationship status private but that Tanya was only your opening act and nothing more." She paused and glared at me. "Was I right?"

"Yes," I said, glaring right back at her.

"Ok then it's settled," Emmett said, trying to ease some of the tension in the room. "Edward, you ease up on the alcohol so that you and Rose can both have better mornings."

"Fine by me," I said, grabbing the second bottle of water and brushing past Rose to leave the room.

"Asshole," I heard her say as the door swung shut.

I had to admit, I felt a little bad for brushing off Rosalie. It wasn't her fault and she was only doing her job. I sometimes wondered if I wasn't her boyfriend's brother, if she would hang me out to dry. The truth was I was tired of hearing Tanya's name all day. That bitch had stirred up more trouble in one night than I had in the past year. Emmett was right – I did need to steer clear of the alcohol for a bit. But if I wanted to survive the next 4 months, I also needed to steer clear of her.

I walked down the hallway to grab some food off the craft service table. As I turned the corner, I came face-to-face with the devil herself.

"Edward," she purred. "Just the person I wanted to see."

"Can't say the same, Tanya."

She pouted and placed her hands on her hips; trying to give some sort of dramatic stance. "I see someone's in a bad mood. I can't say I blame you…we had so much to drink last night. I don't even remember what happened!"

"I'm sure you don't," I said, narrowing my eyes at her.

"I don't understand why you're being so hostile to me right now, Edward. From what I remember we had a good time smoking up and remembering all the fun times between us. I can't imagine you'd be upset over a little gossip on TMZ…unless your girlfriend's insecure…"

"I know the game you're playing Tanya. I'm pretty damn sure you remember everything that happened last night. But just in case you don't, let me remind you," I said lowering my face closer to hers. "Your little half-brained attempt to get me trashed and sleep with you failed miserably when I threw your fat ass off me."

Tanya's eyes widened in shock, but she quickly covered it up and smirked at me. "Well Edward…we were so drunk I think we both remember different versions of that story. I'm pretty sure that you tried to seduce me in that limo…it's such a shame no one else was there to see so they could help us remember correctly."

I clearly picked up on her underlying threat but laughed and shook my head. "You don't intimidate me, Tanya. No one will care or believe you."

"Oh I think one person may care."

I ignored her comment, not giving her the reaction she was hoping to get out of me. "Desperation isn't sexy, Tanya."

I walked down the hall not giving her a chance to respond. On the outside I tried not to appear phased by her manipulative comments. Truthfully, she didn't scare me. I was confident enough in my relationship with Isabella to know Tanya wouldn't affect it. But the cunt was pissing me off. _How dare she try to fuck with me on MY tour!_ If she knew what was good for her, she'd stay away from me for the rest of the tour. But Tanya was a dumb-ass bitch; and I knew I was going to have to take matters into my own hands.

I walked into the craft service room; my eyes landing on Jasper and Alice who were sitting together on one of the couches. Jasper glanced up at me and nodded his head. I grabbed a slice of pizza and sat down in a chair next to them.

"Glad to see you're alive," Jasper said.

"Yeah, it was touch-and-go for a little bit but I managed to pull through."

Alice looked up at me and gasped. "You look horrible!"

"I'd be insulted, Alice, except there are thousands of screaming girls outside right now that would disagree with you."

"Not after they see you like this," she said shaking her head. She jumped up and grabbed a bunch of bags off a nearby table, bringing them over to me. She thrust a hand-held mirror in my face. "Look for yourself."

I glanced in the mirror and grimaced. She was right – I looked like shit. I had dark circles under my eyes and my skin looked pasty white. Alice opened up one of her bags and whipped out some liquid-type makeup. She dabbed a brush into the liquid and brought it up to my face.

"Woah! What are you doing?"

"I'm giving the fans the Edward Cullen they expect to see tonight."

"You're not putting makeup on me."

"It's just concealer. It'll cover the bags under your eyes. I promise I won't get carried away with false eyelashes and lipstick," she said sarcastically.

I looked at Jasper, who was clearly amused. "If you take one picture I swear to God I'll punch you in the face."

Jasper held up his hands, innocently. "I'm unarmed."

I wasn't a stranger to makeup. All of us had it applied whenever we shot a music video. Putting makeup on for cinematic purposes seemed a little more appropriate, though, than getting a makeover in the middle of a busy backstage area. I could only imagine what it looked like with this sprite-of-a-girl working feverishly on my face.

"So what did you guys do last night? You left the club pretty early," I asked, trying to take the focus off of me.

I saw a blush creep up Alice's face and she quickly darted her attention back to her makeup, avoiding eye contact with me. Jasper was more nonchalant and just shrugged. "We just went back to the hotel and watched some movies."

"That's all, huh?"

He ignored my comment. "Did we miss any more of your shows after you threw Garrett to the ground?"

"Very funny."

"Who was that guy?" Alice asked.

"Just a guy who thinks he's my friend, but isn't. I just pushed him away from me. It's not my fault he fell off the bar stool," I said defensively.

Alice took a few steps back and smiled. "Done!"

I grabbed the mirror and looked at my reflection. I honestly couldn't tell there was any makeup on my face – but the dark circles were gone and my skin looked more like a natural beige color. "Damn, Alice – you're good."

"That's what you're paying me for," she said, putting away her makeup and sitting back down next to Jasper. "I also have some new t-shirts hanging up in your dressing room. You should get changed. I can still smell the alcohol on you."

I was about to retort when I saw Jasper shift his focus to something behind me and smile. _Someone had a camera, didn't they? _I tried to turn around to look but, before I could, two hands covered up my eyes. For a second I stiffened, figuring it was Tanya back to throw herself at me again. I put my hands up, ready to pry them off when I heard _"Guess who" _whispered seductively in my ear. Her voice sent a shiver down my spine and my heart instinctively started pounding faster.

"Bella," I breathed out and spun around to make sure I wasn't imagining her. She stood in front of me; her smile radiating. She had on a sleeveless black lace blouse and a short white skirt. I felt myself harden at the sight of her. I immediately pulled her into me, hugging her tightly.

"Surprised?" she laughed into my chest.

"God, surprised doesn't even begin to cover it, baby. I'm fucking ecstatic," I said, kissing the top of her head and breathing in her smell. Her scent was making my dick throb. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm actually here for business, not pleasure."

"We'll see about that," I said bringing my lips down to hers, kissing her gently. She let her lips part and I eagerly pushed my tongue in, wanting to taste her again. Her lips were velvety soft and I could taste her strawberry lip gloss. She was driving me absolutely wild. I pulled her closer against me so she could feel how much I wanted her. I felt her let out a soft moan in my mouth before pulling back.

"I guess I could multi-task," she smiled wickedly at me. She squinted her eyes and stared closely at me. "Are you wearing makeup?"

I was immediately reminded that we weren't the only two in the room when I heard howls of laughter from behind me. Isabella shifted her attention off me and ran over to Jasper, giving him a hug.

"Hey Isabella, how are you?"

"I'm great! How was your opening night?"

Jasper looked back at me and smirked, "Some of us are still recovering."

Isabella looked back at me, trying to hide her amusement. "Still hung over?"

"I'm better now that you're here," I said wrapping my arms around her waist.

"Isabella, this is our tour stylist, Alice," Jasper introduced.

"She's the culprit behind my makeup," I said.

"Well I'm sure there was good reason for it then," she joked and extended her hand to Alice. I saw her glance between Alice and Jasper; her eyes flickered with an understanding. She quickly smiled at Jasper and turned her attention back to Alice.

"You look really familiar."

"I worked as one of the stylists on _American Idol _a few years back," Alice explained.

"Oh my God, yes! Alice!" Isabella exclaimed and pulled her in to a hug. "What have you been up to?" I shook my head. _Of course Isabella became friends with whoever she met._

"I'll be spending the next 4 months with these guys," Alice said. "I'm glad we've both moved on to bigger and better things."

I sat back down on the couch and pulled Isabella onto my lap. "So what business do you have to take care of?"

Isabella looked at me, her eyes wide with excitement. "I'm meeting with Sony tomorrow. They're releasing my album in the States next month."

"Bella, that's fantastic!" I said, pulling her down for a kiss.

"There's going to be seven new songs on the album…and they're all written by me."

"Isabella that's huge!" Jasper exclaimed. "Congratulations!"

I buried my face in her neck, giving her light kisses. "This calls for a celebration," I breathed against her skin. I felt her shiver in my arms. I couldn't control myself much longer. Her ass was sitting on my erect dick and all I wanted to do was rip off her clothes and be inside of her. I stood up and grabbed her hand, pulling her with me. "You guys can catch up later. Isabella and I have our own catching up to do," I called out behind me.

"Just remember we're on in 30 minutes," Jasper yelled.

I whisked her down the hallway and pulled her into my dressing room, locking the door behind us. I pulled her up against me, roughly, and crushed my lips into hers. She locked her arms around my neck and I dove deep into her mouth. My hands slid up and down her bare thighs before slipping up her skirt and squeezing her butt. I hoisted her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist.

"I missed you so much," I panted.

"I missed you too." She kissed me back. "But I didn't wait a full month to be with you just to have it end with a quickie."

I groaned. She pecked me on the cheek and hopped off.

"Bella, baby…I plan to show every inch of your body how much I missed you all night long," I said pulling her back against me. "But right now I just need to be with you."

"I can wait," she teased.

"I can't. I've been hard since the moment I saw you. You're gonna give me blue balls, baby. You don't want to do that to me right before I go on stage, do you?" I said, fully aware that I was practically begging her. _Goddamn the affect she has on me!_

She lowered her hands and unbuttoned my jeans, reaching in, and stroking me. "I suppose I could help you out."

Before I could even register what she was doing, she pulled my dick out of my pants and dropped down to her knees, giving it a light kiss on the head. Her tongue made a slow circle around my head and then moved all the way down underneath my shaft before she licked back up. I groaned and threw my head back. She wrapped her lips around the tip and sucked gently before moving further down my shaft, taking all of me in her mouth.

"God, Bella, I love you so fucking much," I moaned as she slowly pulled her mouth back all the way and then dove down again.

I wrapped her hair lightly around my fingers as she bobbed up and down, giving me sheer ecstasy. I had been without her for so long that I already felt like I was going to explode; but I held on for as long as I could. She looked up at me as she continued to suck my dick and nodded; giving me permission to take control. I grabbed her hair more forcefully and thrust myself deeper into her mouth. She let out a soft moan as she let me move her head back and forth. I could feel myself climaxing.

"God Bella…I'm gonna cum…"

Her movements picked up pace, becoming more frantic. Her tongue continued to flick against the bottom of my shaft as she took all of me in. I shuddered and felt myself start to lose control. I stilled her movements and exploded into her mouth, letting out a loud moan.

I looked down at Bella as she swallowed and took her mouth off my cock. She glanced up at me, smiled, and wiped the side of her lips.

"All better?" she asked.

"You have no clue how fucking sexy you are right now."

She stood up and walked over to the sink, rinsing her mouth out with mouthwash. I quickly changed into a pair of clean jeans and a t-shirt. I walked up behind Bella, wrapping my arms around her waist, and kissed her neck.

"I love you so much."

She turned around and kissed me on the lips. "I love you too, Edward."

I sighed and rested my chin on the top of her head. "So what's your plan for tomorrow?"

"I have no clue. I'm meeting up with Charlie at Sony at 10am. I figured I'd spend the night with you and get a cab there in the morning."

I shook my head. "No you won't. You'll stay at my place for however long you need to. You can use my car."

"You're ok with me driving your Volvo?" she asked in disbelief.

I gave her a quick kiss. "Just don't wreck it." I glanced at our tour schedule. "We're in Anaheim tomorrow night then we head down to San Diego. We'll take a limo back to my house tonight. If it's ok with you, I'd like to come to your meeting at Sony in the morning. We can drive down to Anaheim together and you can take the car back to my house after the concert."

"Isn't the rest of the band staying at The Roosevelt tonight?"

"Yeah…Rose does that so she can keep tabs on us. But I can wake up on my own and drive 30 fucking miles to our next location. She'll just have to deal with it," I said. "You think Charlie will mind me coming to the meeting tomorrow?"

"He'll just have to deal with it," she repeated back to me.

I leaned down to kiss her again when someone pounded on my door.

"We're on in 10 minutes you love birds!" I heard Emmett call.

Isabella rushed to the door and threw it open, diving into Emmett's arms.

"Hey Izzy," Emmett said, calling her his own stupid nickname that I hated. "Jasper just told me the good news. Congrats, girl!"

"Well nothing's happened yet…"

"Are you kidding me? This is just the beginning Iz! These next couples months are gonna be INSANE for you. You'll be promoting your album nonstop."

Emmett's words hit me with a new realization. I was thrilled that Isabella's album would finally be coming out in the US; but my brother was absolutely right. Isabella was going to be swarmed with promotional gigs the next couple months - which meant even less time for us. I felt a pang of dread hit me in the bottom of my stomach but I tried to ignore it. _You selfish prick, she's finally getting what she wants and you only care about how this affects you._

"Yeah it's gonna be great," I said. Emmett and Isabella both cast me curious glances, which made me realize I didn't say it with enough conviction as I thought.

Rosalie stepped in from behind Emmett and looked at us. "Oh good, Isabella's here," she said sarcastically. "Now I don't have to babysit your boyfriend anymore."

"Hey Rosalie," Isabella mumbled.

"Did you bring your family? I'd love to thank your mom for making my life a living hell this morning for leaking those pictures."

I was about to curse her out when Emmett cut me off. "Knock it off, Rose – that's not Isabella's fault."

Isabella squared her shoulders and looked Rosalie in the eye. "I don't know what your problem is with me, but contrary to what you may believe I don't wake up in the morning thinking how I can inconvenience you. You know damn well that if Edward wasn't dating me you'd still have to deal with all his love life rumors. I've had to deal with this shit too – but unlike you, I don't get paid to clean up the mess."

All three pairs of eyes stared in surprise at Isabella; nobody said anything. Isabella had never dared to stand up to Rosalie – hell, even Emmett barely stood up to her. Isabella had rightfully put Rose in her place. Rosalie had gone to college for public relations and after she graduated she had secured her job as our publicist. Nepotism was at its finest for Rose between being Emmett's girlfriend and the daughter of the head of one of the largest PR firms in Los Angeles. She may have loved to give us shit for our constant headlines in the tabloids – but the truth was that she currently had one of the most sought-after jobs in Hollywood; and she knew it. The more people called her to find out about particular rumors, and the more we were in the newsstands, the bigger her paycheck grew.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes at Isabella and then surprised everyone by smiling. "Maybe there is hope for you," she said and walked out of the dressing room, pulling Emmett behind her. "You guys have 5 minutes to get your asses on stage – they're already chanting for you."

As soon as the door closed Isabella spun to me, wide-eyed. "I can't believe I just said that to her."

"I can't believe you did either but it was fucking sexy as hell."

I grabbed my microphone pack, shoving it into my back pocket and placed my ear buds around the back of my ears. She leaned over to give me one last kiss before we walked down the hallway to the side of the stage. I left her with Alice and walked around to the back of the stage to get into position. I could hear the crowd chanting for us and, as always, felt the nerves begin to rise in my stomach. I glanced over at Jasper and Emmett, who were already in their spots, and nodded that I was ready.

The lights went out in the stadium and the screams grew louder. Our set was designed to look like a church, with the backdrop being stained glass windows. Our bodies were backlit behind the windows so that audience only saw our shadows as I started singing a capella:

_Angel of mercy, how did you find me?_

_Where did you read my story?_

I pushed the ear buds deeper into my ears as the screams became deafening. After the first verse Jasper and Emmett came in loud on the guitar and drums. The backdrop was lifted as the spotlights shone down on us. Jasper and I walked to the front of the stage. I walked to the end; briefly touching some of the fans' hands in the front row then walked back to center stage and placed the microphone in the stand.

_And I see you…_

I held the microphone out as the crowd continued with the chorus. I glanced over at the side of the stage to see Isabella smiling from ear to ear. She had heard all the songs off our new album but this was the first time hearing us play them live. I wondered what she was thinking knowing that, as I sang this song to thousands of fans, it was written about her. I turned and winked at her, pointing to her as I sang:

_And I feel you…_

I finished the end of the song and Jasper immediately played into our next set. I took the time to touch a few more fans' hands and glanced back over to her side of the stage. I lost my focus and I missed my cue to begin singing, causing Jasper to have to play the intro for me again.

Standing a few feet behind Isabella was Tanya, flashing me a wicked smile…


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

_Every man's got his patience, and here's where mine ends._

_I want your sex._

_-George Michael_

**Bella's POV**

I stood backstage, feeling the excitement from the crowd pulse through me as I watched The Volturi rock out on stage. The energy was contagious and I found myself singing along to their songs. Every once in awhile Edward would glance over at me to smile or wink and each time my heart raced. I had seen Edward perform hundreds of times but this time it felt different. The songs he was singing tonight were about _me_. He was singing to a sold-out stadium that felt that each word was sung to them; but the reality was those lyrics were written for me and only me. It made the songs that much more special. Our relationship would probably be out in the open soon, but some things would still remain private between us. As I watched him I couldn't help but feel like I was falling in love with him all over again.

Alice looked over at me and smiled. "I had heard some of the rumors about you two but I seriously didn't think Edward Cullen was the type to settle down."

"Yeah, well it took me a long time to realize that too."

"How long?"

"Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to realize he's mine," I told her truthfully. I glanced over at her. "So what's going on with you and Jasper?"

"Nothing…I'm not sure…" I had clearly flustered Alice.

"Honey, I picked up on something the minute he introduced you to me."

"We've just been hanging out a lot," Alice explained. "I really do like him but I've only known him a few weeks. I'm not sure how he feels about me; or if there are other girls he's interested in."

"Jasper's not like Edward…or how Edward _was_," I corrected myself. "He's extremely sensitive and says what he means. If he likes you then you're the only girl he's hanging out with."

Alice looked at Jasper on stage. "I hope so…from the moment we met it was like I had known him all my life and I was just waiting for him to come find me."

I burst out laughing but stopped when she flashed me a hurtful look. "I'm sorry, Alice – I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing because you and Jasper are practically the same. I feel like that's a lyric to a song he'd write," I tried to explain.

"It's ok…I realized how crazy it sounded after I said it," Alice said. "What about you and Edward? You guys seem like polar opposites."

"On the surface we probably do…but deep down we're a lot alike. I think that's why we get each other."

"And Emmett and Rosalie?"

"Oh no they're opposites," I snorted. "Emmett's the biggest teddy bear in the world and Rosalie's just a bitch."

"Really?" Alice asked incredulously. "I never picked up that vibe from her."

I shook my head; still in disbelief that Rosalie could actually be nice to another female. "Just hang around me long enough and you'll see her true colors."

The boys finished their last song and walked off stage to the maddening screams. Edward grabbed a water bottle and took a swig before walking over to me and pulling me into a hug.

"Eww you're sweaty!" I exclaimed.

"Get used to it. We're both going to be extremely sweaty tonight," he whispered in my ear.

I felt my knees go weak and a warmth start to form in the pit of my stomach. I pulled Edward's head down to kiss him, licking his lips and tasting salt.

"If we get sweaty, we're going to have a take a shower…" I said seductively.

"I'm counting on it."

The stadium continued to chant The Volturi's name, demanding an encore. Edward looked up at Jasper and Edward to see if they were ready to return to the stage. He leaned down and gave me one quick kiss. "Hold that thought, baby. I'll be right back."

The band walked back on stage and began to play their encore. Alice and I stood silently watching. As The Volturi broke into the chorus of the song, Rosalie walked up next to me.

"You know I'm actually glad you're here," Rosalie said. "Edward doesn't make as many stupid mistakes when you're around."

"He's not as bad as you make him out to be, Rosalie," I said, still keeping my focus on Edward and not looking at her.

Rosalie shook her head. "Either you're completely blinded by him or you see something in him that I don't."

"I see him for who he really is – not the image that's being shown to the media."

"And what do you see?"

"A loving and kind man that's extremely protective of those he loves and is still trying to figure out who he is in life." I turned around to face her so that we were eye-to-eye. "I love him, Rosalie. I love everything about him – including the good and the bad. I don't care that he's Edward Cullen, the rock star…or Edward Cullen, the bad boy. All I care about is that he's Edward – and he loves me."

Rosalie stared at me for a long moment before nodding her head and turning away. "Ok then."

I held my breath, waiting for her to say something else but she didn't. The lights went out on stage and the boys walked back over. Emmett picked up Rosalie and spun her around.

"C'mon baby – let's go party!"

Rosalie laughed and turned her attention to the rest of us. "I have the after party set up at Opera. Is everyone going?"

I looked over, hesitantly, at Edward. I didn't really want to go out since I knew I had to be up early the next morning. But if Edward really wanted to go out then I would, of course, follow him. Edward met my eye-contact and seemed to realize my apprehension. He shook his head no.

"Isabella and I are gonna take a limo back to my house. She's got a big day tomorrow and I could probably use a night off after last night."

Rosalie eyed him warily. "Why aren't you staying at the hotel tonight?"

"Because I want to be in MY house, in MY bed, with MY girlfriend," he said, clearly annoyed. "I'll drive down to Anaheim tomorrow afternoon – I'm a big boy, Rose."

"Could have fooled me," Rosalie scoffed. She sighed and looked at her Blackberry. "You better be at that stadium with two hours to spare."

I said my goodbyes to the rest of the group and we made our way down the hallway to pick up our stuff from his dressing room. As we got closer to the door, someone shouted out to Edward.

"Edward, are you in for another drinking game tonight at the club?" I turned around to see Tanya Denali walking towards us. I felt Edward put one arm around me protectively.

"Oh! I didn't see you had company," Tanya said a little too sweetly. "Is this your girlfriend that I've heard so much about?"

Edward didn't bother to introduce us. "We're not going out tonight, Tanya. We have other plans."

"Oh you're definitely the girlfriend," Tanya said. "I was just telling Edward last night that this new woman of his must be a saint to turn him into such a stick-in-the-mud. Isabella Swan, right?"

I was extremely wary of her but didn't want to appear rude. I extended my hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"The pleasure's all mine," she purred. "Why don't you come out with us for a drink? I'd love to hear how you were able to tie this guy down."

"Like I said, Tanya – we have better things to do," Edward said, clearly annoyed.

"Oh I'm sure you do. I'm quite aware what you're famous for, Edward."

I felt Edward's grasp on me tighten and I was getting aggravated with this girl. "I never understood the point of subtle innuendos – is there something you wanted to say?" I asked.

She seemed taken aback by my brazenness. "Oh no, sweetie. I'm just teasing. Edward and I are old friends, you know." She kept her saccharine sweet smile plastered on me but then she turned towards Edward and sneered. "It is a little ironic, though, Edward. Here you've been with so many women in Hollywood – including A-list celebrities – and you decide to settle down with a reality contest loser."

I was livid. I opened my mouth to give her a piece of my mind, but Edward put his hand up to stop me. "I guess you should start asking yourself what Isabella has that you don't," he said in a menacingly cold voice. "You're probably going to have to make a list…at the top of it you can include class."

Edward didn't wait for her to respond. He pushed me into his dressing room and slammed the door in her face. My whole body was shaking. I was so furious and still wanted to give that bitch what was coming to her.

"How dare she!" I spat.

Edward put his arms around me and rubbed my shoulders, trying to get me to calm down. "Don't let that bitch get to you. She's insanely jealous of you."

"What the fuck does she have to be jealous of me for?" I said, still seething – and then it suddenly hit me. "She still wants to be with you…doesn't she?"

"Does it even matter what she wants?"

"Of course it matters! If some bitch is trying to steal my man away, I have a right to know and put her in her place!"

Edward tried to stifle a laugh and I realized how ridiculous I sounded. _All I needed to include was a head bob and snap. _ "Are you actually threatened by her? Do you think she has any chance against you?"

"No," I said defensively. "I just…God I want to punch her for saying that shit to my face!" I yelled.

Edward leaned in and gave me a long kiss, causing me to slightly forget why I was so angry. "How about we go home? I can think of some ways to get out your aggression."

I sighed and nodded. We silently packed up our stuff and headed down the long hallway to the exit. I was thankful Tanya was nowhere to be seen. When we got closer to the door Edward grabbed my hand to stop me.

"I've gotta do a few meet-and-greets. Do you want to come with me or should I meet you in the limo?"

Tanya had already put me in a foul mood. I was worried what would happen if his fans saw us walk in together; and I wasn't sure how I'd respond to any negative comments.

"I think it's probably better for both of us if I just meet you in the limo." He nodded, kissed my forehead and let go of my hand. I kept my head down and walked out to the parking lot where a limo was pulled up to the side of the building.

I sat in the limo, looking out the window, lost in my own thoughts. I tried to not let Tanya's words get to me but I was still furious. _What makes anyone think it's ok to talk to a person with such disrespect? _I had done nothing to this girl. She obviously knew Edward well enough to know that whatever she had with him wasn't a relationship – so was she secretly in love with him? Or was she just one of those bitches who wanted what she couldn't have?

The door to the limo opened and Edward moved to sit next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and leaned his head on top of mine. I continued to stare out the window as the car started and we moved along the LA streets.

"What's wrong?" he asked me softly.

I didn't want to talk about Tanya anymore. It would only make me more upset and Edward would get mad, thinking I wasn't secure enough in our relationship. I turned towards him and decided to deal with another issue that had come up earlier in the night.

"Are you seriously ok with me doing this album?"

He looked at me like I was absolutely ridiculous. "Why the fuck wouldn't I be? This is your dream, Bella – it's what we've been working towards all year."

"You didn't sound so thrilled when Emmett was in the room earlier."

He ran his hand through his hair and let out a deep breath. "Emmett just said some things that made me realize what the next couple of months are going to look like for us." Edward cupped my chin in his hand and brought his face next to mine so that our noses were almost touching. "I am _so proud_ of you, baby. You deserve everything that's about to come to you. But for a second I got selfish. I realized the long distance isn't going to stop between my tour and your promotional gigs. It's probably going to get worse."

My stomach dropped as he provided me with this new insight. I had been so excited about finally breaking into the industry that I hadn't even thought about the affect it would take on my relationship. Edward saw the realization and worry register in my face at the same time. He pulled me into his lap and lightly rubbed my back.

"We'll make it work, Bells. If anything, we should be pros at this by now," he said, trying to make a joke.

"So this may be our first and last night together in a long time," I whispered.

"We'll just have to make the most of it," he said, giving me his half crooked smile. He leaned in, kissing me gently; but I returned the kiss with force. I licked his lips and dove into his mouth, stroking his tongue. His hand ran up the outside of my thigh and his fingers traced my panty line. A fire was burning deep inside me and I could feel myself getting wetter as his fingers danced closer towards the inside of my thigh. I broke the kiss, panting, trying to control myself until we reached his house.

"At least the times when we're together will be put to good use," Edward said huskily, licking my collar bone. I groaned and wiggled on his lap, letting my crotch briefly brush against his erection before sliding off of him and back into the leather seat. He grabbed a piece of my hair, twirling it in his fingers and watched me intently.

"There's a new song that's going to be on my album that you haven't heard yet. I wrote it in Europe – it's about you."

Edward raised his eyebrow. "A love song, I hope?"

I smiled and kissed him on the lips. "Of course."

The limo pulled up to Edward's house that was located in a gated community off of Mulholland Drive. The limo driver quickly grabbed my bags and walked them to the house. Edward punched in a code on the keypad and opened the door. I loved his house. The 6-bedroom mansion sat atop of the Hollywood Hills and had the flair of Old Hollywood. The house boasted an endless pool, tennis and basketball courts, a movie theater, and a large marble staircase that led to the master bedroom. But my favorite room in his house was the music room. It was a circular room, situated right off the living room. The entire room had ceiling-to-floor windows – giving a panoramic view of all of Los Angeles. In the middle of the room sat his beautiful white baby grand piano. His house was huge and I honestly couldn't figure out how Edward didn't feel lonely in the place when he was by himself. He told me he enjoyed the solitude.

I immediately walked into the music room, taking a look at all the lights shining across the Hollywood skyline. Edward followed me and sat down at the piano.

"So play me the song," he said.

I hesitated. I was a good piano player but nowhere near as amazing as Edward. It still intimidated me to sit next to him at the piano and play.

He smiled, fully aware of my insecurities. "Would you like me to turn the other way so I can't see you?"

"No!" I said, embarrassed. "Just give me a second to compose my thoughts."

I sat down next to him on the bench and closed my eyes, placing my fingers on the keys. He gently placed his hand on my leg, waiting for me to start. I pressed down on the keys, letting the melody fill the room. I kept my eyes closed, my fingers moving swiftly across the notes as I started to sing:

_He drowns in his dreams_

_An exquisite extreme I know_

_He's as damned as he seems_

_And more heaven than a heart could hold_

I continued singing, becoming more confident as I played. I had written one other song about Edward towards the beginning of our relationship – it was a fun pop song about how I wasn't going to be just another one of his hook-ups. But I wrote my heart into this song. I was letting him know that I was well aware of his imperfections but I loved him anyway.

_He's so beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

I opened my eyes to glance at Edward. He was staring at me intently with a fire burning in his eyes. And as I played, I saw that every single word I sang to him he felt the same towards me. We continued to stare into each others' eyes as I finished the song.

_He's soft to the touch_

_But frayed at the end he breaks_

_He's never enough_

_And still he's more than I can take…_

I looked down at the piano and played the last notes of the song. An eerie silence filled the room and I waited for him to say something. Edward pulled me into him, kissing me passionately. I returned the kiss with as much intensity, feeling as if my heart would burst.

"I love you, Isabella," he whispered into my ear. "You're the only person who fully understands me."

"I love you too…forever."

He smiled and nipped at my ear. "Forever," he repeated.

I laid my head on his shoulder. "Play my song?" I asked.

He chuckled to himself, "Which one? There are so many about you now."

"You know which one."

He smiled and placed his hands on the keys, starting the sweet melody. I closed my eyes and got caught up in the music. There were no words to this song, but it spoke to me more than any other. It couldn't be found on any of his albums – it was strictly for me. He wrote it late one night as he watched me sleeping in his bed and later called it my lullaby. It was, by far, the most romantic thing he had ever done for me.

As he finished the song he turned and placed a kiss on the top of my head. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to disturb the moment.

"Please don't tell me you fell asleep on me," he whispered.

I smiled to myself. "Well that would be a pretty anti-climatic end to the night."

Edward pulled me onto his lap and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He left a trail of kisses from my neck to my collar bone. "I'm planning for a couple climatic moments tonight."

I could feel his erection pushing into me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him hungrily. His hands flew to my ass as he grinded into me. I moaned in his mouth and slid my hands down his chest, feeling the muscles underneath his shirt. He moved his kisses to my jaw line and I moved my hands under his shirt feeling his cool skin. I pulled his shirt up, over his head and licked at his chest. He shuddered and moved his hands up the sides of my torso, squeezing my breasts. My mouth met his again and we continued feverishly kissing each other.

Edward's fingers moved to the buttons on my blouse. He fumbled for a split-second with one of them then ripped the entire blouse in half. Buttons flew across the hard wood floor. He threw the tattered fabric across the room.

"Edward!" I gasped.

"I'll buy you a new one," he panted and dismembered my bra in the same fashion.

I pushed my naked chest into his, rubbing my soaking wet panties against the bulge in his pants.

"Do you know how many dreams I've had about making love to you on this piano?" he asked.

I shook my head no and he lifted me up, sitting me down on the keys in front of him. A loud clang came from the piano. He spread my legs apart and pulled off my lacey underwear in one swift move. He sat in between my legs. I was completely naked except for my skirt that was pulled up around my waist. He started at my feet, slipping off my shoes and kissing my ankles. I watched him lustfully as he started a trail up my legs, switching between kisses and licks. When he got towards the inside of my thigh and continued his licks towards my center I moaned in anticipation.

He looked up with his crooked smile and pushed two fingers inside of me. We both gasped at the same time.

"God you're so fucking wet, Bella."

I wiggled against his hand as his thumb flicked my clit. He pushed a third finger into me and I spread my legs wider to give him further access. His other hand slid up my stomach and pinched my nipple. I let out a whimper, unable to control myself.

"You're so goddamn beautiful," he whispered and pulled his fingers out of me, much to my dismay.

A second later I felt his hot breath against my center. His tongue flicked against my clit and dove deep into my folds. My breath hitched in my throat and I bit down on my lower lip. His tongue darted in and out of me rapidly and I thought I was going to lose my mind. My legs began to shake uncontrollably. I slammed my hands down on the piano to give myself more support – the sound of the keys reverberating around the room.

"Oh God," I moaned. My world felt like it was spinning and I felt light-headed.

"Edward…" I panted. "I need you…all of you."

He pulled away and looked up at me, his eyes heavy with desire. My head was still buzzing. I looked down at him and nodded. "I can't wait anymore."

In one quick move he pulled my skirt down my waist and past my legs. He stood up, pushing his pants down to the floor. His well-endowed and fully erect cock sprung out towards me. He sat back down on the piano bench and lifted me off the keys. I wrapped my legs back around him and slowly lowered myself onto the tip of his cock. He stilled my movement for a second.

"Are you still on the pill?"

I nodded and he plunged himself into me. A loud moan escaped my mouth and I buried my head into his neck as I felt him fill me. He grabbed both sides of my hips and I started riding his dick, slowly up and down. I pulled myself up to his tip and slammed back down, pushing him deeper into me and sending spasms of pleasure through my body.

"Fuck, Bells."

Edward leaned over me so that my back was completely resting against his knees and outstretched arms. He licked and bit at my breasts as he thrust into me faster. My nails dug into his back and he continued driving into my center. With each thrust he took me to the brink.

"You feel so good," he panted against my breast. "I don't know how much longer I can last."

He stood up, still inside of me, and sat me back down on the piano keys. Another resounding boom filled the room. He lifted both my legs and threw them over his shoulders. I grasped at the back of the piano as he thrust deeper and deeper into me. I screamed out in pure ecstasy. My legs started quivering and I starting seeing white flashes.

"Oh God…"

Edward locked eyes with me. "That's it…cum for me baby."

I felt myself spasm and cried out again. At the same time, Edward dropped his head into the crook of my neck. He moaned loudly and I felt him jerk inside me, finding his release at the same time. Neither of us moved; both of us gasping for her.

"Wow…" I panted, still trying to find my breath. I looked down; both of our bodies were glistening with sweat. "That was…"

"Fucking amazing," he breathed out.

Edward straightened himself back up and lifted me off the piano, setting my feet back on the ground. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him gently on the lips.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

I glanced back at the piano and knew I would never look at it the same. "I have to say, Mr. Cullen – you have quite a wild imagination."

He snickered and ran his fingers up and down my spine. "You don't know the half of it."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "What other dreams do you have?"

In one swift movement he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. He slapped my bare ass, playfully, and started up the stairs to his bedroom.

"You're about to find out."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

_I don't need a parachute_

_Baby if I've got you…_

_You're gonna catch me if I fall_

_-Ingrid Michaelson_

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

My eyes fluttered open and I blinked, trying to make sense of my surroundings. My body was sprawled across Edward's chest; our legs still tangled up with each other. I tried to lift myself up to turn off the alarm but realized I couldn't budge. Edward's arms were wrapped around me possessively. I lifted my head to look at him. He was still asleep.

With almost cat-like reflexes, Edward's arm shot off of me and slammed into the alarm clock. He brought his arm back around me, pulling me in tighter. He never once opened his eyes.

"Five more minutes," he mumbled.

I snuggled in closer, not wanting to leave his warm embrace.

"You can stay asleep," I whispered. "I've got to get ready for my meeting."

Edward shook his head. "Five more minutes just like this."

I wrapped my arms around his chest and breathed in his scent. Last night was amazing. _Hell every night I was with Edward was amazing. _Every touch sent electricity through me. Every kiss made me melt in his arms. Every whispered '_I love you' _made me want to die. _Edward Cullen was my everything._

My eyes started to droop close as his fingers lightly danced up and down my back. I was faintly aware that he was putting us both back to sleep.

"I've got to get up," I mumbled.

"I already am." He shifted his legs and I felt his erection pushing against my thigh.

"Was last night not enough for you?" I teased.

He rolled us both over, pinning me underneath him on the bed. "You're never enough." His mouth was on me and my body responded almost instantaneously. He growled his approval.

I giggled; his trail of kisses tickling me. "I need to get ready!"

Edward reached up, pinching my nipple and pushed his knee into my center. "I need you."

I moaned, my body arching up closer towards him. "But I have to get a shower." My protests were getting weaker. One more kiss and I knew we wouldn't be leaving the bed any time soon.

Edward sat up on his knees, towering over me. He raked his eyes up and down me, licking his lips, and smiled wickedly. _Yes, fucking take me! _I closed my eyes, prepared to feel him plunge into me – but was surprised when he scooped me into his arms and lifted me off the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Compromising."

He walked into the bathroom, turned on his rain shower, and flicked another button for the steam. I kept my arms wrapped around him, kissing him under the water. The water poured over our faces, rushing into our mouths and down our bodies. My hands ran down his chest, feeling the water against his cool skin.

He quickly set me down and spun me around, pushing the front of me against the wall. My body shivered being pressed up against the cold tile. He kissed my back and positioned himself to enter me from behind. Before thrusting into me he pulled my hair away from the side of my neck, licking my earlobe.

"You're never enough," he repeated.

* * *

We got to Sony headquarters with five minutes to spare. We rode up the elevator in silence. My mind was racing and I needed a minute to collect my thoughts. _What if it's all too good to be true? What if this all backfires? Or what if I get everything I've been dreaming about for the past 15 years? _The last thought scared me the most. Edward seemed to sense my inner struggle and rubbed his hand up and down my back reassuringly

The doors to the elevator slid open. He grabbed my hand and we walked out into the lobby. Charlie was already waiting. He looked up and smiled at me – but it quickly slid off his face when he saw who was standing next to me.

Edward stepped forward and extended his hand. "Hi Charlie."

Charlie glanced down at Edward's hand but only nodded to him. "Edward." He shifted his attention back to me. "How ya feeling kiddo?"

"Like I don't want to get my hopes up…but it's too late for that."

Edward squeezed my hand. "You'll be fine, Bella."

An assistant walked out. "Ms. Swan – Aro will see you now."

We were led into and adjoining conference room. Aro, the head of Sony Music, and a few other executives were sitting around the table.

Charlie walked in first, going over to shake Aro's hand.

"Mr. Swan…Isabella…" Aro greeted us. His eyes landed on Edward, clearly surprised. "Well if it isn't my biggest asset to Sony! What brings you here today, Mr. Cullen?"

"I'm just here as support."

Aro's eyes flashed between Edward and me. "I see."

We sat down at the table and Aro shifted his attention back to me.

"How was Europe, Isabella?"

"It was great. My fan base there is truly amazing. I feel like I've really grown as an artist."

"I agree with you. You father shared the songs you wrote on tour. You've become quite the little songwriter."

"I can't take all the credit," I blushed. "Edward produced all the tracks for me."

Aro looked at Edward, smiling wryly. "Deciding to change careers on me, my boy?"

"Just adding another royalty check."

Aro chuckled. "I didn't realize money was an issue for you."

Edward shrugged. "As long as Isabella's record sells – that's all that matters," he said, putting the focus back on me.

Aro's eye gleamed. "I remember it was just last year putting a young Isabella on tour with The Volturi. My how both of you have grown! I'm sure you must be proud, Charlie."

Charlie just grumbled and nodded his head; fully aware that Aro was alluding more to our relationship than our music.

"Well then…let's get down to business, shall we? We believe now is the prime time for your album to be released. We're going to keep the same tracks that have become singles in Europe and add the new tracks you wrote. We're fairly confident you have an award-winning record and plan to push you hard."

I gasped hearing Aro call my album award-winning. Edward squeezed my knee under the table.

"We're quite fortunate that your name has been bouncing around in the news lately. We're going to jump on that while you're still hot so there's no time to waste. I want you to go back into the recording studio today and finalize your last 7 songs." Aro looked at Edward, his lips curling upwards. "Your producer is free to join you for the final edit.

The first thing we want to do is introduce your sound to the public – something to show you have a different style from your _American Idol_ days. One of our rap artists has a new single being released next week and needs a female hook. We want to get you into the studio with him tomorrow."

"A rap song?" I asked, warily. I could just imagine singing about bitches and hoes.

"It's a rap-rock track called "Airplanes." Have you heard of B.o.B.?"

I shook my head no and looked at Charlie for his thoughts. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Do it," Edward spoke up. "He's huge on the radio now. If this song goes out everyone will be singing your chorus."

I looked at my dad for some input. "Charlie?"

"I don't know anything about this guy. It's up to you, Isabella."

I looked back at Edward. "Trust me, Bells. I wouldn't tell you to do something if I wasn't sure it would be successful."

"If you do this, Isabella, your voice will be hitting airwaves next week," Aro persuaded.

I stared into Edward's eyes, looking for the reassurance I needed. The thought that the first time my voice would be heard on the radio was in a rap song was a bit unsettling. Would I be portrayed in a completely different image than I had made for myself? I hadn't even heard of this artist; but I had also been in Europe for awhile. I was thankful for Edward tagging along to my meeting. While Charlie was the best manager I could ask for when it came to controlling my finances and agendas, he wasn't exactly the most media-savvy. Edward, on the other hand, was a pro in the industry. He had been handling his own career for years and had never compromised the integrity of his music. If anyone could help lead me in the right direction it was him. I realized how lucky I was to be in the position I was in – I had a doting father to help manage my career and a loving boyfriend who was there to help me every step of the way.

I smiled at him and nodded. "Ok, I'll do it."

Aro nodded for one of the other executives to hand me a stack of paperwork. Included in it were various contracts and a full itinerary. I glanced over it, noticing that I barely had a day-off until the album was released. After finishing recording my album, I was scheduled to shoot a music video the following week and begin promoting B.o.B.'s single on various late night circuits. From there I would start promoting my own album and shoot the music video for my first single. The goal was to gain enough hype in the upcoming months that I would be able to make my way around various summer concert tours.

I noticed Edward glancing over my shoulder at the schedule, deep in thought. He was probably trying to remember his own schedule to figure out where both of ours aligned. It wasn't looking so good. He glanced up at me and gave me a tight smile.

The meeting ended and the three of us hopped in an elevator. Edward looped his arm over my shoulders and pinched me on the arm.

"Ow! What the hell?"

"Just wanted you to realize it wasn't a dream," he winked at me.

Charlie cleared his throat next to us. "Are you two headed to the recording studio now?"

"Yeah, we have to be done in time to get down to Anaheim for his show tonight."

"You're welcome to come," Edward invited.

Charlie shook his head. "No I have to run through all this paperwork and get it notarized. Where are you staying while you're in LA?"

"Edward's."

Charlie let out a "humph." "Call me tomorrow when you're heading to the studio."

The valet pulled up with Edward's Volvo. We said our goodbyes and hopped into the car, driving off to the recording studio. The minute we were alone I exhaled loudly. Edward gave me a side smile and grabbed my hand, kissing it. There was so much I wanted to say but my mind was whirling and I needed a minute for it to all settle in. Sony was putting a lot of faith in me and my album…now it was up to me to deliver. Edward stayed silent and I wasn't sure if he was giving me time to think or if he needed time to himself as well. I knew Edward's feelings were torn between the excitement of what was about to come in my career and the unease of what it would do to our relationship. I knew exactly how he was feeling because I was feeling it too.

We continued to ride in silence. Edward held my hand, gently stroking my thumb. I stared out the window, watching the world whip by as we drove along the highway. I felt it was a fitting metaphor for my life at the moment.

Edward began to chuckle to himself and I glanced at him curiously. "Well…I think I'm starting to grow on your dad."

* * *

Two hours before show time, we were about a half hour away from the stadium and stuck in traffic. I had spent the entire day singing my heart out while Edward sat behind the sound board. We worked perfectly together. Edward knew how to push me further to get the best out of me. And I placed all my trust in him, letting him lead. It was a tiring day but we left feeling confident about the product.

When we walked out of the studio I was surprised to see a swarm of photographers waiting for us. I stood dumbfounded in the flashing lights before Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the car, pushing through the cameramen.

"_Isabella, are you and Edward a couple?"_

"_Edward – how long have you two been together?"_

"_Isabella, how do you feel about Tanya Denali?"_

_I kept my head down, not responding and quickly jumped into the Volvo. Edward started the car and sped off. I watched in the rear view mirror as the paparazzi ran to their cars to follow us._

"_Jesus, how the hell did they know we were here?"_

"_Aro," Edward said tightly. "His newest prodigy is dating his biggest asset – he's going to want the news to spread fast."_

_I watched as a car swerved in and out of traffic behind us and grimaced. "So this is what it's going to be like from now on?"_

"_Until a more interesting couple comes along," he winked at me._

"_I'm going to pray that Britney and Justin get back together."_

As we sat in the traffic jam, I could still see some of the paparazzi a few cars behind us. I felt uneasy, like I was constantly being watched.

"Jesus, Rose, I've got two hours before the show starts. We'll be there in plenty of time! Get off my back!" Edward yelled into the phone and snapped it shut.

"I'm sorry – we should have left sooner."

"Don't be sorry. Jasper and Emmett aren't even there yet. She's just trying to throw her power around." Edward ran his fingers through my hair and started to massage the back of my neck. "So you want to tell me what you've been thinking about all day?"

"I feel like I went to bed last night as one person and woke up with a completely different life."

"You're still the same, Bells. Your schedule's just gotten a lot busier."

"How do you feel about that?"

He sighed. "I'm excited for you, Bella…We'll deal with the other shit as it comes."

"But shouldn't we try to figure out our schedules before you leave tonight?"

Edward shook his head. "No. The minute I have any time-off, I'll fly to you. And as soon as you have a day-off, you'll fly to me."

"That simple?"

"We make it that simple," he said determinedly.

I leaned my head into his hand. "I love you so much."

He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. At the same time, a bright flash went off in my side window. I looked up to see a man hanging out his driver-side, one hand on his steering wheel while the other was on his camera. I quickly covered my head. Edward gave the photog the middle-finger and swerved through a few lanes until we were farther away. The traffic started to break and he sped along the highway.

"Ok…they got what they wanted. They can leave us alone now, right?"

Edward laughed dryly and ran his hands through his hair. "Bella, that photographer just earned a shitload of money with that picture. We've just fueled their fire."

* * *

I sat backstage next to Alice watching The Volturi perform on the live feed in the conference room. We had arrived at the venue with plenty of time to spare; but that didn't stop Rosalie from ripping Edward a new one the minute he got done his sound check. I distanced myself, tired of hearing the two of them bicker, and knowing Rosalie would throw me into the middle of it if I was around. Soon after, I found Alice and we looted some wine bottles off of Jasper's tour bus. We were onto our second glass of Pinot Noir, giggling like school girls, as we watched fans throw bras and underwear on the stage. Jasper seemed to try and dodge every thrown his way while Edward grabbed each one like it was the winning catch in a football game. We cracked up watching Edward give a pink bra to Emmett – who promptly put it on his head like ear muffs and wore it for an entire song.

"It never gets old with them, does it?" Alice asked.

I wiped the tears under my eyes. "Nope. Every day was a different adventure with those three on tour last year. It's usually Emmett and Edward trying to one-up each other while Jasper plays the neutral, disapproving party. But one time Jasper got completely out-of-control in a competition."

"What happened?" Alice said, wide-eyed.

"Last year they had a ping pong table that they would bring to every city. They would play it religiously before every show. I'm not sure who started it but one of them got the bright idea to have a huge competition – whoever won got to pick one of the other boys to shave their head. Edward was the first one out…so him and Emmett decided to work together to get Jasper out. While Emmett and Jasper were playing, Edward came running into the room and pulled down Jasper's pants. It cost Jasper the final point in the game. He was so pissed that he flung the ping pong paddle at Emmett. The next thing we know Emmett's eye was gushing blood."

"That sudden outburst by Jasper cost Emmett a trip to the emergency room and 7 stitches to his eyebrow," Rosalie said, walking into the room. She sat down next to us and poured herself a glass of wine. "No one was allowed to shave their head and ping pong tables are now banned from the tour."

"Rose was so mad at them" I snickered. "Jasper was horrified at what he did; Edward thought the whole situation was hilarious; and Emmett thought his stitches were the coolest thing ever."

"I swear I get dumber every time I go on tour with these idiots," Rosalie sighed.

"Ah - but you're in love with one of those idiots," I countered.

"That's because my idiot is loveable. Yours, on the other hand, is just a moron."

"Well I think they're all great guys," Alice chimed in.

"Of course you can say that – you're shacking up with the sweet one!" I teased.

"Give it a month," Rosalie said.

"Seriously, though, Alice – Jasper's a keeper. Don't let him go," I told her. Rosalie nodded her head in agreement.

The three of us continued to watch the big screen and drink our wine. It felt oddly strange that we were sitting, pleasantly all together. Rosalie was making small talk with me and there wasn't any underlying sarcasm in her words. The two of us were continuing to share funny stories about the boys to Alice when another person stepped in the doorway.

"Are you having girl time without me?" Tanya said.

"More like _girlfriend _time – that's why you weren't invited," Rosalie snapped.

"Well I have fun stories to share about Edward," Tanya said; inviting herself in and taking a glass of wine. I gripped at my glass, furious that she could be so shameless.

"Sorry Tanya, you were never a girlfriend – you were just another girl on Edward's long list of fuck buddies," Rosalie said with a bored tone. I couldn't tell if Rose was coming to my defense or if she just generally hated the bitch as well. Either way I was thankful she had my back.

"So tell me, Isabella – what IS the difference between being Edward Cullen's fuck buddy or girlfriend?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I spat out. "He _loves_ me. He tells me daily how much he loves me. He writes me songs about his love. I'm not sure what bullshit games you're trying to play with me, Tanya, but it's not going to work. Edward and I have been together for a year. I've seen him at his best and his worst – so all these little intimidation tactics you're trying to pull are useless. I know who he really is. I'm completely confident in our relationship and the choices he makes on his own. That's another part of love that you may not realize – _trust._ I trust Edward 100%. So why don't you just spit it out and tell me what you want? Are you are hoping to somehow win Edward back? Or do you just like to fuck with people?"

"Isabella, I think you have me all wrong," Tanya said sweetly. "I'm just trying to offer you some friendly advice. You may think you know him…"

"Oh, like you know him Tanya?" Rosalie cut her off. "Don't try to pull this shit on me because I've known all of them since childhood. The only time Edward's been with you is when he's been drunk or high out of his mind – so how much can you really know him?"

"He's only going to break your heart, Isabella."

I looked at her with a new understanding. "I'm sorry if he broke yours, Tanya."

"He didn't break my heart," she sneered. "I knew what I was getting into with him – you don't. It's a shame…I heard you won't be following us on tour. I wonder how Edward will deal with all those lonely nights."

She stormed out of the room and I jumped up ready to follow her. Alice grabbed my arm and Rosalie stood in front of me.

"That fucking bitch!" I yelled.

"Let her go," Alice said soothingly.

"She wants you to fight her. Then she can call up the media and tell them about the girl-fight that happened backstage over Edward Cullen," Rosalie said. "Sit back down, drink another glass of wine, and realize you've already won – you have Edward."

I let out a shaky breath and sat down in my seat, running my hands through my hair. "Thanks for sticking up for me, Rose."

"Edward's just as much my family as Emmett is. I'm not going to let that bitch talk about him that way – only I can do that. You're good for him, Isabella…I just hope he's good for you," she said warily.

"He is."

We watched the rest of the concert in silence. It seemed we were all deep in thought. The boys ended with their encore and walked into the conference room backstage.

"Looks like you girls had your own party in here," Jasper said, sitting down next to Alice. "Wait – is this my wine?"

"What'd we miss?" Emmett asked.

"Oh not much – just Alice and I having to hold back Isabella from knocking out Tanya," Rose said casually.

"What?" Edward yelled.

At the same time Emmett exclaimed, "Seriously? That's awesome!"

"I wasn't really going to punch her…I think."

"You would have," Alice said. "And she would have deserved it too."

"What the fuck happened?" Edward asked, nervously.

"It was the same shit as last night. She came in here and ever-so-sweetly told me how she had every intention of trying to steal you away from me."

Emmett whistled. "What did you ever see in that broad, Edward?"

Edward flashed him an angry glare, silently telling him to shut up. He walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," I sighed.

"Sure it is! If he wasn't such a man-whore before you, you wouldn't have to deal with all these bitches," Emmett laughed.

"I swear to God, Emmett I'm going to hit you in the head," Edward growled.

"Do you need a ping pong paddle?" Alice asked.

The whole room paused, as we stared at Alice; until Rosalie and I burst into laughter. I tried to catch my breath as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Jasper looked at her, stunned, and then back at the two of us.

"You told her?"

"Hell yeah, Alice – you should know that about this dude! He viciously tried to murder me!" Emmett joked.

"I'm sure you deserved it," Alice teased.

Jasper grabbed Alice's hand, pulling her out of the room. "Both of you are on my shit list," he said, pointing to me and Rose.

"You better duck!" Alice called out down the hallway and then we heard her squeal in laughter.

Rosalie looked at Edward and me. "We'll give you some time to say goodbye. You have 15 minutes before the busses pull out."

Emmett pulled me in for a bear hug, practically crushing me. "Be good, Iz. I'll see ya soon."

Edward and I walked into his dressing. It was silent as I watched him pack. I felt a lump building in my throat and tried to push it down. When he was done he turned towards me, sighed, and pulled me into his arms. I let out a shaky breath and could feel the tears welling up.

"I don't want you to go," I whispered.

"I don't want to either," he said sadly. My tears started to fall. He lifted my chin and used his thumbs to wipe them off my cheeks. His eyes mirrored the same pain that I felt.

"This is silly. We should be used to this by now."

"It doesn't make it any easier. I hate leaving you, Bells." He pulled me against him and kissed me deeply. Our tongues danced together and I could feel my salty tears against our lips. He pulled back, placing his forehead against mine and breathed heavily.

"You listen to me, Isabella. This is _your _time. You're about to do some great things and you need this time to focus on you and be the best artist you can be; ok?" I nodded. "You go out there and make me proud."

I kissed him again, trying to make the moment last. A knock came on his door and we heard someone yell, "Busses are leaving!" He groaned and broke the kiss. He walked over to his bags and threw me his car keys.

"I'm going to say goodbye to you here so we don't cause a scene outside, ok?" I nodded and he pulled me in for one last kiss. "I love you, Isabella Swan."

"I love you too," I choked out.

"I'll see you soon."

He grabbed his stuff and gave me a sad smile before walking out the door. I waited until the door clicked shut before letting the sob escape my mouth.

* * *

After I had finally composed myself, I walked down the empty hallway and to the back parking lot where the Volvo was parked. Just as I was about to get into the car, I saw flashes of lights and looked up to see cameramen running towards me. _Shit._

"Isabella – tell us about your relationship with Edward!" one called out.

"Are you in love?"

"Why are you driving his car?"

"What did you record with him this afternoon?"

I quickly shut the car door and turned the key in the ignition. They continued to take pictures of me against the window and I tried to put the car into drive without running over one of them. I was clearly getting frazzled and I didn't want them to get a shot of me upset. I punched on the accelerator and swerved past two more men before speeding out of the parking lot. It wasn't until I got onto the highway that I realized I was holding my breath and sucked in fresh air. It was easy for Edward – he was a guy and they respected his distance. But being alone with them right then, I felt drowned and completely terrified. I looked back in my rear view mirror and cursed as I saw two pairs of headlights racing towards me. One of the cars pulled up beside my driver's side and a man continued to take pictures. I tried to shield the flashes against my eyes on the dark highway. _This is fucking insane! They're dangerous!_

My hands started to shake on the steering wheel. I wanted to pull over and stop driving but I knew they would just surround the car. I grabbed my phone and punched in Edward's number on his Bluetooth.

"Miss me already?"

"Paparazzi are chasing me down the highway. I don't know what to do," I said, panic filling my voice.

"Alright - calm down, Bella." I could hear the alarm in his voice as well. "First thing you need to do is stop speeding, ok? Get yourself between two cars on the highway so that they have to stay behind you."

I listened to his instructions and let off the gas. I was panting in shallow breaths.

"Breathe baby," he said softly. I took a few more gulps of air and felt myself start to calm down. "You ok?"

"Yeah."

"I'm gonna stay on the phone with you until you get back to my house. They can't come past the front gate so you'll be ok once you get there."

"Ok…" I said weakly.

"I've been thinking a lot since I got on the bus. You know what you should do after we get done with these tours?" he asked. I could tell he was trying to take my mind off of driving.

"Go back to Cabo?"

Before I left for my European tour, Edward had rented a villa for us to stay in for a week. It was pure bliss. We spent the days lounging around the beach, sailing on the ocean, and swimming with dolphins. Our nights were spent making love in every room inside and outside of the villa.

"Mmm we should definitely do that again. But I was thinking something more permanent."

"What?"

"Move in with me."

I had to quickly grab at the wheel after nearly sliding into the other lane. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious. The last thing I want to do, after spending so much time apart, is to go back into a long-distance relationship with you. You're going to need to be in Los Angeles more frequently now, anyways. You already have a closet full of clothes in my house as it is. Let's just make it official."

"This is a huge step in our relationship, Edward…" I warned.

"You not ready for it?" he teased.

I thought about what it would be like to live with him: to wake up every morning next to him, to make breakfast together, and cook dinner for him. I just wanted to _be _with him as much as I could.

"I dunno…that house may be a little small. How are you going to find your solitude with me in there?" I joked.

"You want a different house? We'll buy a different one – 8 bedrooms? 10?"

"Very funny. You know how much I love your place."

"So you love me…you love my house…what more is there left to discuss?"

"Charlie…"

"Bella, you're 24 years old. You've lived on your own all throughout college. I think Charlie can manage by himself."

"I know…"

"Got any more excuses?"

"I guess not."

"So it's a 'yes?'"

"It's a 'yes.'"

I pulled into Edward's gated community and watched as the cars that had been following me stopped at the entrance. The gate closed behind me and I finally breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm actually back at your place now. The paparazzi's gone."

"Welcome home," he joked.

"We have a few more months 'til that." I got out of his car and walked up to the front door, punching in the code. I walked inside the large entryway. "It's actually a little creepy being here without you."

"Consider it a trial run," he yawned.

"I should let you get some rest. We had a long day today."

"We should be in San Diego in an hour. I've got some promotional shit to do during the day tomorrow. Call me when you're out of the studio – I want to hear how it went with B.o.B."

We said our goodbyes and I walked into the music room, sitting down at the piano. I was exhausted and knew I should get to bed but I wanted to break the silence that was lingering all over the huge house. I placed my fingers on the keys and played a song that had been stuck in my head all day:

_I won't tell anybody how you turn my world around_

_I won't tell anyone how your voice is my favorite sound._

_I won't tell anybody…_

_They want to see us fall._

_I don't need a parachute_

_Baby, if I've got you…_

_You're gonna catch me if I fall._

I sat quietly at the piano for a few more minutes, wiping the tears that were once again rolling down my cheeks. The night had been a whirlwind of emotions and I was physically and mentally drained. I grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and made my way up to the bedroom. I pulled open Edward's drawers, grabbing a t-shirt and changed into it.

The bed was huge and I pulled his pillow closer to me, breathing in his scent. I wasn't sure if I would ever get used to being in his house by myself, but it felt better to know I was surrounded by all of his things. I closed my eyes and imagined that the pillow I was clutching was actually Edward's body. A few minutes later I was drifting off to sleep…dreaming of Edward's lullaby.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **This chapter took me a little longer to write for a few reasons. #1 – This was a little harder to write since there was no Bella/Edward interaction in this chapter. (Although it got easier once I threw another person into the mix at the end.) #2 – I wanted to get inspired by spending time reading some really good FanFics (you can look at my Favorites in my profile for the stories I love). #3 – It's hard to write when I don't know what people think of my story!

I'll continue to write the story regardless of reviews because, as I said previously, this story has been in my head for quite some time (long before I decided to put the characters of Edward and Bella into it). But it would help if more people shared what they think of the story so far. I'm onto my ninth chapter and I only have 7 reviews - which is kind of sad. From what I gather, I think people like it because I keep getting story favorites and subscriptions. But any feedback (even constructive criticism) is greatly appreciated!

* * *

**Chapter 9:**

"_With fame, you know, you can read about yourself, somebody else's ideas about you, but what's important is how you feel about yourself – for survival and living day to day with what comes next."_

_-Marilyn Monroe_

It had been nearly two weeks since I had last seen Edward. To say that my life had turned into a whirlwind was an understatement. The next day, after Edward left, I went into the recording studio and sang two lines in B.o.B.'s song: _Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now. _Those two simple lyrics catapulted my music career and it didn't seem to be slowing down.

The following days were filled with various photo shoots and making the music video to "Airplanes." I had stood on the runway at Los Angeles International Airport at 2 AM, wearing a white dress, and mouthing along to the lyrics as airplanes took off and landed behind me. My hair was teased and wild, blowing in the wind each time a plane shot over me. My makeup composed of heavy eye-liner with a silver shimmer. I felt wild and sexy. In that moment I didn't care that I was running on a mere few hours of sleep; or that I had been summoned to Aro's office at 10am to discuss more details on my record. Because in that moment I realized I was a part of something big. I wanted to take it all in – the set, the cameramen, my wardrobe – because I wanted to remember this moment for the rest of my life. This was the moment my voice and my songs mattered.

Edward had been right, of course. The song was a commercial success the minute it was released to the airwaves. Within days it was being requested in Top 10 countdowns across the country. The first time I heard it on the radio I was driving down the 101 in the Volvo. The radio was blaring in the background but I wasn't paying much attention to it as I talked to Charlie on the phone. B.o.B. was scheduling performances left and right to promote his new single. Unfortunately, nobody ran any dates by me. They simply called me up and told me where I needed to be and when.

"_Ok so we do Jimmy Kimmel, then Leno and then fly to New York?"_

"_No," Charlie corrected. "You do Kimmel then fly to New York to do Letterman and some other press junkets. Then you fly back to LA and do Leno."_

"_Seriously, who made this schedule? Wouldn't it make more sense to get everything done on the West Coast and then promote on the East Coast instead of constantly flying back and forth? When am I going to get time to record my own music video…have we even picked out my first single?" I asked, letting all my frustrations out on Charlie._

"_They're doing surveys on your songs right now to find out which one is the most popular…"_

"_Charlie – Shut up! Shut up!" I said quickly into the phone. I had heard the faint melody of the song that had now become ingrained into my brain playing on the speakers. A second later my voice broke out across the airways. I gasped and had to quickly pull to the shoulder of the highway._

"_Isabella? What's wrong?" Charlie panicked._

_I squealed. "Do you fucking hear that? It's me! Oh my God, it's actually me!"_

My name hadn't just become familiar with radio DJ's either. Each morning I woke up I found another picture or article about me on the various gossip websites. Not surprisingly, the pictures of Edward and me in his car were all over TMZ the very next day. At first the stories painted me to be another victim to Edward's allure. They labeled me another one of his conquests. One tabloid even made up a complete fabrication about Tanya and me getting into a nasty fight over his love. _If they only knew how close they were to hitting the nail on the head with that story._

I kept my mouth shut as the rumors swirled around the two of us. I had resigned to the fact that there was no point trying to sneak around with our relationship, but I wasn't necessarily ready to shout it across Page Six's headlines. _Hell, Beyonce and Jay-Z got married and never addressed the issue – right? _Edward, however, decided to be a little more forward. A few days into his tour he texted me to tell me _Entertainment Tonight _had just interviewed the band. I made a note to watch the show but almost didn't even catch it as I arrived back to his house late and exhausted. I flipped on the TV and happened to see it was already tuned to the channel.

"_And we're back! Earlier in the day I had a chance to sit down in an exclusive interview with the band members of The Volturi. It was during this time that Edward Cullen opened up to me in a very revealing interview," Mary Hart said into the camera._

_The tape started to roll of the three guys sitting in front of a black curtain with Mary on the other side. Emmett sat in the middle with Edward closest to Mary. The questions started out fairly routine, asking them their favorite part of touring, what city they like to visit the most, and details about their album._

"_Now let's talk love lives…" Mary giggled. I could almost see all three of them inwardly groan. "I'll start with you Jasper – are you seeing anyone?"_

_Jasper paused, searching for the right words. "I'm currently dating – but I wouldn't say I'm in a serious relationship. I'm seeing what happens."_

"_Emmett everyone knows you've been seeing your publicist, Rosalie Hale, since childhood. Any wedding bells in the near future?"_

"_Believe me, Mary, Rosalie will be the first one to hear about that before you do," he grinned._

"_What's it been like mixing business and pleasure?"_

_Emmett gave a hearty laugh. "Oh it's great. Being on tour can be one of the hardest things on a relationship but I'm fortunate enough that she gets to be with me every step of the way. I've learned early on to not cause trouble for her…Edward, on the other hand, keeps her busier than she would like."_

_Edward punched Emmett in the arm. "I stay out of trouble. It's the media that gets me into it."_

"_So all those women we've seen you with…"_

"_It's in the past," Edward cut her off. _

"_Let's talk about that!" Mary pounced. "It's obvious from listening to your album you have changed. Your previous albums have been filled with the typical rock and roll songs about partying and sex. But this album almost plays out like an entire love story. What inspired you?"_

"_My own life. Every song I write is something either I've experience or we've experienced as a group."_

"_Are you in love?"_

_Edward glanced down, running his hands through his hair. He paused before looking back up at Mary with a smile spread across his face. "Yeah I am."_

"_Care to tell us who all those songs were about?"_

_Edward shook his head. "Those songs mean something different to each one of our fans. If I said my entire album was about one girl – nobody would be able to hear the songs the same way again. That's the beauty of music – everyone can have their own interpretation."_

_ Mary wasn't going to let him go that easily. "Rumors have been circulating for quite some time about you and the upcoming singer, Isabella Swan. Last week pictures surfaced of the two of you kissing in your car – care to comment?"_

_ Edward's eyes sparkled. "I don't kiss and tell," he smirked._

_ "Well what do you think of her new song on the radio?" Mary pushed._

_ "I think it's a great song. I'm excited that she's finally getting the recognition she deserves and people are finally going to see what I've seen for a long time."_

_ "Which is?"_

_ "That she's absolutely amazing."_

_ "Edward Cullen," Mary said slyly. "You've just stated that you're in love and followed up with saying how amazing Isabella Cullen is – are you admitting that you two are in a relationship?"_

_ "I'm not admitting anything," he said, playfully. "But I'm sure you'll interpret it however you want."_

_ "Well if she isn't…your girlfriend may be pretty jealous of Isabella," Mary teased._

After Edward's non-admission, our relationship quickly became headline news. _US Weekly _ran a cover-story with a picture of the two of us and the bold caption "_It's Love!"_ Inside were 5 pages dedicated to figuring out who I was and how I had managed to capture Edward's heart. Surprisingly, it was mostly all positive press. I had been expecting backlash for taking one of Hollywood's most eligible bachelors. Instead, the media was painting us to be the next "it couple."

A few days later I was doing a phone interview for Ryan Seacrest's radio show when he dared to dub me _America's Next Sweetheart_.

_I laughed uncomfortably. "I definitely don't think I'm anywhere close to that title."_

"_What's your life been like for you these past couple weeks?"_

"_I'll tell you when I have a moment to process it all," I joked. "I feel like ever since American Idol I've been going at a snail's pace to get my music recognized – and suddenly I was just picked up and thrown to the finish line."_

"_Isabella, I've known you for awhile now - since you were on American Idol – what's changed for you since the show?"_

"_Well I'm still the same Isabella. But, musically, I know what my style is. I'm confident with my album and the product I've made. I feel I'm growing more with each song I write."_

"_So what would you want to say to Simon?"_

"_He was right. There was no way I could have won American Idol back then. I was young and inexperienced and did whatever I was told to do because I didn't know who I was as an artist. He may not have sugar-coated the criticism – but his advice was spot-on."_

"_How'd you get involved on the song Airplanes? I have to tell you, Isabella, the song is being requested nonstop."_

"_I'm so glad to hear! That's completely B.o.B's song and I can't take any credit for it. I was just extremely lucky that the opportunity was presented to me to sing the hook. I was really hesitant when Sony first approached me with the concept because I didn't want to sing on a rap song. I didn't want the first image of me to be portrayed as something I'm not. But I listened to the song and I loved the lyrics. The chorus is just so haunting."_

"_When does your record come out?"_

"_In three weeks! In fact, I'll be premiering my first single on your station next week. I'm really proud of this album – it's my baby. Every song I wrote comes from my heart and a moment in my life."_

"_Any songs about Edward Cullen on your album?" Ryan threw in the last question._

_I inwardly groaned. "Why would you ask that?" I tried to play coy._

"_Well, Isabella, I'm not sure if you've heard all these rumors that Edward may or may not have confirmed on Entertainment Tonight…"_

"_He didn't confirm anything. I saw the clip."_

"_Ah, but he didn't deny it either!" he countered. "Care to set the record straight?"_

"_Does it really matter?"_

"_Of course it matters. Isabella Swan, in case you haven't noticed, Edward Cullen has been deemed one of the sexiest men in Hollywood. I'M jealous of him!" Ryan exclaimed. "People want to know these things."_

"_So what about you, Ryan?" I asked, turning the tables on him. "Who are you dating – meet any good dancing partners lately?" I threw the last jab in there, knowing he had recently been linked to Julianne Hough from Dancing with the Stars._

"_I see what you're doing, Isabella, and it's not going to work."_

"_I know you feel the same way I do. If I want to talk about my love life then I'll grab some wine and a few of my closest girlfriends. But I don't plan on sharing something so private with the entire world. What's in my heart stays there."_

"_Until you put it in a song."_

"_Well, yes," I laughed. "But I can guarantee you there's no track on my new album titled Edward Cullen."_

"_Well I look forward to your album coming out so I can analyze those lyrics."_

"_And I look forward to seeing you on Dancing with the Stars," I shot back._

_

* * *

_I sat alone in a dressing room backstage at _The Late Show_. I was scheduled to perform "Airplanes" with B.o.B. and spend the next two days promoting my new single on various radio stations in New York and New Jersey. After that, I would fly back to Los Angeles for one day of promotion and then I would finally have my first day off in two weeks. I was given two days of downtime, which Charlie told me to enjoy as much as I could because he didn't think I'd be given another break until after the album was released.

Edward and I had agreed that as soon as I was done my last interview in Los Angeles, I would hop on the first flight to Austin to meet up with him. Our phone conversations were becoming shorter and more sporadic due to our conflicting schedules. I was counting down the days until I could be with him again.

"Ms. Swan?" A production assistant knocked on my door. "I just wanted to give you a brief rundown of what the show will look like. As you know, you're scheduled to perform at the end of the show. If Dave has time he'll ask you guys to come up to the couches for some questions, but tonight's show is pretty packed so it will probably be unlikely."

I nodded, already not expecting the chance to speak to Dave Letterman.

"But I did want to let you know what your introduction will look like. He'll introduce B.o.B. and hold up his album. Then he'll say accompanied by Isabella Swan – whose new album comes out April 15th and can be found in this month's issue of _Rolling Stone - _and he'll hold up the magazine cover."

"You have the _Rolling Stone_ issue?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah it's right here," she said, pulling out the magazine from underneath a clipboard she was holding. "We were able to get them to deliver an advanced copy since their office is right down the street."

"Oh my God let me see it!" I practically grabbed at the magazine.

She pulled it back, instinctively. "This is the only copy we have."

I rolled my eyes. "I just want to read the article. I promise I'll have it back safely in your hands in 10 minutes."

She handed it to me, warily. "I'll be back in 10 minutes."

I looked at the cover of _Rolling Stone_. My headshot was among nine other pictures with a bold caption that read "Top 10 Artists on the Rise this Year." I quickly flipped through the pages until I landed on the main article. On the left was a full page picture of me. It was from a photo shoot I had done a year ago. I was kneeling on a bed, sunlight shining in behind me, creating a glowing backlight. The camera caught me laughing at something one of the crewmembers said; my face slightly turned to the side. I was wearing a long-sleeve white sweater dress that came down to my upper thigh, my bare legs and feet exposed. The only thing that was altered from the shoot was there was now a red heart photoshopped to make it look like it was stitched onto the sleeve of my dress. I took a deep breath and began to read the article. _This was it – this would either make or break me._

_Isabella Swan Wears Her Heart on Her Sleeve. _

_Reporter: Jacob Black. . _

_ Isabella Swan is sitting in a hotel room in Rome eyeing me suspiciously. She has just finished getting her hair and makeup done for her last concert on her European tour. Her casual look of ripped jeans and a t-shirt show that she is still uncomfortable being made-up. Truthfully, her make-up is fairly minimal – only used to enhance her features on stage under the bright lights. Upon first meeting her, one thing sticks out very clearly: Isabella Swan is a natural beauty. _

_She is only 24 years old. Isabella wonders out loud the validity of her being chosen as one of Rolling Stone's Top Artists after seeing that I am no older than she is; but then quickly apologizes. And that's when I get introduced to the real Isabella Swan – the girl who not only speaks what's on her mind, but speaks from her heart. After sharing a bit about myself she seems to open up more and smiles warmly at me. I politely inform her that it's her turn to share her secrets with me. A twinkle flashes in her eyes and she coyly asks, "Which ones?"_

_While Isabella is fairly unknown at this point (except for a huge following in Europe – who always seems to catch onto good music before the US does) she's no stranger to being in the spotlight and under scrutiny. While she started from a humble background, growing up in the small town of Forks, Washington, Isabella spent the majority of her teenage years traveling around singing for anyone who would listen. Years later it eventually landed her on American Idol where she performed for millions of Americans twice a week. _

_Swan is the first to admit that she didn't deserve to win Idol. Even at that time in her life her range was incredibly impressive. However, as the themes changed week after week Isabella's voice got lost among the singers who made the songs their own. While Paula Abdul continuously supported Isabella, Simon Cowell made it perfectly clear off and on the air that she did not deserve to be there. Seven weeks into the competition, America finally agreed with Cowell and she was voted off the show. "The greatest advice Simon ever gave me was that I needed to find my own voice," Isabella told me. "So I stopped singing other people's songs and started making my own."_

_Isabella's song writing is just as strong as her vocal abilities. Her US debut album has 7 songs solely written by her; and in each song she makes her voice loud and clear. Isabella does not shy away from her childhood pain and insecurities; making her extremely genuine and endearing. Her songs show a broken girl still dealing with the after-effects of a painful divorce. She sings about wanting to break out of an image already created for her and struggles to figure out who she really is. And she writes of possibilities for her heart to open up again. Isabella Swan's album is not just a collection of good songs – she takes you on a journey into her life and does it so well that you may feel as if she's singing about your own life. Isabella opened up to me candidly about her childhood and the inspiration to her songs._

I continued to read the same question and answers that Jacob had asked me back in the hotel that day in Rome. He stayed on-point throughout the article and still managed to write my humor into the piece. It wasn't until the last paragraph that I saw the name Edward Cullen and silently cursed, continuing to read on.

_Rumors have been circulating for weeks about Isabella dating Edward Cullen from The Volturi. The two toured together in Europe last year when she opened up for the band. Isabella remained mum on her love life during the interview; only stating that she learned a lot from the band on tour. But it is clear that Cullen has continued to have an influence in her life. On almost all the songs that Isabella wrote, Edward Cullen is credited as having produced the tracks. While their love life may still remain a mystery, it is certainly clear that the two work well together – so well, they may be looking at a few Grammy nominations next year._

I squealed out in delight. The article wasn't just good – _it was fucking amazing! _ I pulled out my phone, trying to decide whether to call Charlie or Edward first. As I scrolled through the contacts, I did something unexpected.

"Jacob Black," a voice said after two rings.

"I just read the article!" I gushed into the phone. "I love it!"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Um…who is this?"

I smacked myself on the head. _Of course he has no clue who it is! _

"Sorry – let's rewind that. Hey, it's Isabella Swan and I just read the article. It's great!"

He chuckled in the phone. "Well this is a surprise. Do you call everyone who writes an article about you?"

"Only if they're nice," I teased.

"How'd you get your hands on one of the issues? It doesn't come out until next week."

"For being a reporter you certainly don't do much research," I chided. "_Rolling Stone_ sent one over to Letterman just now. I'm actually in the studios and going to perform soon."

"Well it looks like you got what you wanted. You know I hear your song every time I turn on a radio. Good thing it's a catchy one."

"And it looks like you got what you wanted too – your own byline and everything! I think this calls for a celebration – can I buy you a drink after the show?"

"That's really nice of you, Isabella, but you don't have to…"

"I know I don't have to – I want to. Listen, I'm in New York for another day and I have nothing to do. So just entertain me and let me buy you a beer. There's a bar in the lobby of the hotel I'm staying in. I'll text you the address and you can meet me there at six."

I hung up the phone before he had a chance to respond and sent him a quick text. I flipped open my phone again, about to call Edward, when the PA came back into the room for the magazine.

"You'll be on after the next commercial break," she told me. I nodded and set my phone back down as a group of stylists rushed in to do last minute touch-ups. The routine of primping, waiting, and being whisked to and from stage had begun.

* * *

An hour later I walked up to the bar in the hotel lobby and ordered two Coronas. A car had just dropped me off and I didn't have time to change from my performance. I was still wearing a black and white striped long sequenced tank top with black leggings and red high heel pumps. I shifted my weight back and forth between each foot while I waited at the bar; counting down the minutes until I could kick off the shoes.

The bartender handed me two bottles and I thanked him, leaving a tip on the counter. I turned around just in time to see Jacob walk through the door. He was wearing dark jeans with a short-sleeve, button-down shirt. He caught my eye and smiled, showing his dimples. I waved him over to a table in the corner and handed him a beer.

"It's good to see you again, Isabella."

"You too," I said sincerely.

"You know you were my first official interview and I'm pretty sure you're spoiling me. I think I'm going to require everybody I interview to take me out for drinks afterwards."

I laughed. "Well only if you write good reviews."

"I think that may be called bribing," he smirked and took a swig of his drink. "Honestly, Isabella, I don't want you to think that we were just doing each other favors. I wrote the review truthfully and your album is really good. When I heard the European version in Rome I was going to write about how your vocal abilities were too big for the little pop-rock songs that you were given to sing. But I had to practically re-write the whole article after you sent me the songs you wrote that were being added to the album. Your voice and songwriting skills show you're a real artist."

"I really appreciate that. It means more knowing you didn't sugar-coat anything. But I also know that I said and did some things in our interview that you could have taken and run with – especially since you were trying to secure yourself a reporting job. But you didn't write about it; which shows what a stand-up guy you are."

He nodded, knowing that I was referring to Edward, and looked down at his beer. "I actually didn't put anything about him in the article but my editor made me add something because your faces have been everywhere. I don't want to be a gossip reporter, so I decided just to state the facts."

I looked into his eyes and smiled. This was only my second time meeting Jacob but I already longed to have a friendship with him. After college it became hard for me to stay in touch with many friends; and when I started touring with The Volturi people from my past started coming out of the woodwork - all wanting something from me. There were only a handful of people I considered close friends.

"In this industry it's really hard to trust anyone…everyone's looking out for their best interests. Thank you for proving there are still some good guys left."

He looked down awkwardly, unsure how to take the compliment. "Hey do you want another beer?"

"Sure, but this is supposed to be my treat."

He glanced underneath the table and then gave me a sly smile. "Yeah, but I noticed you took your shoes off the minute we sat down. I'll save you the embarrassment of walking up to the bar in your bare feet."

I blushed as he jumped out of his seat and walked back up to the bar. I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone, seeing I had missed a call from Edward. I cursed, knowing that I probably wouldn't get a chance to talk to him that night. Once again, our schedules continued to clash. I scrolled through my call log and noticed that he had just called a few minutes prior. I debated stepping outside to call him back but didn't want to be rude to Jacob. I glanced back up at Jacob, who was beginning to walk back to our table, and sighed placing the phone back in my purse.

"So what does _he _think of your newfound fame?" Jacob asked, as he handed me another Corona. Even though he never said his name, I knew exactly who he was referring to.

I looked at him warily. "Off the record?"

He put his hands up, peacefully. "This entire conversation is off the record. Just two people celebrating their successes."

I sighed and decided to keep trusting him; he had proven himself so far. "He's, obviously, happy for me. I think the timing of it is what's hard. I hardly saw him while I was in Europe, then he jumps on a 4-month tour, and I'm now promoting my album nonstop. This is the first time we've been apart for so long."

He nodded. "You know this is how it's going to be from now on, right?"

"It won't always be like this," I disagreed.

"Unless one of you decides to stop making music, you're always going to have periods of time where one of you is away from the other."

I looked down at the table and swallowed hard, realizing that Jacob was probably right. "It won't be this bad," I said softly.

He looked at me and his features softened. He gently placed his hand on top of mine. "Hey, I'm sorry – I didn't mean to depress you. What do I know? I'm just a novice reporter."

I shook my head and pulled back my hand to take another sip of my beer. "What about you?" I asked, changing the subject. "Are you seeing anyone? What does she think of your first cover story?"

"I'm not seeing anyone. Right now I'm married to this new job of mine. But…now that you'll be walking red carpets, maybe you can find me a hot date. I always had a crush on Taylor Swift."

I wrinkled my nose. "Isn't she too young?"

"Age is just a number," he smirked. "The next time you see her you can just pass my number along…since I know you now have it."

_Was he flirting with me? _

"Don't be flattered. It was more for selfish purposes," I said. "I never knew when I'd need to contact you again about a story or something. So I guess you're either a better person than I am or not as much as an opportunist for losing my number."

Jacob smiled and shook his head. "Oh no, I'm just as selfish. I knew having your cell was a great opportunity. I just kept it in my email. I was afraid if I put you in my phone I would accidently drunk-dial you one night or something."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Please tell me there's a story there."

He looked down and I could see a blush creeping up his face. "Not with any other celebrities or anything. But I may have previously drunk-dialed an ex and sang "Hungry Like the Wolf" to her voicemail."

I nearly spit out my beer and began coughing when it went down the wrong way. "That…is…amazing."

"Yeah well she didn't seem to think so," he laughed.

The next hour our conversation continued over funny stories. It was nice just to have a regular conversation with someone that didn't consist of music or going over busy schedules. Drinking a beer with Jacob felt simple…a lot more simple than the rest of my life felt at that point. The conversation began to lull and I glanced at the time on my cell phone.

"I hope you don't think I'm a boring party-pooper – but I have to be up at 5am tomorrow to do an interview for Z100's morning show."

"I understand. I have a huge meeting with some of the editors tomorrow morning as well."

I tried to coyly slip my pumps back on under the table but could only find one shoe. Jacob watched and snickered before kicking it over to me. I could feel my face getting hot.

"So, yeah, you were right when you said I was really casual in your article. These high heels hurt."

"Ahh…The perils of being a beautiful woman," he tsked.

We stood up and walked to the lobby. I was unsure how I should say goodbye (_Handshake? Hug? High-five) _but before I could debate, Jacob turned around and pulled me in for a quick hug.

"Thanks for meeting up with me," he said. "It was nice to get to know you apart from the artist."

"Thanks for taking me and my music seriously," I said, sincerely. "Well…the next time we meet it will hopefully be for my 2nd album!"

He smiled like he had something up his sleeve. "Oh we may be seeing each other sooner than that – but I can't say anything until it's solidified."

I gave him a curious look but he winked and turned away.

"Have a good night. Remember to give Taylor my number!" he called out behind him.

I shook my head and took the elevator back to my room. When I got inside I flipped open my phone, finally able to call Edward. After a few rings his voicemail picked up.

"I know you're on stage now but I just wanted to hear your voice before I went to bed…even if it's from a voicemail," I said softly. "To be honest, I've been listening to your songs to help me get to sleep these past couple nights. I miss you."

As much as I tried I couldn't hide the sadness in my voice.

"I miss being able to hear how your day went and all the crazy things I'm sure you and the guys are doing. Don't forget to watch Letterman tonight…although I'm sure you're probably getting just as sick of the song as I am."

I changed into my pajamas as I continued to ramble off my long message to him.

"I'm counting down the days 'til I see you again. I love you."

I hung up and laid back on the bed, reaching for my I-Pod. I sighed and clicked onto the same song I had been playing the past few nights every time I turned off the lights. The piano melody began to play in my ears before Edward's voice softly came in. My thoughts ran back to Jacob telling me that this is the way it would always be for Edward and me. I shook my head at nobody, willing myself to prove Jacob wrong. Edward and I would be different – we would make this work.

Edward's voice sang out to me in the song, _"Come home, Come home, 'cause I've been waiting for you." _I closed my eyes and willed myself to be back in his arms – even if it was only in a dream.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **I apologize for this being a short chapter. I felt this deserved its own chapter. While I can't promise Edward will be likable in this entire story, my goal is to make him understandable. I hope this chapter starts to do that and that I can continue to do it throughout the rest of the story.

Enjoy and review please!

**

* * *

Chapter 10:**

_Trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed,  
And somehow I got caught up in between.  
Between my pride and my promise.  
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way.  
And things I want to say to you get lost before they come,  
The only thing that's worse than one is none._

_-Linkin Park_

**Edward's POV**

Two weeks. _Two mother-fucking weeks._

Two weeks of no Bella. Two weeks of no sex. And two weeks that I was slowly driving myself insane. In the large scheme of things Bella and I had been apart longer; but it was usually followed up by longer periods of time together. This time, however, we had been apart for a month followed by one measly night together. It was brutal.

We were both insanely busy and would sometimes go a day or two without even speaking on the phone. We would try to text each other as much as possible but even that was put on hold as Isabella was constantly in and out of interviews. Half the time, on the nights that we both could actually talk on the phone, we were so exhausted that we'd lie in our hotel rooms just listening to each other breath on the other end of the line while we watched TV to wind down.

Being on tour was supposed to be my favorite time. I got to travel around to different cities all over the world, rocking out every night with my two best friends. _What could be better than that? _This was our fourth tour and every time the dynamics in our group changed. The first time we toured we were young and mostly did college scenes. Emmett, Jasper, and I spent many nights partying at various local bars with sorority girls. Our next tour had been on a much larger scale. By that point, we were already mainstream and the three of us could walk into a nightclub in any city and immediately get VIP service. I rarely interacted with the locals because I had my fair share of supermodels and actresses flown in to any location. And the third tour was the one where I met and fell head-over-heels for Bella. The band continued to still party and hang out; but I also spent more time alone with Bella.

This present tour, however, I was becoming painfully more aware with each day how alone I felt. Emmett and Rosalie were stuck at the hip the minute he'd step off stage. Jasper had fallen hard for Alice and the two had quickly become inseparable. And then there was me – _the third fucking wheel_. What had become my favorite thing to do was now turning into a prison. How the hell was I supposed to enjoy my own fucking tour when I had no one to enjoy it with?

After we were done a concert we would either all go out to a club to wind-down or go our separate ways. I hated when the guys decided to spend time with their girls. I was left to go back to my room and wait for a phone call from Isabella like a fucking love-sick teenager. _It was pathetic._

So I started going out every night – only to drink myself numb. My options were to either raid the liquor cabinet in my hotel room or park myself on a bar stool for the rest of the night. Both were still done in solitary confinement. It was almost worse to go out and drink - seeing hundreds of people around me, wanting to talk to me, but still feeling all alone. God forbid I even talk to another girl while I was out. Not that I would want to anyway; but the media would have a field day with it.

When I had told Isabella to trust me in going public with our relationship I was being serious. But to be honest, I hadn't quite expected the reaction we received. When The Volturi first started getting media recognition I was immediately pinpointed as the rebellious heartthrob. My good looks and charm were able to let me say whatever I wanted, do whatever I wanted, and be with whomever I wanted with little questions asked. At first I was hesitant to be portrayed in that image. I could only imagine what my parents thought and I didn't like that it was singling me out amongst Emmett and Jasper. But as time went on, I quickly saw the perks to being labeled the "bad boy." Women threw themselves at me, guys thought I was _the shit_, and it allowed me to get away with a lot of bullshit antics. _What guy in his young twenties wouldn't want that kind of opportunity?_

Bella had been worried that she would be seen as the villain for dating me. Since she was still fairly unknown, she didn't want to be viewed as a fame whore. I disregarded her fears as much as possible. But the truth was, (while I would never admit it to her) I also expected the media to portray her in that light. But I had a plan. When the media started to attack her, I would immediately go on the defense. I would protect her and make it clear that nobody was allowed to mess with her. Thus, I would be seen as the hero in the situation and Bella would have the respect that I demanded to be given to her. Sure it may have made me sound like an egotistical prick…but you either get played by the media or you play them. In my eyes, it was a win-win situation.

Imagine my surprise when everyone immediately fell in love with Isabella. I, honestly, shouldn't have been surprised. _I mean, hell, she won me over right away. _But it was the way they portrayed me in the relationship that I couldn't stand. Bella was not like the typical girls I had been seen with over the past years. As one magazine labeled her, she was the "painfully beautiful girl next door." So the fact that I was suddenly tied to a good girl like her meant one thing to the rest of the world: Edward Cullen was settling down and Isabella Swan was the girl to bring me to my knees.

Isabella's stark contrast to my bad-boy image made many speculate that she was too good for me. And while I knew deep down she WAS too good for me, I would never admit that to the rest of the world. The final straw was when Emmett showed me a magazine with the two of us the cover and the god-awful caption: "The Lion Fell in Love with the Lamb." The boys had a good laugh at it; but it fucking pissed me off. It was like I was a god-damned neutered dog – like Isabella was the girl to finally _train _me. _It infuriated me._

I couldn't dare tell anyone else about how I felt either. If I said something to the guys it would make me look like a pompous ass. And God forbid I mentioned my insecurities to Bella. She would immediately take it far too personal and think I was unhappy about her success – which was never a factor.

So I continued to go out, relying on alcohol to get me through the long nights. I mostly kept a distance from everyone. Occasionally girls would come and ask for me to buy them a drink or try to convince me to leave with them; but for the most part people understood that my glares meant _leave me the fuck alone._ And just like every night the past couple nights; once I got myself good and sloshed, Tanya would saddle up next to me, hoping to take advantage of my inebriated state. As always, that was my last-call to go home. I would shrug her off and ignore her whiny protests as I stumbled back to the hotel.

On this particular night I made it back to the room and went straight for the mini-bar, still not feeling quite drunk enough to go to sleep. I flicked on the TV and went to the recorded programs, where I had DVR'd _The Late Show. _After making myself a Jack and Coke, I stripped off my clothes, got under the covers, and turned on Bella's performance. She was fucking sexy as hell in her sequin dress and black tights. I absent-mindedly reached my hand under the covers and began to stroke myself, getting the only type of release I was able to find the past few weeks. In the back of my mind I was painfully aware that I was just like any other cock sucking perv; except that I was jerking off to my own girlfriend. But in that moment we all had something in common – _we all wanted Isabella and couldn't have her._

* * *

I woke up the next morning (or early afternoon, I should say) in a groggy haze. I hadn't drunk enough to get completely hung-over; but it was still enough to make me feel like shit. I took a quick shower to try and revive my senses and then booted up my computer to find out what news I had missed in the morning.

After checking CNN and ESPN, I clicked onto the daily gossip blogs. There wasn't much news for the day, aside from Mel Gibson making an asshole out of himself again for one reason or another. When I clicked over to TMZ, though, I was surprised to see pictures of Isabella in New York City. There were two pictures side-by-side with the caption "Isabella Swan taking on the Big Apple." The first picture showed her sitting in the corner of a dark bar with a guy whose back was turned to the camera. The second picture was her standing by the doors of the bar, giving the guy a hug. His back was still turned to the camera so I was unable to make out who he was – but it certainly wasn't Charlie. I read the text underneath the pictures: _"Isabella Swan was seen out in New York City after her performance on The Late Show last night. She caught up with a mysterious man for a few drinks at her hotel bar before giving him a friendly goodbye. We wonder what Edward Cullen has to say about this?"_

I, instinctively, felt a bit a jealousy rise up in me and then immediately felt ashamed. I picked up the phone and dialed Bella's number, fully expecting to get her voicemail, but was surprised when I heard her pick up.

"Hello?" she said groggily.

"I just woke up and it's 1pm here – what are you doing asleep?" I teased.

"I was up at the ass-crack of dawn doing radio interviews this morning. I was just taking a nap."

"How'd they go?"

"Good. The typical questions – nothing out of the ordinary." She let out a loud yawn.

"Do you want me to let you get back to sleep?"

"No!" she said, sounding much more alert. "This is the first time I get to hear your voice in 2 days. Real Edward is much better than Dream Edward."

"Oh? And what were you dreaming about me?" I asked, curiously.

"Wouldn't you like to know, you perv."

I chuckled to myself, knowing I had just called myself those same words last night. "You don't know the half of it."

"So what are you up to this afternoon?" she asked.

"I was actually just catching up on all the news. You know you're on TMZ."

I heard her stifle another yawn. "What else is new? So what do they have to say about us this time?"

"Not us, darling. Just you…or you and some mystery man, I should say."

"Can I believe my ears? Is Edward Cullen getting jealous?"

"Who is he?" I asked, ignoring her teasing.

"If I had a dollar for all the times I could have said that to you…" she trailed off and I could tell by the slight rise in her voice that she was starting to get agitated.

"And all those times you wanted to keep us a secret - so I was just going out and doing what I normally did. But ever since we went public I have not been photographed ONCE with another girl, Isabella. And it's not because I'm worried about my image. It's because from here on out we're a _team._ Whatever I do affects your image and whatever you do affects my image – and I do not want to look like a fucking patsy while you get photographed with every Tom, Dick, and Harry."

I could hear her sharp intake of breath and could tell she was taken aback by my harsh words. I immediately cursed at myself for lashing out on her for no reason. _Great way to control your fucking emotions, Cullen._

She remained silent for a moment before she finally spoke up. "His name is Jacob Black. He's the reporter for _Rolling Stone_ who wrote my article; which is fucking amazing. I met up with him for a drink to thank him for such a great cover story. It was _nothing _Edward and I'm truly hurt that you don't see that."

I sighed and pulled at my hair, frustrated with myself. "I know that, Bella. I trust you and I know it didn't mean anything. I'm sorry…I just know how vicious rumors are spread. Just be careful – the media will pounce on us the minute they have a picture or story to allude that one of us is cheating on the other."

"Is something else going on?" she asked, warily. "You've seemed on edge the past couple days. I know our schedules have been super hectic, but I've got all the time in the world right now…you can talk to me about anything, you know."

I immediately felt a new wave of guilt hit me for all my selfish thoughts over the past days. _God I love this woman so much and I don't even deserve her. _"I'm fine, Bells – honestly. I'm just stressed out from the tour and missing you. I really am sorry for lashing out on you just now. You didn't deserve that."

"I understand. And don't get too stressed – we'll see each other in 3 days. That's something to look forward to!"

"I'm counting down the minutes."

"Is everything else going ok on tour? You and the guys are fine?" she asked. I could tell she was still fishing for a reason as to why I was so on edge.

"It's the same old shit as always on tour. You know the drill by now. It's actually pretty boring. So instead of talking about my uneventful tour, I'd much rather hear everything that you've been up to the past couple days."

We spent the next hour on the phone catching up on each others' lives. She raved on about how much she loved New York and how confused Charlie was getting trying to navigate the big city. She told me her next single had been decided and she would begin shooting the music video for it in Los Angeles the following week. We talked about which radio personalities and TV hosts we liked the most and which ones were assholes who were just looking to get a rise out of the interviewer. I didn't want the conversation to end. Just hearing her voice and talking about stupid shit with her helped calm my nerves.

Bella had just started to try and convince me that we needed to get a dog after we moved in together, when there was a loud bang on my door.

"Wake your sorry ass up! We have a meet-and-greet in a half hour!" Rosalie called.

"I'm up, bitch! I'll be down in 10 minutes." I yelled through the door.

"That time again?" Bella sighed.

"Unfortunately."

"Hey, I know it sucks that we don't get as much time to talk right now – but we're both doing what we love and having a good time, right?"

I paused as I thought of how to respond, realizing that this was her last way of trying to figure out what was wrong with me. _Oh you're good, baby, but I know you too well to figure out what's up your sleeve._

"Of course," I lied.

She sighed and I knew in that moment that she also knew me too well to know that I was lying. She didn't press it.

"I'll see you in three days. I love you."

I hung up the phone and threw on a fresh pair of clothes before glancing in the mirror one last time. I took a long look at myself, trying to figure out what was going on with me. I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair. I could do three more days of waiting to see Isabella – that wasn't too hard. _It was the rest of the tour away from her that I was worried about._


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11:**

_Nights are long and dreams are cold,_

_If they're all you wake up to._

_But should you rise with crying eyes_

_Then I'll take care of you._

_-Dixie Chicks_

**Bella's POV:**

I stepped off of the plane and walked quickly to the nearest bathroom to blow my nose and splash some water on my face. After three more days of working around the clock and flying back and forth across the country, I finally landed in Austin, TX. For the next two days I planned to not sing or mention my album once. It was strictly Edward and me time.

The only problem that seemed to be standing in my way was the sore throat and clogged head I woke up with that morning. I brushed it off as a simple head cold, popped some Tylenol, and downed some cough syrup before boarding the plane. Unfortunately, my body had a mind of its own. As I sat on the 2 ½ hour flight to Austin I slowly continued to feel more drained. It was becoming increasingly hard to swallow and I was beginning to ache all over.

I patted my face dry with a paper towel and grimaced when I saw my reflection in the mirror. _I looked like shit._ I had dark circles under my eyes and my skin was a clammy pale color.

"This is NOT happening right now," I told myself in the mirror. "You will NOT get sick."

I walked down to the baggage claim and saw a man holding a piece of paper with the word Swan written on it. I nodded towards the man and he walked over to me, grabbing my bags.

"Ms. Swan, I have your car waiting for you."

I nodded - too tired to even utter a simple 'thank you.' I had argued with Edward the night prior that I didn't need a car service and would simply get a cab to his hotel. He insisted that I get picked up for my safety and our privacy. I rolled my eyes when I saw he had a limo waiting for me. _Subtlety was not one of Edward's strong suits. _The driver placed my bags in the trunk and opened the door for me to step inside. The inside of the limo was fairly dark. As I sat down I let my exhaustion take over, leaning back and closing my eyes.

As the limo started up I was startled when I heard a deep laugh next to me. "Tired, Bells?"

My eyes shot open to see Edward, sitting across from me in the limo. He was leaning in towards me and I was caught up in his beautiful green eyes. Even when I felt like shit Edward managed to make my heart race. I raked my eyes over his body. _God I missed staring at him every day. _He gave me a crooked smile when he realized what I was doing; but then gave me his own once-over. It took all my self-control not to grab his face and pull him towards my mouth.

"Isn't a limo a little flashy for a 15 minute drive to a hotel?" I smirked, not answering his question. For the first time that day I heard how raspy my voice sounded.

He shifted to the seat next to me and pulled me onto his lap; wrapping his arms around my waist and dancing his fingers across my skin. I shivered in his arms.

"Ah, but think of all the things we could do in 15 minutes with this much space," he winked at me. He leaned down to capture my mouth but I had to quickly turn my head to cough in my shoulder.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news…but I think I'm coming down with something. I don't want to get you sick."

Edward pulled back and looked at me. I could see it registering in his face for the first time that I didn't look so good. He pulled me closer to him and lightly massaged my back. I nuzzled my head into his neck and sighed, the pressure against my aching muscles felt good.

"So no mouth to mouth contact, hmmm…" he murmured into my hair. His hand slid underneath my shirt as he continued to push his thumbs into my muscles. I arched my back, pushing my body closer into his chest. "Guess we'll just have to think of other ways to make contact," he groaned and started licking and sucking at the nape of my neck.

I shifted so that I was now completely facing him and wrapped my legs around his waist. I could feel his bulge pushing into me through his jeans. He grabbed the hem of my shirt and whisked it off, throwing it on the floor. His hands went back to massaging me as he lowered his kisses from my neck down to the front of my collarbone.

"God you're so hot, Bella. It's like you're fucking on fire."

I felt flushed. As soon as his lips and hands were on my skin it was like a cooling sensation that I so desperately needed. I bucked into his hips, needing to feel more of him.

"Please…" I whimpered.

Edward smiled and squeezed my breast. His mouth came dangerously close to my lips. "Tell me what you want, love."

I threw my head back; his whole presence having a dizzying affect on me. I wanted him. I needed him. I was burning for him. The dizziness continued. I closed my eyes to try and steady myself but it suddenly hit me how fucking hot it was in the limo. I was burning up. I quickly sat up – all desires for Edward pushed back at the moment.

"I want…Oh God – I need air!" I jumped off of him, as he cast me a curious look, and dropped down to the air vent, blasting the A/C in my face. "It's too fucking hot in here."

Edward dropped down next to me and gently rubbed my back. "Are you ok?"

I put my head down and closed my eyes, trying to stop the world from spinning around me. Edward grabbed a water bottle out of the ice chest and held it up to me. I continued to keep my head down, taking deep breaths, until I was finally able to stop feeling so lightheaded. I took the water from Edward and gingerly sipped it.

"When's the last time you ate, Bella?"

"Yesterday? I haven't been feeling well enough to eat today."

He frowned and handed me back my shirt. "You need to get some food in you, baby. The whole group has dinner reservations at Trio tonight. Getting something to eat and seeing your friends will help you feel better."

I sighed and pulled my shirt over my head before taking another swig of water. "Can we just skip the dinner tonight? I'm so exhausted. Maybe we can just order room service and watch a movie in bed?"

"Bella, I've been holed up in hotel after hotel this entire tour. I cannot take another night of just sitting in front of the TV. I've been waiting for this night for weeks – just humor me, please. Let's go out and enjoy ourselves and we can call it an early night; ok?"

I inwardly groaned but decided not to push the issue; knowing it would only aggravate Edward and I didn't want to get into an argument. I had already been running on fumes the past few days – what were a few more hours of exhaustion? I could only pray that Edward didn't want to retire early for an all night fuck-fest.

We got to the hotel and I wearily made my way up to his room. The minute I stepped inside I flopped down on the bed and closed my eyes.

"How long do we have 'til dinner? Can I take a nap?" I mumbled into his pillow.

I felt him sit down next to me. He lifted my legs and placed my feet on his lap, taking off my shoes, and began to massage my feet. I moaned into the pillow.

"Sorry, love. We're leaving in an hour. You may want to…umm…start freshening up."

_As in, I may want to make myself not look like death. _I thought I had inwardly groaned again; until I heard the loud sigh of frustration escape my lips.

"Jesus, Bella, could you at least _try_ for me? I understand you've been working hard and you're tired – but do you think flying from LA to Europe twice a month to see you was easy? All I'm asking for is a nice dinner with you."

I kicked my feet out of his hands and threw them over the bed, sitting up. I scowled at Edward, who was basically giving me the same look at the moment. I threw my hands up in defeat.

"Fine! I'll go make myself look presentable!" I said sarcastically and stomped my way into the bathroom.

I stripped down quickly and turned on the shower, making it a lukewarm temperature since I still felt hot. I stepped inside and let the water run down me. As my body adjusted to the temperature I increased the heat. The warmth felt good on my aching muscles and the steam started to clear up my congested head. I placed my hands against the wall and kept my eyes closed. After a few minutes I heard the shower door open and felt Edward's arms wrap around my waist.

"I need a shower too," he whispered, seductively, into my ear. I could feel his erection poking against my ass crack.

"Well if you want me to be ready in an hour, I suggest you wait to take a cold shower," I said still irritated.

Edward spun me around to face him and pushed the wet hair out of my face so that I was looking directly in his eyes. "I don't want to be arguing with you after only 30 minutes of being together, Bella."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned my head against his chest. "I don't want to either. I'm sorry. I'm just cranky."

Edward grabbed my bottle of shampoo and poured it into his hands, lathering it up. He then turned me back around and silently began rubbing it into my hair. I stayed quiet as his fingers massaged my scalp. When he was done I turned back to him and grabbed some of the shampoo out of my hair, scrubbing it into his head. He pushed us both into the water and I watched as the suds trickled their way down our bodies.

Edward grabbed my body wash next. He poured it into his hand and spun me so that my back was against his chest. His hands roamed up and down the sides of my torso, swirling the soap around to my stomach and up to my breasts. As his fingers flicked across my nipples, I let out a soft moan and grinded my bottom into his dick.

He chuckled and pinched my nipple. "Play fair, Bells. You're the one that said no fooling around. I'm just helping you get clean."

He turned me back towards him and lifted my right leg, wrapping it around his waist. He poured more soap in his hand and slid it up and down my thigh. His hand continued to rise up my leg and slipped around to my backside. He cupped and squeezed my cheek and I could feel myself getting wetter for him.

_I see what you're doing, lover; and two can place this game. _I kept my leg wrapped around him and grabbed some of the soap. I slid my hand slowly down his stomach before wrapping my fingers around his shaft. I smiled to myself when I heard him inhale sharply and began the slow torture of my hand sliding up and down his engorged head.

"It looks like you're dirty too," I teased.

He dropped his head onto my shoulder and moaned. I continued stroking him as his hand slid back around to my front and dipped in between my folds. He licked at my neck and flicked his thumb across my clit. I gasped and pulled on him harder. He shuddered on my shoulder and then pushed two fingers into me while continuing his assault on my bud.

"Oh, God, Edward…" I groaned. "Fuck me."

Edward immediately pulled out of me and I almost whimpered at the sudden loss of pleasure before he suddenly grabbed my other leg and hoisted me up around his waist. He grabbed my waist with both hands and positioned his dick against my entrance. I moaned in anticipation, waiting to feel him thrusting deep into me.

Instead…I felt an ice cold blast of water hit my back and shrieked at the sudden change in water temperature. Edward quickly turned us so that his back was receiving the brunt of the cold.

"Goddamn hotel!" he cursed. "You can't take a fucking shower for longer than 20 minutes?"

I shivered and let go of him, placing my feet back on the ground.

"Well you got the cold shower that you suggested," he sighed and opened the door to let me out. I wrapped a large white towel around my body, rubbing myself to get warm.

"Are you coming out?"

He groaned and looked down at his still erect cock. "Give me a minute."

* * *

We got to the restaurant 15 minutes late. Even though our moment in the shower had made me feel better, the minute I stepped out of the water I could feel the aches and pains slowly seeping into my bones again. After Edward had cooled himself down, he found me passed out on the bed. He managed to wake me up and I groggily dressed myself and applied makeup to cover up the dark circles under my eyes. I downed two more spoonfuls of cold medicine and plastered a fake smile on my face. I wanted Edward to have a good time…and, truthfully, I wanted to enjoy myself…but I had already started a countdown in my head as to when I could fall back into bed.

"Well it's about time you two!" Emmett's voiced boomed from the table. He, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice were already seated. "You can't keep Izzy all to yourself, you know."

Edward placed his hand on my back as we made our way over to the group. "Sure I can."

"It's my fault," I explained. "I fell asleep and was being stubborn when Edward tried to wake me."

"All that work catching up to you, huh, Iz?"

Rosalie looked me up and down and frowned. "You look like shit."

I grimaced. _And here I thought Rosalie and I had made some headway in the friendship department._

"Fuck off," Edward said to her.

"I didn't mean it that way," Rosalie defended. "I mean…you look like you're sick."

I nodded and took a sip of water. "I think it's just a head cold."

"You didn't have to come tonight, Isabella," Jasper spoke up. "We would have understood."

I cast a sideways glance at Edward. _Well isn't that fucking nice of Jasper. Glad THEY would have understood. _"I didn't want to disappoint Edward."

Edward scowled at me. Obviously, I said the wrong thing.

"You're an asshole," Rosalie muttered to him.

The waiter came by and asked for our orders. Truthfully, I was still feeling sick to my stomach and I didn't want to eat anything heavy. I was happy with water and the complimentary bread at the table. I was just about to order a small salad when Edward spoke for me.

"And she'll have the filet mignon – medium." He glanced at me with a huge smile, obviously proud of himself for remembering my favorite choice at this restaurant; but it just made me more irritated with him.

"I hear you're shooting your own music video next week, Isabella," Alice spoke up. "Do you need a stylist for the shoot?"

"Hey – are you trying to ditch us?" Jasper asked her.

"Aww I would never ditch you, sweetie," Alice gushed and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I was just offering my assistance."

I smiled at their interaction. "So are you two officially a couple now?"

Edward snorted. "Please, the minute Jasper laid eyes on Alice they were a couple."

Jasper tossed a roll at Edward, hitting him square in the forehead.

"Children, please!" Rosalie sighed.

The waiter came around to pour us wine, but I waved him off when he got to my glass.

"Uh oh – Isabella Swan just refused wine? You really are sick!" Emmett joked.

The rest of the table continued in conversation for the remainder of the night, but I hardly talked. After eating two rolls my stomach was starting to do back flips. I was suddenly the exact opposite to how I felt in the limo. Before I had been burning up; but now I was freezing. Chills kept shooting up and down my spine. The waiter brought the meals out to everyone and I used my fork to move some of the food around on the plate but didn't touch anything.

"Isabella, are you ok? You've barely touched your food," Alice asked, genuinely concerned.

"I'm not that hungry."

"Bella, you haven't eaten anything since yesterday," Edward pushed.

"I'm fine, Edward," I said, annoyed. I looked around the room and rubbed my arms. "Is it freezing in here? Can we ask the manager to turn off the air?"

The rest of the group looked back and forth at each other. "It's not cold," Rosalie said.

"I know!" Emmett exclaimed. "You're tired, feeling nauseous, and not drinking…you're pregnant aren't you?"

"Emmett!" Rosalie scolded.

Edward's fork clanked down onto his plate. He sat, frozen, staring at me – his face had gone completely white.

"Jesus Christ Emmett!" I yelled in a hushed voice. "I am not fucking pregnant. I just have a cold!"

I looked back at Edward, who was still frozen. "I am NOT pregnant," I reiterated to him.

Edward shook himself out of it and glared at Emmett, who was laughing hysterically. "Fuck you, asshole."

I felt another chill run through me and I sighed. Placing my head in between my hands, I stared down at my uneaten food, and took deep breaths.

"Edward, you should probably take Isabella home," Jasper said. "It's obvious she doesn't feel well and isn't enjoying herself."

"Fine. I shouldn't have even bothered," Edward grumbled. He stood up and gently grabbed my elbow. "C'mon."

I glanced up at him, trying to give him an apologetic look. I really did feel bad that he put effort into tonight and I was ruining it. Unfortunately, I think my face looked more annoyed than sympathetic when I made eye-contact with him.

I stood up and immediately had to place my hand down on the table to steady myself. I was suddenly very dizzy. I took a few deep breaths, trying to focus on my feet, while the rest of the room continued to spin.

"Iz?" I heard Emmett call.

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward asked, grasping onto my arm.

All of their voices sounded like I was hearing them underwater. I looked up into Edward's worried eyes and nodded…and then everything went black.

**

* * *

Edward's POV:**

I paced back and forth, outside of my hotel room, pulling at my hair. I was worried and guilt-stricken all at the same time. I was a complete asshole tonight; determined not to let Bella's cold ruin the plans I had made. I spent so much time pushing her to do what I wanted that I didn't even notice how bad she was feeling – until it was too late.

When Bella fainted in the restaurant, it caused as automatic frenzy. Luckily, I was already holding onto her arm. When I saw her start to go down, I immediately scooped her up into my arms. Emmett and Jasper shouted her name, while Rosalie called for the waiter to bring some water. All the patrons had their eyes glued to the scene unraveling before them. I knew this was going to be all over the news by tomorrow; but in that moment I didn't care. Alice grabbed her napkin and dipped it in water, wiping the cold cloth on Bella's forehead.

_"Bella, baby – c'mon wake up," I said frantically._

It was probably less than a minute that she was out, but while I waited for her to regain consciousness it felt like forever. Even after she woke up, she insisted that she was fine. Alice sat next to her on the floor, insisting she drink some water, while I cradled her in my arms. The manager was horrified and insisted on calling an ambulance but Rosalie immediately stopped him. She didn't want Bella going to the emergency room and starting a media frenzy. Rose suggested Isabella get checked out by our tour doctor before going to extreme measures. We quickly rushed back to the hotel and called for the doctor. He was currently with her in my room, while I frantically waited for some news.

_What was wrong with her? Was she sick? Did she need to go to the hospital? _And then my thoughts went back to what Emmett had said earlier in the night. _Oh Shit – is she pregnant? _I felt a lump form in my throat and had to take a few deep breaths. I started pacing faster. _Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. _Bella couldn't be pregnant. She was on the pill. She was just starting out her career. We were both too young. I was too fucking irresponsible.

"Will you calm the fuck down?" Rosalie said exasperated. "She'll be ok."

The rest of the group stood outside, waiting to hear word on her as well. Jasper and Alice were talking quietly in the corner of the hall. Rosalie had her blackberry in her hand, waiting to see what was written in the news about the incident. Emmett stood by her side.

"Oh like you care!" I snapped. "You're just waiting so you can send out a press release and go to bed."

Rosalie's eyes darkened but before she could bitch me out, Emmett stepped in front of her and grasped my shoulder. "We all care about Isabella, man. I know you're upset – but don't take it out on the people who care."

I nodded and was about to swallow my pride and apologize to Rose when the doctor opened the door.

"How is she?"

"Isabella will be fine. She has a high fever and has all the symptoms of the flu. It can last anywhere from 48-72 hours. She needs to stay in bed and continue drinking lots of fluids. If her fever continues to rise then you should call me immediately; but her body should be able to take care of this itself."

I breathed a sigh of relief – it was just the flu. _And she wasn't pregnant._ I thanked the doctor and turned to say goodnight to the rest of the group.

"Where do you think you're going?" Rosalie said, stepping in front of me when I reached for the door.

"To take care of Bella. I'll see you in the morning."

"Like hell you are! The last thing I need is you getting sick – she's highly contagious in there!"

"You must be out of your mind if you think I'm going to leave her alone in a hotel room while she's sick," I spat. "Emmett stays with you when you're sick on tour!"

"That's different. The Volturi can still perform with a backup drummer. We'd have to cancel a concert if you couldn't sing – no offense," she added in the last part to Emmett.

"Wait a goddamn minute – are you saying I'm replaceable?" Emmett asked, bewildered.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "You know that's not what I'm saying."

"You guys have your own issues to deal with," I said, turning the knob to my door. "I'm taking care of Isabella and that's final…I'll make a deal with you – I'll sleep on the couch; ok?"

"No, Edward you're not allowed to get sick…" Rosalie started to argue; but I stepped inside the room and shut the door on her.

I turned around; expecting to see Bella lying down but the bed was empty. I was about to call out for her when I heard a retching sound in the bathroom that let me know exactly where she was and what she was doing. I sighed and walked into the bathroom behind her and pulled back her hair.

"Go away," she cried between sobs. She had tears running down her pale face and sweat beading on her forehead.

"Not a chance," I said, rubbing her back.

"This isn't sexy."

I chuckled. "You're right it's not sexy – but I still love you. I'm not going anywhere. Besides…I've seen you puke plenty of times when you're drunk."

"But that's different…this is _sick_ puke."

"All puke is sick, Bella," I laughed. I flushed the toilet and got a wet washcloth, wiping the sweat and tears off of her face. She fell into my arms and began sobbing. I rocked her back and forth, trying to calm her down.

"I'm…so…sorry," she hiccupped.

"What do you have to be sorry about?" I asked bewildered. "I'm the one that's sorry – I should have never made you go out tonight."

"But…I…ruined…our…only…time…together," she wailed.

"Shh…that doesn't even matter now, love. All that matters is getting you back to normal so you can get back to work," I whispered in her ear. I scooped her up in my arms and carried her back over to the bed. She was still in her clothes from the restaurant. I sat her down and stripped off her clothes, throwing one of my t-shirts on her. Even though the act wasn't sexual – I still had a hard-on. I inwardly groaned as I realized that I wasn't going to get the release I had been waiting for this weekend. I tucked Bella into bed and kissed her forehead. She was already passed out.

I sighed and walked back into the bathroom. I stripped down and hopped into the shower. As the water ran over me, I grabbed my shaft and began stroking it; thinking about how our incident earlier in the shower _should _have ended.

* * *

I woke up early in the afternoon the next day. I was spooned behind Bella, my arms wrapped tightly around her body. She was still sleeping, which I took as a good sign. I stopped counting after the fifth time Bella had run to the bathroom to throw up in the middle of the night. I had been sleeping on the couch but each time she threw up I made sure I was by her side. After awhile I gave up trying to keep the germs away and slid under the covers behind her. I wasn't sure the last time she got sick but it surely had to have been a few hours. Hopefully this was a sign of her improvement.

There was a light knock on the door and I slipped myself out of the bed; careful not to wake Bella. Jasper was waiting on the other side with Alice.

"Hey, how's she doing?" he whispered.

"She's asleep. It's been a long night but hopefully the worst is over."

Jasper nodded. "We have to get ready for our sound check soon. Alice volunteered to stay with Isabella while you're gone."

"Are you sure?" I looked at the petite girl. She had a bundle of DVDs and tissues in her arms.

"I came prepared!" she said proudly.

I left Alice with Bella and went with the rest of the guys to rehearsal. I could feel the effects of my long night catching up with me while I was on stage; my voice raspier than usual.

"Edward!" Rosalie yelled out from behind the stage. "You better not be fucking sick!"

I glanced back at Emmett to try and calm the beast but he just shrugged. "Don't look at me. Evidently I'm replaceable to her."

By the end of rehearsal I had hoped to get a few hours of rest before the concert that night but the group decided to follow me back to my room to check on Bella. I opened the door to see her and Alice sitting on the bed watching a movie. She glanced up at me and gave me a weak smile.

"Hey, baby, how are you feeling?"

"I've been better," she shrugged.

"She's been drinking a lot of liquids. She still has a fever but we're trying to cure that with a dose of McSteamy and McDreamy," Alice said.

"Just what the doctor ordered," Bella giggled.

"Bella I wanted to talk to you while I had both you and Edward together," Rosalie spoke up. "You know that we're scheduled to leave Austin after the show tonight, right?"

"Like hell I will. I'm not leaving Bella alone while she's sick."

"That's why I wanted to talk to both of you," Rose said, clearly agitated. "I took the liberty of calling Charlie this morning and explaining to him what was going on. He's flying in here first thing tomorrow morning."

"What the fuck, Rose? Why did you call him?"

"Aside from being her father, he's also her manager. He needs to know that his artist is currently out of commission and won't be returning to Los Angeles on schedule. And because he's her dad, he can take care of her while we're gone."

Bella nodded. "Thank you, Rose."

"Well I'm glad someone in this relationship is logical."

I raked my hand through my hair and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Ok so I'll hop on a flight tomorrow morning to Houston."

Rosalie shook her head. "You can't. You have a charity function to be at early in the morning."

"Are you trying to tell me that's more important than Bella's health?"

"No, asshole, I'm trying to tell you that you still have responsibilities."

"I'm not leaving Bella all alone tonight," I argued.

"Hey guys I'm sitting right here!" she spoke up. "I don't think we need to be having an argument over who will babysit me. I can manage."

"I'll stay, "Alice chimed in. We all turned our attention to the pixie on the bed.

"Oh, no Alice it's ok…"

"Are you trying to tell me you don't like my company?" Alice interrupted Bella.

Bella smiled. "That's not it at all – I just don't want to inconvenience you."

"If it was an inconvenience I wouldn't have suggested it. I'll stay after the concert tonight and take a flight to Houston tomorrow once her dad gets here."

"Thank you," Bella said, giving Alice a sideways hug. "You think you can part with her for the night, Jasper?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Only for you Isabella."

I looked at Bella with her big sweatshirt on and hair pulled back in a messy ponytail. Her face was still pale, her nose bright red, and her eyes were sunken in. But the minute she smiled, she was still absolutely beautiful. I realized that my time with her was dwindling and I wanted to have some final moments together while she was still awake. I ushered everyone out of the room; giving them one last chance to say goodbye to Isabella. When everyone had left I closed the door and turned around to face her. She smiled and patted the spot next to her on the bed; signaling for me to come join her. I sat down and pulled her into my arms, kissing the top of her head.

"How do you feel?"

"You know after you've had a really bad day being hung over?" I nodded. "I feel like it's the end of the day when you're still weak and unsure if you're going to be sick one last time or if the worst is over."

We sat quietly, as I ran my fingers up and down her arms. She had her head on my shoulder and her eyes were closed. Finally, she broke the silence.

"I'm really sorry about this weekend."

"It's not your fault, Bells."

"But I feel like I ruined our only opportunity to be together for awhile."

"You forgot my birthday party is next week in Vegas. You can spend all night reimbursing me for our lost time," I said, slyly.

Bella shot up out of my arms with a frantic look. "Oh my God I'm the worst girlfriend ever! I completely forgot next week in your birthday! What do you even want?"

I pulled her back into my arms. "All I want is you, Bells…and maybe a sexy outfit or two."

"You already have me. And you'll get some outfits next week too. But you also need a real gift."

"Oh believe me, baby, making every inch of your body mine is VERY real."

I felt her shiver in my arms and I smirked, kissing the top of her head.

"Well I'm still going to get you something," she mumbled.

"How about you just get better?"

"I already feel better now that you're here."

I pulled the covers around us and set the alarm on my phone to go off in two hours. I turned to my side and pulled Bella up against my body; looping my arm around her. I looked deep in her beautiful green eyes and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Me too."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12:**

**A/N: **Sorry for the delayed update – the holiday rush is catching up to me!

**Warning: **Some drug use is mentioned in this chapter. I am not glamorizing it and, certainly, don't condone it.

* * *

_What have I become?_

_My sweetest friend._

_Everyone I know,_

_Goes away in the end._

_And you could have it all,_

_My empire of dirt._

_I will let you down._

_I will make you hurt._

_- Nine Inch Nails_

**Edward's POV**

"Viva Las Vegas! Viva Las Vegas! Vivaaaa…"

"Will you shut the fuck up!" I yelled at Emmett. The two of us were sitting at a high-stakes Black Jack table in the middle of the Palms casino. We had arrived in Vegas earlier in the day and immediately started to gamble away our entire tour income. Jasper was down $1,000 and decided to call it quits; saying he was going to take Alice shopping at the Forums. _You're going to lose more money shopping with Alice than here at the tables, buddy. _My brother and I continued to press our luck - but my concentration was broken by Emmett's horrendous, drunken, singing.

"There's a reason why I'm the lead singer in this band, dickwad," I told him.

"You're just intimidated by my talent. I've got the good looks, the voice, and I bang all night."

"Keep telling yourself that," I scoffed, placing another bet on the table. "Hitting a drum isn't that hard."

"I was talking about Rose…you know, an actual female – something you haven't had in a LONG time."

_Ouch._ He was hitting below the belt and he knew that. Emmett was lucky Bella was arriving in a few hours or his ass would have been on the floor in the middle of the casino. I had been counting down the days 'til my birthday all week – and it wasn't even because Rose set up an extravagant party at Moon nightclub. _Ok that was part of it. I had to admit - it was fucking cool of her to do._ But my excitement mostly stemmed from finally getting Bella back in my bed. While I tried to be sympathetic about her being sick last week, my patience had run out. There would be no pretenses tonight and no huge romantic gestures. Tonight all I wanted to do was get smashed and fuck Bella's brains out.

As the days led up to my birthday, I started to vividly imagine all the different ways I'd take her. It soon became a game of sexting between the two of us; with her adding in her own scenarios. My most recent fantasy happened on the plane ride to Vegas. I imagined fucking her right in the middle of the club tonight. The idea that we would be doing something so intimate, with so many people around, and the possibility of getting caught left my dick throbbing. I wondered how she'd respond if I approached the idea to her. I thought back to some of the racy texts she sent me over the week and couldn't help but smirk to myself. _My girl definitely had a kinky side._

My dirty thoughts were broken by Emmett, who had jumped out of his chair and yelled, "Black jack!" in the middle of the casino.

The dealer looked at him in disbelief. She looked down at the cards and then back up at him. "You only have 20."

"What? No! I have an Ace and a 9. An Ace counts as 11!"

"That makes 20, dipshit!" Rosalie walked towards our table; obviously not amused with the embarrassing scene Emmett was making for himself.

We watched as the dealer flipped over her cards to reveal Black Jack. "That's what 21 looks like, Em," I laughed.

I heard him mutter something about being "so close." Emmett went to put more chips down on the table but Rosalie scooped them up into her arms.

"Hey!"

"You're cashing out….both of you," she started walking away, ranting on about how the two of us had to be adopted because Carlisle and Esme were so smart.

I looked at Emmett, waiting for him to disagree; but he just shrugged his shoulders and followed behind Rosalie. I stared agape at him for a second before realizing I also had nothing better to do and left the table as well. I had to laugh as the two of us trailed behind Rose, who was briskly walking a good three feet in front of us. It reminded me of the time Emmett and I got caught stealing candy out of the bins at the grocery store. Our mother was so furious that she made us apologize to the manager and promptly informed us we were not allowed back in the store. She stormed out to the car, telling us how much trouble we'd be in with our father when he got home. We walked as slow as possible behind her, hoping that it would delay the impending doom of an infuriated Carlisle.

We followed Rose to one of the conference rooms in the hotel. A group of men were already standing around waiting. Some of the suits I recognized from our label – including Demetri, the Vice President of Sony and Aro's second in command. The door opened behind us and Jasper walked in. He turned around to kiss Alice goodbye, who was carrying about three bags in each hand.

"How'd you two make out?"

I glanced back at Alice as the door closed. "Probably better than you."

"Gentlemen now that you're all here I'll make this as short as possible," Demetri spoke up, commanding everyone's attention. "I'm sorry to call such an impromptu meeting but I wanted a chance to speak to everyone before Edward's party tonight."

"Yeah!" Emmett cheered before Rose elbowed him in the stomach.

"I see you've already started the festivities," Demetri joked; then turned his attention to me. "Happy Birthday, Edward. Aro sends his regards and apologies for not being here on your special day. He had some business he needed to take care of with a new artist."

I nodded, feigning interest. I could, honestly, have cared less if Aro was there or not. _Hell, at this point I could have cared less if Obama, himself, showed up to sing Happy Birthday._ In 45 minutes Bella's plane would be landing and that's all that mattered.

"You guys have a unique opportunity that has been presented to you," Demetri continued. "In two months, _Rolling Stone _will be doing a Tour Diary issue. They've sent reporters to follow along 6 bands currently on tour for the next month. The Volturi has been chosen to be the cover story." _A reporter with us for an entire month? I didn't see how this could be a good thing._

"I'd like you all to meet Jacob Black, who will be following your life on the road over the next 4 weeks."

A tall, muscular, looking guy stepped forward from the back and casually waved. He looked to be about my age – if not younger. For some reason, his name sounded oddly familiar but I couldn't quite place where I had heard it before.

"It's a pleasure to be working with you guys," Jacob introduced himself. "I'm sure you all have a lot of question about what this entails and I have no problem answering any of them. I just want to let you know that I've already had extensive conversations with Ms. Hale so I know what's on and off-limits to cover. _Rolling Stone _is hoping to give the fans a detailed look at what goes on behind a tour of their favorite band. Besides the actual article, we'll be teasing it on our website over the next couple weeks with various video clips. Each of you will get your own Flip Cam so your fans can see everything through your own eyes. The whole point of this article is for you guys to be the main voice of this piece – I'm just here as the narrator."

"How will this work with our private lives?" Jasper asked.

Jacob nodded. "I'll be asking you questions – but you, of course, have the right not to answer anything you don't want to. I'll mostly be hanging around back stage and writing about what I see. As far as what goes on during your down time, I won't be covering any of that. You probably won't even see me. The whole point of the piece isn't to infringe on your personal lives. Everyone sees how hilarious the three of you are in interviews. The readers want to see your shenanigans backstage more than anything."

"You could get enough to write your entire article just after tonight," Rosalie scoffed.

Jacob flashed a smile and handed each of us our own Flip Cams. "That's the point of starting tonight. I'm sure your birthday party is going to be crazy, Edward. I hear there are plenty of B & C list celebrities that are still trying to get tickets for tonight. This is the perfect way to start the diary –with an inside look at one of the biggest parties in Vegas."

Emmett already had his camera flipped open and was filming Rosalie. "Damn, baby, we're gonna use this tonight!"

Rose promptly snapped his camera shut and looked at Jacob. "I reserve the right to view all footage before it gets sent back to you."

Jacob laughed and nodded. "I was hoping to get some interviews with all of you before the party tonight. If you have some time now, I'd like to start with the Man of Honor."

I glanced at my watch. "How long do you think this will take?"

"Only about 10 minutes. I just want to get some initial soundbytes."

I shrugged. "Yeah, sure, let's get this over with."

Jacob pulled out his tape recorder. "I was actually looking forward to speaking with you. I'm not sure if you know this but I was the one who did the article on…"

Just then my phone rang and I put up my hand to pause Jacob. I glanced down and saw it was Bella. "Sorry, I have to take this…listen, can we meet up later? Maybe before the group goes out to dinner?"

"Yeah, sure, no problem. I'll go ahead and interview your brother."

"Good luck," I laughed. "He's already drunk off his ass." I turned my back to Jacob and walked over to the corner of the conference room. Most of the other executives had already started to disperse.

"Hey baby, did your plane get in early?"

I half-listened as Bella started talking in my ear. My attention was drawn back to the middle of the room where Emmett was telling an elaborate story about my 5th birthday party and how I freaked out when a clown showed up. I screamed bloody murder and took the baseball bat that had been used for my piñata to knock out Bobo's kneecaps. I silently reminded myself to get even with my brother and tell Jacob about Emmett's fear of stuffed animals coming to life after seeing _Toy Story._

My focus shifted back to Bella, as I was just registering what she had told me.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT COMING?"

Everyone in the room stopped to stare at me and my sudden outburst. Jasper flashed a look of concern and looked at me questioningly; clearly understanding who was on the other line. I shook my head at him and stormed out of the room; needing to finish this conversation in private.

"I've tried everything, Edward," Bella cried. "But there's no way I can leave."

"And why the fuck not?" I seethed. I walked quickly back to my hotel room and slammed the door shut; loud enough for her to hear on the other end.

"We didn't get everything shot for the video. They're going to continue filming throughout the rest of the night and into the early morning. You have to believe me, baby. I've tried negotiating every possible deal – from ending early and hopping on a plane late tonight to coming back early tomorrow morning to finish. Aro refuses. He says that 'time is money' and I've already wasted enough of his money by pushing back the shoot when I was sick."

Bella was back in Los Angeles shooting the music video for her first single. She was supposed to begin shooting earlier in the week but after she was incapacitated in Austin, the shoot had to be pushed back 'til the end of the week. Even then, Bella assured me that it was merely a two-day shoot and she would be done with enough time to hop on a plane and make it to my birthday party. Obviously, her plans had gone wrong. I suddenly remembered Demetri's words about Aro needing to stay behind and deal with a new artist; realizing that Bella was the problem he was dealing with.

"Well, fuck, Bells – thanks for ruining my birthday."

"Please don't do this to me. You already know how horrible I feel."

"Do I? I don't expect you to push your career to the side for me; but I sure as hell expect you to make as much time for me as I've made for you in the past - at least on the one fucking day that it matters!"

I knew my attack was unnecessary. I could already hear how bad she felt without me having to rub it in more. _But why should I, fucking, console her when I was feeling just as shitty – if not more?_

"I thought I had it under control! I didn't know the shoot would go into overtime!"

"Well, Bells, you pushed a 2-day shoot into a 24-hour period because you were sick. What did you think was going to happen?"

"So now it's my fault that I was sick? I got sick coming to see you. So don't act like I'm not sacrificing my time and energy for you, asshole! I wore myself ragged trying to balance everything. I'd appreciate a little understanding and respect."

"Well I'm sorry if it's hard for me to understand why my girlfriend isn't by my side right now for my birthday – especially when she did this to herself."

I regretted it as soon as I said it. My emotions were running high and I didn't mean anything I said; but I still couldn't stop myself from being angry. I heard her give a sharp intake of breath before letting out a loud scream of frustration.

"Fuck you, Edward. Enjoy your fucking birthday." The other end went dead.

I threw the phone on my bed and grabbed the closest thing next to me (which happened to be a lamp), slamming it against the wall. And just like that – my birthday was ruined.

* * *

The music pulsed in the club as people pushed their way through the crowds to get drinks and head to the dance floor. On the stage Benji Madden stood behind a huge DJ booth while Travis Barker kept in sync with him on the drums. Playgirls, only dressed in body paint, walked around the VIP lounge offering shots. The party was a huge spectacle and it was all for me. I _should_ have been having the time of my life. I _should _have been at the center of attention. Instead, I sat in the back of the lounge on the balcony, sulking.

The rest of the group quickly found me and sat down next to me on the couch.

"Cheer up, little bro! It's your birthday!" He grabbed a bottle of Patron and poured me a shot. "Here's what you're gonna do – you're gonna get wasted and enjoy yourself. Then you'll be so drunk by the time you go to bed that you won't even know you're missing good birthday sex!"

I downed the shot and quickly poured myself another. I noticed Emmett trying to steady himself – he was already gone. "Is that what's gonna happen to you tonight?"

"Hell no! I'm still having sex. I just won't remember it."

"And it won't be good," Rosalie snapped.

"Aw baby – you know it's always good with me." He leaned over, giving her a sloppy kiss.

I glanced over at Alice, who had been uncharacteristically quiet since she and Jasper sat down. "Have you talked to her?"

Ever since Bella and Alice's bonding time in Austin, I knew that the two spoke on the phone about as frequently as we did. Alice looked up at me and nodded.

"What'd she say?"

She shrugged. "She's upset." _Obviously Alice was adhering to some girl code that I didn't know about._

I looked down at my drink, feeling a small pang of guilt for causing her to be upset. "Well…that makes two of us," I mumbled.

Rosalie sighed. "Edward I know you're upset but this is your own goddamn party, for Christ's sake! You see all these people? They're all here to see you! Your world does not revolve around Isabella that you can't have a good time without her."

I took a third shot and stared straight ahead, not acknowledging whether I had heard her or not.

"C'mon guys, let's give him some time to himself. Edward, we'll meet you down on the dance floor," Jasper said.

The rest of the group got up and I was left to myself with a bottle of Grey Goose. I poured myself another drink as I let Rose's words finally sink in. She was right. I was _Edward Fucking Cullen_ – the man of the hour. One of the most sought-after Playboys in Hollywood. I was too cocky to be sitting in the corner of my own party; upset over a stupid fight. I wasn't going to let Bella's absence ruin my night. _She didn't control me. She didn't rule me._ I was _Edward Cullen_ and this was _MY_ party – and I was damn-well ready to show everyone what an Edward Cullen party looked like.

I stood up, shakily, already feeling the effects of the alcohol and made my way down the stairs from the VIP room. The music pulsed in my head as people congratulated me all around. A random partygoer handed me a drink and I downed it back quickly. Emmett was right – I needed to get drunk and I needed to forget. I wanted to forget the argument. I wanted to forget all the expectations I had for what tonight was going to look like with her. But, most of all, I wanted to forget how _pathetic_ I had become. _I was nothing more than a lovesick boyfriend who counted down the days until I saw my girlfriend again. It was like I was nothing without her._

"I'm Edward Cullen! This is _my _party, _my _tour, and _my _night – and don't you fucking forget it!" I yelled out to the strangers in the middle of the floor.

I heard Emmett's voice boom over people's heads. "Damn _fucking _right, little bro!"

I looked up, finding his head in the crowd, and saw his hand in the air holding the Flip Cam. I smiled up at him and then promptly shot him the finger. I pulled out my own Flip Cam from my back pocket and turned it on; filming the crowd around me.

"Edward, I love you!" a girl screamed into the camera.

"No – I love you more!" another girl yelled.

The cries of devotion sparked a sick idea in my head. I got up close to one of the girls, focusing my camera on her face. "Tell me why you love me."

She gushed on about how hot and sexy I was, while I barely listened. I didn't acknowledge her after she was done speaking. I simply turned around and went along on my quest to feed my ego. _Maybe Bella needed a little reminder about how desirable her boyfriend really was._

I made my way across the dance floor, obtaining quotes from as many good-looking females along the way. When the crowd thinned out, I found myself in front of the bar at the back of the club.

"Ah just in time!" I said, joyfully. I plopped myself down on the stool and called the bar tender over. "I'm Edward Cullen and I need a Jack and Coke!"

"No shit," the bar tender said, shaking her head. I laughed, hearing how crazy I sounded, but didn't care. By this time I was definitely starting to feel good. I was beginning to forget what had me in such a bad mood in the first place.

I heard a rough laugh next to me and turned to see Garrett taking a gulp of beer on the stool beside mine. I glared at him but before I could go tell him to "fuck off" he held up his hands.

"Relax, Cullen. I'm not here for you. I've got plenty of other clients out there tonight."

The bar tender handed me my drink and I promptly downed it. "I don't care what the fuck you do, Garrett."

"Well I'm glad to see you're back to being the same asshole Cullen I remember…and I mean that as a sincere compliment." I laughed dryly and signaled for another round.

"So where's this beautiful new girl of yours that I've heard everyone whispering about all night? I'm a little disappointed I haven't seen the elusive Isabella Swan yet."

_And now I remembered why I was so mad._

"You're not the only one," I muttered.

"Well Edward Cullen would never let one girl get him down," Garrett shrugged.

"Damn straight," I said, chasing back the second Jack and Coke. I felt it burn going down my throat and stung my eyes. We didn't say anything, as I continued to brood at the bar. But I could feel Garrett's eyes on me. He finally sighed and stood up off the stool.

"You're a sad sack of shit right now, Cullen – on your own fucking birthday nonetheless." I let out, what sounded like, a low growl towards him. He placed his hand, palm down, on the counter in front of me. "Here – Happy Fucking Birthday – now cheer yourself up."

He turned around and walked away. I looked down at the bar to see a small baggie of white powder sitting in front of me. I picked it up and stared at it in the palm of my hand. I hadn't done that shit in a year. I had no desire to once Bella came into my life. But tonight…the urges were coming back. _Just one night to be the old Edward everyone loved to party with. Just one more time so I can enjoy my fucking birthday._ I knew Bella would never find out – but the idea of doing something that would piss her off was appealing to me most in that moment. I closed my palm and turned my hand over, still continuing to stare at it, as I let my angel and demon battle it out on my shoulders. I was already drunk and not thinking rationally. The little angel, _who surprisingly looked a lot like Jasper, _told me to just go home. Little Devil Edward argued back. _Yeah – leave your own birthday party early. Go home alone to an empty bed and spend the rest of your night jerking off._

"Fuck it," I said, pushing myself away from the bar. I shoved the baggie into my back pocket and walked to the closest bathroom. _Sorry Little Jasper – you lose._

* * *

I woke up in my hotel room, my face buried in the pillow, feeling as if my head was split in two. I groaned, wondering if I was actually alive. _How the hell did I get home last night? _I kept my eyes closed while I tried to put the pieces together. I remembered the argument…the party…Garrett. _Garrett. _The flashbacks started to come and I realized exactly why I had such a bad headache.

After Garrett left me with the bag of coke, I went into the bathroom and snorted a few lines. The rest of the night flashed by in blurs of bright lights.

_I was in the middle of the dance floor dancing with a group of girls…_

_I was at the bar licking body shots off of some of the Playmates stomachs…_

_I was in the VIP room snorting coke through $100 bills I had passed around…_

_Fuck! _If Bella ever found out about how reckless I was, she would kill me. I tried to focus on where Emmett and Jasper were during all of this, but I couldn't remember them being anywhere near me the remainder of the night.

I groaned again and lifted myself up; determined to get some Aspirin. I rolled over on the bed and immediately froze. My heart started beating much more rapidly than I thought possible. On the other end of the bed was another body.

_Shit – no…this is not happening._

I glanced down at my body, underneath the covers, and felt myself start to get sick. I was naked.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

My headache had suddenly become the least of my worries. Part of me wanted to run out of the room and never look back. Another part kept chanting that this was all a nightmare from a bad batch of coke. And the last part actually dared me to look at the person lying in bed with me. I held my breath and leaned over, determined to find out this was some horrible misunderstanding. I pulled down the covers a bit to see a woman's bare back…her hair was strawberry blonde…

_FUCK!_

I recoiled back to my side of the bed as I realized my worst nightmare had just come true – it was Tanya.

I buried my head in my hands and willed myself to remember what else happened the night prior. "_This is all some sick joke. It's another one of Tanya's fucked-up schemes," _I kept chanting in my head.

_No. No. No. No. No. No. __NO!_

I glanced back at Tanya's sleeping form again as more flashes from last night started to seep back into my brain.

_Tanya handing me another shot…_

_Looking for Garrett towards the end of the night; wanting another hit…_

_Tanya pulling Ecstasy from her purse and offering it as a consolation prize…_

_Touching Tanya's skin…feeling like we were on fire…_

_Tanya helping me back to the room…_

_Pulling her onto the bed…_

I stopped the memories, unable to picture anything further. Bile rose up in my throat and I moaned out loud. The truth had slapped me across the face. I hadn't just fucked up. _I had ruined everything._

For a second I debated whether I could still make an escape while Tanya slept - but then realized she was in my room. I was still trying to figure out how I could get out of the situation when Tanya began to stir.

"Hmmm…good morning, birthday boy," she said, rolling over and giving me a disgusting smile.

"Get out," I snapped.

Tanya pulled the covers up around her chest and pouted. "Well that's not the 'hello' I was expecting after last night."

"Get out."

"Oh, Edward, don't be like this…if this is about Bella…"

Saying her name sent me into a fury. I jumped out of bed, pulled on my boxers, and scooped up Tanya's clothes. In one fell swoop I opened the hotel door and threw her clothes out into the middle of the hall.

"Edward!"

"Get the FUCK out!"

"If you just expect me to go out there naked…"

"I don't care what the fuck you do. I don't want to see your fucking face again. Now GET OUT!" I yanked her off the bed, ignoring her screaming protests, and shoved her out the door, locking it behind her.

I stood at the door, panting, and pulling at my hair. _What have I done? What the fuck have I done?_

I barely remembered a damn thing. I was out of my fucking mind last night…but none of that would matter to Bella.

_Bella. _I heart lurched as I thought about what this would do to her. I pictured her face crumpling in front of me when she found out I had cheated. My stomach began to churn. There was no going back from this. She would be devastated and I would lose her. There would be no forgiveness. _This was the end._

I dropped to my knees and threw up.

**

* * *

**

**A/N: ** Eek! Please don't hate me. I gave you all fair warning in the summary of the story.

Please review! (Even if it is to tell me you hate me now haha)


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13:**

**A/N: **First off, THANK YOU to everyone that has reviewed my story since the last chapter! I can't tell you how exciting it is to write, knowing people are actually into my story. Please continue to review it and let me know your thoughts. I'm trying really hard not to make this story cliché but I also understand there are parts that are fairly predictable.

A few things I want to say…Edward is an asshole in this story - I know that. But please bear with him (and me). It's probably because I know his entire character arc and what will happen in the story…but I still love my little asshole. My goal isn't for everyone to love him through all of this; but to at least want him to have some sort of redemption. His story is a big one to tell.

And lastly, I've been getting a lot of questions about whether this will be a HEA. To be completely honest, I hate reading fan fictions where I see an author's note at the top where she promises readers it will be a HEA. I feel like you've just given away the ending and I love the suspense! So I'm not going to say anything – although I will say that I already know exactly how this will end and I'm pretty sure people will be pleased with the last chapter.

* * *

_When you were here before,_

_Couldn't look you in the eye._

_You're just like an angel,_

_Your skin makes me cry._

_You float like a feather_

_In a beautiful world_

_I wish I was special._

_You're so fuckin' special._

_But I'm a creep._

_- Radiohead_

**Edward's POV**

The lights were starting to shine across Las Vegas as the sun slowly set in the skyline. I had been sitting out on my hotel balcony for almost the entire day. Cigarette butts covered the floor. I had already smoked through two packs. People had been knocking on my door all day but I ignored them. I didn't even bother to move. My phone was going off nonstop; but I just let the ringing echo along with the ringing in my head. I had nothing to say to anyone. _What the fuck could I say?_

At one point I finally picked up my phone to turn it off. I glanced down at the screen and saw a text from Emmett: "_Can you at least let me know you're alive?"_ I responded with a simple "yes" and clicked off the phone.

My mind raced, trying to figure out how I had let everything go to shit in one night. I had let myself get out of control – and for what? To prove who I was? _Who the fuck was I? _I always found it so easy to play the role of Edward Cullen: The Asshole. But after last night I realized I wasn't playing a part. _I was the asshole._

I had no right to be upset with Isabella for working hard to start her career. I had no right to lash out at her. And after last night…I had no right being with her. I was selfish – acting out on impulses only to feed my pride and ego. _I was pathetic._

My mind was all over the place. In one moment I was trying to dissect the obvious strain that had been put on our relationship. Then my thoughts would jump to various memories of Bella and me. In all of them I could practically feel her warmth. Her face…her radiating smile…her eyes filled with love – she completely consumed me. But each of those memories would be ruined by her face being filled with horror. Her eyes shifting from sadness to hatred as I imagined telling her I cheated.

_Cheated._ I fucking hated that word. Cheating made it seem like what happened had been premeditated. Cheating sounded as if I didn't want to be with Isabella anymore – that I actually _wanted_ someone else. There would never be anyone else besides Bella. Last night was just a huge mistake. _How could I even try to explain to her my actions when I could barely remember them?_

I faintly heard the door to my hotel room click open. I ignored it and continued to stare out into the skyline; figuring the maid would see the room was occupied and leave me alone. I took another drag of my cigarette and waited until I heard the door click shut again.

"Jesus…you smell like a fucking ashtray."

My eyes darted to the doorway where Rosalie and Emmett were. Rose stood with her arms crossed, scowling…_already on her fucking high horse. _Emmett was a few steps behind her. I could tell by his red eyes that he was still having a rough time recovering from last night.

"The door was locked for a reason, bitch."

"And I've been knocking on it all day for a reason, asshole." She walked over to me and swiftly grabbed the cigarette out of my hand; tossing it over the side. I cursed at her but she ignored me.

"I don't want to talk."

"Well that's fine because neither do I. Just give me your goddamn Flip Cam so I can erase whatever shit's on it from last night. Then I'll wave my little fairy wand and be out of your hair until it's time to clean up the next mess you make."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the videos that make you look like a complete ass – not to mention the pictures that are already up on TMZ. Maybe I should just let the world see what a complete dick you are."

My heart raced in my chest and my breathing hitched. _There were pictures already up on TMZ? _"What's on TMZ?"

"It's not too bad, bro," Emmett said. "There's one of you dancing with a group of girls and another where you're getting two girls to kiss in front of you. I'm not sure what Izzy's reaction will be to that…"

He trailed off but I could easily finish the rest of his sentence. Bella wouldn't care about the pictures. _It was everything else that happened that would leave her devastated. _

"What else did you see?"

"On Emmett's camera I've got some great footage of you licking tequila shots off a girl's shoulder," Rose said sarcastically. "And on Jasper's camera I have you and Emmett attempting to rap on stage – but all that you keep repeating is 'I'm Edward Cullen bitch!'"

I groaned. I definitely didn't remember that part of the night. "That's all?"

"Oh no, Edward. I'm sure your own camera will provide us with so many more flattering images of you. And I haven't even spoken to Jacob Black yet to find out what the hell he saw."

_Shit._ I had forgotten there was a reporter at the club. I suddenly felt like I was going to be sick again. I put my head in my hands and leaned forward.

Rose sighed seeing that I was distressed. "Just give me your camera, Edward. I'll make it all disappear."

"I don't know where it is."

"What the hell do you mean you don't know where it is?" she spat.

"I can't even remember how I got home last night, Rose. How the hell am I supposed to remember where I put a camera?"

"You have 1 hour to find the fucking thing or I'm going to leave you to fend for yourself. And you will have a lot of explaining to do."

_I already have a lot of explaining to do._

I could feel Emmett's eyes on me and I looked up to see his face filled with confusion. He raised his eyebrow, silently questioning me, but I avoided him and looked back down. He cleared his throat.

"I'll help him find it, Rose. You go take care of whatever you need to do."

Rosalie huffed, threatening to return in an hour, and stormed out of the room. When he heard the door click shut, Emmett sat down on the chair next to me and propped his feet against the railing. Silence filled the air between us – both waiting for the other to speak first. Emmett and I were only 18 months apart and we had always acted more like friends than siblings. But at that moment, I needed my big brother to somehow tell me everything would be alright.

"What happened?" he finally asked.

"I screwed up, Em."

I heard Emmett exhale loudly. I was still unable to look at him. "How bad?"

I didn't answer him. I couldn't actually bring myself to say the words out loud.

"Jesus, Edward."

I could hear the disappointment laced in his voice. Tears started to build up in the back of my eyes but I refused to cry in front of him.

"Who was it?"

"Does it really matter?" I asked, icily. He shook his head and stared out into the distance.

"I guess not," he mumbled. "How did it happen?"

I pulled at my hair in frustration and finally made eye contact with him. "I don't know! I don't remember any of it! I was high as a kite. I would have never willingly done that to Isabella!"

"But you willingly took the drugs…I thought you were through with that shit."

"Oh don't get all condescending on me now. It was a one-time thing. I, obviously, see how much it fucked me up."

"So what are you going to do?"

I grabbed my box of cigarettes and lit another one. Talking to Emmett wasn't as helpful as I had hoped. So far all he had done was repeat every question that had been running in my head all day.

"Do I have a choice?"

Emmett grabbed my lighter and a cigarette. I eyed him, curiously, knowing he rarely smoked. "You always have a choice…just like last night."

"Fuck you, Emmett. You don't think I know that everything I loved just got destroyed in one night? You don't think I know that she'll leave me for this? That this will devastate her? That it's already KILLING me?" I lashed out.

Emmett didn't respond. Silence fell between us again. I watched as he flicked my lighter on and off, repeatedly. I wasn't sure what he was thinking but the constant clicking sound was slowly driving me insane.

"What if you didn't tell her?" he finally spoke up. He said it so quietly that I almost didn't believe I heard him correctly. I stared at him in disbelief – unsure if it was a rhetorical question.

"What good will it do either of you; except make both of you miserable? Why should she have to suffer for your mistake? Her album comes out next week. You want to overshadow, what's supposed to be, the greatest time in her life by breaking her heart?"

His words struck a chord with me as I listened to his logic. There was no doubt in my mind that Bella would leave me if I told her I cheated on her. The debut of her new album would certainly be overshadowed by our breakup. I could, essentially, not only be ruining our relationship – but her career as well.

"So I pretend nothing happened?"

"If you can live with the guilt…"

"But what about the pictures and video…and the reporter?"

"So far there's no evidence to show you were with anyone last night. All the pictures that are out there right now are just you screwing around. I'll take care of this reporter dude…you just find your video camera and erase the data."

"You think this will all work out?"

Emmett shrugged and tossed the lighter and unlit cigarette back on the table. "You have any better ideas?"

He stood up to leave but I stopped him.

"Thanks, bro."

Emmett turned back towards me and came uncomfortably close to my face. "Let's get one thing straight. I love Izzy like a little sister. You're both family to me and I don't want to see either of you hurting because of a stupid mistake that you made. But that's all this better be, Edward – a one-time mistake. I'm not going to be an accomplice to you fucking around behind her back."

"That's not what this is, Em. I love Bella. I don't want anyone else."

Emmett nodded and turned back, walking towards the door. "I'll deal with Rose and the reporter. You just find that camera."

* * *

After Emmett left I stayed out on the balcony for a while, contemplating what he told me. Could I really go through with lying to Bella? Which would be worse – telling her and her leaving me? Or lying to her and living with the guilt? In this case, was ignorance really bliss?

I continued to debate my options when I heard the door open again.

"Jesus, Rose, I haven't found it yet! Next time just fucking knock!"

"But that would have ruined the element of surprise."

I whipped my head around as soon as I heard her voice. Standing in the door, as beautiful as ever, was Isabella. She had on a pair of track pants, a tank top, and a ton of costume makeup.

"Bells?"

She placed her bags on the floor and walked over to me, timidly. "I went straight to the airport after the shoot was over. I know I missed your birthday…but maybe we could extend the celebration a little longer?"

"I can't believe you're here." I wondered if my conscious was playing tricks on me.

She stood next to me and I, instinctively, pulled her down onto my lap. She wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my chest.

"I'm sorry for last night. I'm sorry I couldn't have been there and that I got in an argument with you on your birthday."

A new wave of guilt hit me as she apologized. "Stop," I whispered. "I was the asshole. None of it was your fault. I ruined my own birthday by blaming you."

She pulled back and looked at me, curiously. "You didn't have a good time?"

I shook my head. "I made a fool of myself," I told her honestly.

For a second I debated whether I could really pretend like nothing was wrong. With Bella back in my arms it was easy to feel like nothing had changed. _If we could just stay like this forever, nothing bad could ever happen. _

"I saw what you did."

I immediately stiffened in her arms. _What did she see? How much did she know?_

She sighed and ran her hands through my hair. "I'm not mad. I'm just…disappointed."

I realized she was talking about the TMZ pictures and breathed a small sigh of relief.

"I was drunk, Bella. I was being a prick."

"I know, I know…you were just playing the part. But I hate seeing you act like the Edward people expect you to be; instead of being who you really are."

"What if I really am the asshole everyone expects me to be?" I asked, somberly.

She leaned her forehead against mine and looked me in the eye. "That's not the Edward I fell in love with."

Guilt continued to rock through me. Bella had such high expectations of me and I failed them. She believed in me, saw the best in me (even when I didn't see it), and still loved me after all my stupid antics. In that moment, I realized that I couldn't tell her what I did. As much as I wanted to say it was because I was protecting her from being hurt…the truth of the matter was I was selfish. I couldn't bear to be without her. I figured I could live with these demons and long as I had my angel by my side. But without her…I'd be in my own hell that I made.

"I don't deserve you, Bella."

"You don't," she joked. "But you're stuck with me anyways."

She shifted her body so that she was straddling me on the seat and leaned in to kiss me. I quickly deepened the kiss; wanting to be completely consumed by her. She grabbed my hand and slipped it underneath her shirt.

"You ready for your present?" she said against my lips. My fingers touched the lace of her bra and I felt a ribbon tied in the front between her breasts. I groaned and slipped my other hand under her shirt, cupping both of her breasts. She gasped and I gave her another kiss.

"Do I get to unwrap you?"

"Yes," she giggled. "But after you unwrap your _real_ present."

I slid my hands down her body and cupped her butt; pushing it into my dick. "Oh, I think this is real."

"Not 'til I give you your present!" she squealed and hopped off my lap, running back into the room.

I stood up and took one last look at the cigarette-stub-filled balcony. I still felt horrible for what I had done but I only had two choices: tell her and lose her or move on from my mistake and start fresh with Bella. I was choosing to move on. I walked into the room and found Bella sitting on the bed with her hands behind her back. She was grinning like a kid about to open their first present on Christmas morning. I sat down next to her on the bed.

"Ok, let me preface this by saying that it's entirely impossible to buy something for someone who has everything. But there's one thing that you didn't have – which I thought you deserved."

She pulled a large, flat present out from behind her back and handed it to me. I unwrapped it effortlessly and stared in amazement at what was before me. It was a large black frame with a gold disk in the middle. Over top of it was a picture of Isabella and B.o.B. Below the disc was a silver plate engraved with: _"50,000 records sold. Airplanes by B.o.B. featuring Isabella Swan_."

"Holy shit, Bels! You already went to gold?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "They presented it to me at the end of the shoot this morning."

I pulled her into a hug. "God, baby, I'm so proud of you!"

"It's yours."

I froze and pulled back, looking at her in disbelief. "Bella…no. This is _yours._ It's your very first gold record. You earned this. It belongs to you."

She shook her head. "No, I want you to have it. I wouldn't even have this if it wasn't for you. You're the one who encouraged me to take a risk and sing on this record. You've been with me every step of the way in my career and I want this to be yours. I can't do this without you, Edward. I trust you completely. I know you would never hurt me and are looking out for me every step of the way."

I lowered my head in shame. _She didn't fuck deserve this._ I had promised myself that I would do anything to make sure Isabella didn't get burned in this industry. _And I was the one who burned her._

She watched me, waiting for me to respond, but the only thing that I kept chanting over and over in my head was: _I cheated. I cheated. I cheated._ I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts, and took deep breaths. _Get it under control, Edward._ As I was about to answer her, another wave of flashbacks hit me from last night.

_Tanya and I on the bed…_

_Us ripping each other's clothes off…_

_Tanya moaning my name over and over…_

My head was spinning and my stomach lurched with each thought. The roaring in my head wouldn't stop. _Cheater! Cheater! Cheater! _By this point I was gasping for air.

"Edward, baby, you're sweating…" Bella reached out to stroke my face but I flinched back at her touch. I looked up into her concerned eyes and felt myself get sick.

I hastily jumped off the bed and rushed into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind me, as I emptied all my guilt into the toilet. Each time I thought I was done a new memory would slap me in the face and I'd start heaving all over again.

"Edward?" Isabella knocked on the door. "Open up, let me help you."

"Just give me a minute," I called back. I flushed the toilet and looked at my sorry-ass expression in the mirror. I was as white as a ghost. I rinsed my mouth out and splashed water on my face; trying to compose myself. When I finally convinced myself that I could look at her without throwing up again, I opened the door.

She immediately wrapped her arms around my torso and placed one hand on the side of my face. "You're shaking."

"I'm fine, Bells."

"No you're not." She pulled me out of the bathroom and back onto the bed. "Are you still hung over or did I get you sick?"

"It's ok, Bella. It's no big deal."

"Um, the memories of me being stuck in bed in Austin for 3 days are still very fresh. It _is_ a big deal. You've got to rest."

I let Isabella have the final say. She lowered the bed covers while I stripped down to my boxers. As much as I wanted to be with her, there was no way I could have sex after last night. At that moment I considered myself to be one of the vilest human beings for what I had done. But even I wasn't despicable enough to sleep with my girlfriend right after cheating on her.

I pulled the covers over me and watched as Bella got changed. She stripped off her pants and shirt to reveal a black lacy bra with pink ribbons on the front and a black lacy thong with a ribbon strategically placed above her ass crack. I groaned, out loud, at what I was missing. She glanced at me and flashed a wicked smile.

"You can see this again tomorrow morning if you're better."

She walked into the bathroom and I heard the water start to run. About five minutes later she walked out with her makeup washed off and wearing a big t-shirt.

"Before you say anything, I figured it would be smart to go back to my old pajamas for the night," she teased.

I pulled her close to me under the covers and wrapped my arms around her. "It's not going to work."

She nuzzled her face into my chest. "How are you feeling?"

"Miserable," I told her, honestly. "But now that you're here I think I'll be ok."

I kept one arm wrapped around her waist so that her body was pushed against me. I used my other hand to stroke my fingers through her hair. She looked up at me with her huge doe eyes and I kissed the top of her head.

"I love you, Isabella Swan. I'll never stop."

She leaned up and gently kissed me on the lips. "I love you too. I'm yours…forever."

* * *

The next morning we walked down to the lobby of the Palms. The band was leaving in a few hours to fly to our next stop on the tour and Bella would go back to Los Angeles to prepare for her album debut. I was still disgusted with myself and continued to feign sick after we woke up; unable to be intimate with her. She wrapped her arms around me and told me how much she understood; which caused me to feel even worse.

While I was sad that I only had a few hours with Isabella, the truth was that it was also a relief. I couldn't keep up the charade that I was some wonderful, loving boyfriend to her. And the longer she stayed in the hotel, the more worried I was that she would run into Tanya. Tanya was another issue I still had to figure out – and I couldn't even try to wrap my head around that until after Bella left.

The car service would be arriving in 15 minutes to take Bella to the airport. While we waited, she insisted she wanted to play some of the slots. I stood next to her, as she sat at a Monopoly machine, constantly looking around to make sure Tanya didn't sneak up behind us.

"Oh my God, I won!"

My attention snapped back to her to see $50 flashing on the screen in front of her. "Shhh…you're making a scene, Bells. Fifty bucks isn't a lot of money."

"Well I know it's not big money to you – but it's still a lot to me!"

I smiled at her innocence. _This was why I loved her so much._ I wrapped my arms around her from behind and lightly kissed her neck. "Just wait 'til next week, babe. It will be chump change to you too."

"Isabella Swan?" I heard somebody call from behind. _Shit._

Isabella whirled around on her stool. "Jacob Black! What are you doing here?"

She stood up and rushed over to the guy; throwing her arms around him. My heart stopped as I suddenly remembered where I had heard Jacob's name before. This was the guy who had written the article about Bella. This was the guy photographed with her alone in the bar. And now this was the guy who would be writing about every moment of our tour – including last night. I wanted to curl up into a hole and die.

"I'm doing an article for _Rolling Stone_ as a tour diary writer. I'll be with The Volturi for the next few weeks documenting behind the scenes and videotaping stuff for the website."

"Edward, I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"I, honestly, hadn't put two and two together."

"I'm surprised to see you," Jacob said. "I thought you two had broken up."

As soon as he said it, I cast him a nervous glance. _How much had he seen last night?_

"Why would you think that?" Bella asked.

Jacob made eye contact with me and then looked between the two of us. "Oh no, it must have been my mistake. I haven't had a chance to interview Edward yet and I didn't see you at his party."

I couldn't tell if Jacob was telling the truth or covering for me; but Bella bought it.

"I was still shooting my first music video. I got in late last night but I have to go back to get ready for the debut."

The two continued to make small talk while I stood lost in my own thoughts. I realized that simply not telling Bella about my indiscretions wasn't going to work. There were too many factors playing into this tour that she was bound to find out. I still had to deal with Tanya; who I was sure would leak to everyone what happened. And now I had Jacob watching my every move. _I was fucked._

Jacob and Bella parted ways and I absent-mindedly walked her out to the car waiting in valet. I was so consumed with trying to figure out my next move that I didn't realize Bella was standing in front of me trying to say goodbye.

"Edward?"

I snapped back to reality and pulled her close to me. "Sorry. I was just thinking about how our past two times together haven't gone as planned."

"Maybe I should give up singing and become a nun. I seem to be getting good practice," she teased.

"I'll be at your album release party next week. You think you can hold out for 7 more days?" I brushed my lips against hers.

"I'll be fine. Can _you_ handle another 7 days of no sex? We're pushing over a month now."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I'll manage."

I leaned down and kissed her passionately. I could tell we were putting on a bit of a show as people in the background started to take pictures of us. _Good – let TMZ see those pictures._

"I love you," she said; breaking the kiss. "Feel better soon…I fully expect to not be able to walk the morning after my release party!"

She giggled, gave me one last quick kiss, and jumped into the back of the car before I could respond. I groaned and watched her car drive off before walking back towards my room.

I was so screwed. And I now knew not telling her was only going to make it worse. I had to figure out a way to bury all of this under the rug. _But how? _I walked over where her Gold Record was propped against the bed and picked it up. I would never be able to look at her accomplishment without hating myself. I sighed and started to pack it away with the rest of my clothes when something silver caught my eye. I dug through my clothes and pulled out the Flip Cam that Rose had been so worried about.

The good news was that it didn't end up in anyone else's hands. The bad news was I now had to watch it and relive everything that happened. I hit the power button and flipped through the various recorded scenes. The first few were just out-of-focus close-ups of people dancing. I flipped through more to see that I had captured Rose and Emmett yelling at each other over how drunk he was. The next video was of Jasper and Alice making out in the corner. I whistled on the tape and Jasper looked up at the camera, giving it the middle finger. About 50 interviews with girls telling me why they loved me followed. I continued to fast forward until I finally came to the end of the night.

Tanya was in front of the camera and we were in back of the VIP room. The camera caught my hand lining up two rows of coke and then my head dropped down into view as I snorted a line. I grimaced, watching myself on camera. My body dropped out of view and the camera focused on Tanya as she did her own line of cocaine. She threw her head back and smiled brightly at the lens.

"_This feels so good," she moaned. "I have an idea, Edward. Let's go back to your room and fuck our brains out."_

"_Not a chance," I heard my slurred voice off camera._

"_Come on sweetie – it's the perfect plan. We both get off and then I tell everyone how I stole you away from your goody-two-shoes girl. What's your little name for her? Bella?" she babbled._

"_Go to hell."_

I flipped off the camera as I devious plan hatched in my head. I ran through the scenarios about what would possibly happen if I went through with it. If everything worked out right, I would finally be rid of Tanya and could go back to focusing on my relationship with Bella. _But could I really do something that awful?_

I turned the camera back on and watched the scene play out again. Anger ripped through me as I heard Tanya blurt out her plan to ruin me and Bella. _The bitch deserved whatever she got. _I looked at the clock and realized we only had a few hours before we had to be at the airport. I didn't have much time to put my plan in place.

I picked up my phone and paused before dialing a number. I thought, one last time, about all the repercussions that would follow. _This is for Bella and me._

I hit the send button and waited for the other end to pick up. "Garrett…I need a favor."

**

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**

A/N:

Please keep those reviews coming! Thanks! 


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14:**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight. I don't own Kelly Clarkson's songs. And I don't own B.o.B.'s song, "Airplanes." However, if I did, I'd be one rich bitch. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N: **Before I begin, I want to give a special thank-you to **Coleen561** for helping me understand why people want to know if a story ends with an HEA. I've decided that if you really want to know if it's an HEA then you can ask me and I'll message you the answer – that way I'm not ruining the story for anyone that wants to be surprised.

Lastly, I hate to beg for reviews but I may be getting to that point. Since I posted the last chapter, I've had 65 people add me to their favorite story (which is GREAT!). But only 10 people reviewed Chapter 13. (Thank you to **peterskitten **and **loulou-29** for taking the time to review all my chapters)

I'm not asking you to comment saying you love it, if you don't. I'm asking for your honest thoughts on how you think the story's going so far. Thanks!

_

* * *

My head lies to my heart,_

_And my heart it still believes._

_It seems the ones who love us,_

_Are the ones that we deceive._

_- Goo Goo Dolls_

**Bella's POV**

Every time I thought I had my schedule figured out, Charlie would call and say there was a change in plans. After flying back to Los Angeles from Edward's party, I packed and got myself ready for the huge media blitz week that was about to precede before my album release the following week. Everything changed, though, when Charlie woke me up at the ass-crack of dawn the next morning; telling me we had an emergency meeting with Aro at 9am.

I hastily got dressed and drove the Volvo, at a much faster speed than Edward would have been comfortable, to Sony. At first, I thought the meeting would be to finalize the media tour and possibly add-on more appearances. However, as I watched Aro and some other men talking in hushed voices outside the conference room, I started to feel uneasy about what was going to happen. My album was set to be released in a few days. My first single, "Breakaway," had already started making its way into heavy rotation on the radios; proving that I was more than just a girl who could sing a hook on a rap song. This was _not _the time for something to go wrong.

Aro walked in, shaking Charlie's hand and mine, and gave me a tip-lipped smile. "I apologize for making you wait, Isabella. I just wanted to get all the details organized before I presented you with any information."

I nodded and waited for him to continue.

"We have a change in plans about the promotion of your album."

I gulped. _This was it – they were giving up on me._ I glanced, nervously, between Aro and Charlie. Charlie simply nodded for Aro to go on.

Aro opened up a folder in front of him and sighed. "I'm sure you've already heard from Edward and are aware of the issues we're dealing with right now, Isabella?"

"I haven't spoken to him since I left Vegas yesterday, sir."

He looked up and eyed me, curiously. "Oh?"

I shook my head, unsure what this had to do with my album. My thoughts raced, wondering what was happening with The Volturi. _What issues was Edward having? Why hadn't I heard about them?_

"Unfortunately, we're in a bit of a messy situation with The Volturi's opening act," Aro started to explain. "As we speak, she's being bailed out of jail. It seems that Tanya Denali was caught with narcotics at the airport, trying to leave Las Vegas yesterday. The media is having a field-day with the gossip. And her father, who I'm sure you're aware owns half the stocks in Sony, is furious. Ms. Denali will immediately be taken to a rehab facility where she can get help for her substance abuse problems."

I gasped, hearing about Tanya's fate. _Sure, I hated the bitch…but I still wouldn't wish anything bad on her._

"The best thing we can do is sweep this under the rug as quickly as possible. The Volturi are my main priority, and while they did nothing wrong, I don't want any more bad press associated with their world tour.

Charlie groaned next to me. "I see where this is going."

"The timing couldn't be any more perfect for you, Isabella."

I paused; trying to wrap my head around everything that was just said. I felt about two second behind in the conversation. "Me?"

"To be frank, nobody knew or cared about Tanya Denali as the opening act. But _you_, Isabella, are a different story," Aro said with a gleam in his eye. "You now have two recognizable songs attached to your name. People will want to hear you sing. And the fact that you and Edward are romantically involved is the icing on the cake. Everyone will want to see a glimpse of the two of you together; get the gossip on what goes on backstage."

As Aro talked, I was finally able to put two-and-two together. I was going to be The Volturi's opening act, once again. The idea thrilled and terrified me at the same. I was ecstatic that I wouldn't have to continue doing a long-distance relationship with Edward. Being on tour with him was the best experience in the world – that was where Edward pushed me, creatively. However, the sobering fact that I would have to immediately jump on this tour without any preparation or band auditions left me scared shitless. With my album coming out, I needed everything to be perfect.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I missed some of what Aro was saying to me. I glanced at Charlie and was thankful to see he was writing down notes on a Steno Pad.

"How is this going to affect her album?" Charlie asked.

"By giving her more opportunities to promote it," Aro smiled. "The release date still stays the same. The Volturi is not performing that day so the party will go on as planned. We will continue to promote her album on every media market available. The tour will just help us reach more mediums. I'm not going to sugar-coat this, Isabella. You're going to be working harder than you ever thought possible. At ever stop along the tour you will be promoting your albums in the day and performing at night. It will be exhausting…

The only consolation I have for you is that you won't have to keep fighting me to see your boyfriend instead of doing your work," Aro threw in the last part; smiling, smugly, at me.

"When do I start?"

"You open up tomorrow night."

I felt the panic rise up in my throat as the realization that I would be performing to a sold-out crowd, with hardly any preparation, in a little over 24 hours.

"What about a band? And when am I going to practice? I need a set-list and wardrobe…" I started chattering, frantically.

"The band that had been assigned to do the television performances with you has agreed to go on tour. Charlie, you'll stay back and work out the final arrangements and details with them today. In the meantime, Isabella, you'll fly to Nashville tonight and will have all day tomorrow to practice. You'll use The Volturi's stylist, Alice Brandon, for the remainder of the tour. I know it's not a lot of time – but you're a professional now and you'll handle whatever's thrown at you."

I shut up and nodded; realizing Aro's backhanded compliment was a way of telling me that he better not hear any complaints. Aro went through some more logistical details with my father and then ended the meeting. I stood up to leave the conference room; my head spinning with all the information.

Charlie reached over to me and gently placed his hand on top of mine. "You alright, kiddo?"

"I will be…it's just a lot to throw together in 24 hours."

"That's my job. You worry about getting yourself to Nashville and doing whatever you need to do to feel ready for tomorrow night. This is a piece of cake for you, kid. You've opened up for the guys before. You just finished your own headlining tour. It's an easy transition to hop on tour with them. You don't need as much practice as you think you do."

"Will _you_ be ok?"

"Well…I'm not too thrilled about spending the next few months with Cullen again," Charlie started to grumble.

"Dad, that's not what I meant and you know it."

"I'll be fine. The band will be there tomorrow morning and ready for you. You've got a 30 minute set. We'll get 5 songs on the playlist after running through the best ones with your band tomorrow. We'll want a good mix to show your range. "Breakaway" will, of course, have to be played and you'll have to sing the hook to "Airplanes," I'm sure."

I picked up my itinerary from the receptionist at the front desk and read the travel arrangements that were already made for me, as Charlie and I rode the elevators down to the parking garage. I had three hours to get back to Edward's house, pack, and get to the airport. Everything was so rushed. _I thought these were the moments I was supposed to savor and remember forever?_

Charlie seemed to sense my stress. He leaned over and kissed the top of my head before opening the car door for me. "Have fun with this, Isabella. You're doing what you love. That should always come first."

I gave him a hug and got in the car; already mentally making a checklist of everything I had to pack. Charlie was right – yes, it was work; but at the end of the day, I was doing what I loved and with the person I loved beside me every step of the way. _What could possibly go wrong?_

**

* * *

Edward's POV:**

I stepped out of the conference room with the rest of the guys. We had just finished up a group meeting with our managers and Rosalie to discuss, what I already knew - Bella was joining our tour. _After all, I was the one who helped orchestrate it; putting in a call to Aro late last night._

Jasper slapped me on the back as he came up behind me. "Happy?"

"Fucking ecstatic."

"I'm gonna go talk to Alice. I'm sure she'll be running around all day with Isabella once she gets here," Jasper started to walk off. "I have to say, man, this couldn't have worked out any more perfectly for the two of you."

"A little too perfect," Emmett said, in a low voice, walking up behind me. He stared at me with a questioning look but I pretended not to notice. "Did you do this?"

I continued walking towards my hotel room but Emmett trailed behind. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I walked into my room, not bothering to turn around. I knew Emmett followed by the loud slam of the door behind me.

"It was Tanya, wasn't it?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Edward…" Emmett said in a grave voice. "It's one thing to cheat…"

"Oh what – now you're going to get all moral on me? You're the one who told me not to say anything, Emmett!"

"That's before I knew you were sleeping with the opening act!" He yelled back.

I threw myself at Emmett; pushing him up against the wall and pinning his chest under my arms. "I wasn't _sleeping_ with her. It was a fucking mistake!" I hissed.

Emmett eyes were boiling with rage. He looked down at my hands. "You better get your hands off me before you get hurt, Edward."

I knew Emmett was significantly stronger than me. If he wanted to, he could send me flying across the room with one swift punch. I took a few steps back, widening the distance between us.

"What did you do?" he asked, coldly.

"What I had to."

_It only took an hour after I had called Garrett for him to meet me at the hotel in Vegas. The exchange took less than a minute: $100 for an 8-ball of coke. As predicted, Tanya came sauntering up to me in the lobby while we were all waiting to go to the airport._

"_Hello lover," she purred._

_I looked down at her; giving her one last chance to show me she could keep her damn mouth shut. "Last night didn't happen, Tanya."_

"_Oh but it did, darling. We both know we can't forget a night as special as that."_

"_Tanya," I said, lowering my voice. "You got what you wanted. Now back off…leave Isabella and me alone."_

"_You're wrong, Edward. I only got a taste of what I wanted. And you know, as well as I do, that tastes only want you coming back for more."_

_Her snarky comments only solidified my plan. As she turned her back to me, I quickly and stealthily dropped the 8-bag of coke into her purse. When we got to the airport security guards crowded around Tanya within a matter of moments after she placed her bag through the X-Ray. She was swiftly whisked away to a private room. The last I saw her; she was screeching that the cocaine wasn't hers and they had no way of proving it._

_That's where Plan B came into place. It only took an hour for news to start spreading on the gossip sites that Tanya had been detained at the airport for possession of drugs. Using a simple computer program, I was able to splice the video of Tanya and me so that it only showed Tanya on screen, snorting coke. I kept in her comments about wanting to fuck me and tell Bella. Then I sent the video clip, anonymously, to TMZ as proof that Tanya Denali did, in fact, have cocaine on her the night prior to her arrest. _

_The plan was two-fold, actually. While I knew that this would get Tanya off the tour and out of my hair for awhile, I also knew that Tanya would surely be back with a vengeance. This would only fan the flames for her to tell everyone that I slept with her. Having the video of her stating her plans to break apart Bella and me would, hopefully, show her as a liar. Her story was becoming less and less credible as a drugged-up, groupie fan. And while Tanya wouldn't be allowed to talk to the media while she was in rehab; I was free to discredit her story and talk about her constant advances to the media._

_Plan C eventually took effect late last night as I made a personal phone call to Aro, persuading him on the benefits of having Isabella join our tour. Aro certainly wasn't doing me any favors. He saw the dollar signs almost immediately. Seeing as how I was practically begging him to let me be with my girlfriend, Aro agreed with a few conditions: Starting tomorrow he wanted me to do damage control by calling in to various radio stations. In all of those interviews, I would be promoting the fact that Isabella would now be the opening act. I had also agreed to 2 magazine interviews with Isabella; opening up about our relationship. And the final stipulation was that we would write a song together and perform it as a duet every night on tour. I knew Isabella would be less-than thrilled about putting a bigger spotlight on our relationship; but I was fairly certain I could convince her to follow my lead._

Emmett glared at me, realizing I wasn't going to give him any more information on how I got Tanya off the tour and Isabella on it.

"You're tangling yourself up in so many lies," he said, shaking his head. "I, sure as hell, hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

He walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him for good measure. I stood, scowling at the door, imagining Emmett still there. My brother had no idea what he was talking about. I did what I _had_ to do. Hell, I was probably helping Tanya out in the long-run, anyway. God knows she had a drug problem that needed to be kicked. _Emmett_ was the one who told me not to tell Bella. _Emmett_ said I shouldn't hurt her if it was a one-time mistake. _Well, these were the precautions I was taking so that I wouldn't hurt Bella, Emmet!_

It would all work out because I was determined not to let anything else fuck up our relationship. Isabella would be back on tour with me and I wouldn't have to worry about anymore temptations. Her career would continue to bloom and I would be with her to help guide her. It would be just like our first tour together in Europe last year. _Everything was going to be fine._

My inner thoughts of validating myself were interrupted by my cell phone ringing. I looked down to see Isabella calling me.

"Hey, baby."

"Hey, yourself. I'm sitting on a plane, waiting to take-off for Nashville. But I guess you already knew that, right?"

I chuckled at her bluntness. "We just had a meeting about it."

"Oh, and I'm sure you had _nothing_ to do with the decision, right?" I could hear the sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"I may have persuaded Aro to look at the financial benefits…"

"Edward…I told you I didn't want any favors from you when it came to my career."

"Who said anything about me helping your career? This was from a purely selfish standpoint, Bells. We had a cracked-out opening act that needed to be removed. It was only logical to get you on tour with me so that I could have you back in my bed every night."

"So this decision was based purely on sex?"

"Purely," I drawled, seductively. "And I'll show you all the details that went into making that decision tonight."

"Oh, I'm looking forward to it, Mr. Cullen," she purred back. She paused for a minute and then changed topics. "Why didn't you tell me about Tanya?"

"It's been one meeting after the other since she got stopped in the airport yesterday. I probably should have called you last night but the minute she was kicked off the tour, I immediately started trying to get you to replace her. I didn't want to say anything to you until it was finalized."

"Aro warned me that I would busier than ever," she informed me.

"We'll be together," I countered. "And I'm here to help now, Bells."

It was silent on the phone for a brief second before I heard her let out a shaky breath. "I'm scared, Edward," she admitted.

Her words pulled at my heart. I wanted nothing more than for her to already be in Nashville so I could wrap my arms around her, protectively. "You don't have nearly enough confidence in yourself as everyone else does, love. Aro…Charlie…me – we all know you can do this."

"I know I can do this too," she said with more assurance. "I don't know why…but I just having this feeling in the pit of my stomach like something's going to go wrong."

I knew what she was talking about. I was having those same feelings. However, my insecurities were for much more different reasons than hers.

"It's just nerves, baby. They'll go away the minute you step on stage tomorrow night."

"Promise me this tour won't change us?" she asked.

I felt another pang of guilt tear through me. "I promise, Isabella."

**

* * *

Bella's POV**

I stood backstage, taking a few sips of water to calm my nerves. The stadium was packed and they had just lowered the lights; indicating that we were about to start. The crowd's screams were deafening. I was used to this. The screams were the same for The Volturi when we toured in Europe. Every night it was the same fans, different city. This was no exception.

I glanced around at all the familiar faces gathered backstage to see my debut. Charlie was currently standing next to Aro, who had decided to make a special occasion to see my first performance in-person. My father had arrived with the new band earlier that morning. I was surprised at how quickly I hit it off with the other musicians. We were able to run through an assortment of songs and finalize the set-list fairly quickly. After a few hours of practice, we all felt confident with the quality. _So why wasn't I feeling confident now?_

Alice darted in front of my face and smoothed back my hair for one, final touch-up. "How are you feeling?"

"Nervous."

"Don't be. Remember, we talked about this. They're your fans out there too. Everyone loves that you and Edward are together. You don't have to win them over. Just go out there and sing!" She took a final once-over at my outfit and clicked her tongue. "Damn, I do a good job!"

_The minute I had arrived at the front desk of my hotel in Nashville, Alice was rushing towards me and twirling me around. She, excitedly, informed me that we had the entire day to spend shopping together. It ended up being a really fun time. Alice tutored me on the best clothes to wear to enhance my figure and then proceeded to show me all the ways to use her various beauty products. We spent the majority of the time having quality girl talk - something I knew I would desperately need as the tour continued. _

_ While I would have been fine wearing jeans and tank tops to sing in; Alice insisted I could still rock-out, while encompassing femininity and sexiness. Alice pulled me from shop to shop, picking out various ruffled black skirts with button-up vests for tops. She added in a few mini tank dresses with large belts around the waist. Each outfit came paired with various size black boots. _

_"I have to say, styling you is so much more fun than Tanya," Alice told me when we stopped for a quick coffee-fix at Starbucks. "I couldn't get her to understand that being sexy didn't mean you couldn't be classy as well."_

_ "Well that girl needed to have class in order to understand it," I snorted._

_ Alice nodded her head in agreement before taking another sip of her frappuccino._

_ "What exactly happened, Alice?"_

_ Alice looked down; obviously caught off-guard by my question. "Umm…I probably know as much as you do. One minute we were all in the airport, getting ready to board. The next minute, she's getting dragged away by security. I didn't know anything else until I saw the video of her at Edward's birthday party."_

_ I set down my coffee and stared at her; waiting for her to make eye-contact with me. "What video?"_

_ Alice looked up, surprised. "The video on TMZ?" When I didn't show her any signs that I knew what she was talking about, she continued, "It was from Edward's party. She was doing a line of coke and talking to him…"_

_ Anger rose up inside me. Why hadn't I heard about this?_

_ "What did she say, Alice?" _

_When she didn't answer, I pulled out my iPhone and quickly punched in the website for TMZ. I found the clip fairly easy and pressed play. I watched, in disgust, as Tanya inhaled the white powder and threw her head back, high out of her mind._

"_I have an idea, Edward. Let's go back to your room and fuck our brains out," Tanya's voice echoed through my phone._

"_Not a chance." I couldn't see Edward anywhere in the video; but I, certainly, recognized his voice._

"_Come on sweetie – it's the perfect plan. We both get off and then I tell everyone how I stole you away from your goody-two-shoes girl. What's your little name for her? Bella?"_

"_Go to hell," Edward slurred._

"_That little bitch," I said and threw my phone back in my purse._

"_That was the video," Alice said matter-of-factly._

"_Why the hell wouldn't Edward tell me about this?"_

_Alice played with the straw in her drink, twirling it back and forth. "Well…he was pretty out of it that night, Isabella. I don't know if he remembers it."_

_An uneasy feeling hit me in the bottom of my stomach but I tried to push it away. I thought back to Edward being with Tanya when she was doing the cocaine. Why was he with her? I knew Edward was hung over the next day…he wouldn't possibly have done drugs with Tanya; would he?_

_I took a deep breath and asked a question I knew I shouldn't have even been asking. "Alice, you didn't see anything at his party – did you?"_

_Alice looked at me, shocked. "No! I mean, to be honest, I was pretty caught-up with Jasper for most of the night. But he was so miserable because of the argument he had with you. You don't think Edward would…"_

_I put up my hand to stop her from saying anything else and shook my head. "No. I have more faith in him than that. It's just Tanya knows how to get under my skin."_

"_Well here's to not dealing with that anymore!" she said and raised her frappuccino up to my coffee cup to cheer._

My thoughts from earlier in the day were broken up when Alice threw a long, gold chain around my neck and pulled me in for a hug. "You're ready for the show, darling! Break a leg!"

I squeezed her back and then took one final glance around the backstage area. It seemed like all eyes were on me; waiting for my move – all eyes except for the pair I had been looking for the most. Panic began to rise in me, as I tried to search out Edward in the mass of people. I could hear the band begin to play and knew I would be walking out on stage any second.

I turned back around to the stage, waiting for my cue, when I felt two strong arms wrap around me. I felt a rush of relief leave my body and fell back into Edward's chest.

"You didn't think I'd miss this; did you?"

"Always cutting it close, Cullen."

He spun me around to face him and cupped my face in his hands. His eyes pierced into mine; like he was staring straight into my soul.

"I love you, Isabella Swan. I'm not going to tell you 'good luck' or 'break a leg' because you don't need it. You have some of the rawest talent I've ever seen. Go out there and show them why I fell in love with you."

He pulled me in for a passionate kiss; tangling his fingers through my hair and entering my mouth in one, swift, movement. I got lost in his presence. All my nerves and insecurities had flown out the window. The only thing my mind could focus on were Edward's lips and hands crashing down on me.

Almost just as quickly as he pulled me in for the kiss, he pulled away. Before I could whimper any protests, he spun me back towards the stage and lightly patted my butt.

"Knock 'em dead, Bella."

The music kicked into the intro of my first song. The guitar started in on the familiar hook and the bass drum broke in with the beat. _This was it. _I walked out on stage and waved to the crowd. Immediately, I was greeted with deafening screams.

"How ya feeling tonight, Nashville?" I called out. The crowd responded with another scream. I placed the microphone in the stand and nodded back to the band that I was ready to start the song.

_Oh, sweetheart, put the bottle down_

_You've got too much talent._

_I see you through those bloodshot eyes_

_There's a cure you found it._

I found it fitting to start with this song as I began the new tour. While it wasn't a single, it was a fun upbeat way to start the show. It was also the first song I wrote about Edward on our tour together last year. I felt we were finally coming full circle; back together again. I glanced back to the side of the stage and saw Edward standing there with a wide smile. He mouthed _I love you_ and I winked back at him.

As I continued to sing, I thought back to how my life had turned into a crazy rollercoaster ride over the past month. I was racing back and forth, all over the country. My emotions had flown up and down so many times. It had certainly been a bumpy ride. But, as I sang out into the microphone and felt a connection with the crowd, I realized it had all been worth it. It seemed like my rollercoaster ride was on a steady climb to the top.

_…I forgot after the rollercoaster reaches the top, it plummets straight down._

**

* * *

A/N: **Song is "I Do Not Hook Up" by Kelly Clarkson.

Ok, this is me begging….please review!


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15:**

**A/N: **This chapter was really fun to write! I think it's because we get a glimpse back to the old Edward and Bella that show why they, ultimately, belong together. Don't get me wrong – Edward's issues are an undercurrent throughout this chapter. But I wanted to have a few good moments between them before everything comes crashing down within the next few chapters.

(I also just started a Twitter page for this story. You can add me MrsShortHandFF. I plan to post updates as well as different thoughts I have about upcoming parts of the plot to get people's opinions.)

_

* * *

I think you can do much better than me,_

_All of the lies that I made you believe._

_- Matchbox 20_

**Bella's POV**

They day of my album release had finally arrived. I dare say it was better than waking up on Christmas morning. We had arrived in Los Angeles the night prior but I hardly got any sleep from anticipation. I wanted this so bad, I could taste it. And now it was finally here. All the blood, sweat, and tears built up to this magnificent day and nothing was going to ruin it.

I woke up at dawn, wide-awake and ready to do radio interviews. I couldn't help but giggle as I chatted away on the phone while Edward slept soundly next to me on the bed. By mid-morning, Charlie and I were off to various record stores for CD signings and meet-and-greets. I was awe-struck over how many fans showed up at each of the events. And what left me more astounded was how little Edward's name came up from the fans. They truly wanted to talk to me about my music and the stories behind the songs.

After running around for various television interviews in the afternoon, I was finally whisked back to Edward's house to change for the party that night. After I had applied the final touches to my makeup in the mirror, I stepped outside of the bathroom to present myself. Edward had been putting on a blazer but froze when I caught his attention. His mouth dropped open and I watched as his eyes, lustfully, raked up and down my body. I smiled and twirled around, giving him the full view. Alice had hooked me up with a beautiful Marchesa strapless, juniper, chiffon dress. The dress was short and hugged all of my curves. A long strip of chiffon hung from the side of my waist down to my shin; giving it an extra piece of flair. It was absolutely perfect and I couldn't feel anymore sexier or confident in it.

Edward whistled and pulled me into his chest. His hands roamed up and down my curves and he dipped his head into my neck; inhaling my perfume.

"Do you know what this dress is doing to me, Bells?" Edward whispered huskily into my skin.

A shiver ran through my body and I shook my head. He pushed his erection into my pelvis to show me exactly what affect I was having on him. His hands slid down to cup my ass and then trailed along the hemline.

"Do you know all the things I want to do you right now?" he growled. His lips came crashing down on mine and I hungrily responded to his advances. His hands slid underneath my dress, caressing my bare ass, and tracing the line of my thong. "You're so goddamn sexy."

I tried to regain composure and reigned in all of my wild desires so I could pull away from him. He let out a small sigh and tried to draw me back into his arms.

"I don't think so, Cullen," I said; wagging my finger at him. "This dress stays on until after the party."

His eyes flashed, wickedly, and he licked his lips. "That's not a problem."

I shrieked, playfully, and backed up from his advances. "Stay back! I will not arrive at my own party looking like I've just received a good, hard, fuck."

"God, Bella, stop giving me these mental images!"

"Well stop thinking about it!" I squealed as he continued to stalk towards me. "Think about carrots…peas…pigs…Emmett jerking off!"

The last comment stopped him dead in his tracks. "Jesus, Bella, way to fucking kill the mood!"

"Desperate times call for desperate measures."

Edward pulled me into his arms for a hug. He lowered his head down to my ear and whispered, seductively, "This isn't over, love. Tonight you're all mine."

* * *

I had managed to thwart Edward's advances while we finished getting ready at his house. However, as we sat in the back of the limo, alone, I was finding it harder to pull away from his subtle touches. I was thankful that we were making a stop at Renee and Phil's hotel and they would soon be joining us.

My mother arrived in Los Angeles earlier that morning for the release party. I had promised her that she could come to the party with us and finally make the red-carpet entrance she had been dreaming about. I actually wanted to enter with my entire family; but convincing Charlie to be in the same enclosed space with Renee and Phil was futile. He said he'd meet me inside.

We pulled up to the hotel but I was surprised when I didn't see them waiting in the valet area. _Of course my mother was running late to the biggest night of my life._

I sighed and glanced back at Edward, "I'll be back in a minute."

I started walking towards the hotel but was surprised when Edward trailed behind me.

"You could have waited in the car."

"Please, we both know who your mother's going to be more excited to see. I'm just doing my boyfriendly duties and appeasing the loon."

His words would have hurt me if I hadn't known he was right. Even though this was my shining moment - to Renee, I'd only be shining because of the Hollywood heartthrob beside me.

I turned around and put my hand on his chest. "Please, Edward, don't say anything you'll regret."

He gave me his winning smile and kissed my hand. "I'll do you one better. I won't say anything you'll regret either."

I knocked on their door. A second later, Phil opened it. He was standing in a pair of trouser pants, with a dress shirt, and a tie that hung open on both sides of his neck.

"Isabella, you look beautiful," he said, sincerely, and then extended his hand to Edward.

"Where's mom? We need to hurry up and get to the party," I said, walking into the doorway.

As if to answer my question, I heard a moan coming from the room.

"Mom?" I walked into the room and found Rene lying on the bed with her hand to her head. She was still in her favorite tracksuit she wore whenever she flew. "Mom, what are you doing? Are you sick?"

"Oh is that my Judas walking in now?" she moaned and waved her hand in the air, dramatically. _Judas? _"Yes I'm sick! Sick with grief that you could sell out your own family so easily!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

I was not in the mood for another one of Renee's guilt-trips. We had to get going. Edward walked up behind me and lightly put his hand on my back.

"Oh is that my darling, Edward?" Renee sat up on the bed. "I can't imagine what you must think of me after all the foolish lies my daughter told you."

I felt Edward's hand grip against my back but he remained silent. "Mom, just spit it out already – what did I do this time?"

"I was so excited to come and share in my little girl's dream," she sighed, theatrically. "I just couldn't wait for your big day. I made Phil stop at the first record store, on the way to the airport, so I could listen to your CD on the plane. I happened to see your gorgeous face gracing the cover of _Rolling Stone_; so naturally I wanted to read what my darling, Isabella, had to say."

I inhaled sharply; knowing exactly where this was headed.

"So I listened to those songs…all those beautiful melodies and songs about a haunted past. And then I read the article to find out all those songs were about me!"

"Mom, that's not what I said…"

"You blame me for the divorce!" she shrieked.

"Well you were the one that walked out!" I snapped back.

"To let you have the life that _you _wanted! You paint a picture to everyone that your childhood was so traumatic. It's a pack of lies, Isabella! You got everything you wanted! You were a spoiled little girl then and you're a spoiled little girl now!"

Anger flashed through me. I could feel my entire body shaking as I tried to control my rage before lashing out.

Edward grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the door. "I think we should go."

I snapped my wrist out of Edward's grasp; turning back to Renee. "How would you even know how I felt, mom? Did you ever, once, ask me? You live in your own goddamn fantasy world while everyone else suffers from your selfish actions!"

Renee stared at me, in horror; but before she could respond, Edward grabbed my shoulders and turned me towards the door. He looked back at Renee and Phil and spoke in a cool, calm voice.

"I'll call my management team and they'll get you back to Phoenix on the first flight tonight. This is Isabella's night and I'm not going to let you ruin it any further."

I barely remembered Edward walking me back out to the limo. Everything around me was in a white haze of fury. _How dare she! _Once again, she managed to turn everything back around to her. Those were _my _songs and I wasn't going to let her take those feelings away from me. The limo started up and I stared into emptiness. My nails were digging sharply into my palms from the tight fists I was making.

"Say something," I said to Edward.

"Your mom's a bitch."

"Not that. Distract me."

Edward's hand slid up my thigh. "Oh I can think of some ways to distract you."

He leaned in closer to me and started sucking on my neck while his hand easily slipped up towards my heated center. In one, swift, movement he had pushed past the sheer fabric covering my pussy and danced his fingers along my slit. I tried to focus on his fingers stroking me. I tried to feel the immense pleasure as his lips and tongue ran across the nape of my neck. I wanted, so badly, to just _feel_ him. But instead, all I felt was rage.

"I just want to punch something!" I yelled into the empty car.

Edward sighed and pulled back from me. He shifted towards the front of the limo, knocking on the glass window, and told the driver to pull over. The limo began to slow down and when it finally came to a stop, Edward pulled me out of the car. I looked around at our surroundings. We had pulled over right at the off-ramp from the freeway and were about 3 blocks away from the nightclub.

"What are you doing?"

"Scream."

"What are you talking about?"

"I refuse to let you show up to your own party with your mind still on this. When you walk that red carpet I want you to be every bit as happy as you deserve to be. You're angry – so let it out. No one will hear you with the cars rushing by. So scream."

"This is so stupid," I mumbled. He raised his eyebrow at me; obviously not letting me go anywhere until I did his bidding. I sighed and let out a small shriek.

He laughed and shook his head. "I've heard you scream louder than that in bed, Bells. _Scream._"

I shot him a look that told him how much I was going to kill him and then took a deep breath and screamed.

"Louder!"

I inhaled again and screamed at the top of my lungs. I could feel the weight on my shoulders start to release a bit and screamed again. I hated that my mom had that affect on me. I hated that, after all these years, she still managed to disappoint me. I screamed, letting go of all the anger that had built up since I was a teenager. And then, without warning, my screams turned to sobs.

Edward's face immediately softened and he pulled me into his chest. My cries were muffled against his body and I let the sobs continue to rack through me. He lightly stroked my back and kept his face buried in my hair; constantly murmuring how much he loved me.

When I finally felt myself calm down, another thought popped into my head; causing me to cry again. "My makeup!"

Edward reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone. He punched in a number and spoke briefly, "Yeah, we need your help. We're at the Sunset off-ramp."

He continued to hold me for about 5 minutes until I heard another car pull up behind us. I glanced out from under his arms and saw Jasper and Alice hop out of the car. Alice, immediately, ran towards me and pulled me into a hug.

"Yo, man, what did you do?" Jasper asked.

Edward held up his hands. "It wasn't me."

Alice pulled me back into the limo and emptied out all the contents in her makeup bag. "Oh, honey, you are so lucky I'm a miracle worker."

As Alice continued to work on my face, I glanced at Edward and gasped. "Oh, no, Edward! I ruined your shirt!"

Down the front of his clean, white, shirt were long lines of mascara streaks. He looked down at his chest and then smiled, smugly, at me.

"I guess that means I'll have to go shirtless."

"Like hell you're upstaging me."

"You can go topless too," he teased. I rolled my eyes but Jasper stood in front of him and buttoned up his blazer; covering the makeup stains.

"There you go, Isabella. Good as new."

Alice and I both froze. "Oh my God, Alice. Are you rubbing off on Jasper?"

"I am so turned on right now," Alice said.

Edward threw his head back and howled, slapping Jasper on the back. "Buddy, you are screwed!"

* * *

The music pounded throughout the nightclub as I sipped on a vodka tonic. Enlarged pictures of my album cover were placed all over the walls. On the front of the stage, where I had just given an impromptu performance, was a copy of my gold record. The party was in full-effect and I was the guest of honor.

By the time we stepped out on the red carpet, my nerves had been calmed down and I was feeling much better. Edward continued making fun of Jasper for the rest of the limo ride; knowing I needed a few good laughs. As we walked down the carpet, hand-in-hand, I finally realized why this was important to Edward. It felt nice to arrive together – to hold hands and have everyone see we belonged to each other.

Edward was ever-the-gentleman and stood back during the interviews; insisting that it was _my_ night and I was the only person the reporters should be talking about.

"_Alright, I understand," one reporter from Access Hollywood said, coyly. "So how about you tell us about Isabella, Edward? What made you fall in love with her?"_

_Edward looked down at me; his eyes filled with adoration. "Everything. She's the most amazing woman I know."_

Edward walked up behind me on the dance floor and handed me another drink; even though I wasn't done with the one in my hand.

"Whatcha doing?"

I turned around and wrapped one arm around his neck and began grinding against him to the music. "Oh…I'm just thinking about how much head you're going to get tonight from those sexy bullshit comments you gave those reporters."

Edward wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "I meant every word I said out there, Bells. You're amazing and I'm completely and utterly head over heels for you…but I do intend to hold you to that promise tonight."

"I love you." I pulled his head down towards mine and kissed him tenderly. He groaned against my mouth and deepened the kiss. I was fully aware that we were in the middle of the dance floor and flashes were going off around us – but for the first time I didn't give a fuck. All I cared about was being in Edward's arms.

Edward broke away and gave me his shit-eating grin. "On second thought, we could kick everyone out of the VIP room and you could fulfill that promise now…"

"Patience, Cullen."

The music came to a stop and all attention was on the center stage. Aro rapped on the microphone.

"Can I have your attention? We're about to have our toast to Isabella. Servers are coming around on the floor for you to grab a glass of champagne. Isabella and Edward, can I have you both come up here on stage?"

The crowd cheered as we made our way next to Aro. He handed us each a glass and held up his own.

"I have had the pleasure of watching Isabella grow into a remarkable musician the past few years. When we were first introduced to Isabella on _American Idol _there was no doubt that she could sing. But this young woman has also turned into a soulful songwriter. I hope you're extremely proud of this album, Isabella, because everyone at Sony is confident that you're going to be breaking records. So let's all raise a glass to Isabella Swan and her album, _Breakaway._"

The crowd cheered and raised their glasses. I could feel the heat rising to my face. Edward looped his arm around my waist and downed his champagne in one gulp.

"And I have one more announcement to add," Aro interjected before the music could come back on. "I'm not going to lie…having Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan linked together is a money-making dream come true. But, in all honesty, I'm glad you two kids have found love. And everyone will be able to read about them soon. Next week they're shooting a 5-page spread for _Vanity Fair._"

The entire crowd roared and the music promptly came back on, causing everyone to start moving on the dance floor again. I was utterly confused and glanced at Edward but his eyes were off in the distance. We stepped down from the stage and I grabbed Charlie.

"Did you know about this?"

Charlie shook his head but before he could respond, Aro came to our side. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to inform you sooner but we just finalized the arrangements with _Vanity Fair_ today. You'll be doing the shoot in New York City next week after your performances."

I looked, hesitantly, back and forth between Edward, Charlie, and Aro. "Aro, I never agreed to this."

Aro gave me a sly smile. "Oh, but Edward already did, my dear! Charlie, why don't you come with me and I'll fill you in on all the details."

Aro ushered Charlie over to the bar. I was left standing with Edward, waiting for him to say something. I glared at him.

"Explain."

Edward looked down and ran his hands through his hair. "Aro had some stipulations for you to join the tour."

"Which were?"

"Two magazine covers."

"Jesus, Edward! Why wasn't I informed about this?"

"Because you would have probably said no?" he said, sheepishly.

I stood gawking at him. Every time I went to speak I'd open my mouth, close it, and then open it again. "So you said we'd do this…even though you knew I wouldn't want to?"

"What if I wanted to do it?"

"Did you?"

"I wanted you _on tour_, Bella!"

"Let's get one thing straight here, Edward. You are NOT my manager. Charlie does a fine job of that on his own. If there are decisions that are going to include both of us – then I _will_ be informed! Strike one was going behind my back to get me on this tour. Strike two was making appearances for both of us without asking me. There better not be a strike three!"

I spun around, grabbing another glass of champagne from a passing server; and threw it down the back of my throat. _If Edward's smart he'll know not to follow me and give me some space._ I ordered another vodka tonic and put my hands in my head. I wasn't angry; but I was irritated – irritated that Edward couldn't talk to me like a fucking adult. If he had simply called me up and told me about the opportunity to join the tour, we could have talked about the pros and cons like two people in an equal relationship; and I would have probably consented to everything. _But instead he had to be fucking sneaky and make these decisions without me._

I felt a hand on my shoulder and whipped around to tell Edward to leave me alone; only to find Jacob's chocolate eyes staring back at me.

"Woah, Isabella, should I duck?"

I relaxed my shoulders and laughed in embarrassment. "Sorry about that, Jacob. I thought you were someone else."

"You need a bodyguard?" he teased.

"I can pack a pretty mean punch."

"I don't doubt it."

Jacob sat down on the stool next to me and ordered a beer. I took another sip of my drink and watched him out of the corner of my eye.

"So tell me, Isabella, when do I get the official interview from you tonight?"

"Me? You're only writing about The Volturi."

"That's where you're wrong. I'm the _tour_ diary writer – and you are now a part of the tour! Which means, the next web blog is completely devoted to your new arrival and debut album." He pulled out a small camera and showed it to me. "I've been taking some video of you on the red carpet and on stage singing."

I grabbed the camera from him and put it on playback to see what he had. The first scene that showed up was a close-up of my face, laughing. I was dancing with Alice and Rosalie. "And dancing?" I asked, cocking my eyebrow.

"Strictly research," he said; flashing me a huge grin.

"So what did you want to know?"

"How does it feel?"

"Fucking amazing."

"End quote?" he joked.

"It's very surreal. This is what I've been working towards and dreaming about for nearly 10 years. The process is so long and hard; but the minute you get that big break everything flies by so fast. Tonight hasn't been able to really sink in for me yet. I think in a week or two, when I start to see the album sales, it'll start to feel like a success."

"Anything else you want to add?"

"No. If I get too personal you'll write a story about it and my mother will hate me even more."

Jacob looked at me, surprised, and I cursed myself for letting my loose lips fly after a few drinks.

"Isabella, are you mad at me for the article I wrote?"

I shook my head, frantically. "No, that's not what I meant at all! Just forget I said anything."

We stayed in silence for a few minutes while Jacob mulled over his beer. He kept casting glances at me and finally let out a sigh.

"Off the record…what's wrong?"

I stared at him, debating whether I should answer. Instinctively, I wanted to tell him "nothing." But when I stared into his eyes, I remembered that he hadn't broken my trust yet.

"My mom's mad at me for singing about the divorce. She thinks I'm vilifying her. Edward's making decisions about my career without consulting me." I mentally kicked myself for adding in the last part about my relationship.

Jacob whistled. "So what are you going to do?"

"Write a song about how awesome my mom is?" I said, sarcastically.

"And Edward?"

I shook my head, feeling weird discussing this with him. "Don't worry about it."

Jacob spun his beer bottle around on the bar. The bottle stopped and pointed to me. "Truth or dare?"

I looked at him, confused. "That's spin the bottle, Jake." He raised his eyebrow at me and smirked. I quickly realized what I, inadvertently, implied and spoke up. "Truth."

"Do you trust Edward?"

His question shocked me. I glanced at him to see if he was being his usual, sarcastic self – but he sat, waiting for my answer.

"Of course!" He nodded and didn't say anything else. I was irritated that he could ask such a blatant question without any follow-up. "Why did you ask that?"

Jacob shrugged. "You're upset with him for making decisions without you…but you trust him. So is it really that big a deal?"

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and scolded myself for thinking there was more to his question. "Because a relationship is about two people making decisions together."

"I get that." He ordered another beer; still spinning the other bottle around. "So what decisions did he make that you're not happy about?"

"Just stuff dealing with me getting on tour."

"Ah, and the departure of the late-great, Tanya Denali."

I raised my eyebrow at him, taking another sip of my drink. "What do you know about that?" Jacob shrugged but I didn't let that slide. "Come on, you're the eyes and ears of this tour."

"That was my first night on tour. I didn't see as much as I could have. Most of the night was spent scrambling after Edward to try and get an interview but he stayed up in the VIP room as much as possible. I wasn't allowed up there. Tanya wasn't on my radar that night. I didn't really see what happened until Edward's video showed up on TMZ the next day."

I nearly spit out the drink in my mouth. "Edward's video?"

"Well…his video camera. I gave all the guys a Flip Cam to document that night. He says his went missing and, sure enough, the video of Tanya was online a few hours later."

I absent-mindedly picked up his empty beer bottle and spun it around on the counter. It slowed down and pointed to him. Jacob looked down at the bottle and then back and me; giving me a wink.

"Alright, I give. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Now that you've been on tour with him a few weeks – what do you think of Edward?"

Jacob sat, contemplating how to answer. He finally looked me in the eye and flashed me his dazzling smile. "I think he's lucky to have a girlfriend that's so sweet and trusting," he said and grabbed his beer; walking away from the bar.

I sighed and got up from the bar as well; walking the opposite way from Jacob. Jacob was definitely a flirt but everything about him seemed innocent and playful. However, I knew that Edward would not see it that way if he heard Jacob's comments. I saw Edward talking to Charlie in the corner – which surprised me because Charlie seemed calm and Edward was still alive. I walked over to them and Edward gave me an apologetic look.

"We don't have to do _Vanity Fair _if you don't want to, Bells. I shouldn't have agreed to it without you."

"Actually, Aro shouldn't have agreed to anything without getting the paperwork signed by both management teams," Charlie said. "You were a pawn, son - simple as that."

"So what now?"

"Do the shoot," Charlie said matter-of-factly. "It's great publicity for both of you."

"But it's just putting our relationship in the spotlight even more," I countered.

"Your relationship is already in the spotlight, kid. You might as well make some money off of it; instead of those paparazzi leeches."

I looked up at Edward and couldn't help but laugh. "And just that like - you're off the hook, aren't you?"

"Oh I wouldn't let him off that easily," Charlie snickered. He patted my back and walked away; leaving the two of us alone in the corner.

Edward wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head. "Forgive me?"

I looked up and gave him a peck on the lips. "It's hard to be annoyed with you when your face is so gorgeous."

* * *

We arrived back at Edward's house around 3am. I was buzzed off a mixture of alcohol and adrenaline. As soon as we entered his house, I walked towards his back balcony and lit up a cigarette. Edward came up behind me and pulled the cigarette from my fingers, taking a drag, before giving it back to me. I leaned my arms against the railing and Edward began to massage my back. I let out a soft moan and dropped my head down on my neck.

"Tired?"

"Not in the least. You?"

"I'm up." In order to emphasize exactly what he meant, Edward pushed his erection into my ass.

"Hmm…well a promise is a promise."

Edward's hands slid down the sides of my torso. "Oh and I intend to hold you to that promise, Bella. But I can't wait any longer."

He pulled down the front of my dress; exposing my bare breasts to the cool air. My body shivered in anticipation. Edward cupped my breasts, squeezing and kneading them. He alternated between pinching and pulling my nipples while he left a trail a kisses down my back. I already had a pool of wetness between my legs.

Edward dropped down to his knees and ran his hands slowly up thighs, with his tongue following the same path. My legs started to tremble, in anticipation, and Edward chuckled.

"So goddamn beautiful," he whispered.

His hands slid up to my bottom and he pushed my dress up around my waist. I could feel his hot breath against my ass cheeks. His hands were on them next; squeezing and massaging. He placed light kisses on my skin and slid one hand between my legs. Using his thumb, he pulled away the fabric to my thong. I spread my legs farther, in anticipation, and sighed in ecstasy when he thrust two fingers into me.

"Jesus, you're so fucking wet," he groaned. He continued to pump his fingers into me and left little bite marks on my ass.

"Fuck me, Edward," I begged.

I didn't have to ask twice. He pulled down my thong in one fluid motion and stood back up. I heard his pants drop to the floor and turned around to see him standing in front of me, completely naked. _My Adonis. _

Edward grabbed me and pinned me against the wall of the house. I was completely naked except for my dress that was bunched around my waist. I started to take it off when Edward grabbed both my hands and held them over my head.

"Nah uh, love. We're using this dress to our full advantage tonight."

He grabbed the long strip of chiffon that hung from my waist and pulled it up to my arms; wrapping it around my wrists. _Oh fuck me._ My pussy drooled in anticipation for what was about to come. Edward continued to hold my hands above my head and leaned down, licking my collar bone.

"Tell me, Bells. I can make love to you slow and gentle…or fuck you hard. What do you want?"

"Oh God, fuck me," I breathed out.

Edward smirked. "I was hoping you'd say that."

He hoisted me up with his other arm and I wrapped my legs around his waist. Edward slammed my back against the wall and thrust deep into me. I let out a loud moan. He pulled completely out and thrust deeper; the second time causing me to scream his name. He grabbed my wrists with both of his hands and kept them high above my head as he continued pushing deeper inside me. I tightened my grip around his waist with my legs. The cool concrete was scraping against my back and I was certain it was leaving marks – but the small amount of pain I felt against my back was completely overshadowed by the immense pleasure that was pulsing through my entire body.

Edward dropped his head into the crook of my neck. Our panting kept a steady rhythm, in harmony, to the sound of our skin slapping together. Edward growled and bit into my shoulder, causing me to cry out again. He let go of my wrists, grabbing my waist to give him more leverage. I hooked my arms around his neck and shifted my hips so that I was now rocking back and forth on his cock. I matched his frantic pace and I could feel my walls tightening around him.

"You're mine," Edward chanted with heavy breaths. He crashed his lips into mine and pulled back. "Say it."

He pushed me back into the wall, thrusting much harder and faster. I was almost at the brink and my entire body started to quiver. I locked eyes with him.

"I'm yours…always."

I came hard; my walls squeezed around his cock and spasms of pleasured rocked through my entire body. Edward moaned and gave one final thrust and released himself as I was riding the last wave of my orgasm. I collapsed against his frame; my entire body feeling like Jello. Edward wrapped his arms around me and lowered himself to the ground, cradling me in his arms. He pushed the sweaty hair out of my face and then unbound the chiffon from my wrists. He kissed the top of my head.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too."

The cool air whipped around us and I shivered against his skin. "Come on, let's get you instead and up to bed."

He scooped me up into his arms and carried me up the steps to his bedroom.

"I still need to keep my promise," I said wearily.

Edward chuckled. "You can make it up to me tomorrow. Tonight was all about you, love. Congratulations."

* * *

I sat at the keyboard in Edward's tour bus, banging out a song, furiously. Even as the hours passed my thoughts still continued to swirl in a mix of anger and confusion. Edward and I had woken up that morning in pure bliss, still coming off our highs from the night prior. But all that changed when we arrived later that afternoon in Atlanta.

_Edward and I got to our hotel and took a nap before we were scheduled to arrive at the stadium. I woke up before Edward and started to pack my duffle bag that came with me every night. I searched around in my suitcase for my hairbrush but after I couldn't find it, I decided to see if I accidently put it with Edward's bags. It was when I was rummaging through his suitcase that something silver caught my eye. _

_I immediately recognized it as a Flip Cam and Jacob's words from the night prior filled my head: "I gave all the guys a Flip Cam to document that night. He says his went missing and, sure enough, the video of Tanya was online a few hours later."_

_I shot up off the floor and flung the Flip Cam at Edward's chest. He opened his eyes with a start and looked around the room._

"_What the fuck?"_

_His hands grasped the silver camera that was sitting on his chest. He looked down at it and then back at me._

"_What the hell is that?"_

"_A camera?" he asked, sounding as if he was unsure himself._

"_The Flip Cam that Jacob gave you?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_The same one that you told Jacob you lost with the footage that's now airing all over TMZ?" My voice became increasingly higher with each question I asked._

_Edward looked back down at the camera and I could see the realization slowly sink into his face. "Shit," he muttered._

"_What the FUCK, Edward?"_

"_Tanya deserved it for all the shit she gave you."_

_I stared at him in disbelief. Did he actually think that made it ok? It just added to the long list of things he was doing behind my back._

_I snatched the camera off his chest and stormed out the door. "That's strike three, Edward."_

I hadn't seen Edward for the rest of the day. I was purposefully avoiding him. Of course, I checked the footage on his camera after I left him; but it had all been erased. I happened to see Jacob backstage and tossed the camera to him.

"_Here – this is yours."_

_He looked at me, surprised, but I continued walking; not giving him a chance to hear any explanations. _

After I was done performing, I didn't want to go back to the hotel room and wait for Edward. So I got one of the drivers to let me on Edward's bus; where I pounded out angry, hate music about him.

_What the fuck was happening to Edward?_ It was like I was finding one secret after another with him. I couldn't understand why he kept going behind my back. _Why couldn't he just tell me what was going on?_ I hated Tanya as much as he did but I never expected him to be so vindictive to her – _or lie about it to me._ I started to get an uneasy feeling that there was something else going on with him that I didn't know about.

Shortly after the concert ended, I heard the door to the bus open. Edward stepped inside. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked like shit. I continued to pound on the keys; ignoring him.

"I knew you wouldn't want to go back to bed with me, so I figured you had to be here writing a song about how much you hate me."

I simply nodded and kept hitting the same notes over and over. He watched me for a few seconds before walking over and lightly grabbing my hands; causing me to stop. I shot him a furious look but he just stared back at me, wearily, and sighed.

"We need to talk, Isabella."

He sat down next to me on the piano bench and I waited for him to speak first.

"I'm sorry for not telling you about the video," he began. "I never meant to hurt you…I only wanted to hurt Tanya."

"_Who are you?" _I yelled at him._ "_It's like I don't even know you anymore! You're not deceitful or conniving or vindictive! But I feel like I keep finding out about all these different schemes you've been up to. Why would you even do something so low?"

"Did you see what she said on that video, Bella?" he lashed back. "She was trying to break us apart! I wanted to bring that bitch down."

"But she brought herself down with the drugs, Edward. Why'd you have to go any further?"

Edward looked away, guiltily. "Because I'm not as good a person as you are. I can't just let things slide."

I scoffed at his admission. "That's a bullshit answer. I won't accept that."

Edward put his hands in his head and looked down. "I just wanted to get her off the tour by any means necessary."

"And get me on the tour by any means necessary?"

Edward looked at me with such sad eyes. "I really fucked up didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did."

"So what now? What about us?"

I stared at him, clearly insulted. "It's going to take a hell of a lot more than that to break us up, Edward."

He sighed and released some of the tension in his shoulders.

"But…" I continued. "These little secrets and omissions have _got_ to stop. I don't care if you don't think it's a big deal. We don't hide things in our relationship. If you have issues or you're worried about something – come to me; just like I come to you."

He nodded and started to wrap his arms around me but I pulled back and placed my hand on his chest.

"I'm going to ask you one last time, Edward. I don't want to find out you've been hiding anything else from me. Now's the time to let it all out in the open. Is there anything else you haven't told me?"

Edward closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. When he opened them he looked me straight in the eye. "No."

I wrapped my arms around him and laid my head on his shoulder. "No more secrets, you promise?"

"I promise."

**

* * *

A/N: **Please review! I'm almost at 100 reviews! I seriously don't think you understand how much reviews make me happy. If I post a chapter before I go to bed, I'm wide awake by 6am, giddily checking my inbox.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16:**

**A/N: **First off, I want to thank everyone for following me on this journey. I'm calling it a journey because it's far from being over. We haven't even hit the halfway point yet, folks. I want to remind everyone that this is Edward's journey. I love writing Edward's character. He has flaws but he has a heart. You will continue to see his flaws in these next couple chapters. Edward has not hit rock bottom yet. Once that happens, then we can start to go back up.

I'm not trying to draw out the angst before Bella finds out. I have very clear plot points I want to hit that are important to the story. That being said, I have the next 4 chapters already outlined and I can promise you it happens in one of those chapters.

Please remember, as I stated in my summary, this is a story about lies…but also about learning to forgive. I'm hoping my readers will also learn to forgive him as the story progresses (but I'm also aware that he has to be forgivable first – all in due time, my friends).

This chapter's song is actually for all the readers and your colorful word choices you've called my dear Edward throughout the reviews. Keep them coming

Special thanks to my new beta, **Coleen561, **who has been so helpful to me even before I begged her to be my beta ;) And she made my awesome new banner. She's pretty kick-ass.

One last warning – drugs are mentioned again in this chapter. Drugs are bad kids – very, very bad.

* * *

_Let's have a toast for the douchebags,_

_Let's have a toast for the assholes,_

_Let's have a toast for the scumbags,_

_Every one of them that I know…_

…_Baby, I got a plan_

_Run away fast as you can_

_Kanye West_

**Edward's POV**

One month had passed since Isabella first joined us on tour. I had thought things would quickly go back to the way our relationship was when we were on tour together last year. However, there was no more time for romantic dates and secretive sightseeing. When Aro had warned Bella that she would be working harder than she ever had before, I had no clue how serious he was. I also didn't realize to what extent that would include me.

After we did the cover story with _Vanity Fair, _we were bombarded with thousands of requests. Everyone wanted an interview or picture or glimpse of the two of us together. It was always the same God awful questions: _How did you two meet? How did you fall in love? Any talks of marriage or kids? Blah, blah, blah, blah. _

I had to hand it to Isabella; I knew deep down she was just as irritated as I was, but she took it all in stride. After all, this was _her _time. And while I supported her and wanted her to be in the spotlight, I was getting sick of being her arm candy; just sitting there with a goofy-ass grin on my face while she answered questions about her music. _Ironic how she didn't want to be known as Edward Cullen's girlfriend – yet the longer I sat in those goddamn interviews, the less I felt like Edward Cullen the rock star, and the more I became Isabella Swan's boyfriend._

I finally put my foot down and told Aro that we had gone above and beyond the two magazine interviews I had agreed upon. While my schedule quickly lightened up after that, Isabella's continued to be as hectic as ever. Sometimes I would get exhausted just watching her.

An average day for Bella consisted of waking up by 6 a.m. to cover as many radio interviews as she could. She would then go around to various events or appearances in whatever city we happened to be performing in. After she was finished with those, she'd return with just enough time for sound-check and to get ready for the concert. By the time I stepped off stage at the end of the night I'd either find her passed out in our bed or on the tour bus, frantically writing new songs. I knew Isabella had a strong work ethic; but, damn, she was like the fucking Energizer Bunny.

Regardless of her busy schedule, it felt wonderful just to be able to climb into bed and wrap my arms around her every night. However, I was also getting fairly bored waiting around, aimlessly, while she either worked or slept. I understood that she was exhausted at the end of the night, but it was the opposite for me. Whenever I stepped off stage, I was still wired up. It would take awhile for me to be able to calm myself down enough to sleep unless I could release some of my energy. On the nights that I was lucky, Isabella would help me find my release. But I realized, very quickly, that trying to seduce a sleeping Bella was like trying to seduce a corpse – and I wasn't into necrophilia.

I started going out more to pass the time until exhaustion would finally kick in. Some nights Jasper and Em would come out with me for a bit. _Although, whenever Emmett tagged along it felt more like he was babysitting me. _I would usually spend a few hours alone at a bar, drinking myself to the point of passing out, and then return back to Bella's sleeping figure in the early morning hours. Those times when it was just the two of us felt almost normal. She had forgiven me for my fuck-ups, and when we were in bed, everything felt right.

_All that changed when I was alone._ Each night when I sat alone, mulling over my alcohol, the guilt would still consume me. I felt like I was living a double life: The one with Bella, where both of us deserved to be happy; and the one where I was miserable and alone because I didn't deserve to have her.

I knew I should have fucking told her. But it was too late now. When I looked her in the eye and told her that there were no more secrets, I knew I had nailed the coffin lid shut on our relationship. But I wasn't an idiot. Had I told her the truth, she would still have left me anyway. So I drank away my sorrows and just waited for the moment when everything would come crashing down. The whole time I prayed that God would somehow have mercy on my pitiful self and let the earth open up and swallow Tanya. _Or maybe I was praying for it to swallow me._

Bella wasn't a fool. There were plenty of times she stirred awake at 3am, feeling the bed shift next to her. She joked with me about needing a new liver; but I knew, deep down, she was worried about my drinking. I tried to brush it off as a sleeping aid, but even I started to see the effects when I'd arrive at rehearsals hung-over and my voice shot.

It started off as a one-time act of desperation. I had woken up an hour before I was supposed to be at the stadium. Bella was nowhere in sight and I felt like shit. I had no clue how I was supposed to get on stage and sing. I needed to find a way to get my energy up and fast. Before I could even think to talk myself out of it, I put a call in to Garrett. Thirty minutes later, one of his contacts, who happened to be a crew member on the tour, was knocking on my door and handing me a small bag of coke.

I promised myself it was only one time; that I learned my lesson and wouldn't go out drinking as much. But as the night continued, it was harder to work myself down from the high I was on. Sure enough, I was back in a bar later that night, drinking myself into a stupor. It had now turned into a ritual. About once a week, I would wake up feeling like death, do a quick line after Bella was gone, and be back on stage like nothing was wrong. I knew it was stupid. If Bella or either of the guys found out, they would have my head. _But I was still in control of myself._

Tonight we were in Boston, and I was sober. Granted, I woke up with a massive headache, but I knew I would have it under control with my daily dose of Vitamin Water. I grabbed a bottle out of the mini fridge in my dressing room and headed down the hallway to the conference room. Bella was in there with Jacob playing a game on the Wii. I stood in the doorway behind them, watching as she laughed and playfully pushed him out of the way.

Over the past few weeks, Bella had become fast friends with Jacob. Nine out of ten times, if she wasn't with me or Alice, she'd be with Jacob. And I was fucking jealous as hell. It wasn't that I didn't trust Isabella. _Hell, I had no right to even be suspicious after what I did to her._ Bella's interactions with Jacob were all fairly innocent. But I wasn't blind. I saw the way Jacob looked at her. The little winks and smiles he gave her infuriated me.

I mentioned it only one time to Bella, who immediately became defensive.

"_Edward Cullen – one of People's sexiest men alive – is jealous of a reporter?" she scoffed._

"_I'm not fucking jealous, Bella. But I'm not dumb either. I see the looks he gives you."_

_Bella brushed it off, laughing. "It's his personality, baby. He's just a friendly guy."_

"_So, if I asked you to stop hanging out with him?"_

_She raised her eyebrow as if she was daring me to. "I would say that I can make my own decisions, Edward. I've never asked you to stop hanging out with anyone – and you have a hell of a lot more women from your past that you run into."_

_I shook my head and took a drag of my cigarette. "You're naïve, Bella. You're sexy-as-hell. He'd be an idiot not to want you."_

_Isabella wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed her chin into my chest, looking up at me. "Well, that's very sad for him, because I only want you." She leaned forward and kissed me gently on the lips. "Edward…if I ever felt like he was crossing the line, then I would tell him exactly where to go. But he's a good guy. We're just friends – nothing more."_

I walked up behind Bella and wrapped my arms around her waist, spinning her around. She shrieked and lightly slapped at my arms.

"Yes! I fucking beat you!" Jacob yelled.

"Not fair! I had interference!" She looked up at me and kissed me on the lips. "Hey, baby."

I pulled her closer to me and captured her lips again, this time deepening the kiss. My hands slid up and down her back before finally resting on her ass, giving it a small squeeze. I knew I was making Jacob uncomfortable. _Good._

After a few seconds, Bella lightly pushed me away and laughed uneasily. "God, you act like we haven't seen each other in days!"

I shrugged and took a sip of my water. "Technically, I haven't seen you since yesterday."

Bella reached up and stroked her hand against my cheek, looking into my eyes. I could see the concern written on her face. "What time did you come to bed last night?"

I took her hand off of my face and gently kissed it. "Not too late, Bells. Don't worry."

"How about we both stay in tonight? We can watch a movie…maybe find some other ways to unwind," she whispered suggestively.

I smirked at her innuendo and kissed her lips. "Tonight, I'm all yours."

I glanced at Jacob and nodded towards him. Just as I was about to leave the room, I couldn't resist one last comment. "Enjoy your little games with Jacob, Bells. I'm looking forward to the games we'll be playing tonight."

* * *

After the concert was over and I had finished the last of my meet-and-greets, I rushed back to the hotel to be with Isabella. The room was dark except for a soft light shining in the corner when I stepped inside. I glanced around and found Bella's sleeping figure on top of the bed. I walked over to her and lightly brushed my hand across her face. She let out a soft sigh that melted my heart and leaned her cheek into my palm.

She was in a silky white nightgown that hung dangerously low, just barely covering the peaks of her breasts. The hemline to the gown was perched a centimeter below the center of her legs, teasing me and my cock to no end. I slid my hand down her smooth thigh and towards her foot; chuckling to myself when she let out another gasp in her sleep.

My eyes caught her planner, which was laid out in the middle of the bed. I picked it up and saw the entire month filled with notes and times. I glanced back down at her sleeping form. Even though Bella was exhausted, it was obvious that she was worried about _me_ and trying to stay awake for_ me._ While this warmed my heart, I realized that she needed her sleep. My concern for her health outweighed the immediate needs of my cock.

I gently pulled the covers up around her and kissed her forehead. I wanted nothing more than to curl up next to her and fall asleep. But my dick was still hard and my brain was going a million miles a minute. I was too alert. I sighed and grabbed my wallet off the dresser before walking back towards the door. I wouldn't be too long; just enough for a night cap so I could go to sleep. _I had everything under control._

* * *

Two hours later, I was polishing off the last of my whiskey so that I could stumble back to the hotel. I had drunk myself into a stupor and was ready to go back and pass out. I was taking one final gulp of my drink when a hand clasped my shoulder roughly. I spun around, fully prepared to tell whoever it was to "fuck off."

"Well if it isn't Edward, mother-fucking, Cullen!"

I came face-to-face with a tall, blonde-haired, muscular guy. He had a devilish smile on his face and extended his hand out towards me.

"Riley Biers. What are you doing here?" I asked and gave him a weak handshake.

I didn't know Riley well, but I knew of him. He was a reality-TV star and hung out in the same crowd as Tanya and the other talentless Hollywood hacks. I had run into him at various parties, and I'm sure I must have had numerous conversations with him in the past. I was just too drunk to remember any of them.

He reached his arm over the bar counter and grabbed two bottles of beer, tossing one to me before sitting down on the stool next to mine. "I just got finished doing a club promotion. I head to New York City tomorrow for another one."

"So you get paid thousands of dollars to party at different clubs every night?"

He smiled and lifted his bottle of up his mouth. "Great life to live, right?"

We sat in silence as I finished off the free drink Riley had given me. I didn't really want to be here anymore. I was already starting to feel the effects of the alcohol and was ready to go to bed. I was debating how to make my getaway when Riley spoke up again.

"So what's Edward Cullen doing in a no-name bar like this in the middle of Boston?"

"Getting drunk."

Riley chuckled. "Well you're doing a fine job of that. Here, let me help you out." He motioned to the bartender to bring us another two bottles, this time deciding to pay for the drinks.

"I think I'm gonna call it a night, Riley."

"Like hell you are!" Riley protested. "We just started catching up. I'll make sure you get back safely to your own hotel room…or anyone else's you may want to go to."

He motioned around the bar to some of the women, but I just shook my head groggily. Everything was already starting to become a blur. Riley pulled a camera out of his back pocket and held it out to aim it at the two of us.

"Here – take a picture with me. I'm going to put you up on my website under the fan section," he teased.

"Fuck off, Biers," I growled, but turned my head and let him capture the picture of both of us. He set the camera back down on the bar.

"So I have to ask you, Cullen…what the fuck happened to you?"

I stayed silent, taking another swig of my beer, while I waited for Riley to explain himself. _That was a fucking loaded question – where did he want me to begin?_

"I used to be so fucking jealous of you, man. Last year when you were on the cover of _Details_ with all those naked chics…I wanted to _be_ you! Now…_CosmoGirl_? Really, Edward?"

I could feel the heat rushing to my face. I may not have been totally coherent; , but I was pissed. Who was this little shit to say something like that to my face? It didn't matter if I was on _GQ _or fucking _Bop_, I was still _Edward Cullen._

"At least I'm on covers," I seethed.

"Yeah, as Isabella Swan's pet."

I slammed my beer bottle down and glared at him; daring him to continue with that thought. My fingers tightened around the neck of the bottle. I knew if I let go of it, I'd immediately make a fist that would connect to this pretty-ass boy's face.

"I mean no disrespect," he rushed out. "But, come on, Edward. You used to be a rock god. Now you can't even go a few weeks without your little girlfriend? Edward Cullen doesn't sit and mope away over girls. He fucks whoever he wants. You were so desperate for this girl that you kicked Tanya off the tour and…"

"I did no such thing," I cut him off.

"I'm not dumb. And nobody's blind for that matter. Tanya Denali is kicked off tour and your beautiful little girlfriend comes prancing in after."

"Tanya did it to herself," I said, half-convincingly.

Riley paused and stared at me. "You know she's going to talk when she gets out of rehab."

I snorted. "Let her. Nobody will believe her."

"Oh that's right – because Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan are the poster children for happily-ever-after," he scoffed.

"What the fuck do you have against Isabella?"

"Nothing," he said, matter-of-factly. "She's hot as hell and I would fuck her in a second."

I gave a low growl, threatening him to shut up, but he rambled on.

"But she's made you _weak._ You're nothing more than a pretty-boy. The man who could get any woman he wanted is now letting some hot-piece-of-ass call all the shots."

I shot up off the stool and grabbed Riley by the collar, jerking him off his chair and pulling him towards my face. "You listen here, you little shit – _I still call the shots._ I can still have any woman I want and you better believe Isabella knows it too. She's fucking _lucky_ to have me."

Deep down I knew it was all lies. I was the one lucky to be with her. She was the only one who could save me from myself. She meant the world to me. _But those feelings were meant to be between just me and her._ I didn't need the world thinking I had gone weak – that I was some _pathetic,_ love-sick guy. Truthfully, it shouldn't have mattered to me. But I was just drunk enough and egotistical enough to not let this prick think otherwise.

Riley laughed; seemingly unfazed by the position I was holding him in. His laughter brought me back to my senses and I released him from my grasp.

"Alright, alright. So Edward Cullen is still the man. He can have anyone he wants. So why are you choosing to settle down with her?"

_Because she's the love of my life. She's my salvation. She's the best goddamn thing to happen to me. She has a heart big enough to love me. She's perfect._ All those reasons ran through my head – none of which I would say to Riley.

"The sex," I blurted out. "Isabella's my own little nympho in bed. Why keep fucking mutts when I have my very own Best-in-Show?"

Riley's eyes glinted with amusement. "Do tell."

"She's a vixen. She may be America's sweetheart to everyone else, but she's a fucking hellcat behind closed doors. She's fucking insatiable – and she's all mine. _That's _the reason I wanted her to be on tour with me every night."

Riley sat back, clearly pleased with my answer. _Take that, asshat – I'm still the best._ "Alright – just one last question, Cullen. If she's so great in bed…why are you sitting here by yourself?"

_Because, while I love having sex with her, I love her enough to let her sleep and get the rest she needs._ "Because alcohol comes in a close second behind Isabella," I slurred. "But now that you mention it, I think it is time to return to her waiting arms and open legs."

I stood up and wobbled off balance. I tried to remember how many steps I had to take to get back to the waiting car service outside and hoped I could make it without falling. "Enjoy your night, Riley. Feel free to take my share of women home with you. I've got my own to get back to."

I don't remember walking to the car or riding in the elevator at the hotel. The next thing I knew I was back in the dark room; the only light shining was from the bedside clock that was glowing 3:55am. I fumbled around with my clothes, trying to take them off; until finally I gave up, leaving my boxers and socks on. My body flopped onto the bed beside Bella. She stirred a bit and turned her body towards me. I wrapped my arms around her and breathed in her scent. I hated putting on an act. Every fan viewed our relationship a different way and I fed into all of their images of me – to some I was whipped; to some I was prince charming; and to others I was still just an asshole. But, here, in Bella's arms – _I was just Edward. And she was my Bella. And we were safe._

**

* * *

Bella's POV**

I woke up in the late morning to find Edward passed out next to me. I stared at his sleeping form, examining the dark circles under his eyes. I wasn't sure what time he came in last night, but I knew it was late. I had woken up around 2am to find myself tucked under the covers and Edward nowhere to be found. I was mad at myself for falling asleep and letting Edward spend another night in a bar. And I was mad at him for not bothering to wake me up, or not even bothering to try and fall asleep next to me.

I wasn't sure what was going on with him, but it left me unsettled. I had always been aware of the fact that Edward loved to party – but lately it seemed excessive. And I wasn't even sure if I could call it "partying." It seemed like he was drinking just to drink. I had approached the topic with Emmett a few days prior but he just shook his head in disgust and said, "Edward is just being Edward. He does whatever he wants to." I wasn't sure what he meant by that, but I was unhappy that I seemed to be the only one who felt uneasy about the whole situation.

I sighed and ran my hand through his tousled hair. He even looked tortured as he slept and I didn't know what to do. I lightly kissed his forehead and got out of bed, bringing a bottle of water to his bedside for when he eventually woke up. Today was my first day off in a long time. I was disappointed that I wasn't spending it with Edward but decided to make good use of it and quickly changed into some workout clothes.

I spent over an hour in the hotel gym. I was relieved to find the place to myself. The longer I ran, the more I was able to clear all the thoughts that had been running through my mind. By the end of my workout, I still didn't know what was wrong with Edward, but I was confident that whatever was going on, we could deal with it together.

I wiped the excess sweat from my face and made my way out of the gym. It was already early afternoon and my stomach had been getting louder- informing me that it was time to eat. I decided to walk to a nearby deli to get some lunch. I doubted Edward would even be awake by this time but I figured I would get him some food as well, in case his stomach was upset. As I rounded the corner to the lobby, I felt someone tug on my elbow and pull me back against the wall.

"I wouldn't go out there if I were you. Reporters are all over the lobby waiting to get your statement," Jacob said, blocking my body against the wall.

"Geez, Jake, it's no big deal. I'll smile and wave and get myself a sandwich." I was a bit put-off by how protective he was suddenly being.

He stepped back, giving me a bit more space; his face widened in surprise. "You don't know, do you?"

Now I was just getting irritated. "Don't know what, Jake?"

Jacob looked down at the ground and scratched the back of his head. He shuffled back and forth between his feet and began mumbling.

"Oh for Christ's sake, just spit it out, Jacob."

Jacob looked back up and opened his mouth but was interrupted by a dark-haired pixie rushing down the hall behind him with a laptop in her hands.

"Oh my God, Bella! I've been looking for you everywhere!" she breathed out.

I looked between Alice and Jacob, concern now mounting deep in my stomach. "What the fuck is going on, you guys?"

Jacob looked at Alice. "I'll um…let you handle this."

Alice shot me a sympathetic look. "Come with me, Bella." She grabbed my hand and led me back down the hallway, away from the lobby and into an empty conference room.

Panic hit me. "Is something wrong with Edward?"

Alice sighed. "No…at least, not yet. Rosalie is ripping him a new asshole right now, though."

I groaned. "What did he do now?"

She closed the door behind her; we were alone. Alice turned around and looked at me, nervously.

"Ok, before I show you – I just want to let you know that I was just with Rosalie and Edward. It seems that Edward was tricked and he knew nothing about this…"

"Just show me."

Alice opened up her computer and let me read the page that was already pulled up on TMZ.

_Edward Cullen says Isabella Swan is a Nympho_

My stomach dropped and I could hear my breathing become shallow. _This couldn't be happening. Edward wouldn't say that about me. _I glanced back at Alice, who was looking at me sadly. I gulped and clicked on the video link that accompanied the caption. Edward was sitting at a bar and looking off-camera, talking to someone. From the looks of the angle, the camera was sitting on top of the bar and Edward didn't seem to be paying it any attention. His voice was raised at whoever he was talking to.

_I can still have any woman I want and you better believe Isabella knows it too. She's fucking lucky to have me._

_Isabella's my own little nympho in bed. Why keep fucking mutts when I have my very own Best-in-Show?_

_She may be America's sweetheart to everyone else, but she's a fucking hellcat behind closed doors…That's the reason I wanted her to be on tour with me every night._

_I think it is time to return to her waiting arms and open legs._

A sob escaped my mouth as I finished watching all of the crude remarks he made about me. Alice was immediately behind me, wrapping her arms around me. _How could he do this? Why would he do this? I knew he didn't really think that way about me…so why would he say it?_

"I'm so sorry, Isabella. He didn't know he was being videotaped."

"But he said those words…" I whispered. I wiped at the tears that were brimming in my eyes.

"He was set up," Alice said, trying to defend Edward's honor. _Honor – he had none._

"Did someone _make_ him say all that shit about me too?" I seethed. "I can imagine how distraught he must have been - having to portray his girlfriend as a fuck- toy instead of a human being that he actually _loves_!"

"Isabella…" Alice stated tentatively.

I knew I was starting to scare her by how loud I was raising my voice. The brief few minutes of shock and hurt were gone after seeing the video. All that was left was rage. Rage over Edward's stupidity and carelessness. Here I was, trying to build a career for myself, and he managed to knock it all down with a few drunken words.

"Where is he?" I spat out.

"He's in a meeting with his management team and Rosalie." _Good. I didn't want to see his face._

I let out a small scream and bent over, pulling at my hair. "Where the fuck is my publicist? How come I haven't heard from her?"

Alice shoved a water bottle at me and gently pushed me down to sit on the bed. I took a few deep breaths and pressed the cold bottle against my face.

"She arrived at the hotel early this morning. Right now she's in an emergency meeting with Charlie and the rest of Sony. I'm sure she'll update you as soon as they're done."

_Charlie._ I groaned and buried my head between my knees. This was going to kill him. And Charlie would never forgive Edward for this. Everything was getting more fucked up by the minute.

"What am I going to do, Alice?" I moaned.

Alice sat next to me and placed her hand on my back. "You shouldn't have to do anything. Edward's already having Rosalie set up a bunch of interviews so he can retract what was said."

"Well isn't that so thoughtful of him," I scoffed.

"I know you're angry, Isabella…but I saw how distraught Edward was. He didn't mean for any of this to happen."

I groaned out loud. Why did Alice have to tell me that? I wanted to stay mad at Edward, but now all I felt was compassion. He was upset and all I wanted to do was comfort him. _No! Fuck that! Let him suffer a little longer – he deserves it. _My emotions kept fighting against each other until finally, I had enough.

"I can't just wait here for them to tell me what to do," I said, standing up and walking towards the door. "I deserve to be a part of the decision-making process."

I stormed down the hallway towards the set of conference rooms. I was unsure which one they'd be in but, at this point, I was ready to knock on all of them until I found my management team. As I rounded the corner, I saw my publicist leaving one of the rooms with a group of men. She glanced up at me and gave me a tight smile.

"What are we going to do?" I asked, rushing up to her.

"Nothing. We're not making a statement about it and we're not responding. Edward's camp is taking care of everything."

"Do you think that's the best choice?"

"Isabella, you are a classy lady. By not responding, it shows you're taking the high road," she said. "Besides, this is your boyfriend's mess and he's going to be the one to clean it up."

She glanced back in the room at Charlie, who was still sitting at the table with his head down, and then back at me. "I'll leave you two alone."

The rest of the team walked out and I was left standing in the doorway. Charlie still didn't make eye contact with me, but I knew he saw that I was there. Suddenly, I felt like a little girl all over again. I remembered the first time I snuck out of the house in high school to make out with Mike Newton behind the football field. When I came back home after midnight, my bedroom window was locked shut and the living room light was on. I was busted – and I had to do the walk of shame through the front door to face my father. I felt like I was doing it all over again.

I cleared my throat, unsure of where to start. "Charlie…"

He looked up at me, his eyes red and bloodshot, and frowned. My breathing hitched seeing his face. I wasn't sure if he was angry, upset, or sad; my father was a man of little emotion. And it was clear that he was currently filled to the brim with emotion.

"Isabella…" he said, his voice constricting tightly. "We need to talk."

I stepped inside the room, closer towards him. "Charlie…please don't be angry. It's not Edward's fault. He was set-up. He didn't know he was being filmed," my words rushed out. _Hell, I was furious with Edward and he would certainly have hell to pay with me. But I would still save him from Charlie's wrath any day._

Charlie held up his hand to stop my begging. "That boy has no respect for you – as a girlfriend, an artist, or a woman."

His words were like a slap in my face. I opened my mouth to defend Edward again but nothing came out.

"Do you understand all the sick and twisted calls I had to take today? What kind of dirty magazines want _you _on their covers?" he fumed.

"I'm sorry," I squeaked.

He shook his head. "Being your manager used to be so easy. It was only about protecting you and your money. It's always been about protecting you…but how can I protect your career and image if you refuse to protect yourself from this _bullshit_?"

I flinched at his choice of words. I could feel the tears welling up, but I did nothing to stop them from falling.

"I'm failing you, Isabella…"

"What? No!"

He put his hand up to stop me. "I'm failing you…as a manager and a father," he repeated. "I can't do both."

I gasped and choked back a sob. "Charlie…"

"First and foremost I'll always be your father, Isabella. I can't deal with hearing about my baby girl being a sex symbol. You've reached that level of fame now and it's only going to get worse."

"No it won't! I promise!"

"And as your father," he continued, ignoring my pleas. "I can't give you the right guidance and impartiality that you deserve in a manager."

I let another sob escape my mouth as the tears came down harder. He looked up at me and I could see his own eyes rimmed with tears.

"You deserve better, Isabella."

"No, Daddy," I bawled.

"You'll get one of the best in the business…" he continued.

"Daddy…please…"

"It's done, Isabella," he said, his voice filled with resignation. "I quit."

**

* * *

A/N: **Reviews please – are you still hating me? Hating me all over again?

Please don't lose faith in Edward – and please don't lose faith in me

Upcoming teasers will be posted on Twitter: MrsShortHandFF


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17:**

**A/N: **So as I expected, some people are none too pleased with Edward or me after the last chapter. A lot of you seem to really get what's going on and the inner struggle Edward's going through – thank you for sticking it out with me.

I responded to some reviews, stating that Edward's character arc is reflective of a Greek Tragic Hero:

**Four Characteristics of a Tragic Hero**

(According to Aristotle's _Poetics_)

1. **POSITION**. The hero is royal or noble with great power, usually a king. He is a good, respected man who acts out of good intentions. He has much to lose.

2. **TRAGIC FLAW** (_hamartia_). In spite of his good intentions, the hero makes a tragic error which causes his reversal. The error usually stems from a character flaw, usually pride.

3. **REVERSAL** (_catastrophe_). Because of his tragic error, the hero suffers a downfall from his happy, envied position to suffering and misery.

4. **RECOGNITION** (_catharsis_). The hero realizes that his own flaw or error has caused his reversal. This recognition always occurs too late for the hero to prevent or escape his reversal.

Our goal, though, is that we'll be able to watch Edward recognize his own flaws **BEFORE** it's too late.

I also want to thank **kissyfur's **review she left – because I feel she was able to summarize Edward so much more eloquently than I could:

"I think the thing I like best about this story is that, although Edward does some absolutely horrendous things, he isn't all bad. There is a very sweet, loving, thoughtful side to him-and somehow that makes it even worse when the asshole tendencies come out. We see that he can be so much better than that, and it is so painful to watch him make the wrong decisions again and again. This is not just the typical story of Edward being a total douche and having to recognize the error of his ways and redeem himself. This is more a story of how a basically good man can let bad decisions and immaturity destroy not only himself, but everybody around him as well."

Lastly, thanks again to my fabulous beta **Coleen561.** Edward may be Bella's rock star – but you're mine

_

* * *

I take another chance, take a fall_

_Take a shot for you._

_And I need you like a heart needs a beat,_

_But that's nothing new…_

…_But I'm afraid,_

_It's too late to apologize._

_One Republic_

**Edward's POV**

It had been three days since Rosalie had pounded on my door and informed me that the shit hit the fan. _Except I think Rosalie's exact words were that I was no better than a fucking chimp who flung my own poo at Bella._ She called me a Neanderthal and a worthless piece of shit. And I sat there and took it all because there was no way to argue with anything she said.

I spent three days doing as many interviews as humanly possible in a 24-hour day. I gave the same spiel in every single one:

_I was drunk. _

_I was having "guy-talk" and trying to be impressive about my sex life. _

_No, I guess nothing I said was actually impressive at all – it was selfish and immature. _

_No, I don't really think that about Isabella. _

_She doesn't deserve to be called any of those things and I'm ashamed that I embarrassed her._

The last interview I did was getting my ass handed to me by the ladies of The View. Rosalie actually tried to stop me from going on the show, stating nothing good would come from it. I knew it wouldn't give me good publicity but I deserved to be reamed out by a bunch of jaded old women. If Isabella wasn't going to scream and yell at me then I was going to let somebody else do it for her. And I would just sit there and take it like a man. _What little bit of man I still had left in me._

"_We're here with Edward Cullen, lead singer of The Volturi, who has been going around these past few days doing damage control for a video of him that was recently released. He was in a bar and unaware that the conversation was being recorded. In the video, Edward is seen making crude and tasteless comments about his girlfriend, singer Isabella Swan," Barbara Walters introduced._

"_Before I let you talk – what made you decide to come on this show? Are you out of your mind?" Sherri Sheppard interjected. "You do realize you're standing in front of a firing squad?"_

_I gulped and nodded, already feeling the pressure. "I deserve everything that you say."_

"_Well, now it's not as fun," Joy Behar quipped._

"_Why don't you explain your side of the story first?" Whoopi said._

"_I was basically set-up. It doesn't excuse any of my actions or words, but I gave the person videotaping me exactly the ammunition they needed to sell the tape. I was drunk and this acquaintance was goading me about how I looked like a whipped puppy dog next to Isabella. I got defensive and said things that I didn't mean just to make myself look better."_

"_Well, if you're going around apologizing to everyone because you hurt your girlfriend's feelings – aren't you whipped?" Joy asked._

_I fought back the urge to immediately make a snide comment. "I love Isabella, and I'm just trying to make things right."_

"_How do you think your mother feels hearing you call a girl all those names? Does she know Isabella?" _

_I swallowed and pictured Esme's face filled with disappointment when she saw the video. There was no doubt she had heard everything I said about Isabella. I'm sure her heart was breaking for both of us – Isabella for having to deal with the embarrassment and me for being such a screw-up of a son. Carlisle had tried to call me one time. I never answered, and he never left a message. Whenever Carlisle talked it was usually something of importance. I'm sure my father had an entire monologue he wanted to say to me; he wouldn't waste his breath saying it to a machine._

"_My mother knows Isabella well. She considers her part of the family. I'm sure she's just as disappointed in me as she is protective of Isabella at this point."_

"_And what about Isabella?" Barbara asked. "She hasn't released a statement on any of this. How is she feeling? What has she said to you?"_

"_Well, how do you think she feels?" I snapped. Of course she was furious and hated me right now; did they want me to fucking sing it to them?_

"_I tell you exactly how I think she feels," Whoopi pounced and I knew she was about to lay into me. "The person that she loves, who is supposed to protect her, is the one person who just dragged her name through the mud. Regardless of whether you meant it or were set-up, what you said about her was spineless and disgusting. She's feeling humiliated. She's feeling betrayed. And, quite frankly, it's going to take a hell of a lot more than a few remorseful interviews to make things right!"_

_The entire audience clapped and I hung my head in shame._

Isabella hadn't spoken to me in three days. Honestly, I had no clue what she was thinking because she wouldn't tell me. I desperately wanted to explain myself to her and show her how sorry I was. I wanted to make everything right. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and comfort her. _But how could I do that when I was the one that hurt her?_ I needed her to talk to me, to yell at me, to curse me out, and to tell me what a fucking low-life asshole I was. If she would just talk to me…but she made it very clear that she wanted nothing to do with me.

_

* * *

(3 days prior)_

_After I had finally gotten out of the meeting with my management team, I immediately went on the search for Bella. I didn't know what state she'd be in when I found her, but I knew it would be bad. I rounded the corner to go back to my hotel room but was stopped short when my body was roughly pushed up against the wall. Charlie's face was in front of me, full of rage. He shoved me hard, causing the wind to get knocked out of me. He grabbed a fistful of my shirt and glared at me; his face was dangerously close to mine. Fuck._

"_Now you listen here, you little shit," he growled. "The only thing that's stopping me from beating you to a bloody pulp is that for some unknown reason my little girl loves you. You don't deserve her. What you deserve is a good, swift kick to the nuts – and I hope she finds the strength to give that to you. You're bad news for her, Cullen – for her heart and her career; I think we both know it. You love her as much as you say you do?"_

_He paused, and I realized he was waiting for an answer. His fists still pulled at my collar, making it impossible for me to talk without it coming out as squeaks. I frantically nodded my head._

"_Then let her go," he breathed out. "Do the right thing, for once in your life, and let her be the artist she was meant to be. She can't do that by your side. If you're any bit of a man, you'll let her go."_

_He released his hold on me, pushing me back against the wall once more. My back stung from the force. I gasped a few times and massaged my neck._

"_Charlie…" I began, but he turned around and walked away. He didn't want to hear anything from me; the conversation was done._

_I composed myself and began walking the opposite way back to my room. Charlie's words kept playing in my head. Let her go? How the fuck could I do that? I loved her too much. Didn't he know what that would do to me? How lost I'd be without her? There's no way I would ever let her go without a fight._

_I opened up the door to our room and froze seeing Bella's tear stained face. My heart was in my throat seeing her in so much pain…and all because of me. _

_My throat constricted and I tried, desperately, to sputter something out. "Bella…"_

_She looked up at me. Just that one word from me caused her eyes to flash from sheer pain to pure anger. "How could you?" her voice came out in a painful cry._

_I hung my head and gasped for air. I couldn't bear to hear her hurting. "God, baby – I'm so sor…"_

"_Don't even say it!" she snapped; her eyes were ablaze. "You don't get to say those words! It's not enough. I don't even want to look at you right now."_

_She started gathering some of her stuff. I stood at the door, unable to move, as I watched her create a storm around the room. I wanted her pain and her wrath; I couldn't bear to have her silence. She threw the last of her stuff in a large bag and pushed past me to the door. She was walking out on me._

_I grabbed her elbow, trying to stop her; she whipped around to glare at me. "Bella, please," I begged. "Say something."_

_She pursed her lips and I could tell she was fighting an internal battle. Her eyes narrowed at me before she finally spoke up. "If I say anything to you right now, Edward, I'm going to regret it. I think you've said enough things for us to regret in this relationship for one day."_

_She wrenched her arm out of my grasp and slammed the door behind her, leaving me absolutely alone._

* * *

After she stormed out on me, I only saw Bella when she was being ushered back and forth between the stage and dressing rooms. She never looked at me. Everywhere she went she was escorted by a tall, muscular, blonde-haired man whom I had never seen before. I found out later from Rosalie that it was her new manager, James Laurent. Charlie had quit. _I was fucked._

I had heard James's name during various management meetings. He repped some of the biggest pop-stars and from everything I gathered – he was ruthless. James had made a name for himself because the choices he made for his artists usually led to very lucrative deals. But it wasn't a collaborative effort with James; he called the shots. And now Bella's name had been added to his long list of clients. She wasn't going to get her opinions heard, and she wasn't going to be his first priority. _She was fucked. And it was my fault._

Bella was sleeping in her own hotel room, but Alice ensured me that she was looking out for her. That didn't help ease my concerns, though, when I started seeing what she was doing every night. Paparazzi were following her every move, but for some reason, Bella decided to start going out and making a scene. While I actually started to lay low and stay out of the bars, Bella was going out full force. Each morning I'd wake up to see new pictures and videos of her leaving a club, drunk off her ass. I didn't like what I was seeing and it had me worried.

I finally had enough after the third morning in a row of waking up, logging on the Internet, and seeing video of Isabella stumbling out of a night club. She was giggling and blowing kisses to the cameras. The cameramen whistled and asked her to wave to her fans. She laughed and slung her arm around Alice, giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. As she stepped into the SUV that was waiting to take them back to the hotel, the cameramen immediately crouched down low trying to get an up-the-skirt shot.

I had seen enough. I slammed my laptop down and stormed to Alice and Jasper's room, pounding on the door.

Jasper opened and I pushed my way in. "Cullen, what the fuck?"

"You're supposed to be looking out for her!" I yelled at Alice, who stood wide-eyed with a towel wrapped around her body and another around her head.

"Edward, you need to calm the fuck down," Jasper warned. He stepped in front of me, placing a buffer between me and Alice.

I ignored him and continued to yell. "Three nights in a row, Alice! The media's making her look like a drunken slut! How is that protecting her?"

Jasper put his hands on my shoulders and tried to guide me back to the door.

Alice let out a sarcastic laugh. "You're the one who portrayed her as a slut, Edward," Alice spat back.

Her words hit me hard, and I reeled back as if she had physically struck me. Not knowing where else to place my frustration, I turned around and punched the door.

"Ow! Fuck!"

"Did that make you feel better?" Alice asked, walking towards me.

"She's hurting, Alice. I just want her to stop hurting," I moaned and pulled at my hair.

Alice's features softened, and she rested her hand on my shoulder. "I know that. But I'm not her babysitter; I'm her friend. So when she's ready to talk, I'll be there."

"Please don't let her go out tonight," I implored.

She stared at me, almost as if she were trying to figure me out, before she give a sharp nod. "Ok."

"Thank you," I sighed.

Jasper opened up the door, silently signally that it was my time to leave.

"Sorry for barging in," I mumbled to him.

"The next time you want to punch something, Edward – go to Emmett's room."

"No way! He and Rose would both punch me back!"

Jasper's eyes flashed with amusement. "Exactly."

**

* * *

Bella's POV**

In three days my life had gone from having the best of everything to just plain _sucking_. Edward sucked. My father sucked. My new manager, James, who always looked like an angry Abercrombie model, sucked. I was completely thrown off in my personal and professional worlds, so my singing was starting to suck. _Everything sucked._

I didn't really have a plan after I stormed out on Edward. My only plan at the time was just to _not_ be near him. As the days went on, I saw how upset he was. I watched the countless interviews where he publicly owned up to all of his mistakes. I knew, at some point, we would need to talk. But I wasn't ready. At this point, I needed to hold onto that anger – it was all I had.

The tortured artist in me probably should have taken the opportunity to sit down and bang out some haunting melodies. I could have channeled my energy in a positive way. Instead, I chose to stay holed up in my room, becoming a chain smoker, and drowning myself in alcohol at night. _Hell, Edward could go out every night, drinking away the pain that he refused to talk to me about; why couldn't I?_

I stood outside the United Center in Chicago, smoking yet another cigarette as I waited for the concert to begin. Avoiding Edward was harder than I expected. I could hide in my hotel room during the days, but at night we were stuck in the same building for at least three hours together. I would stay in my dressing room as much as possible but my nicotine urges were coming more frequently. I started scoping out the most inconvenient place to stand outside and smoke; insuring I wouldn't bump into him during any of our cigarette breaks. So here I stood, in a tiny alley, next to a janitor's mop and cart. _Yep, my life sucked._

I heard the door behind me open and immediately tensed. _Who had found my secret, smelly smoke out? _I didn't bother to turn around but could hear the heavy footsteps walking towards me. A hand shot out from behind my head and yanked the cigarette out of my grasp.

"These cancer sticks will kill you," James said, in all of his brooding glory.

I scowled at him and watched as he took a long drag off my cigarette before stubbing it out on the wall.

"You don't seem to be too worried about that yourself."

"That's because I don't have the million dollar voice. You want a long career? Lay off the smokes."

"Yes, sir," I clipped.

James stared at me, and I could tell he was still trying to figure me out. Most of his artists were thrilled to work with him and just followed along with whatever he told them to do – his little puppets. I was less than pleased to be introduced to my new manager, no matter how menacingly handsome he was. He expected to have complete control over my career. A power struggle was in the works, and I could tell he was already trying to calculate how he was going to win it.

"We're sending your second single to the airwaves next week." I bobbed my head with a quick nod and he continued. "We'll get you in the studio in two weeks to shoot the video for 'If I Can't Have You.'"

I froze. "That's not the song my father and I agreed upon as the second single."

"If I Can't Have You" was a song that had followed me over from my European album. It wasn't a track I wrote and was my least favorite song on the record. It was too rhythmic – sounding almost like a dance beat you'd find in a club. I had discussed with Charlie that I wanted my next single to be more of an upbeat rock anthem. We had picked the song I opened the show with, "I Do Not Hook Up," because it was so damn catchy.

"No it's not…but after speaking with Aro and the rest of Sony, they wanted you to have a summer dance hit. This was the best song choice for that. Of course, if you don't agree you can always take it up with Aro," he said, flashing a sinister smile.

I was fuming. This guy was trying to pull the Aro card on me? "I'm not a pop star, James."

"Considering Aro placed you with me – you most certainly will be."

I bunched my hands into fists and held them by my sides. _God, I needed another cigarette right about now. I wasn't sure if I was going to smoke it or poke the lit end into this douche's eye._

"I think you'll be pleased with the video concept, Isabella. It's going to be a Mission Impossible type theme where you'll be chasing after the guy of your dreams. You'll get to do a lot of your own stunts and it will all lead up to a big dance number during the instrumental break."

I nearly choked on my own spit. "Dance? I don't fucking dance!"

James' lip curled up into a side smirk. "There's video of you on the Internet dancing up a storm these past few nights."

"That's not dancing," I defended. "That's drunken wiggling. I don't do choreography."

James whipped out his blackberry and began punching something into it. "Alright then, I'll make sure you get a dance instructor to practice with you these next two weeks."

"Do you hear what I'm saying?" I screeched. "I. Don't. Dance."

James sighed and shoved his blackberry back into his pants. "Trust me. This song will go perfectly with the new image you're creating."

"I don't have a new image," I sputtered.

"No?" He cocked his eyebrow at me. _God, I hated him._ "What's with going to the clubs every night in those tight dresses? Your boyfriend just publically announced what a good fuck you are and you respond by going out and showing off your sexy body. I swear, Isabella, the whole thing smells planned. And if it's not…well, whether you like it or not you're now viewed as the next sex symbol. So own it."

"I don't have to own anything. My father and I worked to create the image we wanted and I'm not going to let some bleached blonde model wannabe…"

"Listen, Isabella, it's really cute that you and your dad were such a team," James cut me off. "But that only got you so far. He knew you needed more and that's why I was called in. You don't want to follow my lead? By all means, tell Aro and we can break your contract."

For a split second I wondered what would be the repercussions for hitting my own manager. _Shit, maybe they'd make me do TWO dance numbers._ Fuck James. Fuck Edward and his big fucking mouth. Fuck my dad for leaving me with this scumbag. I let out a small scream and stomped my foot – landing it directly on James's Prada loafer. _Good. I hope I scuffed the shit out of that shoe. _I stormed past him, slamming the door and leaving him out with the janitor's bucket. _Trash. Just where he belonged._

* * *

It was 11 p.m. The concert was over and I desperately needed a drink – many, many drinks. I threw on a black strapless mini dress and high heels. When I looked in the mirror, I couldn't help but scoff. _I'm not a fucking sex symbol._ I rushed over to Alice's room, still not wanting to bump into Edward, and knocked on the door. Alice answered and immediately frowned.

"Ready to go?"

"Isabella, I can't go out a fourth night in a row."

"Come on, Alice. We don't have to stay out too long. I need a drink so bad – you won't believe what that asshole James said to me today."

"Isabella, I think you need to take it easy tonight. Just relax…maybe actually find Edward and talk to him…"

"No. Not tonight. I can't deal with that tonight."

Alice glanced back in the room behind her and sighed. "I just can't tonight. I promised Jasper we'd spend time together."

"Oh…of course," I stepped back. Obviously, just because I didn't want to be near Edward didn't mean I had to take her away from Jasper. "Enjoy your night. I'll manage."

"Take a nice bath, Isabella. Relax."

I nodded and walked away. _Shit. _I wasn't going to sit by myself and replay everything that happened to today. I wanted to _forget_ everything that happened today. I continued down the hall, and knocked on another door, deciding to try option number two.

Jacob opened after the second knock and rubbed his eyes, blearily. "Isabella, what's up?"

"Come on – you and I are going out."

Jacob groaned. "You're going out again?"

"What the hell? I'm not allowed to go out and enjoy myself?"

Jacob stared at me skeptically and asked, "Are you enjoying yourself?"

I snorted and avoided the question. "Are you coming out with me tonight or not?"

Jacob scratched his head and yawned. "I'm sorry, Isabella, but I have to be at a press junket at 6 a.m. tomorrow. The only place I'm going is back to bed."

I groaned. I was stuck – trapped in a hotel that I wanted to escape at the moment. "Ugh – fine, let me borrow your rental car."

"No way in hell."

"Please, Jake. I just need to get out and clear my head a bit."

"You're not registered to drive it."

"I know how to drive a goddamn car, Jake. Listen, here are your options – let me use your car or get stuck with me bitching about my life to you for the rest of the night."

Jacob grumbled and walked away from the door. A few seconds later he returned with car keys in his hand. "That car better be back in mint condition by 5 a.m."

I threw my arms around Jacob and gave him a tight hug. "Thanks, Jake – you're the best!"

* * *

The music blasted throughout the nightclub. It was sometime after 1 a.m. and I had no intentions of going anywhere. I sat at the corner of the bar, sipping on my fifth vodka tonic. _Or was it sixth? Shit – I had no clue._ Throughout the night, men were coming up to me asking to buy me a drink and I willingly obliged. A few would ask me to dance, which unbeknownst to them was the wrong question to ask. Anger would flash through me as I thought back to my conversation with James earlier that night.

"I. Don't. Dance," I would seethe to them. They would quickly walk away and find another bimbo to dance with, while I sat sipping on my free drinks; it was a win-win situation.

Except I didn't feel like a winner. I felt like a big, flipping loser. I was trying desperately to run away from all the pain but it kept catching up with me. I missed Charlie. He had already gone back to Forks so he wouldn't be in the way of my new manager. I didn't even bother to say goodbye to him. I was hurt and angry and it felt like he was the second man in my life to betray me and leave me hanging that day.

I missed Edward. I hated not being able to talk to him. Edward was an asshole and he made stupid, selfish choices – but he had a good heart. A heart that I knew was probably hurting just as much as mine was right now. I wanted so badly to have him hold me. But I still wanted to punch him. It was a constant struggle – _Hug him? Hit him? Love him? Hate him?_ All I knew was that as long as I was hurting, he deserved to hurt too. _But how can I stop hurting without him?_

I put my head down in between my arms on the bar; my entire world spinning around in misery. _Or it could have been the alcohol – God, I was dizzy. _I was thirsty too. You'd think after downing so many drinks I'd stop being thirsty. I needed water. I lifted my head up and waved my arm, limply, trying to get the bartender's attention.

A guy saddled up next to me and chuckled. "I think she wants another shot!" he called out.

I glanced at him and, for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what he looked like; all I saw was a blur of colors. I shook my head but stopped when the whole club shook with me.

"Water," I protested.

The guy smirked and handed me a shot. I stared at it, disappointed. "Hey, you're Isabella Swan, right? You're even prettier in person."

"No, I'm prettier in Photoshop," I slurred.

"No, definitely prettier in person." He ran his hand down my back. _Ew._

"So tell me, Isabella, what are you doing here by yourself?"

"Drinking. Alone."

He sat down and placed his hand on my thigh. I shot him a _go to hell_ look. He obviously wasn't picking up on my subtle way of telling him to get lost.

"Go away," I mumbled and placed my head back on the table. Maybe if I closed my eyes he'd be gone.

"Oh, I can't leave you all alone and defenseless here." His voice gave me chills. But not the same chills that Edward gave me. _I missed those chills._ "Someone might take advantage of you."

I could feel his breath even closer on me and his hand slid around my waist, trying to pull me towards him. I lurched back, wanting to get as far away from him as possible, but my quick and uneven movements left me toppling over on the barstool.

I closed my eyes and waited for my ass to thump on the floor but another hand grabbed my waist and steadied me back up. I opened my eyes just in time to see Edward shove Mr. Creeper roughly away from the bar.

"Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend!"

My heart leaped. _It was Edward! My Edward! My hero! My beautiful, stupid, asshole hero. _I was just about to reach my arms out to him when I realized I was supposed to be angry with him. I tried to remember what he had done this time, but my mind had stopped thinking clearly a few hours ago.

"I just wanted to see for myself what you told everyone about your little nympho over there," I heard Creepster say.

_Oh yes, that's why I was mad at him._

Before I could even register what happened, Edward's fist flew back and landed square on Creep-Man's jaw. The guy stumbled backwards, holding his face. He looked up at Edward and was about to charge him when three bouncers swarmed in around the two.

"That's it – all three of you are out!" One of the bouncers said and motioned to me as well. _Me? What did I do? Now Edward was getting me kicked out of the club!_

Edward gently pulled me off the stool and kept his hands on my arms, trying to get me to walk out the door.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his face full of concern.

"No I'm not alright," I hissed. "But you should know that - considering you did this to me!"

I stormed off ahead of him but stumbled after a few steps. I could barely walk but refused to let Edward take care of me. _He didn't get to come in and be the hero. He didn't get to save me in a moment of drunken weakness and expect all to be forgiven._

I pushed my way outside and three cameramen immediately swarmed me.

"Isabella, say hi to the camera!"

"Isabella, show us your gorgeous figure; the camera loves you!"

I wanted to throw up. Everything was making me sick. I could feel Edward's silent presence behind me. The valet pulled up with Jacob's car and I took the keys, swinging open the driver-side door. Edward grabbed my wrist, stopping me from getting into the car.

"You're not driving."

"You don't get to tell me what to do, Edward."

Edward's eyes clouded over with anger. "Goddamnit, Isabella – stop being a brat! You're angry at me; I get it! I think you've made it very clear these past three days! So if you want to keep up the silent treatment then go ahead and sit in the passenger side and stay mad at me. But you're not fucking driving. You're drunk!"

He didn't give me a chance to argue again. He scooped me up in his arms, like I was a sack of potatoes, and carried me over to the passenger side, placing me down in the seat. The next second, he was back over at the driver's side and starting the car.

"Put on your seatbelt."

I ignored him and stared out the window. He muttered curses and I distinctly heard the words "stubborn woman" before he reached over and fastened the seatbelt for me. He pulled the car out onto the street and started speeding down the highway, wanting to avoid the paparazzi.

It stayed silent in the car and I felt I was about to pass out when Edward finally cleared his throat and spoke up. "I know you're not speaking to me. But now that I have you here, you're going to have to listen – even if you don't remember any of it in the morning. What I said was horrible, Bella. I didn't mean any of it. You know I don't think any of those things about you. You're my world, Bells. I love you."

I rolled my head over to look at him and glared. "I've heard all your countless apologies and interviews, Edward. You can save _that_ tired speech for the reporters."

He slammed his hand down on the steering wheel. "It's not a speech, Bella! I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry! I've tried to make it up to you as best I could."

I shot straight up in my seat, ignoring the sick feeling stirring in the pit of my stomach. "How? By saving your own goddamn face in all those interviews?" I said, jabbing my finger into his shoulder, inflecting each word.

"How could you possibly think you could make it up to me?" At this point I was screaming and slapping his arms and chest – whatever I could get my hands on. "Can you fix my image? Can you bring my father back?"

I was out-of-my-mind drunk. A tiny logical piece of my brain whispered to me that I was fucked up and out-of-control. But I couldn't stop myself. It was like I was watching my own train wreck as it occurred.

"Ow! Fuck, Bella! You have to stop hitting me while I'm driving! Goddamnit, you're being irrational!"

I slapped at him even harder. _Fuck him. _"You don't want me doing something? Well, too bad. You had no consideration for me, you you want to keep living a double life – count me out of it."

"Bella – what are you saying?" he asked, tentatively.

"Let me make it very clear to you. I'm speaking to Edward the Rock Star right now – I DON'T LOVE YOU!" I said, enunciating each word. "So give me my boyfriend back!"

I put my head in between my knees and cried quietly. Everything was whirling around me, my breathing was rapid, and my head and heart were pounding louder than what should be possible. I was suddenly getting very claustrophobic in the car, and I wanted out.

"Bella…" Edward started to say.

I frantically shook my head. "Don't. We're done talking. No more."

"That's not fair. I'm not done talking."

"I'm done listening." I put my hands over my ears, realizing how childish I must have looked, but not caring. Edward grabbed my hand, trying to pull it away from my ear. I wildly struck out, the back of my hand connecting with his mouth.

"Fuck," he hissed.

I stared at him, horrified, as a trickle of blood made its way out of the crack of his mouth. _Oh God, what did I just do to him?_ _What the fuck was happening to me? I was completely losing control._ I became frantic.

"Get me out of this car!"

Edward wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I can't pull over; the paparazzi are still behind us."

I felt trapped. The longer I stayed locked in this confined space, the longer I was going to keep doing things I regretted towards Edward. I grabbed at both sides of my head. "No, no, no, no."

_I can't do this. Oh my God, I'm having a breakdown. This is how it feels before someone goes insane._

"Get me out!" I lashed out again, pushing in front of Edward and jerking the wheel. The car swerved towards the right and Edward attempted to regain control.

"Jesus, Bella, stop!"

I'm not sure exactly what happened next. All of my senses seemed to come crashing together at once.

_I heard tires screeching and Edward's voice shouting my name._

_I felt the car jolt off the road and Edward's arm shoot out in front of me._

_I saw Edward's face filled with panic._

_I tasted the bile rising up in my throat._

_I smelled blood._

_And then everything went black._


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18:**

**A/N: **I seem to have gotten a ton more reviews after the last chapter. I truly want to thank all of you who have reviewed and told me you're enjoying the story. It means a lot to know so many people see the vision for where this is headed.

I have to admit, I was a little surprised at how many people hated Bella after the last chapter. What she did was immature, irresponsible, and just plain stupid. But in order for her character to grow, she's going to have to make mistakes as well. The nice thing about Bella is that she tends to learn from her mistakes a lot faster than Edward.

I want to give a special thanks to **sarahseach** for suggesting a few Nine Inch Nails songs that fit with the story really well. I can't wait to use the one she gave me for Edward. It's heartbreaking and completely him. If you have any suggestions for song lyrics that you think would go really well, please tell me about them either in the review section or on my Twitter!

And, as always, special thanks to my wonderful beta, **Coleen561, **for helping me think beyond the one dimensional characters and ask _why_ they are the way they are.

**Note**: This chapter starts in Edward's POV BEFORE the car crash.

_

* * *

She shines  
in a world full of ugliness  
She matters  
when everything is meaningless  
Fragile…  
…I can't watch her slip away_

_If I could fix myself I'd...  
but it's too late for me  
I won't let you fall apart_

_-Nine Inch Nails_

**Edward's POV**

I stepped into my dark hotel room, alone again. After the concert had ended, I looked around for Isabella; as I suspected, she was nowhere to be found. I had debated going to her room and trying to talk to her, but Isabella made it clear that she wanted her space; so I continued to wait until I could get the chance to tell her how sorry I was. I was still anxious and nervous about what she was going through, but Alice swore to me that they wouldn't go out tonight; it gave me a little bit of comfort.

I understood exactly how Isabella was feeling. She was hurt, angry, and confused. But I also knew my Bella well enough to know she was completely oblivious to how goddamn attractive she was. She went out every night to escape the pain, not even realizing she was feeding into the image the media wanted to see. _The image that I had I created for her. _I hated myself even more.

I had just started to dive into the fully restocked mini-bar when there was a knock on the door. My heart skipped, hoping that it was Bella. I opened the door, only to be disappointed to see my brother's ugly mug standing in front of me.

"What do you want?" I asked, opening the door wider to let him in. I walked back over to the mini bar and threw him a beer, while I chose my harder friend, Jim Beam.

"I was sent here to talk some sense into you," Emmett said, sitting down and opening the beer.

"By Rosalie?"

"Worse. By Mom and Dad."

I snorted and swallowed the whiskey, not liking where this was headed.

"Dad wants to know why you haven't called him back."

I shrugged. "I've been busy."

"Busy avoiding him."

"I already know what he's going to say; I'm just saving him the trouble of saying it."

"I think you'll be surprised with what he has to say." I stared at Emmett, waiting for him to continue, but he just shook his head. Clearly, he was telling me that I had to speak to Carlisle if I wanted to know more. "Mom's worried sick about you; she's blaming herself, of course."

_Of course Esme blamed herself. She was constantly wondering what SHE had done wrong – always so selfless. I was fairly sure I had inherited that gene from my mother, but it had mutated horribly, causing me to be so selfish._

"Why would it be her fault?" I asked, annoyed.

"She thinks she spoiled us too much as kids. We always got what we wanted and no one ever said 'no' - so now you're wreaking havoc when things don't go your way."

I stared at my whiskey, swirling it around in my hand, while I contemplated what Emmett had said. Carlisle and Esme were good people – good parents as well. If they spoiled us it was only out of love. _But when was the last time I didn't get what I wanted?_

"I told her that was bullshit," Emmett continued. "I was raised the same way and I turned out fine."

"Yeah, but you have Rose to keep you in check now."

He smiled wryly. "That's exactly what Mom said too."

"Should I have Rose give Bella lessons on how to hold me by the balls?"

I could see the witty response that was forming in Emmett's head, but before he had a chance to voice it, my phone rang. I glanced down to see Alice calling and immediately picked up.

"Yeah?"

"Edward, I'm so sorry!" she blurted out. "I told her I wouldn't go out with her tonight. I thought that would stop her. I said she should just take a nice bath and decompress – but I just stopped by her room to see how she was doing and she's not there."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. _Of course she'd still go out; she was as pigheaded as me. _And now she was somewhere in Chicago, drinking alone. I was consumed with worry. I glanced up at Emmett, who had heard Alice's voice through the phone. He stood up and pulled out his blackberry.

"I'll have Rose get on it right away."

* * *

A half hour later, I stood in the middle of a crowded nightclub vibrating with a deafening noise, looking for Bella. Rosalie had made some calls to a few paparazzi agencies, who informed us that she was last seen entering this nightclub a few hours ago. I wasn't sure if she had escaped using the back entrance, but I hoped she was still in the building.

Club goers were constantly pushing up against me, asking for a picture or autograph. I tried to ignore them as much as possible as I scanned the room looking for Bella. I finally found her slumped over the bar, her head cradled in her arms. She looked drunk, sad, and weak. I swallowed hard, realizing I did all of this to her. I wasn't sure how she would react to me, but it was time to bring her home.

As I made my way to the bar, I scowled when I saw a tall, blonde-haired guy talking to Bella. She obviously wasn't into whatever he was saying and listlessly tried to wave him off with her hand. He either wasn't picking up on her body language or didn't care. I was a few steps away from them when I saw him wrap his arm around her waist. Anger coursed through me. _How dare he put his hands on her! _I watched as Bella pushed herself away from his grasp, but in the same movement she began to tumble off her stool.

I was beside her in an instant, helping to steady her back on her seat, before turning my attention to the asshole next to her. I shoved him hard, creating a bigger distance between him and Isabella.

"Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend!" I growled. I glanced back at Bella, who was staring at me with wide, glassy eyes.

I turned back to the dickwad who was now saying something about my "little nympho" and lost it. I was seething, and absolutely furious that this scumbag would think that about my beautiful Bella - _and furious with myself for putting those thoughts into everyone's heads._ I couldn't very well hurt myself; so I did the next best thing and pulled my fist back, clocking him straight in the mouth.

I watched as the guy's head snapped to the side and he took a few steps back. When he regained his composure, he stared back at me like he was ready to pounce. _Damn, I didn't hit him as hard as I thought – no blood._

I braced myself for the fight, but before I had a chance to take another shot, three men pushed in between us and shoved me further away from my nemesis. We were being thrown out. _Good. All I wanted to do was take Bella home anyway. I didn't have time for this shit._

I reached for Bella and helped her off the stool, steadying her with my hand. She was still staring at me with saucer eyes and I wondered if she even realized what was happening. I brushed a piece of hair out of her face and leaned down to look her in the eyes.

"Are you alright?"

As soon as I spoke, it was like something clicked in her brain, and she registered who was speaking to her.

"No, I'm not alright. But you should know that – considering you did this to me!" She slapped my hand off of her and stumbled ahead of me. I felt the sting of her words and it hurt worse than if that jerk had gotten a chance to punch me.

Security continued to usher us out; I followed closely behind Bella, just wanting to make sure she got in the car safely. When she made it back to the hotel, I promised myself I'd leave her alone. I watched as the valet service pulled up with a BMW and my heart started to race. _Where is the car service? Where the fuck did she get a car? What the hell did she think she was doing?_

I pushed my way past the valet and snatched the keys out of Bella's hands. She tried to grab them back, but I grasped her wrist to stop her. I was angry as hell. I completely understood the role I played in all of this and wouldn't let myself forget it. But right now, Bella was being _stupid._

"You're not driving."

"You don't get to tell me what to do, Edward," she slurred.

I lashed out and called Bella a "brat" before picking her up and carrying her to the passenger side. I was fairly positive she would hold that against me, but I didn't really care at the moment. I walked over to the driver's side and got in, only to find myself in another argument with Bella about putting on her seatbelt. I finally had enough and reached over, snapping her seatbelt into place. _I missed horny, drunk Bella. Immature, drunk Bella was not someone I wanted to be around right now – especially when all her anger was directed straight at me._

"Goddamn, you're lucky you're so gorgeous because you are, by far, the most stubborn woman I've ever known," I muttered to myself.

I put the car in drive and raced down the road, very aware that the paparazzi were already on our tail. I just needed to get her back to the hotel without making a scene in front of the cameras. She may hate me now, but I knew she'd hate herself more in the morning if she embarrassed herself in the media.

The silence in the car was deafening as I continued driving. I glanced over at Bella. Her head was rolled to the side so that I couldn't see her face. I couldn't tell if she was awake, looking out the window, or already passed out. I decided to use the time to my advantage and finally tell her all the things I had wanted to say for the past three days.

"I know you're not speaking to me," I spoke up. "But now that I have you here, you're going to have to listen – even if you don't remember any of it in the morning. What I said was horrible, Bella. I didn't mean any of it. You know I don't think any of those things about you. You're my world, Bells. I love you."

She turned her head slowly to look at me; her eyes were still filled with murder. "I've heard all your countless apologies and interviews, Edward. You can save _that_ tired speech for the reporters."

I slammed my hand on the steering wheel in utter frustration. "It's not a speech, Bella!"

And just like that, we were arguing again. I just wanted it all to stop. I wanted to make everything go away, turn back the time to a few months prior, and just be _happy_ with her. I knew I wouldn't be happy without her, but somehow all I was doing was making both of us miserable. I had no fucking clue what to do anymore.

I was brought back to my senses, and Isabella's bitching, when her hands started connecting with my arms and chest. She was _bitch slapping me!_ I tried to maintain my cool, keep my eyes on the road, and monitor the three cars chasing behind us all at the same time. Finally, I snapped.

"Ow! Fuck, Bella! You have to stop hitting me while I'm driving! God damn it, you're being irrational!"

She responded by slapping me harder. _Holy shit, she packed a punch._ She continued to drunkenly screech at me, but the last part of her rant caught my attention.

"If you want to keep living a double life – count me out of it."

I paused, unsure if I heard her correctly. _Was this it? Was she breaking up with me while in a drunken fury?_ I took a deep breath, unable to fathom what I would do if she really had decided to leave me.

"Bella – what are you saying?" I nervously asked.

"Let me make it very clear to you," she said, trying to enunciate every word, but it was still slurred together. "I'm speaking to Edward the Rock Star right now – I DON'T LOVE YOU! So give me my boyfriend back!"

She dropped down, putting her head between her knees, and I could hear her heavy breathing. I wanted to respond to what she had just said. Surprisingly, in her alcohol-induced rage, her words made a lot of sense. She deserved a response. But at this point, I was also worried she was about to start heaving all over whoever's car she had decided to steal.

"Bella…"

"Don't. We're done talking. No more."

I gripped the steering wheel in frustration. "That's not fair. I'm not done talking."

"I'm done listening."

She put her hands over her ears and I cursed again. I should have been man enough to stop the conversation right then. It was clear that Isabella was too drunk to hear what I had to say. I should have just shut up and driven her safely the rest of the way home. _But, damn it, she NEEDED to hear me! _I was tired of waiting for her to let me grovel. I did the only thing I could do in that moment and fed into Isabella's immaturity - _I was just as stupid and fucked up as she was._

I grabbed her hand, trying to pull it off of her ear. She immediately lashed out. Her hands flew out, striking anything in their path. The back of her left hand slapped me hard across the face, causing my teeth to slice into my lip. I felt the sting and tasted the copper in my mouth.

"Fuck." I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and, sure enough, there was a smear of blood.

I glanced back at Bella's who looked like she was in a sheer panic. Before I could try to calm her down, she lashed out again.

"Get me out of this car!"

I was fairly sure Bella was minutes away from passing out. Part of me wanted her to just do it now, so I could drive the rest of the way back without fending her off. The other part realized that she needed to stay awake until we got away from the cameras of the paparazzi.

"I can't pull over; the paparazzi are still behind us."

Bella gripped the sides of her head. I stared at her, warily. I wasn't sure what was going on in her head, but I was fairly sure she was starting to lose it. I wasn't sure how much alcohol she had in her system, but I was going to make sure she threw some of it up before going to sleep.

She shot up out of her seat again, and before I realized what she was doing, she threw her entire body across mine and grabbed the wheel, forcefully pulling it to the right. The car swerved and I tried to pull the wheel away from her grasp.

"Jesus, Bella, stop!"

Everything happened so fast. It was too late to pull the car back onto the road. The minute it hit the grass, I braced myself for impact. My arm shot out in front of Isabella to shield her from the collision. I slammed on the breaks as hard as I could as I saw us careening closer and closer to a tree. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, waiting to feel the pain.

**

* * *

Bella's POV**

The first sound I heard waking up was beeping – a constant slow beep. I tried to turn off the alarm but couldn't seem to remember where it was. _What hotel room was I in again? Which city? _My throat was parched. I felt a dull pain in the left side of my head. My sides hurt. _How much did I drink? What happened last night?_

I slowly opened my eyes to white lights. It was way too bright in this room. I glanced down and saw Edward sitting at the foot of my bed, sleeping. His body was slumped over on top of my legs, one hand grasping tightly on to mine. I looked around at my surroundings and realized I was in a hospital room. Memories from the night came flooding back to me.

I remembered everything: _Drinking. The club. Edward rescuing me. Edward insisting I didn't drive. Me lashing out at Edward. Hitting him. Pulling the steering wheel. _I let out a sob and groaned, realizing _this was all my fault_.

Edward stirred; when his eyes locked on mine and he realized I was awake, he immediately jumped up and was at the head of the bed.

"Bella, baby, what's wrong? Are you in pain? What can I get for you?"

I stared up at him, actually taking him in for the first time. His lip was swollen, there were bruises on his face, and stitches along his right eyebrow. I closed my eyes and gasped for air. _I did that to him. _When I opened them back up, I could feel the liquid rolling down the sides of my face.

"What happened?" I whispered.

He lovingly stroked my face, wiping the tears away. "There was an accident…"

I shook my head. "I know that part. It was my fault."

"Bella, it wasn't your fault…"

"Did you yank the wheel? Did you try to drive drunk?" I asked, my voice filled with regret. "I'm pretty sure you were the one trying to stop me - to stop all of this."

"It's ok, Bella."

"It's not ok," I breathed out. "How much damage did I do?"

Edward continued to stroke my hair. "You have a concussion. I, um…put my arm out to try and shield you but it turns out I probably caused your concussion when your head slammed against my arm." He held up his forearm to me, which had a large red and black bruise.

"That's your head," he said, giving me a tight smile. "The airbags deployed and that fractured some of your ribs."

I looked down and noticed bandages wrapped around my torso. I gingerly placed my hand on my ribs.

"You're on a lot of drugs right now. You shouldn't feel too much pain." He shot me a worried glance. "Do you?"

"Not physically." I took a deep breath and looked straight up at the ceiling. I couldn't bear to look at Edward, knowing I hurt him. "What did I do to you?"

Edward shook his head and grabbed my hand, kissing the knuckles. "I'm fine, Bells – just a few scrapes and bruises. Promise."

I felt the tears burning in my eyes and I fought to control myself. "How much damage was done to Jacob's car?"

Edward looked away, and I automatically knew the car was totaled. "I'm paying for it; don't worry about it."

"You're not paying for it! This whole mess is my fault."

I tried to sit up but winced in pain, immediately remembering that my ribs were injured. Edward pulled his chair next to the head of my bed and sat down, holding onto my hand.

"Please tell me no one else was hurt."

Edward shook his head. "Bella, everything's gonna be fine."

"No it won't!" I cried out. "What I did was horribly irresponsible. I deserve to be hurt. I deserve to go to jail and have it ruin my career. I deserve for you to hate me after what I did to you."

Edward sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "First off, you don't deserve to be hurt. It's called an accident for a reason – we all make mistakes. Second, you're not going to jail; I took care of it. And third…the last I remember I deserved for _you_ to hate _me._"

"I think me, trying to kill you, pretty much gives you a free pass."

He let out a soft chuckle. "I'll remember that for next time."

We continued to sit in silence, while he absent-mindedly ran his thumb along the palm of my hand. The stillness was anything but peaceful. When I couldn't bear it any longer, I spoke up.

"What's happening to us, Edward?"

He scrubbed his hands over his face and groaned. "It's all my fault, Bella. I don't know who I am anymore."

I watched him, unsure what he was talking about. "Talk to me."

"I don't know how! I have no fucking clue what's going on in my head. I can't make any sense of it! How can I even try to explain it to you?"

"Try," I implored, laying my hand gently on top of his.

Edward closed his eyes and swallowed. There was a moment of silence, while he gathered his thoughts, before he finally began to speak.

"Before you…I was the womanizing asshole. I was given that image at first, but I had no problem living up to the reputation. But after I met you…I wanted to be _more_ for _you_, Bella. You made me want to be a better man."

He opened his eyes and stared straight at me. His gaze was piercing and I had no doubt that he was being genuine; his eyes were consumed with love for me.

"But I'm still that asshole, Bella. Somewhere along the way everything got so blurred. I try not to be that person around you…but it's getting harder and harder to switch one off and the other on."

I reached my hand up to stroke his face. He closed his eyes and turned, nuzzling my palm. "I know who you are, Edward – all of you. There's so much more to you than you realize."

He turned back to look at me, his face full of sadness. "I'm not good for you, Bella. I'm not good for your career or this relationship."

I glared back at him. _How dare he decide what's good for me._ "I don't know where you got that idea – but you're fucking stupid, Edward. Yes, things have been a struggle for us this past month, but you're ignoring fourteen months of us being _great together_ to say you're not good for me."

Edward buried his head in his hands and moaned. "You wouldn't say that if you knew everything I've done."

I ran my hands through his hair and tried to push down the feelings of dread that were rising up inside of me. "Edward…I'm not stupid. Something's been bothering you these past few weeks. Whatever it is…I _want_ to help you…but I can't if you don't let me in."

Edward laid his head down on my shoulder; I could feel his heavy breathing. His head was turned away from me and every once in awhile his fingers would lightly touch the bandages around my chest.

"God, I love you so much, Isabella," he whispered. I stayed silent, letting him have the moment. He cleared his throat and finally sat up to look at me.

"Bella, before you joined the tour I…"

"Mr. Cullen?" Both of our attention snapped to the two officers standing in the doorway to my room. The beeps on the machine by the left side of my bed picked up pace as my heartbeat quickened. _This was it…I was going to go to jail._ Edward nodded at the officers and squeezed my hand. "We see your girlfriend's awake now. It's time to come with us."

Edward stood up and kissed my forehead. "I'll be back in a few hours, Bells."

_What was going on?_ I watched in stunned silence as Edward walked over to the police officers and held out his hands. One of the cops pulled a pair of handcuffs out from his back pocket and began to snap them around Edward's wrists.

"Edward…" my voice filled with panic.

"It's ok, Bella."

"Edward Cullen, you are being charged with reckless driving and endangerment of a passenger…"

I sat straight up in my bed, ignoring the searing pain that was shooting through my sides. "What! No!"

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law…"

"He didn't do anything!" I yelled at the policemen. "It's not his fault!"

"Bella, shut up!" Edward looked at me, pleadingly.

"You have the right to speak to an attorney…"

"Edward, don't do this!"

Edward cast a frantic look down the hall, while the officer continued to read him his rights. "Rosalie, get in here!"

"It's my fault!" I screamed.

"Damn it, Isabella! Shut up!" Edward yelled back.

I watched in horror as the two police officers started to lead him away. Before I could proclaim his innocence again, Rosalie rushed into my room, closed the door, and blocked my last view of Edward.

"What are you doing?" I shrieked. "How can you just let them take him? He's innocent!"

"Isabella, he's protecting you," Rosalie said, walking closer to my bed.

"That's not his job!" I cried. "It was my fault…I deserve whatever punishment I get."

Rosalie sighed and sat down in the seat Edward had just occupied. "Isabella, the moment you grabbed the wheel you were legally seen as 'in control of the vehicle.' They would have charged you with a DUI. Your career would have been over."

I moaned and felt the tears brimming at my eyes again. "But it's ok for Edward to ruin his career?"

Rosalie gave a small smile and patted my hand. "Hardly. The most they can get him on is speeding. They call it reckless driving, but the fact that three cars full of paparazzi were chasing you guys is going to work in his favor. We've already got some of the best lawyers working on it. He shouldn't have to do more than pay a fine…maybe a few hours of community service. Emmett followed him to the police station and is bailing him out right away. He won't even step behind the bars."

I let a sob course through my body, realizing how completely and utterly fucked up everything was. _I fucked it up. This was all my fault. Edward should NOT be in handcuffs now because of me._

"I can't let him do it, Rose. It's not right. I won't let him destroy his image so he can save mine."

Rosalie looked at me sadly. "Isabella, this _is_ his image."

_His image. _The same image causing him such inner conflict. His words echoed in my head, _"It's getting harder and harder to switch one off and the other on."_ Here he was, trying to fight off a persona he didn't want to live with, and I just threw him right back into the same role. The sick and twisted irony was that I just did the same thing to Edward, that I was so furious at him for doing to me: I was forcing him into an image he didn't want. _When did we become so toxic?_

"Trust me," Rosalie assured. "I'm his publicist. My first job is making sure he stays out of trouble. This will all blow over."

I stared out the window in silence. The weight of my emotions felt like it was crushing my ribs all over again.

"Listen, Edward called Charlie while you were asleep. He's on his way now and should probably be here in a few hours." I grimaced, thinking how that conversation must have gone. "Jasper, Alice, and Jacob have been waiting in the lobby. Do you want to see them?"

I winced, thinking about Jacob and his car. I wasn't sure if my heart could deal with any more guilt. "Can you just give me a few minutes alone, Rose?"

She nodded and patted my hand before walking out of the room, leaving me with the slow and steady beeps from the machine. I stared out the window and let my tears fall freely. I was so stupid. _So fucking stupid. _All I wanted to do was escape my problems; instead, I caused more. I constantly saw Hollywood starlets getting trashed and leaving clubs, seemingly without a single repercussion. I was an idiot to think I could be like them. _I didn't even __want__ to be like them._ I just wanted things to be…simple again.

The door to my room opened. I kept my head turned away, hoping it was a nurse who had just come to check my stats and leave. Of course, I already knew I didn't deserve any mercy – so I wasn't that surprised when I heard James's gravelly voice beside my bed.

"How the fuck am I supposed to manage you, Isabella, when you can't even manage your own life?"

"I don't know, James – maybe you shouldn't manage me anymore," I replied icily.

"Well, Daddy Dearest certainly isn't coming back…not after the stunt you pulled."

I stayed silent, still not bothering to look at him. James wasn't pleased with my lack of a response and walked around to the other side of the bed, crouching down so that we were eye level.

"Now you listen to me, Isabella – you may not agree with the direction I'm taking your career, but I know what's best. I've seen too many one-hit wonders get caught up in the media hype and quickly disappear. You want to end up like them? By all means, continue what you're doing. You want to be looked at as a legitimate artist? Then shut the fuck up and start doing as I say."

_God, I hated his arrogant ass._ "And if I don't?"

James stood up and looked out the window. "Then it would be such a shame that your boyfriend went to jail to save your image…when you still end up ruining it yourself."

I squeezed my eyes shut and bit the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood. Anger, pain, and guilt continued to wash over me. When I finally opened my eyes, James was staring into them, waiting for an answer.

"So what do I need to do?"

His eyes flashed in triumph. "The doctors say you're out for three to six weeks until your ribs heal. You will go home and you will not move. I don't care if your fucking house is on fire. You will stay in a bed for three weeks because I expect you back on tour no later. I'll take care of your new single and video while you're on bed rest."

"How the hell are you going to make a video without me in it?"

"If I have to have the damn Muppets dancing to your song, I will!" he snapped. "The point is that your career is not being put on hold so you can recuperate. Until you can get your ass back up and moving, I call the shots."

"I want final say."

James reached out to the small table that was by my bed and grabbed the container of Jello pudding, tossing it up in the air. "Nope."

"Then what the fuck am I good for?"

"To sing and look pretty, Isabella." James caught the pudding one last time and walked out of the room with it. "See you in three weeks."

The next few hours were spent in and out of consciousness as the nurses continually refilled my pain medicine. Alice stayed by my side for the majority of the time. The rest of the group all made their way in to visit me a few times. I hid my head in shame when Jacob walked through the door.

"So you know how to drive a car, huh, Isabella?" Jacob asked, giving me a lopsided grin.

I didn't see the humor in any of this. I groaned and covered my face. "I'm so sorry!"

Jacob shrugged. "Edward's insurance is taking care of it. I shouldn't have let you take the car in the first place, but you were smart enough not to drive drunk; so I can't fault you there. And Edward shouldn't have been speeding…but I get that you guys were trying to get away from the paparazzi. I'm just glad you weren't seriously hurt."

I'm stared at him, confused, until I realized he didn't know the truth about the accident. He was told what the rest of the media was being fed by Rosalie and James. I felt after all I had done to Jacob, he deserved to know the truth.

"Jake, that's not exactly how it happened…"

"Jacob, could you go find Jasper for me?" Alice spoke up beside me, interrupting my admission. "He went to find me some food and I'm starving. Isabella had a pudding I was eyeing here earlier, but now it's gone."

"Yeah, no problem."

The minute Jacob left, Alice turned and glared at me. "I understand that Jacob is your friend, Isabella. And I fully believe that he is trustworthy. But the fewer people that know, the better."

"It shouldn't be this way, Alice. I should be paying for my mistakes."

"The last I checked, leaving the tour for three weeks when you should be promoting your album, _is _paying for your mistakes."

"It doesn't make things right."

"Oh, stop being so melodramatic!" Alice sighed. "It does nothing for your complexion."

Jasper walked into the room a few seconds later, tossing Alice a PowerBar. Jacob didn't follow behind him.

"Any word on Edward?"

Jasper nodded. "He's out of jail. Emmett took him to the hotel and Rosalie went back to start doing damage control. He wanted to come back and be with you but the media have swarmed the entire building. Rose doesn't want him near any cameras until they make an official statement."

"What is the news saying?"

"Just the facts." I raised my eyebrow at Jasper. "Well…the facts from the police report," he corrected himself.

A nurse walked into the room and stuck a needle into my IV. I knew it was a matter of minutes before I fell asleep again. I looked at Jasper and Alice and gave them a tight smile.

"I'm going to fall asleep any minute. Thank you for staying with me, but you guys need to go back and get some sleep too."

Jasper chuckled and shook his head. "You know Edward will kill me if I leave you alone in the hospital."

"What are you going to do? Watch me while I sleep? It's been a long night and I'm sure you're exhausted. Go back…in a few hours I'll be awake and someone else can come stay with me."

Alice and Jasper looked hesitantly at each other. I leaned back and felt my eyes start to get droopy. "I'm closing my eyes now," I mumbled. "When I open them, you two better not be here…"

…I wasn't sure how long I had been sleeping. I was in and out of restless dreams. In one dream, I relived the accident all over again. Another dream started out as a fantasy, with me dressed up in a sexy police outfit. As Edward and I continued to touch and kiss each other, I suddenly pulled the door to a jail cell shut, locking him in. But the last dream was what disturbed me the most. I wasn't sure what had happened but Edward was in front of me sobbing and I didn't know why. He was on knees, pulling at my shirt, and begging me not to leave him. I looked down at him in disgust before kicking him away and slamming the door behind me. Everything was dark but I could still hear his muffled cries.

I heard a soft groan come from the room and realized I was no longer dreaming. I opened my eyes to see Charlie standing in the doorway. His face looked pale, except for the red rims around his eyes. I shook my head, trying to clear away some of my grogginess.

"Charlie?"

His eyes met mine and he inhaled sharply. "You want to give your old man a heart attack?"

I went to sit up but, once again, my ribs immediately protested my movements. I gritted my teeth but Charlie saw my pain and was by my side in an instant.

"Charlie, please say you're back. Please don't leave me again," I blubbered.

Charlie shook his head and ignored my question. He was lost in his own thoughts. "The biggest mistake I made was leaving without giving Cullen a good ass-whooping. That's not going to happen this time."

"Charlie…no."

"I warned him to stay away from you…"

"Charlie, stop."

"Nobody does this to my little girl and gets away with it!"

"Will you listen!" I finally said, exasperated. "I'm not your little girl anymore, Dad! I haven't been for a long time!"

"Isabella, I understand that you're an adult and you can make adult decisions, but you'll always be my little girl."

I turned my head away from him, ashamed. "That's the problem…I'm not making adult decisions. I made some stupid, stupid mistakes and I really need you right now."

Charlie held onto my hand and sat down beside me. I turned my head to look back at him and couldn't stop the sobs that broke free. I cried out for my actions – any innocence I may have still had was now completely lost. My tears continued to fall as I realized my father still wasn't coming back as my manager. I cried for all the pain that Edward and I put each other through, and the fear that the worst was yet to come.

The whole time my father squeezed my hand, waiting patiently for me to calm down. When I finally regained my composure and was left to a few hiccups and sniffles, I looked at him and my heart broke all over again.

"Dad…I've really messed things up."

**

* * *

**

**A/N: **Shout out to **kissyfur **(two in a row, wow!) for guessing that Edward would take the fall.

As always, follow me on Twitter for updates and upcoming teasers MrsShortHandFF


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19:**

**A/N: **I apologize for the delayed update. To be honest, this was a terrifying chapter to write. Basically every chapter (including the story summary) has been leading up to this one moment. It's kind of a little intimidating when you think about it that way. So I needed time to fully wrap my head around the situation and the characters.

Originally, I wasn't going to end this chapter the way I did. But I felt that we had been pulling off the bandaid slowly the past couple chapters and feeling the pain. I felt it was time to take the final yank and rip the thing off. So, with that being said, take a deep breath and get ready for everything to fall apart…

As always, thanks to my wonderful beta **Coleen561.**

_

* * *

Lost 'til you're found,_

_Swim 'til you drown._

_Know that we all fall down._

_Love 'til you hate,_

_Jump 'til you break._

_Know that we all fall down._

_-One Republic_

**Edward's POV**

I walked out of the arena and immediately lit up a cigarette, taking a long drag. Fans were waving and yelling at me from behind the barricades. I nodded and waved my hand at them but didn't bother to stop. I wasn't in the mood to placate a bunch of screaming girls. My head already hurt from the deafening roar of the concert. All I wanted was to head back to the hotel and do a few more shots of whiskey. I was fairly positive I was drunk throughout the entire set; it's not like any of the concert-goers would have noticed.

It had been two weeks since the accident. Bella was back in Forks recuperating, and I was going fucking insane. Each day the guilt consumed me more. I hated myself. I hated what I had done to her. It was all my fault. _If I hadn't said those stupid fucking comments about Bella, she wouldn't have been upset and gotten drunk. If I hadn't lied and kicked Tanya off the tour, Bella wouldn't have even been put in that position. If I hadn't slept with Tanya…I wouldn't have ruined everything._

Of course, I took the fall for Isabella after the accident. It was the only thing that was _right_ after everything I had done to her. Bella was still unconscious when the police came to the hospital to question us. I knew Bella would immediately put the blame on herself; that was the last thing she needed for her career. I quickly discussed it with Rose, who agreed that my punishment would be minimal since the paparazzi were involved. The police tried to take me to the station right after my confession, but I pleaded with them to let me wait until I knew Isabella was awake and safe.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and jumped into the waiting limo. I was thankful there was already a bottle of Jim Beam waiting for me and threw back a shot. I felt sick, thinking that my last image of Bella from two weeks ago was her lying on the bed, broken. _I broke her._

_(Two weeks prior)_

_When Bella had finally woken up, the tension in our relationship still hung thickly in the air. "What's happening to us?" Bella had asked. I knew exactly what was happening to us – me. Bella deserved my honesty. But how could I be honest with her when I couldn't even be honest with myself? I wanted to tell Bella the truth. I was tired of trying to cover up all my mistakes – it was only causing me to make more mistakes. I had finally worked up the courage to own up to all of my shortcomings, when the fucking police had to interrupt my attempt to come clean. _

_I was immediately taken into custody and charged with reckless driving. Rosalie had been right – after going through the booking process and getting my mug shot taken, my lawyers were already waiting to release me. They assured me that the case would never go to trial; a simple slap on the wrist with a fine would be the extent of my troubles. The media was sure to have a field day with my arrest, but the damage would be minimal compared to if it had been Bella. I wanted to do the right thing. This was a start to trying to make amends._

_By the time I was finally able to get back to Bella's bedside at the hospital, the moment for truth was long gone. Charlie had already arrived and I knew there was no way in hell he was going to leave me alone with her. He made it perfectly clear when I made the phone call to him about the accident that I was not allowed anywhere near her. _

_I stood pacing back and forth outside her room, watching Charlie hold her hand as she slept. I was too much of a chicken shit to step in the doorway. There were two things I wanted more than anything in that moment – to be by Bella's side and to have a cigarette. I glanced up at the nurses who were eyeing me and figured I could deal with their anger better than Charlie's wrath._

_Just as I was about to pull my pack of Marlboros out from my pocket, I heard Charlie clear his voice behind me. I froze._

"_I need to go grab some food and didn't want to leave Isabella alone…"_

_I picked up on what Charlie was saying to me and nodded my head frantically. "Yeah, sure. I've got it."_

"_I'll be gone thirty minutes – that's all you get to say goodbye. We leave for Forks in the morning."_

_I nodded dumbly. Charlie turned around to walk away when he stopped in his tracks, his back facing me. _

"_Isabella told me what you did," he said quietly. "Thank you…for protecting her."_

_Before I could respond, he walked off. I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding and stepped into Bella's room. I walked over to her and kissed her hand, before sitting down next to her. Bella stirred and looked at me, frowning._

"_I didn't mean to wake you."_

"_You're an idiot," she said straightforward. I stared at her, clearly not expecting that to be the first words out of her mouth. "There's no reason why you should have been arrested last night."_

_I sighed, not wanting to argue with her on the subject. "There were plenty of reasons, Bella, and you know it."_

"_It wasn't your choice to make."_

"_Sure it was! I was making the choice to have a sexy and soulful mug shot. It's always been on my to-do list," I said, trying to lighten the mood._

_Bella's eyes were shooting daggers at me. I knew it wasn't going to be that easy._

"_How much trouble are you in?"_

"_Baby, believe me, it's all going to blow over. The lawyers say I'll just have to pay a fine and that will be the end of it. By next week the media will be all over someone else for screwing up. Unless you want to ease your guilty conscience and tell the cops the truth…then you'll get me into worse trouble for lying and you'll be carted off to jail," I said, throwing in the last part to finally shut her up._

"_You just told me how you wanted to change your image!"_

_I grasped her hand and kissed it before looking straight into her eyes. "And I also said that I know who I am when I'm with you. First and foremost, I'm going to do whatever I can to always protect you, Bella. That's never going to change."_

_She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. She stayed silent for a minute, and I wondered if she was trying to come up with her next argument. When she finally looked back at me, I could tell that she was reluctantly dropping the subject._

"_I'm being released in the morning and Charlie's taking me back home."_

_I nodded, already hearing it from Charlie._

"_James wants me healed and back on tour in three weeks."_

_I clenched my jaw, hearing James's demand. "You take as long as you need, Bells."_

_Bella paused again and swallowed hard. "Maybe this will be good for us, ya know?" she whispered. "Maybe we need some time apart."_

_I had been stroking her hand with my thumb but froze when I heard her words. My heart started to race and my stomach lurched, trying to figure out what she meant. _

"_Bella, what are you saying?" I asked tentatively._

"_I just think we need some time to focus on ourselves. I think we've both lost our way a bit these past couple months. I don't want to lose you, Edward…but I think we're both starting to lose ourselves," she said, sadly._

_I nodded, understanding what she was saying; I just couldn't bring myself to say anything._

"_I know who you really are, Edward. But you need to figure that out on your own – without me. And me…I need to remind myself who I was before my life became such a whirlwind."_

"_So where does that leave us while you're gone?"_

"_We are NOT on a break," Bella smiled playfully; I knew she was referring to her favorite scene in __Friends__ and couldn't help but smile back at her. "It just means to use our time apart to our advantage – so that we can put all this shit behind us when I get back."_

_I leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips. "We're gonna be stronger than ever, Bells."_

"_I don't doubt it."_

* * *

But I _did_ doubt it. Bella believed that the time apart would give us time to think, but all I ever did was _think_. I was stuck in my mind, replaying all of the fucked up choices I had made and realizing there was absolutely no way to redeem myself. I had been honest with Bella when I told her she made me want to be a better man. But without her around, I didn't know how to be that person. And I was acutely aware that my past _would not_ let me be that person. So I fell back into the same routines, being the only person I knew how to be: _me._ The same sorry-ass person I hated.

At this point, the excessive drinking had come natural to me. I couldn't function without a bottle of Jack by my side throughout the day. It was no longer about partying or playing up to an image; it was my only way to cope. If I drowned the pain, I didn't have to feel it.

I started to rely more heavily on the drugs to get me going each night to perform. It was an endless cycle: singing, boozing, snorting – repeat. Sleep only occurred when I drank enough to pass out. I avoided sleeping at all costs; I hated the images that haunted my dreams. I was keenly aware that I was more fucked-up than ever. The only thing I was proud of was that this time I refused to let my stupidity affect Bella. I no longer went out at night. After a concert, I quickly retired back to my room and holed myself in there with my cocaine and liquor. The only things that kept me company were my own demons.

After the limo dropped me off at the hotel, I rode up the elevator to begin my usual routine. I knew Jasper and Emmett were probably close behind me, but I had become a pro at avoiding them as well. As I stepped off the elevator, my eyes focused in on Jacob Black standing in the hallway on his cell phone. I glared at him as I walked towards him. _I hated that fucker._ I knew he was still keeping in contact with Bella while she was gone; I didn't see why there was any reason he should. He was on this tour to do a fucking job and that's all that he should have been focused on.

I walked past just in time to hear the end of his phone conversation.

"Ok, you too…Have a good night, Bella."

His words sent a jolt of electricity through me. Before I could even think about what I was doing, I spun around and threw Jacob back against the wall. I stood dangerously close to him, panting and blocking any way of escape. Jacob's face showed a mixture of fear and surprise. _Good, that fucker should be afraid._

"What the fuck did you just call her?" I seethed.

I slammed my fist into the wall next to his head, causing him to inadvertently jump. Jacob stared at me like a fish out of water – his mouth kept opening and closing but nothing came out. The elevator dinged behind us, but I didn't care at the moment. I wasn't going to let this punk go.

"Yo, bro, what the fuck?" Emmett's voiced boomed. In a second I was pulled away from Jacob; Jasper stood between the two of us, preventing me from attacking again.

"You don't get to call her that!" I yelled at Jacob. "She's _my_ Bella – not yours. Know your fucking place!"

"Chill out, man, I didn't mean anything by it!"

"Oh I know exactly what you meant! You think I'm not aware of your little crush on Bella? That I don't know what you're trying to do each time you call her? You think she'd actually leave me to be with a lousy reporter like you?"

"I think she deserves better than a cheating, alcoholic boyfriend!"

Everyone stood frozen in their spot, staring at Jacob. My body went rigid but my fingers continued to flex. I was seconds away from pouncing on him.

"What did you say?" I asked all too quietly.

"Oh, come on! I'm not blind to the antics you've been pulling on this tour. And, quite frankly, I don't think Isabella is either."

"You stay the fuck away from her," I growled.

Jacob shook his head and widened the distance between us, backing up towards the elevator. "Don't worry. It's not my job to tell her and break her heart. It's _yours_."

I tried to lunge at him again, but Emmett kept a tight hold on me.

"What the fuck is going on, Edward?"

I ignored Emmett's question and pushed myself away from him, continuing to walk to my door. I knew the two of them were following me but I didn't acknowledge them. _So Jacob Black knew._ He had known for awhile. I didn't understand why he hadn't told Isabella, but just knowing that he had that much information on me was unsettling. I threw the door open to my room and immediately dove for the first bottle in the liquor bar. _"It's not my job to tell her and break her heart. It's yours." _His words kept playing in my head. I twisted the cap off and threw the entire bottle down the back of my throat. Emmett pushed open the door that hadn't swung shut all the way. They both walked in without an invite; Jasper sat down on my bed. I continued to ignore them.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Emmett asked, snatching the bottle out of my hand.

"Drinking. What does it look like?"

"Don't you think you've done enough of that tonight?" Jasper asked. "The fans may not have noticed, but we certainly saw your drunken ass messing up half the songs tonight."

"You're out of control, Edward."

"What is this - an intervention?" I sneered at my brother.

Emmett tossed the bottle in the trashcan. "Believe me, little brother, you'll know when it's an intervention."

"Then leave me alone." I bent over and pulled out another bottle from the liquor cabinet, ignoring their furious glares at me.

"So, you don't fucking care about the band anymore?" Jasper asked.

"That has nothing to do with it."

"Edward, you're constantly coming late to rehearsals and appearances. Whenever we see you, you're either hung over or drunk. It has everything to do with it."

"I go out on that stage every night, don't I?" I roared at Jasper. "I sing those songs; I play the part; I keep all their goddamn panties wet. I'm doing my job."

Jasper shook his head in disgust while Emmett scrubbed his face with his hands and groaned. I didn't want to have this fucking conversation with them. I wanted to be left alone so I could drink myself into oblivion.

"Edward…are you using again?" Emmett finally asked.

My head snapped up. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb. I've seen you strung out before – I know what it looks like. Not to mention your fucking mood swings are insane."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not doing anything."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't fucking care," I grumbled.

"I swear to God, Edward, if you keep this up…"

"You'll what, Emmett?" I yelled at him. "You'll call Mommy and Daddy to come and punish me? You'll throw me off the tour? How the hell are you going to continue a world tour for the next two months without your lead singer? How would you ever pay back all the money we'd owe for cancelling the rest of the tour? You can't do _shit_."

Emmett glared at me. He knew I had him in a tough spot. I wasn't sure if he was more concerned about my well-being or the band, but there was little he could threaten me with and he knew it. Emmett cursed under his breath and then looked at Jasper. When he glanced back at me, he had a smirk on his face, showing me that he hadn't conceded just yet.

"I'll call Isabella."

I snorted and called his bluff. "Go ahead, Emmett! Tell her that you're worried about my drinking. Then go ahead and tell her the reason why - that I'm consumed with guilt from lying to her. Don't forget to add in the part where _you _told me to lie to her! I'm sure she'll fucking _love_ to hear that!"

"You want to keep throwing that in my face? Fine, I made a mistake! I was trying to help you, but how was I supposed to know you would just keep digging a deeper hole? You want to keep pointing the finger at me? Point it right back to yourself because you got yourself into this mess the minute you slept with Tanya!"

"You slept with Tanya?" Jasper echoed, bewildered.

I glanced back at him and rolled my eyes. I was done with all this shit. "Get out."

"Edward, we want to help you," Jasper implored.

"You want to help me? Leave me alone."

Jasper stood up and left, but Emmett stayed. I glanced at him and sat back down. Taking another swig of my drink, I refused to acknowledge him.

"Edward, you have a problem…" Emmett started again.

"You're right, Emmett – _you're_ my fucking problem!"

Emmett's face clouded over in rage. "You want to be left alone with your precious booze? Fine!"

Before I knew what was happening, Emmett reached into the liquor cabinet and started throwing all the bottles on the ground. Each one shattered, spraying liquid all over the room and my legs. I jumped back a little when Emmett grabbed the bottle out of my hand and smashed it next to my feet.

"Enjoy your fucking alcohol."

Emmett stormed out of the room, leaving me with the mess. _My whole life was a fucking mess._

**

* * *

Bella's POV**

I sat next to Charlie on the couch listening to the 7th inning of the Mariners' game. It had been over two weeks since the accident and I was feeling up to about eighty percent. My sides were still tender and it hurt to do things like laugh, but I was able to walk around with ease. The past two weeks had given me a lot of time to think about myself, my career, and my relationship. I couldn't pinpoint exactly where everything went wrong - or even how to fix it all. But I knew there needed to be a change.

Everything just needed to get back to the basics, when things were simpler. When my career was just taking off and Charlie could deal with any of the issues. When Edward was my confidant and I always trusted his judgment. When love was the only thing Edward and I needed for our relationship to thrive.

I had broken down in the hospital and told Charlie about how I felt everything was spinning out of control. I told him how I hated James, how they were trying to change my image, and how Edward had taken the fall for me. Charlie didn't say much, just taking it all in. When he finally did speak, he said that we could discuss it all when we got home and my mind was clear. That was over two weeks ago, and he still hadn't talked with me about it. I was scheduled to fly back to Los Angeles in four days to shoot the video for "If I Can't Have You." Then I would immediately hop back on tour with The Volturi when they arrived in LA for the second leg of the tour. The band was returning to some of the major cities that had sold out quickly before heading off to Europe to start the international leg of their tour. Time was running out and I felt like I still didn't have any answers or insights into what direction I should be taking.

"He was safe!" Charlie yelled at the TV.

The Mariners were losing 9-5, and I was only pretending to pay attention to the game. I rolled my eyes, and Charlie glanced over at me, sensing my frustration. He sighed and put the TV on mute before turning to look at me.

"So, what are your plans when you get back to LA?"

"James called and wants me to start shooting the video right away."

"Can your body handle that right now?" he asked skeptically.

I shrugged. "He said they'll have stunt doubles for all the action scenes and I don't have to dance anymore. According to James, all I'll have to do is 'look cute and sing.'"

Charlie frowned. "What's your biggest problem with James, Isabella?"

_He's not you._ "He's trying to change my image, Charlie. We spent a lot of time together molding who I wanted to be as an artist, and the minute you leave, they're trying to throw it all out the window!"

Charlie sighed. "Isabella, your image and your music are going to constantly change. You're not the naïve singer from _American Idol,_ and you're not the fresh-faced artist trying to break into the industry either. You're already making headline news and your image is going to reflect that."

"I just don't think he has my best interest in mind, Charlie," I argued. "Not like you did."

"Of course he doesn't have your best interest in mind, sweetie. He has the company's interest in mind! Listen, James Laurent is the best of the best in the industry. I think it's telling that Aro placed you with him because it means that he has high hopes for you. You've got to remember that James isn't a dictator. You can disagree with him."

"He made it very clear that I can't."

Charlie frowned and took a sip of his cola. I could tell he was lost in thought. "Trying to change management while we're still promoting your debut album could be detrimental. Sony could stop all promotion, and your album could just sit on shelves. You have to think everything through before you make any rash decisions, Isabella."

He looked at me and gave a tight smile.

"Why don't you sit down and have a talk with Aro and James? Be explicit about where you see your music. If you and James still clash over ideas, maybe Aro can place you with another manager under the same team. If you aren't happy with the way things are being handled when you start your second album, then we can talk about changing management. But now is not the time to start a war behind-the-scenes."

I nodded. Charlie made it seem so easy and logical, but I knew it would be anything but that when I went to talk to Aro. I wished Charlie would go with me. Aro seemed to have a lot more respect for him. I worried that Aro felt he could run me over. I needed to stand firm in my decisions.

"What do I do in the meantime?" I asked, breaking my thoughts. "I've made a lot of mistakes, Charlie. I'm not even sure I'm seen as a legitimate artist anymore."

"If you want people to only focus on your music, then only give them your music to concentrate on, Isabella. Going out to nightclubs, drinking, and being seen on Edward's arm is only playing into the media hype."

"Isn't that all part of the game?" I asked ruefully.

Charlie snorted. "What game are you playing? To be an artist or be famous? That's the problem your boyfriend has."

I groaned out loud, not wanting to get into a discussion about Edward at the moment.

"I'm serious, Isabella, and you need to hear this," Charlie continued. "I've watched the two of you for a long time. I don't know what's going on in that boy's head, but I can tell you he has an _addiction_. Lord knows what all he's addicted too…but I guarantee you he's addicted to _fame._ He cares more about being famous than he does about his music, and I know you see it too."

I looked down, not wanting to hear the truth behind Charlie's words.

"I know you don't like hearing this. And I don't doubt that he loves you, kiddo. But he loves himself more."

I shook my head as if I was trying to keep his words from getting past my ears and into my brain. I didn't believe him. I had always trusted Charlie's instinct – but in this case, I couldn't. He didn't _know_ Edward like I knew him. He didn't know our relationship. Renee and Charlie gave up too quickly on their relationship. He didn't understand that people in relationships make mistakes and that you don't just give up on them.

"You're wrong, Charlie," I said – but it sounded unconvincing.

Charlie sighed and unmuted the TV. They were now in the bottom of the 8th, no change in score. "For your sake, I hope I am, Isabella."

_

* * *

(1 week later)_

I stepped out of my meeting with Aro, still feeling uneasy. I had been back in Los Angeles for a total of two days and already I was back to the daily grind. After my conversation with Charlie, we didn't discuss my music or Edward again. The most I got out of him was a disapproving _huff_ when I was packing and told him I was starting to move some of my stuff into Edward's house.

We had finished the music video in the early morning hours and, I had to say, I was fairly surprised with the initial cut. While it still wasn't my choice for the next single, the video was fun to watch. My movements were kept minimal while I acted in the scenes and sang in front of the camera. Unfortunately, after three weeks of lying around, the sudden exertion left me in pain. I was thankful I was lip-synching because my breathing was shallow. I tried to mask my discomfort as much as possible, but I frequently found myself gingerly touching the sides of my torso. To be honest, I worried how I was going to pull off singing an entire set in two short days.

James was less than pleased when he saw me wincing in pain at the end of the shoot.

"_I thought I told you to stay in bed!" he fumed at me. "You better hop yourself up on pain killers fast because there's no way in hell we're wasting any more time from your self-induced injury."_

That was the last straw. I demanded to have a meeting with Aro, in private. _The fucking asshole wasn't going to bully me around._

Aro's meeting with me didn't go exactly like I had hoped. While I do think he heard me, I just don't think he cared.

"_Ah, Isabella! I do hope you're feeling better after your unfortunate accident," Aro greeted me when I arrived at Sony. "What can I do for you?"_

"_I'm concerned about my management having my best interests," I stated, cutting straight to the chase._

_Aro raised his eyebrow and smirked. "Is that so?"_

"_Listen, Aro, I understand that at the end of the day it's all about the dollar sign to you. But my album has gotten rave reviews for my __**rock**__ songs. So why am I being marketed as a pop star with a pop song?"_

"_Isabella, a song can be award-winning and not be a mainstream hit. Right now, you need to be mainstreamed. I completely agree that your album is a masterpiece – but we need people to buy into that. I apologize for being so blunt…but right now you are nothing more than a one-hit wonder."_

_I flinched at his choice of words._

"_We need to get another massive radio-hit on the airwaves to keep listeners hooked. You have some great songs and I'm sure we can play around a bit on your 3__rd__ and 4__th__ singles. But right now we are feeding to the mass market. The more people buy your album and hear all your songs, the more we can eventually expand."_

"_And you think James is the right person to do that?" I asked._

"_Absolutely." Aro leaned back in his chair and twirled a pen around his fingers. "Isabella, I understand it's hard to trust him after having your father as your manager – but James can take you much further than Charlie could. If you're having disagreements with James, I can certainly try to find you another manager. But why don't you two try to work out your differences first? If things are still rough between you two then I'll see what I can do."_

I jabbed at the elevator button, pushing it repeatedly. I was so ready to leave this place. I knew Aro had a point with everything he said, but I didn't like any of it. And how the fuck was I supposed to talk things out with James? _The fucker didn't listen to anyone but himself! _ The doors to the elevator opened, and I rushed inside, pushing the button to close the doors.

I rummaged in my purse, looking for my pack of cigarettes, already anticipating lighting one up as soon as I stepped off the elevator. The elevator continued its descent until it finally hit the parking garage. The doors opened; I kept my head down still rummaging through my purse. _Now where the fuck was my lighter?_

"Isabella," I heard my name called.

My head shot up and I felt my heart immediately plummet into my stomach. I'm sure I must have looked like a gaping ghost in the elevator. I couldn't have been more surprised if the Queen of England was standing in front of me. Standing six feet across from me, blocking my exit, was Tanya Denali.

"Oh..um…Tanya, hi," I stuttered. "How are you?"

She gave a small smile. "Surprisingly, not bad for someone who just got out of rehab."

I nodded, unsure what to say next. I wasn't even sure how to react to her. The last I saw her, she was gloating about trying to steal Edward away from me. I had wanted to punch her. But she looked different now. It was a completely uncomfortable situation. I wasn't sure how she felt about me and, to be honest, I had no clue what to think about her. I stepped out of the elevator and stood next to her in the deserted parking garage.

"Listen, I, um…I know what Edward did," I confessed. "It was wrong of him and I want you to know I had no part in it. I'm sorry."

Tanya nodded. "Well, it turns out some of the stuff they said in that place actually made sense." She motioned to my pack of cigarettes and I handed her one; she lit it. "I'll be honest with you, for awhile all I thought about was getting revenge on him…and you. Ruining your careers like you ruined mine."

I gulped, not sure where this was headed. "So what changed?"

She took a long drag. "I realized I wasn't blameless in the situation either. I owe you an apology."

I nodded and felt as though we had come to some sort of unspoken peace agreement. But then the next words out of her mouth hit me like a wrecking ball.

"I took advantage of Edward being high as a kite on his birthday. When I slept with him…"

I let out a strangled cry and dropped my cigarettes. "What?"

Tanya looked at me, confused. "You said you knew what Edward did?"

I felt as if the entire garage was falling down around me and had to place my hand against the wall to steady myself. "I knew that he leaked the video of you to TMZ."

I couldn't look at Tanya. I couldn't concentrate on anything. It seemed no matter how many deep breaths I took, I couldn't get enough air and felt lightheaded.

"Oh," Tanya said softly. "Well, you deserve to know the truth."

I shook my head, not wanting to hear anything that came out of her mouth, but she continued talking.

"Edward was the one who planted the cocaine in my purse, Isabella. It was _his_ cocaine. He wanted me off the tour and out of the way because he was afraid I was going to tell you that he slept with me on his birthday."

I looked at her and felt disgusted. A strangled laugh escaped. "For a second I thought you had changed, Tanya. I see you're up to your same old tricks and lies to try and steal Edward away. I don't believe you."

She took another drag from her cigarette before stomping it out on the ground and pressing the elevator button. Then she began rummaging through her purse. "I wouldn't expect you to believe me. But for your own good – and Edward's – you really should."

I watched her warily as she pulled out a pen and a piece of paper, jotting something down on it. "Like I said, at one point I wanted revenge – but not anymore. Word on the street is that Edward's back into the hard drugs. I've heard that he's contacting our dealer up to three times a week now." The elevator doors opened up again behind us. She pushed the piece of paper into my hand and stepped inside. "You don't have to believe me, Isabella. But at some point Edward's going to need help. That's the number of our dealer. If you do some research, you'll find out the truth."

The elevator doors closed, leaving me standing alone with the crumpled up piece of paper in my hand. I looked down at it cautiously, like it was about to spring alive. After what seemed like forever, I finally opened it up and read it:

_Garrett_

_310-555-8296_

I was positive this was another one of Tanya's schemes. I wasn't going to fall into her trap. I crinkled the paper back up and squeezed it in the palm of my hand, composing myself enough to walk back to my car. I walked past a trashcan and reached my hand out to dump the note in the garbage. As I got closer to it, I slowed my pace, and for some unknown reason, put the note back in my pocket. I kept walking and willed myself not to think about the interaction that just took place.

_

* * *

(2 days later)_

I awoke to feel light kisses being placed all over my face. I let out a soft hum and smiled, stretching my arms above my head. I was back by Edward's side. Everything was back to normal. Everything felt right. The band arrived in Los Angeles late last night. I couldn't even bear to wait at the hotel for Edward. Instead, I stood at the bottom of the escalators leading up to the terminals at LAX. The minute I saw Edward, I threw my arms around him while he kissed me and twirled me around.

I opened my eyes to his face hovering above mine. _God, he was so beautiful. _I loved his shaggy bed head and found myself running my fingers through it. He smiled down at me and kissed me softly on the lips.

"Good morning, beautiful."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his body down towards mine, but he groaned and pushed himself back up and out of my grasp. I couldn't help but pout at his rebuff.

"Sorry, baby, we're not having a repeat of last night. I'm not gonna hurt you. You're not completely healed."

I groaned and stuck out my bottom lip further, trying to garner some sympathy. He chuckled and leaned down to kiss me, nipping at my bottom lip.

Last night had been a disappointment for both of us. The minute we got back to the hotel, Edward was ripping off my clothes. He spent a torturous amount of time kissing every inch of my body until I was dripping wet in anticipation. When he finally lowered his body on top of mine, I inadvertently yelped from the pressure he was placing on my ribs. Edward immediately flew off of me, horrified.

"_Shit! I fucking hurt you! Are you ok?"_

_I nodded and tried to brush it off. "I'm fine, I'm fine. We can do this…just don't lay on top of me."_

_Edward ran his hands through his hair but didn't look confident. "Are you sure?"_

_I looked down at his fully erect cock and moaned. "Yes, please…I need you."_

_Edward stayed up on his knees and pulled my legs around his waist. His fingers slid along my slit; his thumb finding my clit and rubbing it. "Damn, you're so wet, baby." _

_He replaced his finger with the tip of his cock and I bucked my hips against him in anticipation. He pushed into me with one swift thrust and I immediately felt an overwhelming sense of pleasure and pain. His thrusts were somehow still causing my ribs to hurt, but I tried to block it out, only wanting to focus on the pleasure of him being inside of me. I guess my face gave me away, though, because Edward groaned, stilled his movements, and pulled out of me._

"_Jesus, Bella, fucking tell me when I'm hurting you."_

"_It's not a big deal, Edward. Please, I want this."_

"_I want it too, Bells. But I'm not going to be a fucking animal and hurt you just to have sex."_

_I rolled over on top of him and kissed his neck. "What if I'm the animal?" I teased._

_He groaned and lightly pulled me off of him. "Bella, please…" he pleaded. "Not like this."_

We ended up making out like love-sick teenagers for the rest of the night, but now that we were awake, I was still feeling sex-crazed.

"The doctor said it will take 3-6 weeks to heal. You really think you can wait another three weeks?" I mumbled against his lips, grinding myself into his erection to make a point.

I heard him curse under his breath and still my hips with his hand. "The less moving you do now, the faster you'll heal." He jumped off the bed and pulled on his boxers, insuring that I couldn't assault his defenses anymore. "What are your plans for today?"

I sighed, realizing I had been defeated, and pulled the covers back over me. "I have a meeting with James this morning and then I'm going to get to the stadium early for rehearsal."

"What's your meeting about?"

I yawned. "He wants me to write a song and pitch it for a movie that's about to be released. Some film called Remember Me. It's a love story, but the guy ends up dying at the end, so James wants a sad love song."

"Well that sounds like a shitty movie."

I nodded. I hated depressing endings and refused to see a movie unless I knew it had a happily-ever-after. "Yeah, but evidently it has some big-name heartthrob as the lead so you know it'll be a box office hit."

"Heartthrob, huh?" he said with a sly smile.

"Don't worry, he's not as sexy as you," I teased.

"I should hope not!" He grabbed a towel and walked into the bathroom. "So what are you doing tonight?" he called out.

"I'll be up all night writing the song. I guess all potential songs for the movie are being pitched tomorrow. I probably won't even make it back to bed."

Edward walked back out of the bathroom, brushing his teeth. "Oh well, one less night of having to fight you off." He wiggled his eyebrows and ducked when I threw my pillow at him.

"So, you don't care if I head out to a party tonight then, do you?" he asked. I shook my head. He walked over and gave me a sloppy toothpaste kiss before going back into the bathroom and starting the shower.

I stood up to wipe off my mouth when Edward's phone started to ring. I glanced down and noticed it was Carlisle calling. I picked up the phone and walked into the bathroom. "Hey, baby, your dad's on the phone. Want me to answer?"

My finger was already hovering above the green button. "No!" Edward shouted above the water. "Just let it go to voicemail."

"Aww, but I haven't talked to Carlisle and Esme in forever!"

"Just not now, Bella, ok?"

"Fine," I grumbled and silenced his phone, walking back into the bedroom.

I sat down on the bed and held his phone in my hands, staring at it and contemplating. I hated that I was thinking about snooping into his phone. I hated that if I dared to look in there, then Tanya would have already won and got the best of me. I trusted Edward. I should just put the phone down and walk away. _Fuck that – I'll prove to that bitch that she can't mess with my head._

Before I could talk myself out of it, I hit the inbox button on his phone and began scrolling through his text messages. Most were from me, some from his parents, and management…but there was one number that kept standing out to me. My heartbeat quickened as I continued to hold his phone in one hand and walked over to my suitcase, shoveling through my clothes. When I finally found my pair of jeans, I pulled out the crumpled up piece of paper and compared the numbers:

_310-555-8296_

It was the same number. I tried to concentrate on the phone in front of me but it kept bouncing; I realized my hands were shaking and tried to still them. Each message contained information on various places to meet. I swallowed hard. _This is all part of Tanya's plot. She's up to something…this number means nothing._

I opened one of the newer messages that was sent yesterday:

_I'll meet you in VIP room at 40D tomorrow night._

I walked on wobbly legs back over to the bathroom. "Hey baby?" I called out with a much smaller voice than I had intended. "What's the party you're going to tonight?"

"Oh…it's, um, a birthday party for an old friend. It's at 40 Deuces."

I knew what 40 Deuces was; it was the only burlesque show in Hollywood. Last year, Edward had taken me to see a show when I sang Chicago for a whole week after we rented it. The way the topless dancers sang and performed was utterly sexy. We went home that night and I put on my own burlesque show for him.

"Whose birthday?" I asked.

"Oh, you don't know him…his name is Garrett."

I froze. The sound of my heartbeat drumming in my ears was louder than the water in the bathroom. _Tanya said Garrett was his dealer. Why would he be going to a birthday party for his dealer? This was all a big misunderstanding…all part of Tanya's plot._

I scrolled to the last message from Garrett:

_I'll bring enough to last you a week._

I let out a soft cry and put the phone on the bathroom counter.

"You ok?" he called out.

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror just staring at myself and willing myself to calm down. "Yeah, I'm fine." I turned on the water and splashed it on my face, trying to clear my head. "Hey, baby, I've got an idea. Why don't you just skip the party and help me write the song tonight?" _Please say yes; please say yes; please say yes._

"Sorry, Bells – I've got to at least make an appearance. I could try to slip out early for you, though, and come back and help you?"

My heart dropped. "No, that's ok. It's probably better that I'm left alone….I, um…I'm gonna go workout. I'll see you later."

I hurried out of the hotel room, unable to look at Edward again until I could prove that all my insecurities were wrong.

* * *

My performance that night was _craptastic._ I was surprised no one had thrown anything at me on stage - I was that bad. After I left Edward, my brain kept going around in circles, trying to convince myself it wasn't what it looked like. But then my brain kept replaying other memories.

_Edward's back into hard drugs…_

_At some point Edward's going to need help…_

_I don't know what's going on in that boy's head but I can tell you he has an addiction…_

_He slept with me on his birthday…_

_I'm still that asshole, Bella. Somewhere along the way everything got so blurred…_

As much as I tried to push these thoughts out of my head, they kept taunting me. Throughout my entire set, the voices kept playing in the back of my head. It got so bad that I either forgot the lyrics or started in late to almost half of my songs. To add insult to injury, my breathing was becoming more and more ragged as I continued to sing. I had no breath control and my ribs kept reminding me they weren't healed by the constant dull pain along my sides.

The minute I stepped off stage, James was by my side, absolutely furious. "What the fuck was that, Isabella?" I brushed past him, ignoring his angry glares.

"You have some explaining to do!" he yelled after me.

I didn't bother to take a shower or change my clothes. I simply grabbed my bag from the dressing room and stormed out of the arena. All I wanted to do was leave…

…When 11:30 rolled around, I was still pacing in the hotel room – a complete mess. By this time I knew that Edward had already left the arena and was probably headed over to 40 Deuces. I couldn't just sit back and worry anymore. I _had_ to know. I vowed to myself that if this was some horrible ploy by Tanya that I would hunt her down and beat the shit out of her. But I knew that sitting back and thinking all the worst possible thoughts wasn't going to help matters either.

I threw on a pair of jeans and a hooded sweatshirt and dashed down the hallway. I was going to need moral support to do this, and I couldn't ask Alice…not with Jasper there. I stopped at a doorway and pounded until Jacob opened the door. He looked at me disapprovingly.

"This feels like Déjà-vu."

"Jake, I need your car."

His eyes opened wider. He was definitely awake now. "Did you not learn your lesson the first time?"

"I promise I won't drive. You can drive me."

He shook his head and started to close the door. "Forget it."

I threw my hand out, blocking him from closing it on me any further. "Jacob…"

"Isabella, just get a limo service!"

I looked down and bit my lip, ashamed. "I don't want to cause a scene. I don't want anyone to recognize me."

He opened the door back up and tried to make eye contact with me. "What's going on, Isabella?"

I shook my head. I couldn't tell him. I didn't want to say any of my fears or suspicions out loud – I didn't want them to be true. "Please Jacob…I need your help."

He quietly nodded. "Give me a minute to get changed."

Five minutes later we were sitting in his rental car, pulling out of the hotel garage. I pulled the hood up over my head, covering my face, and slumped down into the seat.

Jacob hit the buttons on his GPS. "Where are we going?"

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. _Was I really ready to do this? Was I prepared for the consequences?_

"Isabella, I can't go anywhere until I know where I'm going," Jacob said, frustrated.

"40 Deuces," I whispered.

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence. I stared out the window and watched the night lights flash by. I could tell Jacob was casting worried glances my way, but I couldn't do anything to relieve his worries. I felt nothing – _only dread._

We finally pulled up to the club, and Jacob parked in an adjoining lot. "I didn't know you were into titty bars," he teased me.

I ignored his comment and hopped out of the car, pulling my hood even tighter around my face. I walked towards the front of the building but faltered when I saw the long line of people, all dressed up, waiting to get in. I looked back down at my jeans and sweatshirt and realized there was no way they would let me in. _Shit._

Jacob looped his arm through my elbow and pulled me towards the door. "Don't worry; I got this." When he got to the front, he whipped out his press badge and showed it to the bouncer. "Jacob Black – _Rolling Stone._ We're thinking about doing a story on burlesque shows. Can you let me and my assistant in?" he said, gesturing to me.

The bouncer glanced down at his badge and then opened the rope for us.

"Thanks, Jake," I said looking up at him.

"You gonna tell me why we're here now?"

I shook my head and stepped further into the dark room. Music was blaring out of the speakers. Three women were dancing on the stage and singing in corsets. Topless waitresses walked around the tables, serving drinks. I tried to stay in the background as I made my way over to the VIP area. It was an area sectioned off by multiple ropes. Five bouncers stood around; obviously there were celebrities in the club tonight. I stood in a corner and craned my neck trying to find Edward. _Maybe he's not here. Maybe he's already back at the hotel looking for me. Maybe this was all a set-up so Tanya could humiliate me._

"Shit," Jacob cursed next to me.

I glanced back at him and then in the direction that he was staring. Edward was sitting on a red velvet bench, drinking; his back was towards me. A tall, blonde-haired man came up to him and sat down. The two exchanged handshakes and then started talking. My breath caught in my throat and I took a few steps out of the shadows to see him more clearly. I could feel Jacob's presence by my side.

The man pulled out a thick brown parcel and handed it to Edward, who placed it on the table in front of him. Edward reached into his coat pocket and gave the man a business envelope. I quickly covered my mouth with my hand to stifle any sound that might escape me. I wasn't an idiot and was keenly aware of what kind of transaction just took place. _No. No. No. This is NOT happening._

The two shook hands again and the man pulled out a small bag, dangling it in front of Edward. At the same time, a waitress came over to offer them more drinks. Edward yanked the bag out of the other guy's hand and grabbed the waitress's arm. He turned the waitress's wrist over and I could see him dump whatever the contents were in the bag onto her arm. She giggled and I watched as he sniffed a line down her arm before she pulled back her wrist and sniffed her arm as well.

I had seen enough. I spun around and ran out of the night club, stumbling into patrons who were walking in. I waited until I reached Jacob's car before I let the tears spill out. _Who was that in there? The Edward I saw tonight was not __**my **__Edward. I didn't even know who that was – he was a complete stranger. _

Jacob came running up behind me. "Shit, Isabella! Why didn't you tell me what you were doing!"

The tears continued to flow steadily down my face. I looked up at him, silently pleading with him to tell me the truth. "Did you know?"

Jacob sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Everyone's been suspicious for awhile now."

_Tanya wasn't lying. Everything she told me was the truth. Everything…Oh God._ The realization of what all she said to me hit me like a ton of bricks. I let out a moan and doubled-over, consumed with pain.

"Isabella?" Jacob's voice was filled with concern.

"Jake," I whispered. "What happened at Edward's birthday party?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jacob said tentatively.

I stood straight back up. I couldn't take anymore lies or omissions. I was one frayed thread away from snapping and I desperately needed someone to hold it all together for me. "Yes, you _do_ know what I'm talking about. What did you _see_?" I emphasized every last word.

"Isabella…" he begged. I stood firm and waited for him to respond. He looked down, unable to make eye contact with me. "The next morning…I left my hotel room early for breakfast. I saw Edward throw Tanya out of his room…she was naked."

I let out a loud sob and crumpled against Jacob's car. "Noooo"

"I'm so sorry…"

"LIAR!" I screamed. "You're lying!"

Jacob stood there in silence. I hated him in that moment. I hated him for telling me the same thing Tanya did. _They were both fucking liars. Edward wouldn't do that to me. _I shoved Jacob hard, causing him to stumble back a few steps.

"Tell me that you're lying!"

Jacob looked at me sadly. "Isabella…"

"It's lies!" My hand connected with his chest. "Lies, lies, lies!" With each word I cried out, I slapped him hard. He continued to stand there and let me abuse him. I finally collapsed into his chest. Jacob wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair; my sobs causing my whole body to shake violently against him.

"Please...please tell me you're lying," I cried weakly into his shirt.

I felt like I was drowning. I couldn't breathe. I didn't even want to try anymore. Somewhere above the water I heard Jacob shushing me and telling me it'd all be alright. But that was another lie. Nothing would be alright after this. Nothing would be the same. And as I trembled from the sobs that rocked me to my very core, I realized there was nothing Edward and I could do to ever get _us_ back. _This was the end._

**

* * *

A/N: **Ok, so maybe the analogy of a bandaid was a little weak. This was more like a scab that we just ripped into a big open wound. But keep in mind…all wounds heal eventually. Even though Isabella thinks this is the end, I assure you we're only halfway through this story and she doesn't know what I have up my sleeve for her and Edward ;)

I tried to give you a little "easter egg" to see how I plan for this story to end. It seems Bella and I have the same taste when it comes for story you pick up on it?

The confrontation will be next.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20:**

**A/N: **First off, thank you for all the reviews I've been receiving. I'm really happy that so many more people are starting to follow this story. As I've said in the past, I hope that you have faith in me and where I will take Bella and Edward in this story.

With that being said, I'm finally going to bite the bullet and do something my beta has been suggesting to me for awhile. I've been trying to subtly hint at it in almost every author's note…but some people are still really concerned with how the story will end. It is my intention that these two tragic lovers find their way back to one another. This WILL be a HEA (I promise!) – but both need to find themselves first.

If you have the chance to listen to Sarah Bareilles's song "Breathe Again" before, or while, you read this chapter – please do. The first time I heard this song, I immediately thought of Bella and actually started crying, imagining that this is exactly what she would be going through. I've been holding off on using the song specifically for this chapter.

And last, but certainly not least, thanks to my beta **Coleen561 **– who proves to always be right even if I don't listen to her the first time ;)

_

* * *

All I have,_

_All I need,_

_He's the air I could kill to breathe._

_Holds my love in his hands,_

_Still I'm searching for something._

_Out of breath, I am left hoping someday_

_I'll breathe again._

_Sarah Bareilles_

**Bella's POV**

I could see the sun coming up through the windows of Edward's trailer and rubbed my bleary eyes. I hadn't slept at all. _How could I after everything I found out?_ My eyes felt heavy from all the crying I had done. I was exhausted and my throat was parched. _How could everything I had known for the past fifteen months been a lie? How could the man I loved so dearly betray me? How could something so perfect…just fall apart? _I couldn't wrap my head around any of it.

When we got back to the hotel, Jacob was extremely wary about leaving me alone. He offered to let me use his hotel room, but I declined. I knew I couldn't go back to my room either. I couldn't bear to look at the same bed where just twelve hours earlier we had laid in perfect bliss. I couldn't face him when he finally returned; I wasn't strong enough for that yet.

I didn't want to think. So I did the only thing that was expected of me in that moment: my job. I locked myself in Edward's trailer and sat in solitude at the keyboard. Edward would know I was down here, but I prayed he was too fucked up to bother coming to see me. I couldn't help but snort at the irony – for weeks I had been concerned about Edward's drinking and worried that something else was going on; now that I knew the truth, all I wanted was for him to _remain_ drunk and give me some time.

When I placed my fingers on the keys, another sob shuddered through my body. The tears continued to fall for the rest of the night. If James wanted a sad love song, I could give him that. They said that the lead character dies at the end of the movie – I could feel that. _My Edward was dead._

* * *

I sat in a conference room across from James and smoked a cigarette. Every piece of my body hurt. James hit a button on his computer and looked up at me, smiling. I couldn't return the expression.

"I'm impressed, Isabella. This song is amazing. The producers would be stupid not to put this in their movie." His fingers flew across the keyboard on his laptop. "I just emailed the media file off to them. Now we just have to wait to hear what they say."

I nodded. Since I entered my meeting with James I hadn't said one word. I simply gave him the flash drive with my song on it and lit up a cigarette. I had been pondering what I was going to say to James for awhile now. I had finally made my decision about what needed to happen…now I was just willing myself to actually say the words out loud.

James looked at me curiously, realizing I didn't give two shits about the song. "Was there anything else, Isabella?"

My stomach flipped in anticipation. _This was it._ "Actually, yes…" I took another drag of my cigarette. "I want off this tour."

James showed no reaction. He reached over the table to my pack of cigarettes, taking one for himself. Slowly a smile crept across his lips. "Is that so?"

"This entire tour has been a complete media circus around my relationship with Edward. I can't be a part of it anymore."

"Which? The tour? Or your relationship?" he asked smugly.

"Both."

"Oh, I see now!" he said in an overdramatic fashion. "Isabella Swan is having relationship problems. And instead of sucking it up and being a professional, she expects to snap her fingers and get her way. Well, I'm sorry, sweetie, it doesn't work that way."

"James, I can't stay…"

He shifted in his seat so that he was leaning towards me and the smug look on his face changed to complete seriousness. "Do you realize what the implications would be if you suddenly left the tour? The media backlash? How much promotion we'd lose for your album? I'm sorry your love life _sucks_, Isabella, but I'm not going to let it affect my paychecks – and you shouldn't either."

I closed my eyes, refusing to cry in front of James. I took a deep breath. I had to be reasonable; I couldn't beg. I opened my eyes and angrily wiped at the tears that had managed to escape. I used the bit of reasoning I had.

"You saw me last night, James. I was horrible. I'm still not healed. Nobody would question it, if I left because I still needed to recuperate. Just give me a few weeks…I'll do whatever promotion you want me to do. I'll hop on whatever tour I can afterwards. Please…" I pleaded. "I'll do whatever you want. I'll do things your way."

James sat back in his seat and seemed to be debating the hand of cards I had just dealt him. "You know, Isabella…I received a very interesting phone call from Aro yesterday. It seems you're not happy with my services and you'd rather have someone else managing you. He said you don't think I have your best interest at heart. I'm deeply saddened to hear this and want to prove to you that I care about your feelings. If you want off this tour because you're still injured – I can make that happen, Isabella. But what's in it for me?"

I sat, waiting to see where he was taking this. _God, I despised this man._

"What do you want?"

"A contract – one more album. You want me to help you out? I can get you off this tour with minimal repercussions and onto bigger opportunities. But you have to do what I say. Who knows…maybe after your second album I'll actually prove to you that I know how to make you a star." He smiled smugly at me.

I sincerely doubted that and could only imagine what direction he would try to take my career. "You are aware I could fire you right now? I could just quit this tour."

"You'd never get another record deal," he said matter-of-factly.

I sat foreword and put my head in between my hands. He had me exactly where he wanted me. _In order to get away from this hell…I was going to have to sign a deal with the devil, himself._ I thought about the pros and cons, trying to weigh the options in my head. Then my mind flashed back to Edward and my stomach lurched.

"Fine," I said hoarsely. "Draw up the paperwork. I'll sign the contract."

* * *

Two hours later, I was sitting around a conference table with James, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and the rest of The Volturi's management. I felt sick from all the events that led up to this moment. I was so very tired, but it felt like I would never be able to sleep again. It felt like I was simply going through the motions. I just wanted it all to be over.

"Well, I suppose we can get started," James opened up the meeting.

Jasper looked around the room. "Shouldn't we wait for Edward?"

"He wasn't invited," I said softly.

I felt everyone's eyes turn towards me, but I continued to look down. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Emmett's concerned face trying to make eye contact with me, but I refused to face him.

"What's this about?" Rosalie clipped out.

"Unfortunately, Ms. Swan will not be able to continue with the rest of the World Tour. Her injuries from the car accident are still causing her a significant amount of pain. Under advisement of her doctor, she will be put back on bed rest for another three weeks. In the mean time, Sony will provide another opening act for The Volturi. I understand that this is a somewhat late notice but tonight will be Isabella's last performance."

The room was dead silent as everyone processed what was just said.

"Isabella…" Jasper said tentatively. I couldn't look at him. I was seconds away from crying, and I didn't think I could physically handle anymore tears.

"Is that what you want, Isabella?" Rosalie asked. I continued to stare at the same spot on the table and nodded.

James started to discuss the new opening act with The Volturi's management team. I ignored the conversation around me but continued to feel a pair of eyes boring into my head. I finally couldn't take anymore and glanced up to see Emmett scowling at me.

"He told you about Tanya, didn't he?"

"What?"

The entire room hushed and all attention focused on me after my outburst.

I ignored the spectators, glaring at Emmett. "_He_ didn't tell me anything, Emmett. I found out on my own."

"What the hell is going on?" Rosalie spoke up.

"_You knew?"_ I spit at Emmett. I glanced over at Jasper. "Did you know too?"

He looked down, ashamed, and I couldn't help but let out a manic laugh.

"Knew what?" Rosalie's voice rose with irritation.

"Go ahead, Emmett – since you seem to know everything, why don't you do the honors?"

I was livid. All the hurt and anger that had been boiling up inside me was finally coming out. Emmett looked down and refused to answer.

"Tell them!" I roared. "Tell them how my boyfriend can't keep his fucking dick in his pants!"

"Jesus fucking Christ," Rosalie breathed out.

James grabbed my arm. "That's enough, Isabella."

I jumped up, knocking my chair backwards. "I'm done with this bullshit – with all of you!" I pointed my finger at Emmett and Jasper. "_Nobody_ says anything to him; you hear me? Not 'til I talk to him."

I stormed out of the room. _Of course they knew! This was all probably some sick fucking joke to them._ I walked down the hall, unsure where to go; I wanted to curl up in a ball and die.

"Iz! Wait!" Emmett called out behind me. "Please don't leave! It's my fault; I told him not to tell you." He quickly caught up to me.

I spun around and slapped him hard across the face. I could feel my hand tingling with a million pins and needles, but Emmett didn't react. "You are just as bad as him! _You_ are an enabler!" I jammed my finger into his chest. "And you are _not _my friend."

"Isabella…"

I didn't bother to listen to him. _They were all liars._ I quickly turned around and stormed out of the hotel. _I couldn't leave this tour fast enough._

* * *

I looked out past the glaring lights at the crowd of people cheering my name. I wasn't sure how I had managed to make it through the entire show; I couldn't even remember singing any of the songs. After I left the hotel, I hid out in my dressing room for the remainder of the day. I knew I would have to face Edward sooner rather than later, but I just wanted to get through the concert first. Being away from him gave me some sick sense of stability – like maybe none of it was true; that I was seconds away from waking up from this nightmare. But I knew the minute I saw him my whole world would fall to pieces. I needed to pull myself together in order to sing.

Sitting down at the piano in the middle of the stage, I nodded to the rest of the band to let them know they could leave. I wasn't one for dramatics, but I felt it was fitting to change the set list. My last song was my final goodbye.

"Los Angeles, I'd like to thank all of you for letting me play tonight. I'm still trying to get back to 100% after my accident; thank you for understanding and bearing with me. I'd like to end with a new song, if that's alright with you."

I let out a sad smile as the crowd whistled and cheered. "This is a song I wrote last night for a movie. I'm not sure if it'll be distributed…so this may be the one and only time you hear it."

The crowd roared louder; I put my hands on the piano keys, waiting for the noise to die down before I started. I shuddered and took a deep breath, pressing down on the first notes…

_Car is parked_

_Bags are packed_

_But what kind of heart doesn't look back?_

I glanced over at the side of the stage. Rosalie was standing there watching me sadly. It amazed me how much I had grown to like her over the past couple months, and I could honestly say I was going to miss her. I saw Alice standing next to her and had to look away before I started to cry. I hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye to her, but it was obvious from the tears that streamed down her face that Jasper had told her what happened.

_All those words came undone,_

_And now I'm not the only one,_

_Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns_

I sensed his presence in the shadows of the wings. I could feel his eyes on me as I sang. I didn't dare look up.

_All I have,_

_All I need,_

_He's the air I could kill to breathe._

_Holds my love in his hands,_

_Still I'm searching for something._

_Out of breath, I am left hoping someday_

_I'll breathe again._

I felt the hot tears begin to spill down my face and willed myself to stop crying. _How was it even possible there were tears left in my body? _My fingers continued to stroke the keys, making it impossible for me to wipe my face. I watched as small droplets of water splashed onto the white rectangles in front of me.

_Hang my head,_

_Break my heart,_

_Built from all I have torn apart._

_And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore._

My voice broke on the last note and I turned my head, hoping the audience couldn't see my tears. A sob escaped my lips, as I realized that the only person who could comfort me right now…was the one who did this to me.

_It hurts to be here_

_I only wanted love from you_

_It hurts to be here_

_What am I gonna do?_

I felt like I was dying inside. Of course, I'd heard the phrase "heartbreak," but I never realized it was an actual feeling. It literally felt as if my heart was being ripped in two. I was completely broken. When Renee left me and Charlie, I was traumatized…but this was unlike anything I had every felt before. Each breath I took physically hurt – reminding me with every exhale that I was on my own. I was empty. I wondered if I would ever feel whole again.

_Out of breath, I am left hoping someday_

_I'll breathe again._

The crowd erupted in applause as the piano and I were lowered below the stage. The lights above me faded as I descended into utter darkness. I bowed my head and finally let the tears flow openly. I had never been a religious person but, in my utter state of desperation, I lowered my head against the piano and prayed. _Please give me the strength to tell him goodbye._

* * *

I stood on the balcony of the hotel room I had shared with Edward, smoking a cigarette. My bags had been packed and sent over to the Beverly Hills Hotel an hour ago. I would spend the night there before going to the airport the next day. I didn't know what I was going to do or where I was going to go. I wanted to get the hell out of this town as fast as I could. But coming back home to Charlie, with my tail between my legs, letting him know that he was right about Edward – _that he had always been right about Edward – _wasn't something I was ready to face. I had toyed with the idea of flying to Phoenix…but I was still furious with Renee and hadn't heard from her since the album release party. If anything, she'd yell at me for leaving Edward – the fact that he was a celebrity would override the fact that he broke her daughter's heart.

All there was left to do was wait. I glanced at my watch; the concert was sure to be over at this point. Edward would be walking into the room any minute. My stomach was doing flips as I tried to prepare myself for the worst. I briefly wondered if he had plans to go out again tonight. I debated how long I would actually stand here and wait, like a fool, for him to come back. _I was done being his fool._

I rubbed my arms, trying to keep warm from the chills that were running up and down my body. I wasn't sure if it was possible to love and hate someone all at the same time, but I was pretty sure that's exactly how I felt about Edward. I didn't want to even look at him, but I couldn't bear to leave without seeing him one last time. As if on cue, I heard the door to the hotel room click open. The shift in the air and the way my body betrayed me and responded to his presence let me know that he was here. I braced myself, unable to make the first move.

Taking another drag off my cigarette, I leaned over the rail of the balcony. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Edward's silhouette walk towards me and lean against the doorway. He stayed silent, watching me, until finally he was the first to speak.

"Bella, baby, what's wrong?"

His voice sent electricity through my body. It wasn't supposed to be like this – I couldn't be so turned on by him, so in love with him. Not anymore. I glanced at him briefly, raking my eyes up his body. His hands were in his jean pockets. His black t-shirt hugged every muscle in his arms and chest. His head was cocked to the side against the doorframe and his hair was sticking out in every direction. His eyes were filled with concern and staring at me intently.

_God, he's so beautiful._ I tore my eyes away from him and focused on the city lights below, silently admonishing myself for still having those thoughts about him. _A beautiful liar._

I finally willed myself to speak. "I'm leaving," I whispered, refusing to look directly at him again.

I continued to watch him out of the corner of my eye. He turned from the balcony doorway and looked around the room. I knew my lack of bags in the room was beginning to register with him.

"What the fuck is James making you do?"

I shook my head. If he only knew that I had begged James to do this for me. He assumed that James was the bad guy in this situation. _Edward had no clue that __he__ was the bad guy. _With that thought, I finally willed myself to face him; it was time to say what I needed to say and move on.

"I know what you did," I whispered.

I saw him hesitate and then shift his weight. "What are you talking about, Bella?"

I angrily threw my cigarette over the balcony and glared at him. I couldn't put up with anymore of his bullshit.

"I'm talking about Tanya," I hissed.

Edward's face paled; a brief moment of shock flashed across it before turning to anger. "Fucking Jacob Black said something to you, didn't he? He's trying to get to you, Bells! This is just his way of trying to break us up!"

I put my hand up to silence him. His constant lies were making me sick.

"_Tanya_ told me." He inhaled sharply; I stopped him before he could deny it again. "So help me God, Edward…you better tell me the truth. You've been lying to my face this entire time. I want to hear it from _you _– be a fucking man and tell me yourself."

Edward dropped his head in shame. He shifted back and forth and I could hear his labored breathing. He refused to look at me; I continued to glare, waiting for him to speak.

"I…um…I...fuck." He covered his face with his hand and let out a moan. "God, I'm so sorry, Isabella."

I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, but I wasn't going to let him get away that easily. "No," I croaked out. "I want to hear you say it. Tell me what you did. If you could fucking do that to me – then you can certainly stand here and tell me to my face."

Edward's face crumpled in pain but it only made me angrier. _He didn't get to be upset or hurt. He didn't get to cry. He did this to himself. He did this to me._

"I can't, Bella," he moaned. "I'm so sorry…so fucking sorry."

The tears flowed freely down my cheeks, dripping from my chin. _Oh, God, this hurt. _I wanted to stay strong; I wanted to remain angry. But as he kept blubbering his apology, I felt completely bare standing before him. I was broken and damaged and there was only one question that kept echoing through my head.

"Why?" I sobbed. "Was I not good enough? Did you grow tired of me? Were you playing some kind of game?"

"God…no, Bella. Never." He took a step forward and reached out to comfort me, but I slapped his hand back.

"Don't fucking touch me!" He flinched away, taking a few steps back, and kept his eyes on the ground. "You _lied_ to me! For months you've been lying to me! Did you think I was an idiot? That you could just get away with it, and I'd never find out?"

"You have to believe me, Bella, I wanted to tell you so many times. I never meant for any of it to happen. I fucking hate myself for what I did to you…to us."

_Yeah, well I hate you too._

"I don't even know what happened, Bella! I was angry at you for not coming to my party…and I shouldn't have been. I was being a fucking asshole. I don't remember anything. I didn't do it on purpose; I was drunk out of my mind!"

I snorted at his bullshit excuse. "I've been drunk off my ass plenty of times, Edward. And I can guarantee you that I have _never_ _even thought_ about fucking another guy."

"Bella, I swear to you, I've never wanted anyone but you," he pleaded. He paced back and forth in the doorway, frantically pulling at his hair. I watched him in disgust. I wasn't sure why I was still even there. There was nothing Edward could say to ever make me feel the same about him again.

"How the hell am I supposed to believe anything that comes out of your mouth when you've been lying to me all this time?"

Edward stopped pacing and looked me straight in the eye. "I was on drugs that night," he told me, finally being honest.

"How long have you been using?" I gulped and prepared myself for his answer.

"It was just a onetime thing…"

I shoved past him and went back into the hotel room. He followed me, dumbly, and watched as I knelt and tore through his suitcase. When I finally found the brown parcel I had been searching for, I stood up and flung it at him.

"Stop lying to me!" I screeched. The package bounced off his chest, and he stared at it as it thudded to the floor by his feet.

"Bella…"

"How long have you been using?" I repeated.

His eyes were filled with a mixture of sadness and pain. He looked at me, silently begging for my forgiveness. "Since my birthday," he finally admitted.

A strangled cry escaped my lips. I turned my back to him, unable to even look at him anymore. He made me sick.

"You are so fucking stupid," I said quietly, more to myself than to him. "You have it all. You have the world at your fingertips. Fans that adore you. A family that loves and supports you. Does that mean anything to you?

"You had all of my love, admiration, and respect. And it wasn't enough for you. You had to ruin it, didn't you?"

Edward dropped down to his knees and buried his face in his hands. "Please, Bella…please. I don't deserve you."

I turned back around and looked down at him, wiping away the tears that were still flowing. He looked so weak…so broken…so lost. He was nothing like the strong, confident man that I had been so utterly in love with. _He was just a shell._

"You're right," I whispered sadly. "You don't deserve me. And I deserve much better than you."

I crouched down and pulled his hands away from his face so that he was looking straight at me. His eyes were filled with tears that threatened to spill over any minute. My heart was breaking all over again.

"I want you to listen to me carefully, Edward. I want you to hear everything I say and don't forget it. I have never loved anyone as deeply as I've loved you – and the sad part is, I probably never will." My voice broke but I continued to push on. "You were my world. I would have gone to the ends of the earth for you because I trusted that you would never let me fall. But _you_ fell, Edward…and you've pulled me down with you. You've destroyed _us_, Edward. I won't sit back and watch you continue to destroy yourself."

I reached out and stroked my hand against his face, touching him one last time.

"You need help, Edward. I hope that you get it. I hope you're able to find yourself again. But no matter what…I _never_ want to see you again."

I pulled my hand away from him and stood back up. _Just a few more steps, Isabella, you can do it. It's almost over._ But I knew it would never be over. I would never stop hurting from him. As soon as I walked out that door, what little pieces of my heart that were still together would be shattered.

Edward cried out and lunged at me, holding on to my legs. He was weeping openly now, sobbing against my shoes. I felt sick watching him; I had never seen him cry.

"Please, baby…God, please, Isabella. I love you! I love you so much. I promise I'll make this better. I'll fix it. I'll do whatever you want. Just please don't leave me! I can't be without you, Bella. Please…I love you…I don't want to lose you."

"You already have," I told him tearfully.

I stifled another sob with my hand and wrenched my legs out of Edward's grasp. I didn't bother to look at him one last time; there was nothing worth looking back on. With my last ounce of courage, I reached for the door and walked out on the man who had once held all my love, hopes, and dreams. The thud of the closing door echoed the pounding of my shattered heart, as the door slammed shut on the person who was no longer my future. My future consisted of walking down the hallway alone. Just taking one step in front of the other was the only thing in my future I could think about.

I promised myself that it would all be ok. That one day it wouldn't hurt this bad. I was lying to myself. _I must have learned that from Edward._

**

* * *

A/N: **Phew! *lets out the breath I was holding while writing this whole thing*

I'm just reminding you again, that I do plan for these two to find their ways back to one another. But I also want to be very clear – it took 20 chapters as we watched their relationship disintegrate. This isn't going to be a quick fix. Quite frankly, there's only one way I can see this working out where Bella would actually be able to eventually forgive him.

So thank you for putting on your seatbelts and holding onto those seat cushions, as we plummeted our way to the bottom. But now I need you to put on your climbing gear, because it's a long way back to the top.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21:**

**A/N: **Hello friends! I apologize for having such a delay in my updates! The story has taken a back seat to some exciting stuff that is happening in RL right now. MrShortHand and I just bought our first house! Most of my free time has been spent negotiating, signing tons of paperwork, and starting to pack. Our settlement isn't until April, though, so now it's just a waiting game.

I'm hoping to crank out a few more chapters before life becomes a whirlwind again, when we actually move at the end of April. But please bear with me if updates are sometimes sporadic.

Anywho – let's get straight to it! Thank you to my awesome beta, **Coleen561**, she nominated me for the Inspired Fanfic Awards. I'm not sure if I made it past the nomination round, but if I do – please vote for me

_

* * *

Please  
Take this  
And run far away,  
Far as you can see.  
_

_I am  
Tainted.  
And happiness and peace of mind  
Were never meant for me  
_

_All these  
Pieces.  
And promises and left behinds,  
If only I could see  
_

_In my  
Nothing  
You were everything  
Everything to me_

_-Nine Inch Nails_

**Edward's POV**

_Day 1_

"_Hey, it's Isabella, I can't answer my phone but leave a message!"_

"Bella, baby, please call me back. I'm so sorry. So fucking sorry. I hate myself for what I did to you. Please…I just need to talk to you."

_Day 2_

"_Hey, it's Isabella…"_

"Bella…please. I need to know you're ok. I just….I need you. Please give me a chance to explain."

_Day 3_

"…_leave a message!"_

"I miss you. God damn, I miss you so much. I miss your smell and your smile. I miss your voice. Please come back to me."

_Day 4_

_*Beep*_

"I'm so lost, Bella….so fucking lost. Please forgive me."

_Day 5_

"_The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected."_

I threw the phone across the room and buried my head in my hands. She had changed her number. She never wanted to speak to me again. She didn't want me anymore. And I deserved all of it.

I had called her every day, hoping to just hear her voice. I had no clue how to make any of this right, but I swore that if she would just give me a chance and pick up the phone, I'd do anything to get her back. But she wouldn't give me that chance. By Bella disconnecting her phone, she sent me a message loud and clear: _I never want to speak to you again…I'm moving on without you._

I absentmindedly rubbed at the ache in my chest and threw my head back; the dull thud of my head hitting the wall was the only sound in my hotel room. Just as I had done every night since Bella walked out on me, I would come back to my room after performing and curl up in a ball on the floor. I didn't want to believe any of it was true. I kept convincing myself that if I stayed in the same position she left me in, I'd eventually wake up to find it was all a dream – or some horrible, crazy, drug-induced trip that would set me back on the straight and narrow. But instead, the only dream I had was constantly reliving the night that she left me over and over again.

_(5 days earlier)_

_Having Bella back on tour with me was supposed to change everything. She was my safe haven. The past few weeks without her had been hell for me. Without her, I was spinning around in circles; I didn't know which way was up. She was my compass: having her back by my side would give me the direction I needed._

_I promised myself I was done with the drinking and drugs once she returned. As she lay asleep in my arms, our first night back together, I swore I would do the right thing. But the next morning, when I got the text from Garrett, the urge to get high one last time was too overpowering. So I lied to Bella…again. And I convinced myself it would be the last time I ever lied to her…another lie._

_When I returned from the club that night, I was relieved that Bella was still working on her song. I didn't want her to see me in the state I was in. I woke up the next morning with a splitting headache and still hadn't caught up with Isabella, but I didn't think much of it. It wasn't until I arrived at the venue that I felt a change in the atmosphere. Something felt off, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. People looked at me like they knew something that I didn't. I tried to shrug it off as paranoia from the drugs still in my system, but when I went to search for Bella and couldn't find her, I started getting more suspicious._

_I went to my dressing room to get ready for the show. By the time I had changed and downed a few Ibuprofens, Isabella was already on stage, singing. I walked to the side of the stage and was surprised to see so many people watching her perform. Sure, this was her second performance since the accident, but it was the same performance she gave every night on tour – yet Rose, Alice, even Emmett and Jasper, all stood staring at her. _

_I was about to ask them what was going on when Isabella began playing the song she had just finished writing for the movie. I was so caught up in her haunting tune that all my focus went to her on stage. The song was beautiful. It was heart breaking, and she put so much emotion into her lyrics and voice that I could have sworn she was crying as she sang it. She was so fucking talented…so unbelievably amazing as she sang. My heart swelled watching her._

_I didn't have time to find her after she was lowered below the stage to tell her how I felt about the song. The guys and I were immediately rushed out onto stage to do a quick guitar check and get ready for our opening number. By the time we were done with the concert, the worries and suspicions I had felt before the show had started to disappear. _

_I had gone back to my dressing room to shower and get changed before venturing out for the night. I had just pulled a clean t-shirt over my head when there was a knock on the door; Emmett walked in without waiting for an answer._

"_Are you ok?" he asked me._

_I looked at him quizzically. "Yeah, man. Why wouldn't I be?"_

_He just shook his head, not responding. I shrugged at his lack of conversation and pulled on my Chucks._

"_So, what are the plans for tonight?" I asked him._

"_You should go back to the hotel, man."_

"_Nah, I'm too wired up. Let's round up the group and plan an after party."_

_Emmett looked at me sadly and slapped his hand on the back of my shoulder. "Just go back to Isabella, bro."_

_Before I could ask him to explain, he turned around and walked out the door. His cryptic message left me feeling more annoyed than concerned. What the fuck did he mean by that? Where did he get off thinking he knew anything about my relationship with Bella?_

_When I got back to the hotel, I opened the door and found the room dark and empty. If it wasn't for Bella's silhouette backlit by the city lights out on the balcony, I wouldn't have even known she was there. I watched her as she leaned over the railing, taking a deep drag off the cigarette she was holding. Maybe Emmett had been right – something was clearly wrong. The fact that Emmett knew that before I did aggravated me. _

"_Bella, baby, what's wrong?"_

_And with that question my entire world began to crumble around me. She knew. She knew everything. All the lies I had been trying to hide from her; everything I had tangled myself up in as I tried to save our relationship. She found out everything…and it wasn't from me._

"_Tell me what you did. If you could fucking do that to me – then you can certainly stand here and tell me to my face," she spat at me through angry tears._

_But I couldn't. How could she ask me to say those words? If I spoke them out loud, it would finally become true. Saying "I cheated" would give the phrase so much meaning beyond those two simple words. There was no meaning or explanation for what happened – only regret._

"_I'm so sorry…so fucking sorry."_

_It was a pathetic attempt, but I had nothing else to offer. When I looked up at her tear streaked face, I could see the heart break in her eyes. I knew there was nothing I could ever do to make this right. All I could do was beg for her forgiveness and hope that she would have mercy on me. _

_I stepped forward to try and touch her…to comfort her, but she slapped my hand away. The act stung more than the physical contact. She didn't want me near her. I could feel myself beginning to drown. I desperately needed Bella to hold onto - to save me. But as I watched her gasping for air, I realized that I had already thrown her overboard, and she was sinking right in front of me._

_I did the only thing I could think of and began rambling off excuse after excuse. I had to make Bella see that I didn't mean any of it. It was one stupid fucking mistake. It meant nothing. Bella was my everything. I just needed her to give me a chance._

_But Bella made it clear that I was out of chances. She refused to believe anything I told her. After all, I had told her so many lies – how could she know what was the truth? I paced back and forth on the balcony, frantically trying to figure a way to dig myself out of the hole that was getting deeper and deeper. I finally stopped and looked her straight in the eyes. So much of my fucking dirty laundry had just been tossed out in front of us; it was time to finally come clean with it all._

"_I was on drugs that night."_

_I was expecting Bella's initial reaction to be shock or anger. Instead she gave a resigned sigh; her face filled with sadness as though she had already accepted this fact._

"_How long have you been using?"_

"_It was just a onetime thing." The lie rushed out before I could even think about what I had said._

_Clearly, this was not the answer that Bella was expecting. She pushed past me with such force that I stumbled back a few steps. I watched helplessly as she stormed over to my suitcase and began throwing its contents to the side. I had a sinking suspicion I knew what she was looking for…but I had no clue how she knew._

_When she stood up, she violently flung the brown package, which we both knew was filled with coke, at me. It bounced off my chest and hit the floor with a dull thud. I stared at it with contempt. It was like all the lies I had been feeding to Isabella were nicely packaged up in that brown parcel and laying there in front of both of us. I felt sick._

"_How long have you been using?" Bella repeated._

_There was nothing more I could say. I bowed my head in defeat. "Since my birthday."_

_Bella let out a strangled sob and turned away, disgusted to even look at me._

"_You are so fucking stupid," she told me._

_I knew I was._

_The realization that she was already slipping through my grasp caused me to fall to my knees. She was leaving me. I could hear it in her voice; see it in her face; and, deep down, I knew it would end like this. It was an insecurity I struggled with since the morning I woke up next to Tanya – one day Bella would learn the truth and realize that she deserved better than me. _

_I didn't even realize I had said all my fears out loud until she tearfully agreed with me. "You're right. You don't deserve me."_

_She crouched down and touched my cheek, telling me how much she loved me. I could hear the finality in her voice and knew this was the last time I would ever hear her say those words to me. When she stood up and turned her back to me, I knew she was seconds away from walking out the door and out of my life._

_Still on my knees, I cried out and grabbed at her ankles, physically trying to keep her by my side. I could feel my face wet with tears, and I choked back on the sobs that were convulsing through my chest. Any other time, I would have been ashamed at my display of emotions. Edward Cullen didn't cry. Edward Cullen didn't beg. But in that moment, I didn't care about anything but Bella. _

_I wept and blubbered out apologies at her feet. I spewed out empty promises to fix everything and make it better…even though I had no clue how anything could ever be better after this. I desperately begged her not to leave me._

"_Please…I love you…I don't want to lose you."_

"_You already have." _

_She yanked her legs out of my grasp and walked out the door; she didn't bother to look back. The door snapped shut with a click. I lay on the floor, motionless, while my brain tried to catch up with everything that had just happened. _

_Bella was gone._

_She left me._

_She broke up with me._

_My sobs grew louder with each minute that passed, and she didn't return. My cries echoed around the empty room._

_Empty._

"_BELLA!" I clutched my chest; my heart felt like it was going to explode. _

_My world felt like it was spinning into darkness. What should I do? How could I get her back? How could I go on without her? I crawled my way over to the wall closest to the door and curled up in a ball, praying that she would return…_

…_I wasn't sure how much time had passed. My knees were pulled up against my chest and my head was in my arms when I heard the door click open and then shut again._

"_Bella?" I asked wearily. I tried to lift my head and look up, but my eyes were heavy and swollen from the amount I had been crying. "Bella…I'm so sorry."_

"_Oh God, Edward!" I heard a gasp. _

_A figured dropped down beside me and it took me a minute to adjust my focus and realize that Rosalie was on her knees next to me. I glanced up and saw my brother standing by the door, looking at me sorrowfully. Rosalie wrapped her arms around me and started to cry. I listened to her weep in stunned silence. Why was she crying? It couldn't have been for Bella – she barely even liked her. And it certainly wasn't for me…if anything she should have been mocking me: the Great Edward Cullen had fallen from grace. _

"_Edward, I'm so sorry," she cried, still hugging me tightly._

_I shook my head, unable to comprehend this side of Rose. I dropped my head back down on my knees. "Go away," I mumbled into my arms._

_I heard Rosalie sniffle and felt her pull away from me. "Edward…please talk to us."_

_I stayed silent. What was there to say? Why did she even care? _

"_You can't be alone, Edward. You're going to drink away your pain and that's not going to help anyone. Isabella wouldn't want you to be like this…"_

_Hearing Bella's name caused me to snap and lash out. "The only thing that Isabella __wants__ is to be as far away from me as possible! __Isabella__ was the one who left me like this! Now GO AWAY!"_

_Rose took a step back and wiped at her tears. Emmett cleared his voice and rested his hand on Rosalie's shoulder. "Give me some time alone with him."_

_She nodded and paused before opening the door. "Edward…" _

_I stared into emptiness, not wanting to acknowledge her. She sighed and walked out. Emmett stood by the door, continuing to observe me. Neither of us spoke. After what felt like fucking forever, he finally walked over and slid down the wall, sitting next to me._

"_She left," I rasped out after an uncomfortable amount of silence._

"_I know."_

"_She hates me."_

_Emmett turned his head to look at me. The sadness I saw in his eyes mirrored my own. "Me too."_

_I choked back a sob and buried my head back in my arms, embarrassed that I was now crying in front of my older brother. I felt Emmett's arm wrap around my shoulders. and my body shook violently as I tried to control my tears._

"_It wasn't supposed to be like this, man," I wept. "She wasn't supposed to leave me."_

"_She'll come back…just give her some time."_

"_No, she won't," I said dejectedly. "I've told too many lies."_

_Emmett pulled his arm away from me and scrubbed his hands over his face. "It's my fault. I told you to lie. I tried telling Iz…but she just slapped me in the face."_

_For all the times I had thrown Emmett's words back in his face, I now felt guilty that he had been dragged down into this mess that I had made. While he gave shitty advice, it was my own fault for listening to him. It was my fault for cheating on Bella. It was my fault for doing the coke. Emmett said not to tell Bella because he was looking out for her. I chose to continue lying to her because I was looking out for myself._

"_It's not your fault, Em. None of this is."_

_We sat in silence; both of us staring at the wall, lost in our own thoughts. Neither of us knew what to say to each other, but I could tell Emmett was worried to leave me alone. When I couldn't take the stillness anymore, I stood up and walked over to the bar. The package of coke was still out in the middle of the floor. I walked past it; glaring at it as if it had betrayed me.._

"_What are you doing?" Emmett angrily asked when he saw me unscrew the bottle of whiskey._

"_Forgetting." I poured the contents of the bottle into a glass and swirled it around._

_Emmett stood up and marched over, standing next to me. "__Nothing__ is going to make you forget! You really want to lock yourself up in this room and drown away your sorrows, trying to __forget__ Isabella? You should be figuring out everything you need to do to get her back!"_

_I slammed the glass down on the counter. "She's not coming back, Emmett!" I roared. "There is nothing I can do to get her to come back because I don't deserve her! I've fucked up too many times. She's not going to forgive me!"_

_Emmett looked at me disgustedly. "So you're just gonna keep on fucking things up?"_

"_And what do __you__ think I should do? Please tell me, Em, because, so far, your advice has been SO helpful!"_

"_The love of your life just walked out the door a few hours ago, and you've already given up on her? You're right…you don't deserve Isabella."_

_I glared at him murderously. How dare he say that to me! I didn't just __let__ Isabella walk out the door. I crawled on my hands and knees and clung to her, begging her to stay. He didn't know shit! We both knew that if he wasn't my brother I would have already punched him by now._

"_Isabella left you because you cheated, lied, and are using," Emmett continued. "You don't want to lose her? Clean the fuck up, man! Remind her that you're still the same guy she fell in love with. You have to prove yourself to her and prove that you've changed."_

_I looked down at the liquor dejectedly. "She deserves to be happy," I whispered. "I can't make her happy."_

"_Not now you can't! But I guarantee that you've made her very happy over the past year. Clean it up, Edward! You think she's happy right now? __You__ make her happy."_

_I shook my head and raised the glass up to my lips, anticipating the burning sensation that was about to go down my throat._

"_And what about you, Edward?" Emmett countered, causing me to pause before taking a drink. "Don't you deserve to be happy?"_

_I stared at the whiskey in the glass, pondering Emmett's question. _

"_Not anymore." I threw the liquor down the back of my throat and immediately poured myself another drink._

_Emmett glowered at me. I knew he was disgusted by my behavior, but I didn't give a fuck. Isabella was gone…no amount of his "logic" was going to bring her back. Emmett walked over to the door and opened it, preparing to leave._

"_You know, you're my little brother, Edward; I'm always going to look out for you. But at some point you're going to have to start looking out for yourself."_

_He slammed the door behind him, leaving me alone and staring at where he just exited. The same door Bella had walked out of just a few hours earlier. I wondered what she was doing right now, where she was. I closed my eyes and pictured her face as she crouched in front of me, seconds before she left. It was full of pain and heartbreak…it would always be the last memory I had of her. _

_Emmett made it sound so easy – stop drinking, stop the drugs, get her back. He didn't see the finality in her eyes. He didn't know how badly I had broken her. This would be my penance for my sins – to live the rest of my life with regret. Isabella would eventually move on and find someone that would make her happy…make her forget. _

_I imagined as the years passed, my Bella smiling with another man…kissing another man…starting a new life together…walking down an aisle in a beautiful white dress to a man that wasn't me…running after little kids in a backyard. I squeezed my eyes shut; the images in my head caused me to double over in pain. I had never imagined my future without Isabella. But up until now I had never really pictured what our future __could__ have been. We were young and stupid and in love. I hadn't thought about marriage or kids. I hadn't even realized I wanted all of those things with Isabella. Now that I had finally figured it out…it was too late._

_I raised the second glass of alcohol to my lips and paused, thinking back to both Bella and Emmett's words about me needing to get help. I angrily threw the glass across the room and watched it shatter across the wall. _

_How weak and pathetic I must have looked to both of them! _

_I didn't need their pity._

_I didn't need anyone's help._

_

* * *

Day 6_

I left the hotel room in a drunken haze and pulled my sunglasses down over my face to cover my bloodshot eyes. After violently throwing my alcohol across the room the night Isabella left, I really had tried to start turning my life around. Sure, I still drank myself into a stupor every night, but I hadn't touched the cocaine in five days. Remembering the look of disgust on her face when she told me how I was so stupid, was enough to make me stop cold turkey. That all changed last night when she disconnected her phone.

After reliving the nightmare over and over again in the dark room, I gave in to my inner demons. "_Why are you trying to change for her?" _they whispered to me. "_She doesn't want you anymore." _So I stumbled over to my suitcase to where the brown parcel lay unopened, and finally let myself forget her. Alcohol couldn't erase the memories – but I knew the cocaine would wipe her from my mind for at least a few hours.

The only problem was when morning came…her face was still the first thought to pop into my head. As much as I tried to forget her, nothing could erase the pain. And even though my head was throbbing, it was nothing compared to how much my heart continued to hurt.

I made my way down to the hotel lobby and was immediately swarmed with dozens of paparazzi and reporters in my face, asking about Isabella. The crowd continued to grow each day that she was gone and each day that I remained silent. Rosalie had already come up with a generic statement about Isabella's departure. As far as I knew, Isabella's publicist only blamed it on her needing more time to recover. Even though nothing else had been implied by either team, it seemed that everyone knew Isabella and I had broken up.

I remained silent to the media. They didn't need to know shit about our relationship. I kept waiting for the day when Bella would finally open up and tell-all about my problems and why she broke up with me. She had the perfect opportunity to drag my name through the mud; she would come out on top of this whole mess. Yet, so far, no one had seen or heard from her in the past five days.

I pushed my way through the throng of cameramen, trying to make my way to the car service waiting outside.

"_Edward! What can you tell us about Isabella Swan's sudden departure?"_

"_Is it true you two broke up?"_

"_Do you have anything to say to Isabella while she's recovering?"_

"_What was the real reason for her leaving?"_

I kept my head down and ignored all their questions. When I reached the handle to the car door, a hand clamped down on my shoulder. I spun around, ready to pounce. A tall, brown-haired woman stood in front of me, smiling brightly.

"Edward Cullen, I'm Laura Saltman, a correspondent with Access Hollywood."

"I don't care."

"Edward, you have to understand everyone's interest. The two of you were Hollywood's 'It' couple! Isabella came back on tour for two days, was supposedly even strong enough to make her newest music video…but then suddenly leaves the tour, saying she's not fully recovered? It just doesn't make sense."

"That's not my problem," I said, dryly. I tried to turn back around to the car, but she stepped in front of me.

"Do you miss her?"

I tried to mask the sudden pain I felt ripping through me from her stupid question, but Laura must have seen how her question caught me off guard and she pounced.

"I'm getting some reports that there was another man– that you kicked her off your tour?"

I snorted at the ridiculousness of her "reports." We both knew she made that up on the spot to try and read my reaction. I turned back around and opened the car door.

"Nice try, sugar."

"So why _did_ you kick her off the tour then?"

I shook my head, annoyed that she wasn't getting the hint. Bella just needed to speak out and tell everyone the truth – then everyone would know what a fucking asshole I was and leave me the fuck alone. I was tired of this shit.

"You want to know what really happened? Why don't you go and ask Isabella yourself? She's the one who _left me_." I jumped into the car, not giving Laura a chance to respond, and slammed the door in her face.

I sat in the car and contemplated why Bella's camp was being so silent these past few days. Surely, James would have jumped at the opportunity to play Isabella as the victim. I wondered if she was getting bombarded with reporters the same way I was. I wondered where she was and how she was feeling. Each day I checked the gossip sites, waiting to hear her side of the story. While I knew it would bring a shit storm on me, I was disappointed each day there was no news. I just wanted to _hear_ her voice. I just needed to know that she was ok – even if she was angry as hell at me.

The car dropped me off at the venue, and I began to make my way down the hall. I knew I was the last one to arrive, but I didn't care. Ever since the night Bella walked out, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie had steered clear of me – only speaking to me on a need to know basis. I made the mistake, one night, of trying to ask Alice if she had heard anything from Bella. Alice sternly put me in my place, informing me that we could talk about shoes, makeup, and fashion – but Isabella Swan was off limits.

As I rounded the corner, I walked straight into the last reporter I wanted to see. The fucker had avoided me the past six days, which only solidified my suspicions that Jacob Black somehow played a role in Bella finding out the truth. If he was smart, he would have continued hiding out. I was already in a foul mood, as it was, and Jacob was about to get the brunt of my anger.

Jacob saw the fury in my eyes and instinctively stepped to the side, putting a bit of distance between us.

"Edward…"

I didn't let him get another word out. I lunged towards him, catching him off guard, and threw my right fist into his jaw. He stumbled backwards and held onto the side of his face; his eyes were wide with a mixture of surprise and fear.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" he shouted.

I continued to stalk towards him while he stumbled backwards down the hall. "'What the fuck' is right, Black," I growled at him. "What the fuck did you say to Isabella?"

Jacob didn't get a chance to respond. Out of nowhere it seemed everyone had quickly crowded into the hallway and this increased the distance between the two of us. Emmett held back Jacob, while Jasper stood in front of me. I summed up the situation and figured I could easily take Jasper…getting past Emmett to Jacob would be the tricky part.

Rosalie marched down the hallway, looking livid as hell. "What the fuck are you doing, Edward?"

I ignored her and kept my eyes on Jacob. "Answer my question, Black!"

"I didn't tell her shit! She knew everything – and what she didn't know, you showed her yourself."

I took another step towards him but Jasper put a hand on my chest and pushed back, hard. I was surprised; Jasper was much stronger than I had expected. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Isabella came to me that night, frantic and begging me to take her to 40 Deuces." I inhaled sharply, and Jacob smirked as I remembered how that night's events had played out. "She saw everything."

"And I'm sure you were more than willing to help her find me in a compromising position, weren't you?" I lunged for him again, breaking free from Jasper. Before I could even try to make my way around Emmett, Rosalie stepped in front, blocked my way, and shoved me backwards.

"Are you out of your mind, Edward? You just attacked a reporter! He could sue you! Get the fuck back to your dressing room!"

"I'm not leaving 'til this fucker gives me answers!"

Jacob laughed and rubbed at his jaw. "I've told you everything. I had no clue you were even at the club until I saw you with my own eyes. I have no idea how Isabella knew you were there. That's something you'd have to ask her…oh, wait, that's right – she's not here anymore."

"You fucking piece of shit!" I struggled as Jasper wrapped his arms around my chest from behind and pulled me backwards.

"Get him out of here!" Rosalie yelled at Jasper. Emmett left Jacob standing by himself and walked over to me, roughly grabbing my shoulder.

"Calm the fuck down, Edward! He's not somebody you need to fight."

I took a few deep breaths and shrugged myself free from Jasper's grasp, continuing to watch Jacob from a further distance.

"I apologize for Edward's behavior," Rosalie said to him. "Let's get you checked out by our medical staff. I'm hoping we can come to some sort of agreement so that this incident stays out of the press and court room?"

Rosalie extended her arm ahead of her, silently ushering him to walk with her and remove himself from the situation. Jacob snorted and shook his head.

"Whatever, I'm not pressing charges." I glared at him as he started to walk past me. Jacob caught my eye and sneered. "Having Isabella realize that her boyfriend is a lying sack of shit was worth getting punched in the face."

"I'll fucking ruin you, Black! You hear me?" I yelled. "You're fucking fired! I'll call up _Rolling Stone_ myself and tell them you've been sabotaging my relationship. Hell, for all I know you've been sleeping with Bella this entire time!"

Jacob stopped a few feet ahead, his back facing me. Emmett's hand dropped from my shoulder as soon as those ridiculous accusations left my mouth. Jasper frowned, and Rosalie turned to look at me, horrified.

I didn't believe a word of what I had just said. As much as I was sure Jacob would have loved for it to be true, I knew Bella would never do that to me…not like I had done to her. But it had already been established over the past few nights that without Bella, I wasn't much of a man – and I had no problem hitting below the belt.

Jacob chuckled to himself, and I watched the back of his head slowly move from side to side. "You know what? Fuck it. If I'm going to get fired, it may as well be for something I actually did. At least then it'd be worth it."

He took a step forward, and I thought he was going to walk away before he quickly turned around to face me.

"This is for Isabella, you selfish son-of-a-bitch!"

The last thing I remember seeing was Jacob's fist coming straight towards my face.

**

* * *

Last note:** I know the end of this chapter may leave some people hyperventilating, thinking I'm going to turn this into a JxB fic. Please don't write me and threaten to stop reading it if that happens. I've said it before and I'll say it again – this is all ExB.

**Follow me on Twitter: (at) MrsShortHand**

**You can also join in the discussion threat about my story on Twilighted:**

**http:/ twilighted. net/ forum/ viewtopic. php?f=44&t=14587 **(take out the spaces)


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22:**

**A/N: **First off, let me say that I am so honored and thankful for all the reviews I received from the last chapter. It seems I have some new friends that have joined me on this journey – so hello to all my new readers! I hope you continue to enjoy the story – and please keep those reviews coming

**Coleen561 **is my beta – and she rocks!

_

* * *

If anyone asks_

_I'll tell them we just grew apart._

_Yeah, what do I care_

_If they believe me or not._

_Whenever I feel_

_Your memory is breaking my heart_

_I'll pretend I'm okay with it all_

_Act like there's nothing wrong._

_Is it over yet?_

_Can I open my eyes?_

_Is this as hard as it gets?_

_Is this what it feels like to really cry?_

_Kelly Clarkson_

**Bella's POV:**

I wiped the sweat from my forehead and opened up the last box that needed to be unpacked. I took a moment to survey my surroundings. The large loft condo was furnished in white décor, with a beautiful, white brick fireplace in the living room. The kitchen was modern with black marble and a center island that doubled as a bar. Down the hall were two bedrooms and two bathrooms. But the best, and most breathtaking, focal point to the condo was the view. One entire wall in the living room was paneled with floor-to-ceiling windows, overlooking all of lower-Manhattan. This was my new home.

Home.

It felt too empty to be a home – but it mirrored exactly how I felt.

_Empty. _

Charlie's house was my home. Edward's house was supposed to be my new home. This was an _escape._ An escape that I so desperately needed.

_

* * *

(Three weeks prior)_

After I left Edward, I had holed myself up in a hotel room for two days. Two days was all it took for the media to know that I left the tour, and we had broken up. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I couldn't bear to face the truth. It was on the second day that Charlie started calling me every hour on the hour, worried out of his mind. I tried to ignore his calls for as long as I could, but I also realized that he was probably only a few more missed phone calls away from hopping on a plane and searching every hotel in Los Angeles until he found me.

"_Charlie…" I began, when I finally picked up the phone. But I trailed off – what could I say?_

"_Isabella!" His voice sounded frantic and relieved all in the same breath. "Where are you? You had me worried sick!"_

"_I'm still in LA. I just needed some…space."_

"_Space is the last thing you need," he grumbled. "Come home."_

_I paused. I wanted nothing more than to leave Hollywood and go back to my childhood home where I could just imagine everything was simpler. But going back home also meant facing the shame and humiliation that Charlie had always been right about Edward. I had been so stupid to love him._

"_I can't talk about it, Charlie," I said, barely above a whisper._

"_So we won't talk," Charlie stated. "Come home. Give yourself some time. When you're ready…well, I'm here."_

I was on a plane to Seattle a few hours later. By the time I landed, it was already late at night. I told Charlie I would just get a car service to take me to Forks; he didn't need to wait up. But as I made my way through the terminal, I had to fight back the tears when I saw Charlie standing next to baggage claim, waiting for me.

I steeled myself, regaining control of my emotions, and walked over, giving him a tight smile. He shifted his weight awkwardly back and forth before finally pulling me into his arms, enveloping me in a hug. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his shoulder, while I tried with no avail to suppress the tears that were welling up in my eyes. _I needed to be strong_. But being in my dad's arms…for the first time since Edward ripped my heart out, I felt…_safe._

And then the phone calls started.

Truthfully, my phone hadn't _stopped_ ringing. Everyone wanted to know where I was, what I was doing, and what I was going to do next. I couldn't give them any answers. My life was a big fucking question mark; everything I knew to be true had been turned upside down. I had no fucking clue about anything anymore. Each time the phone would ring, I'd become paralyzed and stare at the blue flashing screen until it stopped.

Sony…

James…

Charlie…

Renee…

It was a constant barrage of calls.

_Edward…_

Every time he called, my stomach lurched. The first two days he called hourly; it was torture. I would sit, curled in a ball, and stare at the screen where his name appeared. A picture of the two of us popped up each time as his caller ID. Even his fucking song was my ringtone. It was a constant reminder of how my heart was aching…and how our relationship had been nothing more than a fucking lie.

I was waging a war with my self-control. I could feel my resistance getting weaker and weaker each time his voice rang out from my phone. I'd sit, holding the phone in my hand, and argue with myself whether to answer it or not. I was one button away from hearing his voice. But as much as I wished his voice would comfort me, I knew deep down that a phone call was not going to fix us. I had said everything I needed to say to him. And his actions spoke volumes on what he couldn't truthfully say to me. I couldn't break. _I needed to be strong. _

As soon as I returned home to Forks, I turned off my phone. If someone really needed to get in touch with me, they would know where to find me. Besides, I knew there was a strong likelihood that if Charlie saw Edward calling me, he'd answer the phone and give Edward a piece of his mind. There was a part of me that wanted that to happen. But the bigger part of me knew it was time to let go. So I shut off the phone…and, in turn, I shut myself off as well.

I stayed in my bedroom for hours, staring out the window into the empty woods. It was like I was comatose. Charlie would come up to my room periodically throughout the day, offering me food. I would nod and accept the meal, eating it silently while Charlie stood by the door watching me. I knew I was scaring him. Hell, he kept watch over me to make sure I was actually eating – _like I was a fucking mental patient._ But, as much as I wanted to fake it and tell Charlie I was ok…that he didn't need to worry – I couldn't. I felt like I _was_ going insane. That I was constantly teetering on the verge of a complete breakdown. I hated that I was causing Charlie to freak out. I hated that I couldn't pull myself together. I hated Edward and the fact that a guy could have this much power over me. I had made Edward Cullen my life…a privilege he didn't deserve. I desperately needed to regain control of myself and my sanity. _I needed to be strong._

On the fifth day, something inside me finally snapped. I sat on my window bench, staring aimlessly outside. I could hear Charlie banging around the kitchen and cursing to himself. I stayed frozen in my position until aromas began to waft upstairs and fill my nostrils. He was making chicken parmesan. _Goddamn, he knew that was my favorite._ My stomach rumbled in agreement, and I realized just how hungry I was. _He was probably ruining it too._ I groaned and wanted to go down there, put him out of his misery, and make it myself.

And that's when I realized I actually had an _urge_ to do something. For the first time in five days, I wanted to get my ass up off the chair. I held onto that urge with every fiber of my being, taking the initiative and actually standing up. I sniffed at myself and made a face of disgust. A new urge replaced the desire to cook – taking a shower. Isabella Swan, the same girl who was known as a sex symbol just a few weeks prior, was now a girl standing in her pajamas, greasy, and reeking of B.O. _I was gross._

After I had made my way out of the shower, I decided it was time to take the next baby step out of the deep, dark hole I had fallen into. I stared at my phone sitting on the dresser and turned it on.

_You have 30 messages._

I steadied myself and hit the voicemail button, preparing for the onslaught of reality I was about to face. I skipped past the first few frantic calls from Charlie and Sony. I was sure James had already dealt with them by now. The next message caused my heart to stop.

"_Bella, baby, please call me back. I'm so sorry…"_

I hit the delete button and continued.

The next message was from Alice. She wanted to know if I was alright and asked me to call. I made a mental note to get back to her; it wasn't fair that I had left her without saying goodbye.

I skipped past a few more messages.

"_Bella…please give me a chance to explain…"_

Delete.

The next message was from my publicist.

"_Bella, sweetie, I know you probably don't want to think about this right now – but I need you to make a statement. It doesn't have to be much…but everyone knows you and Edward broke up. Rosalie's already come up with a generic statement. I can say the same thing if you want, but you have to get back to me soon. If not, I'm going to defer to James."_

I didn't want to think about a statement. It wasn't anybody's business what happened between Edward and me. Right before I left the tour, I made it clear to James that I would not comment on what happened. I didn't want to think about it, and I didn't want to talk about it. James didn't seem too happy with me trying to call the shots, but he didn't fight me on it either. However, I knew if I didn't call my publicist back soon, James would take the first opportunity to turn my train wreck of a relationship into a fucking media circus.

The next message was from Renee, wanting to make sure the "vicious rumors" weren't true. She quickly got deleted.

"_I miss you. God damn, I miss you so much. I miss your smell and your smile. I miss your voice. Please come back to me."_

This time I listened to the whole message. His voice was so desolate. My heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach. I squeezed my eyes shut, fought back the tears that were rolling down my face, and with a shaking hand, deleted him again.

James came next.

"_Isabella, darling, I'm giving you two weeks to throw your little temper tantrum and get your shit sorted out. By then, I fully expect you to be ready to perform or do whatever else I need you to do to get your career started again. In the mean time, do me a favor and turn on your fucking phone. I expect to hear from you within a day."_

I listened to the time stamp; he called yesterday. I added him to my mental list of people I needed to call. He could stay at the bottom.

The last message arrived late last night.

"_I'm so lost, Bella….so fucking lost. Please forgive me."_

My blood boiled at his last message. How dare he continue to call me, begging for my forgiveness! Did he think a few tears and days of pleading would rectify the fact that he fucked another woman? Did he think there was any amount of words he could say that would make up for all the lies he told? He didn't get to call and tell me how much he missed me and how lost he was. _I was lost._ I was the one who was betrayed and had my heart ripped out of my chest. _He was the one who ripped it out._

I angrily threw the phone against the wall, not wanting to hear any more of his messages. I watched as it shattered into little pieces. _God damn, I needed to stop doing that! _That was the third phone I had destroyed in an angry rage. I desperately needed to buy a punching bag.

I made my way downstairs to the kitchen, holding the shards of my cell phone in my hand. Charlie was at the oven, grumbling, and trying to pull out the chicken.

"God damn chicken…shit!" He yelped, pulling his bare hand back from the pan and sucking his fingers.

"I think oven mitts may help."

He turned around, surprised to see me standing behind him. I wasn't sure if he was more surprised that I had actually made my way out of my room, or that I had showered…maybe both.

"There's a reason my freezer is full of boxed food," he muttered. He grabbed the oven mitts and pulled the chicken out of the oven, setting it in the center of the table. I grabbed a plate and sat down; Charlie joined me on the other side.

"Need a new phone?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at the broken pieces on the table.

"I need a new number."

He nodded, seeming to understand but not pushing it. I took a bite of the chicken; Charlie watched me, waiting for my reaction. I chewed…and chewed some more…and finally managed to swallow it. Charlie saw my grimace and frowned.

"It's a bit rubbery," I explained.

"Yeah, well it got you down here."

I watched as Charlie took a bite of the chicken and spit it out seconds later. We both moved on to the spaghetti; at least Charlie couldn't mess that up. We continued to eat in silence. The air was heavy between us, each not knowing what to say, but waiting for the other to start the conversation. When I couldn't take it anymore, I finally cleared my throat.

"Go ahead and say it, Charlie – you were right."

Charlie set down his fork and looked up at me, frowning. "I didn't want to be _right, _Isabella. I wanted you to be safe…and happy."

"I thought I was," I whispered, as tears filled my eyes. "I thought he loved me."

Charlie sighed and scrubbed his face. "Edward Cullen is a fool, Isabella. He just threw away the best thing in his life. If he doesn't realize it now, he will very soon. But he loved you, kiddo…in the best way that he knew how. A long time ago, I loved your mother. And I don't doubt that for many years she loved me. People change; they make bad choices. But you have to realize, Isabella, that you can't change someone. You can't love someone ferociously enough to turn them into the person you want them to be."

"So it was all a waste." I brushed at the tears sliding down my cheek.

Charlie shook his head. "Nothing's a waste. There's a lesson to be learned in any relationship – you'll figure it out eventually."

"And what was your lesson?"

Charlie picked up his fork and took another bite of his spaghetti. For a second, I thought he wasn't going to answer me. Then he swallowed and looked me directly in the eye. "Sometimes sacrifices need to be made for the people we love. I may not have been a great husband, but I'd like to think I made a pretty good father."

Charlie continued eating; I watched him through my blurred vision as the tears continued to fall.

"You're wrong, Charlie," I finally managed to say. He looked up at me curiously. "You make a great dad."

* * *

A few days later, I had finally settled into a somewhat productive routine around the house. I spent the majority of my day cooking, reading books, and playing the keyboard in my room. Charlie didn't say much to me and mostly kept out of my way. I think he was just happy that I was up and moving. I never turned on the TV or got on the Internet. I didn't want to know what was being said about me…or worse, Edward.

I had finally sucked it up, picked up the phone, and called Alice. Our conversation was short and uncomfortable. She wanted to know if I was ok. Of course, I lied and told her I was. But the subject of Edward lay heavy and unspoken between the two of us. She didn't offer any information on him, and I didn't ask. I didn't want to know. It made it hard to hold any kind of substantial conversation with her, since her life revolved around Edward, the band, and everything I had just run away from. So we talked briefly about superficial stuff until I made up an excuse to get off the phone. I promised I'd call her again soon…but truthfully, I wasn't sure if it was a promise I intended to keep.

After hanging up the phone, I went to the kitchen to bake all my frustrations out into a cake. I knew some women gained weight after breakups. While it was still a struggle for me to eat three solid meals a day…my father was probably gaining enough weight for the both of us, with the amount of pastries I was baking.

I had just started to mix together eggs and flour in a large bowl when the house phone began to ring. I waited for Charlie to answer it, but after a few rings, I sighed, wiped the flour off of my hands, and grabbed the phone off the wall.

"Hello?"

"Isabella Swan…I've been waiting for your phone call for a few days now. And what happens when I don't hear from you?" James's voice sneered at me on the other end. "I have to go searching you down because you fucking disconnected your phone and didn't bother to inform me!"

"I'm sorry…I forgot." I sighed.

"Really, Isabella? What has you so busy, holed up in your father's house, that you forgot about your fucking career?"

I opened my mouth to tell James exactly where to shove it, but another voice broke through on the line.

"Now, now, James – you're the one who told me she needed more time to recover." It took me a moment to realize that Aro was on the phone call as well. "Isabella, how are you feeling, dear? It's rather unfortunate we've had this setback in your career with your injury. I expect you'll be healed and ready to return in a week?"

"I'll be ready, Aro," I said through tight lips. I couldn't risk saying anything I'd regret with Aro on the line.

"Yes, well it's regrettable that you won't be able to return on tour with The Volturi. They were the best way to market you on a national level. Now we'll have to go back to the basics, with smaller venues and working your way back to the top. Of course, now that my biggest selling couple has called it quits, I'm not sure what type of reception you'd receive on tour either. Maybe it was a rather fortunate turn of events for you that your injury suddenly flared back up, hmm, Isabella?"

I didn't respond. I wasn't sure what James had said to Sony to get me off the tour. I knew Aro wasn't naïve, and his little innuendo proved he knew otherwise, whether he would openly say it or not.

"There's nothing fortunate about it," James snapped. "Isabella, you were quickly becoming the next big sensation. The less time spent in the spotlight, the more people will forget about you. You're going to have to prove yourself all over again – and the only attachment you have to Edward Cullen's name now is being known as his ex."

I winced at his words.

"It's already been too long since you've released a statement, Isabella," James continued. "You have to say something."

"I don't have to say anything! We already released a statement saying I was leaving the tour due to my injuries."

"Everyone knows you and Edward broke up. His camp has already confirmed it. It's time you told everyone why."

"It's nobody's business why we broke up!" I yelled. "What do you want me to say, James? That Edward cheated on me and has been doing drugs? How would that help?"

"Because people would sympathize with you! You'd be the victim in the relationship and not the villain. If you want to get your career back on track, this is the only way."

"I am _not _a victim!" I seethed. "And I will not stoop so low as to throw Edward under the bus just to further my career. It's not my responsibility to tell everyone what Edward does behind closed doors. If he wants to be the bigger man and say it, then it's up to him. If Edward continues down this path and destroys his career, then that's his fault. But I will not destroy it for him."

"Isabella's right," Aro chimed in. "I'm not going to have my highest-selling artist's name dragged through the mud in a bitter breakup. At the end of the day, Edward's revenue is ten-fold what Isabella is worth to our company…I'm not going to jeopardize his image for Isabella's sake."

I wanted to vomit and throw the phone at the wall for how Aro had just described my love life as a business deal. _Charlie would not be happy if we had to go out and buy a fourth phone._

"Edward's image is to be a badass; people _expect_ him to cheat on Isabella," James countered. _I didn't fucking expect him to cheat on me!_

"Nevertheless, Isabella's keeping her mouth shut on the breakup. You were worried about people forgetting her…she'll be all over magazines while people wonder what really happened. Once the truth comes out, she'll be yesterday's news."

James sounded like he was still trying to persuade Aro otherwise, but Aro quickly shut him down by talking over him.

"Isabella, you'll start back to work next week. We'll get you set-up on some radio concert tours and some other gigs. You can do photo shoots to help promote your image…but interviews are off limits until I say so."

I readily agreed, happy that I wouldn't have to discuss Edward. Even though James was silent on the other end, I could tell he was furious. I was inwardly gloating that I had, once again, foiled his schemes when it came to my career. After giving him my new contact information, James informed me, in a clipped voice, that he would be contacting me in a few days.

I hung up the phone; for the first time in the past few days, I felt a bit of relief. I wouldn't have to deal with the media throughout this whole ordeal. I could focus on my singing, and I'd make it through this. Things would turn out ok. _I'd turn out ok._

I had just started to mix together the ingredients for the cake again, when my new blackberry beeped. I scrolled to the top of my inbox to see I already had a message from James.

_Don't EVER undermine my advice in front of Aro again. How am I supposed to help save your career if you keep throwing it in the trash? All Aro cares about is The Volturi's stability. If it comes down to it, you will be collateral damage. You have completely fucked up your career by Aro putting a gag order on your interviews! Next time, shut up and do what I say! Or your contract with me will mean shit because I won't do a thing to help promote you and you'll __never__ make another album again._

* * *

The next day, I realized I had emptied Charlie's pantry with my nonstop baking. It was still early in the morning and all I wanted was a simple cup of coffee. After brewing a cup, I opened up the refrigerator to no milk. I rummaged through various bins, but found I was all out of sugar as well. I had two options – go to the local diner and buy a cup of coffee. Or go to the grocery store and buy enough food to give Charlie a functioning kitchen. Neither was ideal to me.

While I loved being a small-town girl and the fact that everyone knew me, it also meant I couldn't step foot in Forks without all the locals wanting to know the latest news on my singing career. It was sweet and flattering as they gushed to me that I was the only famous person to come from Forks. But I didn't want to deal with pleasantries today. I didn't want to answer questions about what I had been up to or why I was home. Isabella Swan was not anti-social; I certainly didn't want to offend anyone.

Eventually, I decided it was time to restock Charlie's pantry and would brave the good people of Forks town folk to get the proper cream and sugar I needed for my coffee. Even though it was early June and the weather was nice outside, I threw on a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt, and one of Charlie's Mariners caps. I hoped by covering myself up enough, people wouldn't notice me. Of course, that plan backfired almost immediately as I was the only girl walking around in a sweatshirt in early summer.

I made my way through the aisles, getting food as quickly as possible. Occasionally, I would catch a shopper's eyes. I would smile politely at them and look down, continuing on my way. I could tell a young group of high school girls recognized me almost immediately. They stood in a corner, pointing and scowling at me. I grabbed the first container of milk in the refrigerated case and walked past them, pretending not to notice. As I rounded the corner to make my way to the check-out line, I thought I had completed my mission unscathed, and I could make it home peacefully. But then I came face-to-face with Jessica Stanley at the check-out counter.

I took in a sharp breath and steeled myself for her inquisition. Jessica and I had graduated Forks High School together. She was always one of the more popular girls and never really gave me the time of day. However, it never failed that when I was back in Forks visiting, Jessica was the first one to want to grab drinks and "catch up on old times between good friends."

The last time I saw her was when Edward had come for a few days to visit me. We were eating breakfast in the diner together, and Jessica practically sat on his lap, gushing about how much she loved his music and telling him how we were childhood best friends. I tried not to roll my eyes while she jabbered on. After she left, Edward teased me incessantly about her throughout the remainder of our breakfast.

"Jessica, how are you doing?" I walked up to the register, giving a tight, fake smile.

Jessica frowned at me and started to ring up my groceries, not responding. I was caught off-guard by her sudden hostility towards me.

"What are you doing back in Forks?" she eventually asked, still not looking at me. "I thought you'd be partying all over Hollywood."

I was taken aback. "Um…no, I just needed some time at home to recuperate."

She nodded and continued scanning the items. "It must be exhausting sleeping your way to the top. Needed to rest before you go off and break the next guy's heart, huh?"

_Who was this bitch, and where did she get off saying this to me? _

"You're out of line," I growled; I was through being polite.

"No, you're out of line!" she spat back, pointing an acrylic, manicured nail at me. "You're a gold digging, talentless, fame whore – and everyone knows it."

I hastily swiped my credit card through the machine, wanting to get as far away from her as possible. "You have no clue what you're talking about."

Jessica grabbed a magazine off the stand and shoved it in my face. "Edward Cullen said it himself."

I gasped out loud and stared at the front of _Us Weekly. _A picture of Edward and me, staring at each other lovingly, was blown up to fit the entire cover. Over top of the picture, in large font, were the words, "How Isabella Swan Broke Edward Cullen's Heart." I grabbed the magazine out of Jessica's hand, continuing to stare at the picture that was now shaking in my hands.

_He couldn't have…_

_He wouldn't do that to me…_

And then the realization hit me that there were a lot of things I thought he _wouldn't_ do. I suppressed the sobs that were seconds away from escaping my chest. I wouldn't cry in front of Jessica Stanley. _I needed to be strong. _

"I…I…need to go," I said quickly. I turned around, with the magazine still in my hand, and rushed out of the store as fast as possible.

"Hey, you didn't pay for that!" Jessica yelled after me. I didn't care. I had just left over $200 worth of groceries at her register, which I had already paid for…I was pretty sure that we were more than even for a $3 magazine.

I was able to get all the way to my car before the tears spilled out. It took me two attempts to unlock the door; my hands were shaking so hard. As soon as I got inside, I laid my head on the steering wheel and bawled. _What was happening? Why was everything turned against me? Edward had betrayed me in so many ways…but there's no way he would hurt me like this…would he?_

I sat up and used the sleeve of my sweatshirt to wipe my wet face. I looked down at the magazine on the seat next to me and felt the bile rise up in my throat. With every ounce of strength I had left, I opened it up and began to read.

_Edward Betrayed! How Isabella Broke His Heart:_

_Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan had become Hollywood's "It" couple almost overnight. Their relationship had been hidden for almost a year, before the lead singer of The Volturi announced to the world that he was in love with the American Idol finalist. Isabella's sweet, girl-next-door image immediately had men falling in love with her. And fans watched in awe as Edward Cullen, a man notoriously known for his womanizing behavior, became enamored with Isabella. Edward and Isabella were in love. And the fans were in love with them._

_However, their relationship may not have been as blissful as it seemed. Sources have confirmed that the two have broken up, and Isabella has made a sudden departure as the opening act from The Volturi's world tour. Isabella's publicist came out with a statement the day after she left the tour, stating that her injuries were still not fully healed from the car crash both Edward and her were in last month. However, almost immediately following Isabella's departure, news started to leak from The Volturi camp that Edward and Isabella had, indeed, split. _

_Rosalie Hale, The Volturi's publicist and long-time girlfriend of Emmett Cullen, confirmed the split a few days later: "Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen have great love and respect for each other. Right now, Isabella needs to focus on her health and career; while Edward is continuing on with his world tour. Unfortunately, timing and scheduling have caused them to grow apart – but they will continue to remain good friends."_

_Fans of The Volturi and Isabella Swan immediately saw the inconsistencies in Hale's statement. How could timing and scheduling be a factor in their breakup if the two were currently on tour together when they broke up? If Isabella was focusing on her career – why would she suddenly depart from the biggest world tour of the year?_

_Isabella Swan's camp has not released any more statements regarding the breakup, and until recently, Edward Cullen had not spoken about the incident. However, in a recent interview, Edward Cullen finally opened up._

_Sources have claimed that Isabella was secretly seeing another man, and when Edward found out about it, he threw her off the tour. While Edward wouldn't confirm if Isabella cheated on him, he did deny throwing her off tour. Clearly heartbroken and missing her, it seems that he still has no clue how their relationship went south. "You'll have to ask her," he told US. "She's the one that left me."_

_Other sources from the tour inform US that the night of Isabella's departure, the couple could clearly be heard arguing in the hotel room. "It was horrible," one source, who stayed on the same floor as them, claimed. "You could hear them screaming and yelling. Eventually, she stormed out and you could hear him crying after her. I don't know what she did to him – but she left him broken."_

_While Isabella's mystery man has yet to be determined, other sources from her American Idol days are not surprised by her behavior. "She was always interested in how much money a guy had and what position they held in the industry," a former contestant said off-the-record. "I'm pretty positive she slept with Simon to get her record deal after the show was over."_

I threw the magazine away from me, disgusted to read any more. I physically felt sick and had to roll down the window to get some air. Everything that was printed about me was a lie. Horrible, vicious lies. Here I was, determined not to be seen as the victim, and instead, Edward so eloquently stepped into that role himself. I threw the car into drive and tore down the road, back to Charlie's house. I was through crying and feeling sorry for myself. _I needed to be strong_.

All I could feel now was pure anger. And hatred.

I hated Edward Cullen.

I hated his charming good looks. I hated his cocky personality. I hated every single lie that had come out of his mouth. I hated the way he had raised me up to feel like the most beautiful and loved person in the world…only to crush me and reduce me to the label of "gold digging, fame whore." And I hated how, even after all this, my heart still ached to be with him.

I'm not sure when my emotions shifted; somewhere between mile markers 17 and 20, my vision blurred, and I couldn't suppress the gut-wrenching sobs from escaping me. I had to pull over to the side of the road as I gasped for air. My whole body shook. Every single piece of my life felt like it was falling apart. I had no clue what to do. Everything was so uncertain.

As I continued to choke on my tears, there was only one thing I was absolutely certain of:

_Edward Cullen had ruined me._

* * *

After quickly being branded as the villain in the breakup, I realized I needed to get away. Staying in Forks, where everyone knew me and could judge me, wasn't an option. Besides, I knew the media would come flocking into this small town as soon as they found out where I was. Going back to Los Angeles wasn't an option either. I hated that town and every fake thing about it. It would be filled with paparazzi following me every step of the way. I couldn't take a vacation because I was expected to be back at work in a few days.

As I wracked my brain on what to do, my thoughts went back to a conversation I had with Charlie when I was on Letterman.

"_Oh my God, I love New York City! I'd kill to live here!"_

"_I don't know how you'd get anywhere around here," Charlie grumbled, still frustrated that he couldn't figure out the subway system._

_I rolled my eyes. "There's just so much energy and creativity! My God, I'd never run out of ideas for songs living here!"_

_Charlie eyes flashed, and I could tell he had an idea. "So why don't you move here after you're done promoting your album?"_

"_Nice try, Charlie. I already told you I'm moving in with Edward."_

I had nothing holding me back anymore. New York City seemed like the perfect place. Sure, celebrities lived there and it had its fair share of paparazzi – but nothing like Los Angeles. New York was crowded and busy and had a sense of anonymity. I desperately wanted to go somewhere where I could get lost in the crowd. I needed something new…something different…a way to escape.

Only hours after the grocery store incident with Jessica, I was already on the phone, making calls to move to New York as soon as possible. I could tell Charlie was heartbroken that I was leaving him in such a rush, but he didn't fight it.

James, on the other hand, was thrilled with the idea. His main office was in New York, and if I lived in the same city, he could keep much closer tabs on me. He immediately booked me a plane ticket for the next day and said I could stay in one of Sony's furnished condos for as long as I continued to work in the city.

"_What are we going to do about the articles, James?" I asked, upset that I was at his mercy for advice._

"_Nothing," he said matter-of-factly._

"_But they printed all lies! We have to make them issue a retraction or come up with our own statement."_

"_I wanted a statement from you a week ago, Swan," he growled into the phone. "You fought me every step of the way. I keep trying to save you from getting ass raped by the media, but you keep bending over for them."_

_I wanted to punch him for his disgusting analogies._

"_We can't do anything, Swan, because Aro made it clear that you can't do interviews – which you happily agreed to. So you'll have to keep your mouth shut while everyone else continues shitting on you."_

"_So that's it? There's nothing I can do?"_

"_There's plenty you can do. The first step is getting your ass on that plane tomorrow morning. You will then follow every direction I give you, no matter how much you may not like it, until you can pull yourself out of this hole you dug yourself in."_

* * *

So there I stood…in, what was now _my_ condo, in New York City, having to start back at square one. I had been living there for three days. Charlie had just shipped me the last few boxes of my belongings, which I was currently unpacking. And James had already set up a variety of meetings and photo shoots for me.

The first photo shoot I did happened the day prior, and it still left a bitter taste in my mouth. I hated the direction James was taking my career. He said the only way to be portrayed positively in the media was showing how much better off I was being single and sexy. James was determined to make me the new "It" girl – people would want to know what I was wearing, where I was going, and who I was last seen with. To me, it sounded like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian – an image I wanted nothing to do with. I just wanted people to focus on my music. But I was at a point in my career where I had to follow every one of James's orders…not just because of the contract, but because I had no clue what else to do after the backlash from the breakup.

_I stood in the doorway of the large penthouse James had rented out for the photo shoot. In the middle of the room was a beautiful, white grand piano. The photographer was getting set up, putting the final touches on the lighting. _

_I wrapped the robe around my body, tight. Underneath, I was wearing a pink and black corset with black lacey boy shorts. James had arranged for me to be the newest face for Candie's shoes. While I always thought the other celebrity photo shoots for Candies were sexy, I personally didn't feel comfortable posing in lingerie. Truthfully, I showed more skin in the bikinis I wore at the beach…but I still felt awkward and embarrassed. I glanced down at the pink pumps I was wearing. At least the shoes were cute._

"_I can't catch a break," I muttered to myself, annoyed that I, once again, had to prove myself._

"_You did catch a break…the biggest break of your career. But you threw it all away, walking off The Volturi's tour," James said, walking up from behind and standing next to me._

_I grimaced. As much as I hated James, his logic did make sense. I just hated that there was no negotiating with him. Sure, I had no doubt he could make me a star – but at what price? I refused to believe that the only way to fame was by compromising myself as an artist or my image. I watched what happened to Edward. I didn't want to end up like that._

"_So what do you think, Swan? Your face is going to be all over Billboards soon."_

"_More like my ass," I scoffed._

"_Even better."_

_Ew. Creep. I instinctively pulled my robe tighter._

"_Oh, don't tell me Isabella Swan's too shy to wear lingerie," James ridiculed. "You dated Cullen, I'm sure you've worn much less than that on a frequent basis."_

"_Go to hell," I sneered, taking a step away from him._

"_I'm sure you look exactly like the sexy, little minx I'm intending for you to portray," James said, taking another step towards me. "Come on, let me see what they put you in."_

_He reached his hand out to the lapel of my robe, but I slapped it away. "Don't you fucking touch me!"_

_Just then, the photographer glanced up and signaled that he was ready. I sighed, dropped my robe, and walked over to the piano. I hopped onto the top of it and sprawled out on my stomach, with my knees bent and my shoes high in the air. I focused on the directions the photographer was giving me, but every once in awhile I'd glance over at James; he was leering at me._

_God, I hated him._

I scowled, thinking back to James's crude choice of words and actions at the photo shoot. I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to deal with him over the next year. I wondered what my career was going to look like in a year…certainly like nothing I had hoped it would be.

I reached into the last box that Charlie had sent, pulling out picture frames and vases. I paused when I got to the bottom of the box and found a picture of Edward and me together. Charlie must not have noticed what all he threw in. I slowly pulled it out and stared at it. It was a picture of the two of us in Cabo. We were sitting on the beach with the ocean in the background. I had stretched out my arm to take the picture of us; I was smiling at the camera while Edward kissed my shoulder.

I touched the picture and closed my eyes, reliving the memories. Even moving as far away as New York, I was never really fully able to escape Edward. His memories were all around. I was still plagued with dreams of him every night. All I had to do was walk down the street to see pictures of the two of us on magazine covers at every newstand.

Just today, I walked across the street to get a cup of coffee and found Edward's face staring back at me from a magazine. The images hit me hard, like a punch in the gut. They showed him exiting various night clubs; in each picture he had a different woman on his arm. Obviously, he had gone back to his old ways_. Obviously, he had moved on. _It was too painful to see.

I opened my eyes back up and stroked my finger across Edward's face in the picture frame.

"I loved you so much…" I whispered to his image. "We were perfect together. I thought _you_ were perfect. And now…I want so badly to hate you. But I can't."

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. I threw the picture back in the box and stood up, wiping my hands on my shorts. I walked over to the door and glanced through the peephole, completely shocked at the face I saw waiting on the other side of the door. I hastily swung it open.

"Jacob? What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

He chuckled and held up a bottle of wine. "I'm a journalist, Isabella. It's kind of my job to know where people are. Besides…I brought a house warming present."

I pulled him into a hug, happy to actually have a friend with me, and grabbed the bottle from him, letting him into the condo. Jacob whistled and looked around the loft.

"Not too shabby, Isabella."

I grabbed my wine opener from a kitchen drawer and began to pull out the cork. "So you didn't answer my question…what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to check on you. Make sure you're ok."

"But why are you in New York?" I pushed.

"Oh, yeah, that," he laughed nervously and accepted the glass of wine I was offering him. "I kind of…well I may have been…sort of…fired from _Rolling Stone._"

"What the hell happened?" A thought flashed through my head, and I was furious. "It was Edward, wasn't it?"

"Yes, but not in the way you think."

I took a sip of my wine and waited for Jake to explain.

"I kind of punched him."

The red wine that had been in my mouth was now sprayed all over the black marble counter top and Jacob.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry. So sorry!" I grabbed a dish towel and started mopping up the wine. When I had cleaned up most of the mess, I reached over the counter and slugged Jacob on the shoulder. "What the hell were you thinking, Jake?"

"Well someone had to defend your honor, since those other assholes weren't!"

I frowned at his comment. The fact that nobody _was _defending me was an issue I had been struggling with daily.

"So what now?" I asked, not wanting to talk about me anymore.

Jacob smiled and took another sip of his wine. "I actually just got a job at _People_."

I looked at him skeptically. "You hate gossip."

"Yeah, but I'm still reporting for the music section, so it will do for now."

We continued to drink our wine in silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts, until Jacob spoke up.

"Seriously, Isabella, how are you doing?"

I looked up at him to see his eyes filled with genuine concern.

I shrugged. "As best as can be expected for a gold digging whore," I said, bitterly.

Jacob's face flashed with anger. "You can't just sit here in silence and let them print that stuff about you! It's time to give your side of the story. I could have you on next week's cover…"

I held up my hand to stop him. "Aro put a gag order on me. Technically, I probably shouldn't even be talking to you right now."

"Why would he do that?"

"Because, at the end of the day, Edward's a bigger asset than I am."

"Well…fuck."

"Fuck is right." I nodded morosely.

"To hell with that!" he snorted. "I'll write your story! I was there and saw it all."

While the idea that, out of everyone, Jacob would be the one to so readily defend my honor was heartwarming, I shook my head.

"No, Jake. Even if it's true, I'm not going to be the one airing out Edward's dirty laundry."

"So you're just going to defend him after everything he's done to you?" Jacob asked, bewildered.

"I'm not defending him!" I spat. "If I came out and said anything now, it would turn into a media war. I don't want any of it. I'm done. I just want to move on and forget everything that happened."

"You're already in a media war, Isabella. But you're just lying down and giving up."

I smiled ruefully. "And here I thought I was being the bigger person. I never thought…" I paused and began my statement over again. "Well, a few weeks ago I never thought a lot of things…But Edward spreading those vicious lies about me? That cuts deep."

Jacob looked down and shook his head. "I'm going to hate myself for defending him," he muttered to himself. He looked back up at me and sighed. "Listen, Isabella, as much as I hate Edward Cullen…and, believe me, I _really, really_ hate him…I don't think he said that stuff about you.

"From a reporter's standpoint, I see it all the time. They wanted a story and neither of you were talking. So they just made up their own stories. You can print whatever quote you want as long as there's an anonymous source attached to it. The only actual quote I saw from Edward in that article was when he said you left him. I don't think Edward, or anybody on the tour for that matter, sold you out."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" I asked, raising my voice.

"Umm…yes?" Jacob said, clearly perplexed by my reaction.

"Where are they now, Jacob? If nobody said any of that stuff – then why isn't anybody coming to my defense?"

Jacob took another sip of wine. "Well, that goes back to why I hate Edward Cullen – and the reason I think he's one, big, giant asshole. He's too much of a coward to do the right thing."

I turned away to hide my emotions. I felt completely abandoned by the people I had considered my closest friends. Jacob wasn't fooled and ducked his head, trying to catch my eye.

"Come on, Isabella. I know you're putting on a strong front…but just looking at you, I can tell how much you've changed. You _can_ talk to me, you know?"

I swirled the wine in my hand, intently watching the red liquid stain the inside of my glass. I could feel Jacob's eyes on me – waiting for me to say something. I sighed and looked up, meeting his gaze.

"These past few weeks have been hell, Jake," I finally confessed. "It takes every ounce of strength I have just to _function_. Every morning when I wake up, it hits me with the first breath I take. And when I have a brief moment, when I think maybe – just _maybe_ – things will eventually be ok…it feels like every amazing memory we ever shared comes crashing down on me, suffocating me. And I can't imagine how _anything_ can ever be ok again."

I angrily wiped at my tears. Jacob tentatively placed his hand on top of mine.

"It _will_ get better."

"That's what they all say." I scoffed.

Jacob smiled sadly. "They all say it because it's true."

He paused, seemingly debating with himself, before he began to open up to me.

"Do you remember the story of me drunkenly singing 'Hungry Like the Wolf' to my ex?"

I snorted; my only sign letting him know that I did.

"She was the love of my life," he said, wistfully.

My interest was piqued and I leaned across the counter, waiting to hear more.

"We met in Journalism school and started dating sophomore year. There was just something about her…it was like we were magnets, constantly drawn to each other."

I watched his face; it was clear he was playing out various memories in his head as he talked about his ex. "So what happened?"

"Timing. She did a semester abroad our senior year. A few weeks into it, I told her I couldn't do a long distance relationship, and we broke up. When she eventually came back for graduation, I tried to start things back up with her. She wanted nothing to do with me. She said I didn't fight for her or our relationship. It was the biggest mistake of my life."

I could see the pain in his eyes.

"What's her name?" I asked, wanting to find out more about this mystery girl who had held his heart.

"Vanessa…but I called her Nessie. She wouldn't let anyone else call her that but me." He smiled, sadly. "She still lives here in the city and is a producer for MTV. I tried a few more times to win her back…but eventually I realized that she had moved on – and it was time for me to move on as well."

"And have you?" I asked, desperately hoping he had some happy moral to his story. "Were you able to move on?"

Jacob looked deep into my eyes, causing me to squirm from his intensity. "I think so."

I shifted uncomfortably and stood up, taking the two empty wine glasses over to the sink. I suddenly felt the need to put a bit of distance between us. Jacob took that as his cue to leave and stood up, walking to the door.

"I should get going…but give me a call. If I don't hear from you in a few days, I'm gonna come by and check on you to make sure you're alright," he threatened.

"I'll be fine, Jake," I moaned. But deep down it felt nice to know someone was looking out for me.

He paused at the door and pulled me in for a hug. "It _will_ be ok, Isabella. When your heart is ready, you'll be able to let him go."

My chest constricted in pain. I nodded at his words but was unable to speak. Watching him walk down the hallway, I slowly shut the door and turned around. Alone again. Almost instantaneously, the feelings of hopelessness and fear crept inside me.

I tried to brush it off by giving myself busy work. I went into the kitchen and spent more time than was needed hand washing the two wine glasses we had used (even though I had a state-of-the-art dishwasher located right next to me). When I had spent as many minutes as possible drying off the glasses, I walked into the living room and started to gather the empty boxes.

I came across the last box, where the picture of Edward and me still lay at the bottom. I pulled it out one last time, taking a long look at Edward. Jacob's words kept replaying in my head. _When your heart is ready, you'll be able to let him go._

I wiped away some stray tears and walked over to the kitchen with the frame still in my hand. I paused, fighting a battle with myself for several minutes.

"I have to let you go," I whispered to the Edward that was resting in my hands. I stepped on the pedal to the kitchen trashcan, opening the lid. I stood for several moments, holding the picture above the open can, squeezing it tightly. As much as my head was screaming at me to drop the frame…my fingers were unable to loosen their grasp. I couldn't let go. I hated myself and the symbolism.

I angrily walked back over to the empty box, placing the picture inside. I grabbed the box and threw it towards the back of one of my closets. I wasn't ready yet…but one day I would finally be strong enough to let go of Edward Cullen.

_I needed to be strong._

**

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**

So, as you can see, Bella's starting that climb back to the top. Edward still needs a little more time - but he'll be closer to climbing in the next chapter. Besides, he's going to need Bella to help pull him back up. :)

**Follow me on Twitter: (at) MrsShortHand**

**You can also join in the discussion threat about my story on Twilighted:**

**http:/ twilighted. net/ forum/ ?f=44&t=14587 **(take out the spaces)


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

**A/N: **I know it's been a LONG time since I've updated. I am deeply, deeply sorry! I didn't mean to keep you waiting. The good news: on Friday, MrShortHand and I will FINALLY be homeowners! I can't promise I'll always have fast updates after this, but I will try to be consistent with having an update every two weeks from here on out.

I want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone for reviewing! I hit over 500 reviews with the last chapter and I was VERY giddy! While it's nowhere near as many reviews as some of my most favorite stories on here, hitting over 500 makes me feel a little more legitimate

Also, thank you to my girls: **flifliki** and **MizzezPattinson** for being my sounding board for some upcoming plot development in the story.

Lastly, to my beta – **Coleen561** – who has just been so helpful throughout this entire process. I had a long bout of writer's block, followed by inconsistencies in my story time line, and she held my hand throughout it all, until we managed to fix it.

(Coincidently, if you're interested in seeing the entire time line for what's happened so far in the story, it's on my profile page.)

The opening paragraph is all **Coleen561's** words so I want to give proper credit where credit is due. (More on her amazing writing abilities at the end of this chapter!)

* * *

_You're so blind!  
You can't save me this time  
Hope comes from inside  
And I feel so low tonight_

_If only you could see_  
_The stranger next to me_  
_You promise, you promise that you're done_  
_But I can't tell you from the drugs_

_Jimmy Eat World_

**Edward's POV**

_(One Month Later)_

The low roar of the engines reverberated in my ears as the smell of stale air and whiskey assaulted my nose. I shifted slightly in the plush leather seat as the private jet that had been hired to transport the Volturi home sped through the inky blackness. Nursing a glass of whiskey, I stared out the window and saw nothing but my hazy, distorted reflection set against the pitch black sky. Closing my eyes, I willed myself to fall asleep. I was exhausted, but that was nothing new.

We had just finished the Central and South American leg of our world tour and were finally getting a week off to rest and recuperate before flying to Europe for a month. No sooner had we stepped off the stage in Sao Paulo, Brazil then we were being whisked off to the airport. It was a twelve-hour flight to Los Angeles and the goal was to sleep through the majority of it. I glanced behind me in the plane's cabin. Jasper and Alice were quietly talking to each other, while Emmett and Rose were already curled up together underneath blankets, sleeping. It was easy for them to get rest on the flight. Not me.

I briefly toyed with the idea of walking back and starting a conversation with Jasper and Alice, but the truth was I barely spoke to any of them these days. I had completely shut myself off from the guys, clearly giving them the vibe to leave me alone. I was tired of them constantly around me…watching me with wary eyes…like I needed a fucking babysitter. They were mad at me and my antics? Well, that was fine because I was mad at all of them.

After that dog, Jacob Black, punched me in the face, I lashed out at Emmett and Jasper. It was their fucking fault they held me back in the first place. Had I just been able to get my hands on the prick, he wouldn't have been left standing to try and sucker punch me. _Lawsuit be damned! _In the end I got what I wanted; Jacob Black was thrown off the tour, and I made sure he would never write another line for _Rolling Stone_.

Emmett tried to defend himself by saying he and Jasper had already let go by the time Jacob hit me. He insisted they weren't _letting_ Jacob punch me…but then he decided to add in a snide remark about how I deserved the punch after saying that shit about Isabella. After that, I told them both to go to hell and only spoke to them on a need-to-know basis.

They didn't dare speak to me about Bella. And I had too much pride to ask them about her. From what I gathered, nobody had talked to her. I knew Rosalie and Jasper wouldn't call; neither of them was close enough to her. Emmett was too consumed with guilt over his last conversation with Bella to try and contact her. Evidently, she had informed him they weren't friends anymore. That left only Alice – who had already made it clear she wasn't speaking to me about Bella. From overhearing various conversations, I had learned that Isabella was no longer communicating with her either. Alice was distraught and couldn't understand what had caused their falling out. But I understood what Bella was doing loud and clear; she was cutting off all ties with me.

After Bella disconnected her phone, I spent days trying to find out where she was and if she was ok. When my efforts didn't produce any results, I decided to focus my time and energy in a different direction. If Bella wanted nothing more than to forget me, then it was time to purge myself of her as well.

I stopped looking for her on the gossip sites. It was actually easier than I thought. Between getting wasted throughout the night and sleeping the entire day, the only time I had to pull myself together and actually function was the two hours I was on stage. There wasn't time to do anything else - like search the internet or read magazine covers. While I could control my actions regarding Isabella, I couldn't stop the continuous internal struggle that I faced. Every moment I was thinking of her…reliving a memory…imagining her beside me.

"_What happened to you?" she asked me; she was sitting beside me on the floor in one of my drug-induced hallucinations of her._

"_You left," I rasped out._

"_You left," she countered. "I can't see the Edward Cullen I loved anywhere inside you."_

"_Haven't you already figured it out?" I mumbled to the emptiness around me. "There's nothing inside me. I'm empty."_

I tried to banish Bella's image from my mind by replacing her with as many new women as possible. But that was the worst idea – _there was no replacing my Bella._ I'd stumble out of a club, late at night, with some blonde bimbo by my side, whose name I didn't know and didn't care to find out. But the farthest I'd ever get with any of these women was the hallway to my hotel room. Each time Bella's image would force its way out of the back of my mind. It was as if she was standing right in front of me, staring at me with those big, beautiful eyes. I was incapable of doing anything except losing myself in her memory.

_I was standing outside the door to my room, drunkenly kissing a girl. For the life of me, I couldn't even remember what her face looked like. I closed my eyes and immediately my thoughts were back to kissing Bella…her beautiful, soft lips…the way she'd make little moans in my mouth…her small hands pushing into my chest. _

"_Bella," I mumbled in between kisses._

_But these lips were wrong. This person standing in front of me was all wrong._

_Suddenly, an image of Bella appeared in the hallway behind the blonde who was clutching at my shoulders. Bella's image crossed her arms angrily in front of her and said, "She's not me." _

"_No, silly…my name's Kate," the blonde giggled._

"_So that's who you replace me with?" Ghost Bella snarled at me._

"_No, baby, it's not like that!"_

"_What's not?" Blondie asked._

"_I'm offended that this is who you move onto after me," Phantom Bella scowled._

"_I'm trying to forget you!" I yelled out to the empty hallway._

"_What the fuck is going on, Edward?" Kelly – or whatever the hell her name was – pulled away from me. "Are you having a bad trip?"_

_Yes. No. I had no clue anymore what was real._

_Bella's image smirked and came closer to me, whispering in my ear, taunting me. "You'll never forget me. Every morning when you wake up, I'll haunt your thoughts with everything we could have been."_

_Isabella's apparition was gone now. I was left with a very confused blonde frowning at me. I pushed her away and mumbled something about wanting to be left alone before slamming the door in her face._

I tried two more times to push Bella out of my mind. Both occasions had the same results: I would have a conversation with an invisible Bella next to a very confused, cheap fuck. Each time I would recoil in horror from the woman I was with and leave her standing alone in the hallway.

_Isabella Swan had left me impotent_.

I laid my head against the cool window and closed my eyes. I knew sleep wouldn't be an option for me on the flight, but I wondered if Bella's image would come to me if I got myself drunk enough. I was at war with my subconscious. My hallucinations of Bella were nightmares. I couldn't shake them for days and it only hurt my heart more. But it was the only way I could still see her and talk to her. Each night I'd get sufficiently drunk, hoping that our conversations would eventually change and she'd forgive me in my dreams.

But she wasn't forgiving me – in reality or my dreams. I thought of how, unbeknownst to me, our break-up had turned into one, big fucking mess.

_(Two weeks prior)_

_I finally surrendered to my cravings to know what was going on with Isabella, and spent an entire day searching for all the latest news about her. It had been a month since we broke up. I had to know what she was doing…how her music career was going…if she had moved onto another man. All my worst fears were confirmed with each new piece of information I read about her. I felt sick._

_The most recent article that popped up on my computer screen included images of Isabella as the new spokesperson for Candies. I unknowingly sucked in a breath as I scanned through all the photos. Bella, __my__ Bella, was lying on a grand piano, scantily clad in pink lingerie. Her knees were bent and her hips were pushed a bit upwards so that the bottom of her ass cheeks peeked out. She was exquisite. She was gorgeous. And it was torture. _

_I thought back to how many times I had seen my little vixen lying in the same position on my bed, wagging her ass suggestively at me. I closed my eyes, remembering as I took her on my piano, driving her to the brink of ecstasy, while I watched her beautiful body splayed out against the keys. __This was MY Bella__. _

_When I looked at the picture again, I couldn't help the jealousy that was slowly rising through me, gripping at my chest. MY Bella was on display for every man to see. MY Bella, who was too shy and self-aware to ever think about posing like this, was now plastered across huge billboards. I knew Bella; I knew how uncomfortable she must have been. I couldn't even imagine her agreeing to do a shoot like that. What was going on with her? _

_As much as I wanted to stare at her beautiful pictures for the rest of the day, my heart couldn't take much more. Staring at MY Bella, in clothes that should have only been seen by me, only reaffirmed that she wasn't __mine__ anymore._

_I moved onto the next series of articles and immediately felt as if I'd been punched in the gut. Each image showed Bella out-and-about in New York City. So, she had moved to New York…she couldn't even stand to be on the same side of the country as me anymore._

_I clicked through a variety of articles; my heart was heavy seeing all the pictures of us together. The captions on each picture were bold and loud: Cheater! Betrayed! I sighed and rubbed my hand across my face. So the truth was out…_

_It wasn't until I got to the second or third article that I realized all the hateful words were about __Isabella.__ I was stunned; I couldn't figure out where the media was getting their information. Why was Bella being portrayed as the villain? I continued to search through various articles. In each one, I was "quoted" as being heartbroken by Isabella's "betrayal." _

_What the fuck?_

_I spent the rest of the afternoon reading the numerous stories printed about our breakup. I was furious. The media had spun everything and turned it around on Bella. I couldn't believe half of the bullshit sources they conjured up. This was killing Bella's career. _

_Why the fuck hadn't she said anything? She never once defended herself! _

_All these lies were being spread, and the only people who knew the truth were me and Bella…and Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice._

_The sudden realization that there were other people who could have come to her defense caused me to tear out of my room and down the hall. In less than 30 seconds, I was slamming my fists into the door of Emmett and Rosalie's room._

"_What the fuck, bro?" Emmett opened the door, wide-eyed at my manic state._

_I pushed past him into the room and saw Rosalie on the phone by the window._

"_Did you know?" I yelled, looking straight at her._

_Rosalie scowled and turned her back to me, still speaking on the phone. "I'm going to have to call you back…"_

"_Know what? What's the problem, Edward?" Emmett asked._

_I ignored him and waited until Rose had snapped her phone shut. "All the lies they're printing about Isabella…did you know?"_

_Rosalie sighed and sat down on a chair. That was all the confirmation I needed._

"_How the fuck could you let this happen? Did you tell them to put the blame on her?" I roared._

"_No, Edward, I did not!" Rosalie jumped out of her chair, coming nose to nose with me. "And contrary to what you may believe, I've been trying to clean up this mess for weeks now!"_

"_Why didn't you tell me?" I was still furious._

_Rosalie backed up, giving us some space and looked away. "Aro's calling the shots on this one. He doesn't want you anywhere near this."_

"_What the fuck is that supposed to mean? My name is all over this!" A sudden realization hit me, and I collapsed on the edge of the bed. "Oh, God…Bella's going to think I said all that about her."_

_Emmett clapped his hand on my shoulder. "Relax, man. We'll just tell everyone the truth."_

"_That's what I've been trying to do!" Rosalie said, clearly frustrated. "Aro doesn't want any bad publicity surrounding you. He knows that Isabella has a lot of dirt on you, and so he put a gag-order on her. She can't do any interviews or talk about your relationship."_

"_So, he's killing her career?" I buried my head in my hands. "Jesus Christ, she breaks up with me and loses her entire career because of it?"_

"_I issued a second statement insisting that you split amicably…but the magazines don't care about the real story." Rose sat down next to me on the bed. "Jesus, I even had our own anonymous sources trying to give tips to the gossip sites. Alice was one of them; she called up and said it was your fault. They have their own agenda, Edward."_

_I thought about all the conversations I had with Bella before we went public with our relationship. All her fears about the media hating her had finally come true. I had promised that I'd take care of her; that I'd protect her. I had left her out to dry. To her, I was nothing more than a man full of empty promises._

"_Rose, get me on the phone with the first magazine you can…I'm doing an exclusive."_

_Rosalie groaned. "You can't, Edward. Aro has you locked down. He'll never let anything be published. What are you going to tell them? The truth? It would ruin your career."_

"_But it's ok to ruin Bella's?" I raised my voice again._

"_You think I like what they're doing to her? None of this is her fault and she keeps paying for your mistakes! But we all have our jobs to do here. My job is to protect your image…believe me, there have been plenty of times I would have rather watched you fall on your ass. I'm trying my best, Edward!"_

"_Your best isn't good enough," I snarled._

_Emmett had been pacing back and forth in the room while the two of us argued. He was stroking his chin and staring at his feet before he finally stopped and looked at us. "I'll speak out."_

"_Emmett, no! Aro already said…"_

"_That Edward can't say anything," Emmett cut-off Rose. "So, I'll speak for Edward."_

"_Are you crazy? Aro's going to think I put you up to this! You could cost me my job!"_

"_Bella's job is at stake here!" I countered._

"_Rosie, baby, I owe this to Iz. She doesn't deserve this. I'll make it simple. Aro doesn't want bad publicity for Edward. I won't say anything about him. I'll just tell the media that Iz has done nothing wrong and to leave her alone."_

_Rosalie chewed on her bottom lip, contemplating Emmett's offer. I knew if it was anyone else, Rose would have immediately shot them down. But Emmett's power of persuasion almost always won Rosalie over. That was why their relationship worked so well – everyone thought that she wore the pants in the relationship because she bossed him around, but all Emmett had to do was ask her for something and she'd immediately say yes._

"_Please, Rose," I pleaded._

_Rosalie groaned and scrubbed her eyes. "Fine…but I'm pleading ignorance if the shit hits the fan."_

_I jumped up and embraced Emmett on the shoulder. "Thanks, Em!"_

_Emmett pulled away from me, scowling. "Let's get things straight – I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for Isabella. I messed up trying to help you cover up your mistakes. I owe her this. __You__ owe her a hell of a lot more."_

* * *

I wearily stepped out of the limo that had been provided for me upon arrival at the airport, and looked up at my dark and empty house. As expected, I didn't get a minute of sleep during the twelve hours from Brazil. Instead, I watched as everyone else slept peacefully and contemplated how everything _should_ have played out in my life.

I _should_ be able to speak to both my best friend and my brother.

I _should _be taking my career seriously.

I _should_ have had Bella snuggled up next to me on the plane ride, sleeping soundly.

I _should_ have protected Bella.

But it seemed, even at this point, that no matter what I tried to do to set things right, I only aggravated the situation. The last thing I wanted was for Isabella's career to suffer because of our breakup. There was nobody in the industry that deserved success more than her. I had hoped that after Emmett released a statement everyone would finally back off from her. Emmett's plan _should_ have worked. It didn't.

Emmett's statement was brief and to-the-point: "_Isabella Swan is a good friend to the Cullens. She did nothing wrong and in no way betrayed Edward."_

The magazines ran his quote. However, for some reason, they were still out for blood. Instead of just leaving it be, suddenly new "sources" started claiming that Emmett was the reason behind our breakup; Isabella had left me for my brother. It was gross and twisted how much the tabloids misconstrued Emmett's quote. Under different circumstances, I'm sure both Em and Bella would have found the whole situation hilarious. But the attacks were becoming very serious. It almost seemed as though someone was intentionally ruining her career.

I couldn't stop thinking about her, wondering how this was all affecting her. I was furious with Rosalie, which only caused my relationship with Emmett to fracture further. I lashed out at her for not telling Aro where to shove it and called her every possible name in the book. Even though Rose was capable of defending herself, Emmett fought back; he wouldn't allow me to speak to his girlfriend like that. I don't think I've ever seen Emmett so angry at me, which in turn, only fueled my rage more.

I blamed them all for my mistakes. But I was finally going to step up and do the right thing.

Now that I was back in Los Angeles, there was no way Rosalie could keep tabs on me 24/7. She may have been able to restrict my contact with the media while we were on tour, but back home the paparazzi would be at my doorstep. My plan was simple: tomorrow I would eat lunch at The Ivy – celebrities only went there if they wanted their picture taken. While outside, I planned to make my own statement to the cameras; I would tell them _everything_. Aro may not have let anyone else spill my dirty secrets…_but what the fuck could he do if I was the one who let my own skeletons out of the closet?_

I only hoped it wasn't too late for Bella. And maybe, by doing this, it wasn't too late for us.

I walked into the large, empty foyer of my house and dropped the suitcases by the stairs, not even bothering to drag them up to my room. I was exhausted. I needed to sleep and there was only one way I was going to be able to do that. I made my way over to the bar, grabbed a bottle of Jack out of the cabinet, and walked up the steps to my room.

I stopped at the doorway to my room; my eyes frozen on the boxes that were on the floor. The realization hit me like a battering ram: they were Bella's. She had started to move some of her belongings into the house. She was supposed to be with me right now…in this room…in this house. _She was supposed to be living with me._

I made my way over to the closet, and sure enough, the clothes that I had bought for her still took up half the rack. I felt sick. This was going to be _our_ room…_our _bed…_our_ life together. And now I had nothing. I reached my hand out and stroked the fabric of one of her shirts, pulling it towards my face, hoping to catch her scent.

"Please come back to me, Bells," I mumbled into the blouse.

I closed my eyes and inhaled, waiting for a response. But there was no response. My imaginary Bella was not showing up. Apparently, I wasn't quite drunk enough to summon my phantom Bella.

_Well, there was one way I could fix that._

I turned abruptly from the closet and grabbed the bottle of alcohol, cradling it against my chest like a baby. I walked over to my desk, turned on the computer, unscrewed the bottle, and took a long chug while I waited for the machine to boot up. I needed to see her. I needed to know what she was doing.

I clicked on various buttons, navigating my way through the browsers, until I arrived at TMZ's website, and did a quick search for Isabella Swan. The first set of pictures sent me spiraling; I had to close my eyes. I grabbed the whiskey and took another long chug before taking some deep breaths. I opened my eyes, but the images didn't change.

The caption said it all: _"Isabella Swan's New Man."_

As I clicked on the pictures, the hurt and jealousy that had been building inside me exploded into a massive rage. In each picture she was standing next to a man…who was none other than Jacob Black. The two were photographed together on a corner near a coffee shop; both held cups in their hands. Jacob was laughing while Bella looked down the street wistfully. In the last picture they were embracing with Jacob kissing her cheek. My stomach churned.

_The fucker had won! He beat me! She ran into his arms!_

I jumped up from the computer, knocking the chair over in the process. I couldn't think. I didn't know what to do. I paced around my room, pulling at my hair. _This couldn't be. How could she move on so quickly? I was dying every day without her…and she was with HIM! She was now __his__!_

That last thought sent me reeling. My whole body started shaking, and I began gasping for breath. I couldn't breathe; I couldn't get enough air. I was having a panic attack. I sat down on the edge of the bed and placed my head between my knees, trying to calm myself. _Oh, God…I'm dying. This is what it means to die of a broken heart._

"Please don't do this to me, Bells," I whispered to no one.

I continued gasping for air; my eyes raked over the entire room. She was everywhere…her stuff…her smell…her presence. I was crazed; Isabella Swan was driving me mad. I flew to my feet and in one quick motion was over by the closet, yanking her clothes off their hangers. I grabbed each piece, not caring if I ripped it, throwing them all across the floor. I wanted her out of my house. I needed her out of my life…my head…my heart.

After a few frenzied minutes, I looked around at the disarray that was my room. It looked as if a bomb had exploded. I stalked back over to the desk and grabbed my bottle, chugging as much as I could before I couldn't take the burn anymore. It wasn't enough. I needed something stronger; something to make me forget everything.

I yanked my cell phone out of my pocket and punched one button; I didn't give a fuck that it was only nine-o'clock in the morning.

"Garrett? How fast can you get here?"

* * *

My eyes were closed…it was like my lids were sealed shut. My throat was parched and a dull thudding sound was pounding in my ears. I was pretty sure I was awake – at least I think I was. But for the life of me, I couldn't open my eyes. The banging was getting louder in my head.

"_Edward!"_

Ok…maybe I was still asleep. I wondered who my subconscious was trying to get me to talk to this time. It wasn't Bella…unless she suddenly had a man's voice in my dreams now.

I groaned and threw my hand over my head, trying to mute the pounding in my ears. _Jesus fucking Christ, it just needed to stop._

"_Edward, open the goddamn door!"_

I peeled my eyes open and tried to focus, but all I saw was a blur of colors around me. _Where the fuck was I?_ _What city were we in?_ I tried to regain my vision and turned my head, looking around the room. I was laying on the couch in my living room. I was home.

Everything was a haze. It took me two attempts to sit up and then stand on my feet. I scrubbed my hand through my hair and tried to walk towards the kitchen; I needed some pain killers to get rid of the banging in my head. As I started walking across the living room, I realized the banging got louder. It most definitely wasn't in my head.

I trudged over to the foyer, where the sound of the thuds increased, and swung open the front door. I was immediately blinded by the sunlight and squinted, trying to adjust my eyes. It was a sharp contrast from the dark cave behind me.

I could make out two silhouettes through the blinding light and heard a small gasp. When my vision finally came into focus, my eyes landed on my mother. Her hand was over her mouth, and she had a horrified look on her face. I immediately felt a sense of panic and wondered if there was a problem.

My eyes continued to focus in on my surroundings. Next to Esme, stood my father; his fists were still clenched from what I imagined was him, banging on the door. I locked eyes with Carlisle. It looked as if a brief moment of pain washed over his face, before he steeled himself and hardened his eyes, glaring at me.

_Oh, shit…yes, there was definitely a problem._

I glanced behind me to the mess that encompassed my living room. Empty liquor bottles were strewn all over the floor. There were still residue lines of cocaine on the coffee table. It looked as if I had thrown a huge party the night prior. _Did I have a party?_

I glanced back at my parents, who were still standing in the doorway. "Umm, Mom…Dad, now's not really a good time."

Carlisle put his hand on the door, pushing himself inside the house. "No, Edward. Now is exactly the time."

I had no choice but to step back and let them inside. Esme glanced around the room and let out a second gasp when her eyes landed on the living room.

"Oh, Edward!"

"I…um…had a party last night."

Carlisle narrowed his eyes. "You had time for a party but didn't have time to call your brother or your parents back for three days?"

_Three days! Holy fuck – how long had I been out? What day was it anyway?_

"There's not much to say," I stuttered, trying to come up with an excuse.

"Oh, your mother and I have plenty to say, Edward."

I glanced at Esme, who was wringing her hands; her eyes were still locked on the mess in the living room.

"Have you even listened to your messages?" Carlisle's voice became slightly raised. "Do you even care that your only brother got engaged? He's been calling you nonstop, and you can't even offer your congratulations?"

_Emmett and Rose were engaged?_ Guilt immediately washed over me. I didn't know. I hadn't bothered to pick up the phone. _Fuck, I didn't even know the phone had rung! Had it really been three days?_

I opened my mouth, trying to get some kind of excuse out, but I had nothing. There was no excuse for what I had done. I gaped at my parents like a fish, opening and closing my mouth.

"What's happened to you, Edward?" Esme choked back a sob. "You're a shell."

"Mom, I'm fine…" I began, but was cut off by the door opening; Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper all stepped into the foyer. Rosalie immediately stepped into the living room; her face mirroring Mom's horrified expression. Emmett nodded to my father and then watched me, glaring. Jasper stood in the background; the fucker couldn't even look me in the eye.

"What the fuck is this?" I yelled.

Emmett raised his eyebrow, his arms crossed in front of him. "Oh, I think you know, baby brother."

Emmett's words from two months ago immediately flashed in my head: _"Believe me, little brother, you'll know when it's an intervention."_

"You don't know shit!" I seethed. I was furious. _How dare he arrange an intervention! What the fuck was he thinking? I didn't need anyone's help!_

"I know that you've been avoiding Mom and Dad's calls for weeks because you're ashamed of yourself," Emmett spat back. "I know that you've been lying to everyone around you, including yourself. And I know that Isabella left you because of your lies and drug use."

"She left me because I cheated on her!"

"And why did you cheat, Edward? Are you gonna start lying and telling everyone you were sober and chose to cheat on her?"

"It was a one-time mistake, Emmett!" My shouts echoed through the great hallway.

"But it wasn't one time," Jasper quietly spoke up from the corner. I whipped around to face him. There was no way he was going to try and bring me down too. "You've been doing it more and more. It's affecting your performances. It's affecting your personality. Jesus, have you even looked in the mirror lately? Anyone can see how much it's affecting you."

"So you think that makes me an addict?"

"You chose drugs over Isabella, didn't you?" Emmett spoke up.

"I didn't choose shit! SHE LEFT ME!"

I had put myself right in front of Emmett, screaming in his face. He didn't back away. He barely even blinked. I felt a hand on my chest and saw Carlisle gently push me back. In the corner, Esme was now silently crying, frantically wiping her tears.

"You see what you did?" I spat at Emmett and pointed towards Mom.

Emmett shook his head, disgusted. "When are you going to stop blaming everyone else for your mistakes?"

Rosalie walked over to the coffee table and ran her pointer finger along the glass; she held it up to the rest of us, showing the white residue. "What's this, Edward?"

I shifted uncomfortably and unconsciously wiped at my nose. "I told you…I had a party. It must have been from some of my friends."

"Son, you may be stupid enough to lie to yourself, but don't you dare insult my intelligence! I'm a doctor and I'm your father and _I know_ when you're lying!" Carlisle growled at me, immediately causing me to feel intimidated.

Carlisle Cullen was a kind and generous man, but people learned very quickly not to get on his bad side. Right now I was so far on his bad side, I wasn't even sure there was a good side left.

"Edward, please," Esme begged. "We're doing this because we love you! We're worried about you!"

My shoulders slumped and I felt my defenses fall a little as I looked at my mother. "I'm fine, Mom…I swear. I have it under control."

"Do you?" Carlisle countered. "Could you stop cold-turkey today?"

"Of course."

"You're lying!" Emmett argued. "There's been no party at your house, Edward! I've been calling you and banging on your door every day these past three days. There's been _no one_ around. What the fuck did you do?"

I took another look around the living room…at each bottle that was strewn across the floor. I took a step forward and squinted, looking at the fireplace. _Were some of Bella's clothes in the fireplace? What the fuck happened? Did I do all this myself?_

"I don't know," I said honestly; the realization startled me a bit.

I saw Emmett's face soften a bit. "Edward, the second after Rosie said yes to my proposal, you were the first person I called. There's nobody else in my life I want more than you for my best man. But now…" Emmett scratched his head and sighed. "I don't know, bro. I can't trust you."

I gaped at him and what he was saying to me. "So you're telling me I _was_ going to be your best man…but now I'm _not_?"

"Not til you get yourself cleaned up."

"Well, fuck you, Em! Fuck you and your stupid fucking wedding!" I lashed out.

"Edward!" My mother yelled, appalled.

"We're trying to help you, Edward!" Rosalie cried.

"Well I don't want your fucking help, Rose! It's already apparent you couldn't do shit when I actually needed your help!"

"That's enough, Edward!" Carlisle's voice boomed.

"I can't sit around on the next leg of this tour and watch you destroy yourself," Emmett said. "You're barely there performing each night as it is….I quit."

"Fine! Fucking quit! You're just a drummer. I can replace you in a heartbeat. The Volturi doesn't need you…right, Jasper?"

Jasper kept his eyes glued on his shoes. He coughed and shifted his weight, before looking up at me. I knew what he was going to say before the words left his mouth. "I quit too, Edward."

"Me too," Rosalie whispered.

_So that was it. They were all leaving me. I had fucked up too many times and there was no coming back. _

"So, you're all going to walk out on me, just like Bella did? Fine – don't let the door hit you on the way out! I don't need you guys! Don't you get it? I AM The Volturi. The show will still go on!"

"Until you drop dead," Carlisle spoke up. His words triggered a new fit of hysterics in my mother. "Yes, you'll continue touring…but at what cost? Who will be left in your life? Open your goddamn eyes, son! You need to see what everyone else clearly sees – you're slowly killing yourself!"

"I don't want to lose you, Edward!" Esme bawled while Rose wrapped her arms around Esme's shoulders.

"Mom, I'm fine…promise."

"I thought you'd finally hit rock bottom when Isabella left you." Emmett shook his head. "How much farther are you willing to sink? Are drugs more important than your career? Your family?"

"Well, evidently I'm not that important to my family, if you're all willing to walk away from my life when you're supposedly so worried about me!"

I was furious. It was like a fucking ridiculous circus act in my own home. Each had their role and their own lines to say…and I was the fucking clown in the middle of the ring. I wonder how long they had planned this. If they fucking practiced their parts. My mother and Rosalie would be the tearful, worried females; while Emmett and my father played the strong, angry men. And Jasper…well, he was just good for nothing.

"We're not trying to walk away from you, Son! We're trying to help you!" Carlisle implored. "You can't focus on your career or your music until you focus on yourself! You need to get the drugs out of your system, Edward. You need to talk to someone.

"A therapist from Promises Rehab is on his way over here now. Do the right thing, Edward…we can't help you any further until you admit you have a problem."

I was livid with my entire family. _They were trying to throw me in a rehab center?_ I didn't need to talk to anyone! I didn't _need_ any help.

"The only fucking problem I have is all of you!" I lashed out. "Worry about your own goddamn lives and stop telling me how to live mine!"

I grabbed my car keys from the table in the foyer, pushed past Emmett, and went out the door, slamming it behind me. I jumped in the car and threw it into drive, barreling down the driveway, and not even bothering to look behind.

They were wrong. I didn't need help. I just needed to be left alone. They wanted to leave me? Fine! I didn't need them anyway. Just like I didn't need Bella. The only person I needed to rely on was _myself_.

_I didn't have a problem._

* * *

**Bella's POV:**

My life over the past few weeks had been busy, hectic, and tiring. If I thought it was a struggle to keep my name at the top of the charts, then it was even more exhausting to climb back up after tumbling to the bottom. Every few days, I was flown across the country to different radio stations' summer concerts. I would sing about three songs, do a few meet-and-greets, and then get shipped back to New York to await my next gig. During my free time, James either had me working in the recording studio or the dance studio. He was still insistent that I was going to be a pop star. Each day I laced up my sneakers and got ready to dance. I prayed to God I would sprain my ankle and escape this hell of eight counts and "BoomKats!" (as my choreographer kept shouting out). _What the hell was a Boomkat anyway?_

If it wasn't already evident from my lack of gracefulness that I wasn't pop star material, the flop of my second single should have clued James in. "If I Can't Have You" was NOT the summer hit that James had predicted. It barely got any radio play at all. Yet, there I was, singing and dancing on stage to a song nobody cared about.

I would have descended into total obscurity if it hadn't been for the song I wrote for the movie, _Remember Me._ "Breathe Again" was being played nonstop on the airways. I tried to convince James that this was proof that people responded more to my own style, instead of the pop shit he had me singing. He quickly brushed me aside, stating that the only reason everyone wanted to hear that song was because they wanted to hear my misery.

_Great…so my music couldn't sell, but my heartache could._

James continued to dictate every aspect of my life. It wasn't just about my music anymore. He told me where to go, what to wear, and who to be seen with. I had absolutely no control over my own life. _I hated it._

I had begun to question if my career was even worth it anymore. _I honestly didn't think it was._

Even though my career was in turmoil and my love life non-existent, Jacob had proven to be a true friend over the past month. Depending on our schedules, we would meet up once or twice a week to grab coffee or watch a movie. He would sit there and let me vent about James and the media. He never told me what I _should_ or _shouldn't_ do; he simply listened. While we never discussed Edward, talking to Jacob was a form of therapy for me. I didn't have to pretend around him; I could just be _me_ – something I so desperately needed when I felt I was starting to lose myself.

James, on the other hand, was none too pleased about the time I spent with Jacob – not because of the type of person Jacob was, but simply because James didn't know _who_ Jacob was. When pictures started to surface of Jacob and me together, James was furious that I was tying myself to a "no-name" after being with Edward. The pictures, just like our friendship, were innocent enough. But, of course, the media immediately spun the whole relationship into something else.

Instead of simply ignoring it (as I was instructed to do with all the bad publicity surrounding my breakup), James suddenly wanted to address my relationship with Jacob. Suddenly, the little free time that I had was filled with dates that James had set-up for me with up-and-coming celebrities. I was instructed to eat dinner, smile, look pretty, and make sure multiple pictures were taken.

_It was official: James was my pimp and I was the unwilling attention whore._

I had just finished another boring-ass date which James had arranged for the evening. It was supposed to be dinner at Nobu, but I decided to leave after one drink. It seemed James would only let me associate with men who were complete assholes. Embry Call, who was the lead actor on a teen drama, was an egotistical prick who only liked talking about himself and how amazing he was. After 45 minutes, I couldn't even try to pretend that I was enjoying our "date." I feigned a migraine and made it back to my condo just in time for Chinese food and a new episode of _Bridezillas_. There was nothing better to get over a breakup than to watch a bunch of psychotic bitches scream their heads off. Sadly, it helped put my life into perspective – _it could always be worse._

I picked up my cell phone and scrolled through my contacts. "I want the usual – be over in twenty minutes, ok?"

I hung up the phone and walked into my bedroom to exchange my strapless sundress for a pair of terry shorts and a tank top. I was done dressing to impress; it was time to be comfortable. I grabbed a bottle of beer from the kitchen and flopped onto the couch, already settling in to watch the crazy brides. As the scenes started flickering across the TV screen, I zoned out, thinking about my crappy dates, courtesy of James.

I couldn't even call them dates; they were simply two people using each other for publicity. The guys couldn't have cared less about me as a person. But they had no problem telling me every little thing about their lives. It was as if they thought they were the best thing to ever walk into my life. _The best thing that ever walked into my life disappeared nearly two months ago._

I seriously doubted that showing up on random men's arms at different events was doing anything to help my image. Sure, maybe it got me some free publicity…but it usually came at my expense. It seemed that whenever my name was mentioned in any magazine the words "gold digging" were somewhere close behind.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. I muted the volume on the TV and stood up to open it. Jacob stood in the hallway with a shit-eating smile and a large plastic bag with a yellow smiley face on it.

"Date over so soon?"

I stepped back to let him inside; he walked past me towards the kitchen, making himself at home.

"Did you expect anything different?" I asked.

Jacob opened up the bag and handed me my container of chicken and broccoli.

"So what was wrong with this guy?"

"He waxes more than I do."

Jacob opened up the refrigerator, grabbing his own beer and looked back at me, frowning. "I don't know who I should be more grossed out at…him or you."

"Him. Definitely him."

We walked back over to my couch and plopped down with the food. Even if James wasn't going to let me be seen in public with Jacob, I wasn't about to lose the only source of sanity I had in the city. He was my friend to talk to…my shoulder to lean on…and, as of recently, my Chinese delivery man.

"Bridezillas again?" he asked, motioning towards the TV. I simply nodded and unmuted the television. "Shit, Swan, we really gotta get you some girlfriends or something."

"You love this show, admit it."

"I'll tell you one thing…it gives me a lot of insight into the female species. Is this how you're going to be you when you get married?"

I unintentionally bristled at his question. "I'm never getting married."

Jacob ignored my change in demeanor. He was used to it by now. "I'm sure James would be more than willing to arrange a fake one for you."

"For the love of God, please don't put any more ideas in his head!" I groaned.

We ate the rest of our food in silence; our attention focused on the drama unfolding on the small screen. When I had stuffed myself with enough food to feel full and sleepy, I tucked my legs underneath me on the couch and leaned my head against Jacob's shoulder. It was a position we were used to at this point.

Jacob grabbed the remote from my hand and switched it to ESPN. I sighed and closed my eyes. He always immediately switched to sports after watching any bridal shows with me. I think it was his way of compensating for any imagined loss of manliness when he was with me.

"So when's your next gig?"

"Two days from now." I yawned. "I'm flying out to LA for the premiere of _Remember Me_. James wants me to arrive on the red carpet with one of the supporting actors…Demetri Bewley."

Jacob scrunched up his nose, looking deep in thought. "I thought that dude was gay."

"He probably is." I shrugged.

Jacob turned his head to stare at me with an exaggerated expression of horror on his face. "Don't go out with him, Swan! When he finally comes out, you'll have hoards of angry fans blaming _you_ for turning him gay!"

It took me a moment to process what Jacob was saying. It didn't matter what situation I was put in, I would probably always be seen as the enemy. And the stories were just bound to get more and more outrageous. I looked at Jacob's appalled face and lost it. The whole situation had gone from achingly sad to positively ridiculous.

It started out as a small case of the giggles and grew until I was clutching my stomach, gasping for breath, with tears rolling down my face.

"Oh…God…I'm sorry…it's just…it's not…funny…but…_it is!_"

And then Jacob was laughing. We must have looked absurd, the two of us cackling over my imagined demise. But it felt good to finally laugh and release all the pressure that had been building in me. When we finally calmed ourselves down, Jacob and I looked at each other sighed at the same time.

"I haven't seen you do that in a long time," Jacob said, looking at me with a small smile.

"What?"

"Laugh…even smile. I've missed that."

"I've missed it too. Thanks, Jake."

Jacob reached out his hand, using his thumb to wipe away some of the tears around my eyes. Something in his expression shifted; his face turned serious and before I could anticipate what was happening, he leaned his face down towards me. His lips connected with mine, pressing gently against them. At first I was shocked; I couldn't move…I was frozen against him. Then something in me snapped, and I was kissing him back.

I was just so tired. I was tired of pretending to be something I wasn't. I was tired of living in the past and longing for someone that was no longer there. Jacob knew the _real_ me…he supported _my_ _own _music…and he had been by my side throughout this whole ordeal. He was a good guy. _I deserved a good guy._

I opened my mouth, letting Jake's tongue slide inside. He shifted closer towards me, gently placing his hands on either side of my face. His kisses were soft, gentle, and reverent. He tasted sweet. I kept my eyes closed, trying to focus only on his lips.

He was everything I _should_ want in a man. He was supportive and funny and charming. He wasn't like Edward at all.

He wasn't arrogant or immature.

He wasn't selfish.

His kisses weren't possessive like Edward's; they were tender.

He didn't take control, claiming me as _his._

He didn't know how to make my body and heart sing with just a single touch.

I _wanted_ to be with him because he _wasn't_ Edward. But all I could think about was how my body immediately responded to Edward…and how it wasn't responding to Jake.

I reluctantly pulled back and bit my lip. Jacob shifted away slightly and sighed.

"So, no fireworks then, huh?" He smiled at me wryly.

I blushed and looked down, embarrassed. "It's not you…"

"Of course, it's me!" He laughed out loud. "I'm not _him_."

"I just need time," I said, trying to convince myself as much as him.

Jacob smiled warmly at me and reached forward, pushing a stray hair out of my face. "I don't doubt it, Isabella. And when the time does eventually come, you're gonna find a great guy who will be everything you want…but it won't be me."

"I'm so sorry, Jake," I whispered.

"I'm not."

Jacob stood up and gathered the empty food containers; he walked over to the kitchen and threw them out. I could tell he was getting ready to leave, and I panicked. I couldn't have _another_ person that I cared about leave me.

"I don't want you lose you, Jake."

"I'm not going anywhere, Swan! You're my only excuse to watch _Bridezillas_! By the time you get back from LA, we'll be two episodes behind!"

I threw my arms around him, thankful that he was still the same friend as before our kiss – nothing had changed. Jacob leaned down and kissed the top of my head.

"I just want you to be happy, Isabella."

"I'm getting there," I mumbled into his chest.

He pulled back and opened up the door, walking out into the hallway. Before he rounded the corner to the elevator; he stopped and looked back at me, smirking.

"Could you do me one favor, Swan? If you happen to see Taylor Swift in LA…can you at least tell her I'm an awesome kisser?"

* * *

I sat in the first class section of the plane to Los Angeles, thinking back to my kiss with Jacob. I was so thankful that he was able to take my rejection so well. And then it hit me…_maybe there were no fireworks for Jacob either. _I chuckled to myself; here I had been so worried about not wanting to hurt his feelings, when he didn't want to insult mine either.

"What's so funny, Isabella?" James, who had been sitting next to me, looked up from his newspaper.

"Nothing."

I still had no clue why he had to be on the same flight as me to Los Angeles – or why he had to sit next to me, for that matter.

"You better not fuck up this premiere, Isabella. All you have to do is smile, bat your eyes, and shake your ass a little when you walk."

"I don't need to be on a guy's arm every time I go out, James," I said, disgusted.

"Nobody cares about you…so, obviously you do."

I crossed my arms over my chest and stared out the window. This was by far the worst flight ever. I was tempted to ask one of the flight attendants to let me sit in the back of the cabin.

"Why are you even coming to LA? I don't need you to fucking babysit me."

James snapped his newspaper shut and glared at me. "Contrary to what you may think, Isabella, not everything is about you. I have a business meeting with another client. You're not my only artist…I have plenty that would kill to sing the songs you keep arguing with me about."

"So give the fucking songs to them," I grumbled.

"Watch how you're talking to me, little girl." James leaned in, getting much closer to my face than I was comfortable with. "You need to know your place and learn how to respect authority."

I turned and grabbed my IPod, putting some distance between us. "I'll start doing that when you learn how to respect women."

I quickly shoved my ear buds in my ears, not giving him a chance to respond. _I couldn't wait for this flight to be over._

* * *

The premiere for _Remember Me_ was rather exciting. I had never been to a movie premiere before and was star struck by all the actors and actresses who were either in the movie or came out to see it. Of course, seeing how Demetri and I were not the biggest names at the premiere, we arrived on the red carpet much earlier than the A-list celebrities. But I was actually surprised at how much I was enjoying everything.

Demetri and I didn't really interact much. However, he did earn some brownie points with me after our initial introductions; he told me he had my album and enjoyed it. We both played our parts, smiling for the cameras - then I would stand back, watching him answer reporters' questions.

I was still under a gag order from Aro, but this was the one case I didn't mind. Almost everyone either knew or assumed that I wrote "Breathe Again" about my breakup with Edward. I knew exactly how each of those interviews would start, and I was happy I didn't have to deal with it. I could easily ignore the occasional shouted question that was directed at me.

Once we made our way into the movie theater, we were ushered into one of the five cinemas showing the film. We got to our seats and sat awkwardly next to each other, waiting for the movie to start. We still had forty-five minutes. I clasped and unclasped my hands, wondering how to break the silence, when Demetri finally spoke up.

"Do you want a drink?"

"Yeah, that would be great," I rushed out.

"Martini?"

"Apple."

Demetri stood up, leaving me alone in our row. I took the moment to double check that my blackberry was on vibrate and then pretended to scroll through my emails so that I at least looked occupied since I was sitting all by myself.

Demetri came back a few minutes later with two apple martinis. I took one from him, sipped it, and smiled.

_Yup, he was definitely gay._

He began chatting it up with another guy that was sitting next to us, who had worked with him on the movie. After a brief introduction, the two men began telling me about some of the hilarious high jinks that happened on set during the filming of the movie. I was so engrossed in their stories, that I was surprised when I suddenly felt my phone buzz in my lap. I looked down to see I had an incoming call from Jacob. I debated whether to step outside and answer it, but hit the ignore button when Demetri started spilling about the lead actress's frequent temper tantrums. I continued to keep my focus on Demetri, hitting ignore on my phone for a second time after Jacob called again. _He knew I was at the premiere – what the fuck was so important?_

By the third time he called, I was getting annoyed. I sent him a quick text:

_In the movie – what do you want?_

His response was almost immediate:

_Call me ASAP!_

Just then, the whole room erupted in applause, as the director stood in front of the screen to introduce the movie. _Shit!_ I looked down at Jacob's text again, debating on whether to call him or not.

I glanced up at the director, who was telling a story, and then looked at Demetri apologetically. "I'm sorry…I have to use the bathroom."

Demetri shifted in his seat to let me pass and I was thankful that he was on the end of the row. It was still absolutely mortifying that I was walking out on the director. I was furious with Jacob and hoped he had a damn good reason.

I stepped out into the lobby and stood next to the bar, tapping on Jake's name in my list of contacts. When I heard him answer, I didn't even give him a chance to say hello.

"There better be a damn good reason why I had to walk out of that movie in front of everyone, Black."

"Isabella! You've got to leave the premiere!" Jacob sounded frantic.

"What? Why the hell would I do that?"

"Just please trust me on this…you need to exit the back way, away from any reporters. Just go straight back to your hotel. When you're in your car service, call me and I can talk to you."

I looked around the lobby frantically, almost expecting to see the Unabomber or something.

"Jake, what's going on? You're scaring me."

"Just please leave as quick as you can. The reporters all know that you're in there and will be waiting to pounce. I promise I'll explain everything as soon as you're out of there."

"What happened? Is something wrong with my fam…" I trailed off as my eyes landed on the row of televisions above the bar. One of the TVs, which was tuned to CNN, had Breaking News.

I wasn't sure what had caught my attention. The image was live video coverage from a helicopter. At first glance, it appeared to be a high-speed police chase. I knew how common they were in LA. All news coverage would come screeching to a stop so everyone could watch the police chase the vehicle.

"Isabella?" I heard Jacob's voice calling my name through the receiver.

I was about to answer him, but instead moved closer to the television screen; something about it was still drawing me in. I watched the aerial view of the police cars flying down the highway…but for the first time, I noticed an ambulance behind the phalanx of police.

"Isabella!" Jake called again.

A chyron finally appeared on the bottom of the screen, informing the viewers of what was going on. I read the words and felt my knees go weak.

"No!" I let out a small scream.

I knew I had drawn attention to myself, but the only thing I could focus on was the television. A rush of blood pounded my head and I could barely hear Jacob still calling for me in my ear.

I clasped my hand over my mouth to stifle another scream. Still holding my phone, I clutched at the counter with my other hand, afraid that I was seconds from passing out.

"No…no...no…no…no…NO!" I kept chanting.

"Isabella, get out of there!" Jacob yelled.

The cell phone slipped out of my grasp, clanking against the marble floor of the bar. I stumbled forward, desperately trying to grab onto a bar stool before I collapsed.

"Miss, are you ok?" a bartender asked.

I shook my head. I was absolutely not ok. Nothing was ok.

My vision blurred but I kept my eyes locked on the television at the big bold words screaming at me:

_Edward Cullen Rushed to UCLA Medical Center…Cullen in Critical Condition, Suspected Drug Overdose. _

* * *

**A/N: **So in a lot of my responses to the reviews, I said that Edward was going to start turning things around in this chapter. I don't want you to think I lied. It doesn't look like it right now…but he truly has hit rock bottom. (It's a good thing, I promise lol)

Ok…now for the exciting **Coleen561** writing news: She wrote an AMAZING (and I mean amuhaaaazing) James POV for the story. It's very important to the plot development and will finally answer your questions on if he's a good guy or a bad guy. James POV will be in the next chapter.

Lastly, I'm nominated for a few Sunflower Awards (*squeal*). Voting begins May 4th.

http:/ thesunflowerawards. blogspot. com/


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

**A/N: **I am blown away by the response I'm getting for the story! Last chapter had the most reviews yet! I've come to really appreciate reading your reviews on the characters, both here and on the Twilighted forum. It's interesting how some people think Bella shouldn't forgive Edward, while others think that Bella is to blame and shouldn't have left him.

As the author, I definitely have my own opinion and a plan for how I intend the story to be written. But I also love that the story is open to interpretation. I tried to capture all these feelings and emotions in this chapter, but still keep true to my characters and how they would respond to this situation.

A HUGE shout-out to my beta, **Coleen561**, who is also a **writer** for this chapter! Awhile back, when I was bouncing plot ideas back and forth with her, she originally thought I needed a James POV to clue readers into his plan. I balked and felt it was unnecessary. So, she decided to write her own James POV and completely won me over! I hope you enjoy it as much as I have (more on her fabulous writing at the end).

Warning – this chapter is LOADED (it probably could have been 2 chapters long, but I got a little carried away). This is not a chapter to skim!

* * *

_I can tell how much you hate this,_

_And deep down inside you know it's killing me,_

_I can call, wish you well, and try to change this,_

_But nothing I can say would change anything._

_Where were my senses?_

_I left them all behind._

_Why did I turn away?_

_- Kelly Clarkson_

**James's POV**

I glanced up at the weirdly abstract flower painting that adorned my hotel suite. I was sitting on a sofa and Victoria was giving me a blow job, which was usually an excellent way to unwind after a cross country plane trip - especially a long flight sitting next to the perfectly infuriating _Isabella Swan_. But today, Victoria's earnest ministrations as she kneeled in front of me were somehow more irritating than pleasurable.

_Isabella Swan._ With her smug, my-shit-don't-stink attitude, and her smart mouth . . . with those full, pink lips . . . and her eyes, always looking at me with a mixture of disgust and disdain.

I felt a surge of anger rise up in me, like bile in back of my throat. Looking down, the long, red, frizzy hair of Victoria transformed into soft waves of brown and her pale green eyes darkened into wide, innocent, brown eyes that gazed at me in adoration. I immediately grew harder and reached down to roughly grab her hair, threading my fingers through the long tresses next to her scalp.

A small whimper registered somewhere in the back of my mind as I began to thrust into her wet, warm mouth.

_That's right, bitch. You're going to take all of it. We're going to put that smart mouth of yours to work. You don't like those songs? Try singing them with my cock shoved down your throat._

Suddenly, images of Isabella at the "Candies" shoot appeared in my mind. Isabella in that pink corset and those fuck-me shoes . . . walking towards me with her eyes on the floor and a soft smile dancing at the corners of her mouth . . . shyly looking up at me and begging, _'Please James, let me . . . I'll do anything . . .I want you . . . I want to be yours . . .'_ As fantasy Isabella dropped to her knees in front of me, I felt my balls tighten, and then I was cumming. The intensity of my release made my head swim, and I instinctively tightened my grip on Victoria's head and pushed her face down on my cock.

As my mind began to clear, I could hear whimpering and gagging and . . ._crying?_ I pushed Victoria away from me. Looking down, I saw tears streaming down her face; she was gasping for breath, and my cum was dripping from her chin.

_Shit._

"I, uh . . . I'm going to go clean up, babe." I stood and pulled up my pants. I saw a brief flash of anger in her eyes as I turned to go to the bathroom.

When I returned, Victoria had put herself back together, probably using the suite's kitchen/bar. She still looked pissed.

_Christ, I better do something to make this better. I've never had any complaints from the talent before, well except for Isabella, and I don't need that shit now._

"Hey, babe. I'm getting a drink from the mini-bar. Can I bring you something?"

Her face immediately softened. Yeah, chicks always go for that shit. I guess it makes me sound considerate or something.

"Oh, yes! Thanks, James. You know what I like." She practically purred. But then, she needed me.

Victoria was at the end of her career. She had made a name for herself as the lead singer of a wildly popular all-girl band, _The Red Hots._ But that was twelve years ago. She had arrogantly left her band for a shot at a solo career. Although she had experienced some success as a solo act, it was never the same. She'd probably be doing fine, surviving on her royalties and making occasional appearances, but she had married her former manager, who gambled away most of her earnings and embezzled the rest. He was currently doing time somewhere for embezzlement. _Stupid, greedy bastard. There are lots of ways to skim some from the talent without getting caught. You just can't take too much at once._

I handed her a wine cooler . . . _I think that's the one she likes . . . who can remember that shit?_ and sat next to her on the sofa.

_I better make nice. I'll throw the dog a bone._

"Well, I'm glad we could meet today. I've been working on some exciting opportunities for you." _Not really, but hey, it's what she wants to hear._

"Really? Is it a singing gig? I'm really anxious to get out there again. The girls I hear singing today – they're just awful. I want to remind people how a real singer does it. Do you have a stylist I can work with? I'll need something new . . ."

And on and on she went. I waited for her to take a breath so I could try and get her back under control. The reality of the situation was that Victoria was rapidly approaching her mid-thirties in a field where the real money makers were artists like Isabella: young, fresh, and hot-as-fuck. Victoria's contract was ending in a couple of months. Aro and I had already decided to drop her then.

"Whoa, hold on there, Vicki. I think audiences need to be re-introduced to you in a different way. Face it: there are many college students and teens out there who have never heard of you."

Her expression fell briefly, but she quickly recovered.

"Look, Vicki, I'm exploring an opportunity with a reality TV show. It's all hush-hush at this point, but I wanted you to know that I'm trying to find something for you."

"Oh, James! That sounds perfect! I would LOVE to do it. Is it somewhere exotic? Would I get to sing?"

Chuckling, I continued to toy with her. "Now, now, Vicki…I can't answer those questions without giving it all away."

I stood to escort her out the door. "Well, it was great seeing you."

I was tired of this game and ready to relax with some mindless TV. She stood hesitantly and paused. _Why are bitches always like this? It's time to GO._

"I thought you were taking me out tonight."

_Oh, shit. I think I did say something about dinner._

Just then, my cell buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out. _Aro. Fuck. What would he want?_

"Look, babe, this is Aro on the line. I forgot that we had a conference call scheduled this evening. I'm gonna have to take a rain check on that dinner. Maybe when we get together to sign that paperwork for the reality TV show?" _In other words, maybe never._

"Oh, yes! That would be wonderful. I'm sooo excited!"

I quickly answered the phone so that Aro wouldn't go to my voicemail. _I didn't need that motherfucker mad at me._ "Aro, hold on a second. Let me get to where I can talk."

Muting the phone, I hastily escorted Victoria out. Walking back into the room, I eyed the sofa, but decided to sit at the nearby desk instead.

"Aro, what can I do for . . ." I was immediately interrupted by a surprisingly distraught voice on the other end.

"James, have you seen the news? Cullen had an overdose!"

"Uh, which one?"

"Edward, of course!" a slightly irritated Aro responded.

_Of course. Congratulations Cullen, you are now the complete cliché of a rock star. Fucking moron._

Aro continued, "We don't have any updates from the doctors yet, but I've gotten reports that say he's in a coma. They're just about to start the European leg of their tour. This is bad, very bad."

_Huh. I don't think I've ever heard Aro with his panties in a bunch like this. He's always such a calm, smooth motherfucker._

"As soon as we find out more about Edward's condition, all the managers will need to meet with me to review the status of their talent and coordinate how we will shift some of the attention away from The Volturi. I'm especially anxious to meet with you because we need to restart Isabella's career. It's very important to the label that all our other acts are generating revenue while our top talent may be unavailable for awhile.

"I don't understand your lack of success with Isabella. Thank God for her work on this song for the movie; there has already been talk of a possible Oscar nomination. We must get her back on track. We'll need to meet tomorrow. My assistant will call you with a time." Aro finished, and I knew the conversation was over.

"Of course, Aro."

We both hung up, and I decided to switch on the news and watch the circus surrounding Cullen's overdose.

I wasn't looking forward to meeting with Aro. It wasn't my fault that Isabella kept fucking up. She just wouldn't listen to me and fought me every step of the way.

But then there were the tabloids. This gag order from Aro (again, her own fault, _stupid bitch_) had kept us from getting any sympathetic publicity.

Strange, though. No matter what I did, and regardless of the information that my "anonymous" sources fed the gossip rags, we couldn't catch a break. I had leaked all sorts of dirt about Cullen's drug use and whoring, but none of it ever got to print. I had begun to wonder if Aro's sphere of influence was even bigger than I had imagined. That had me worried.

* * *

**Bella's POV**

_Critical Condition…_

_Unconscious…_

_Drug Overdose…_

The words that had flashed across the television screen kept repeating in my head like a broken record. I knew nothing other than those three facts. I felt like I was in a haze and prayed to God that this was all a horrible nightmare. I willed myself to wake up...but instead, I felt like I was spinning faster and faster, falling down a rabbit hole.

_Oh, Edward!_

I'm not sure how I managed to get out of the premiere; everything was a blur of motion. All I remembered was the bartender taking me out an employee entrance and helping me into a car before I had a nervous breakdown. As soon as I was in the back of the car, I frantically punched Alice's name in my cell phone.

At any other time, I would have felt guilty for calling Alice. I had ignored her calls and completely stopped being a friend to her after the breakup. But my thoughts were only focused on one thing: _Edward._ I _needed_ Alice to pick up the phone. _I needed her to tell me that he was OK._

Alice answered my call, but she did nothing to alleviate any of my fears.

_He was in the ICU._

_He was in a coma._

I stumbled on my words, trying to gauge her reaction to the possibility of me going to the hospital. It was painful that I even had to ask to see Edward. If I was still his girlfriend, there would be no question – I would have already been by his side.

_If I was still his girlfriend, this never would have happened._

Without any hesitation, Alice offered to pick me up from the hotel and take me to the hospital. For the majority of the ride, we sat in silence while I went through every worst-case scenario in my head. There was so much that needed to be said, that was just left hanging between us…about the breakup…our friendship…Edward. But I couldn't talk; saying anything out loud just made it all _real_. I was still praying that I was seconds away from waking up.

Alice briefly told me the few details she was able to get from Jasper, who was already at the hospital. Edward was found unconscious and not breathing in a hotel room at the Chateau Marmont. The Chateau was an elite Hollywood hotel and bar. Its name was tied to plenty of celebrities and their wild parties. It was also the famous landmark where John Belushi died of a drug overdose.

_Now it may be famous for two celebrity deaths…_

A sob escaped from my mouth, and I cried out in horror, imagining Edward lying face-down on the ground, unconscious. The thoughts made me physically begin to choke. I gasped for air, trying desperately to stop from suffocating.

_He couldn't be…_

I put my head on top of my knees and began rocking myself back and forth.

_My heart could barely function without Edward…I couldn't bear to imagine a __life__ without him._

Alice took one hand off the steering wheel and rubbed my back, trying to calm me down. "He's going to be alright, Isabella."

Her voice was tight, and I could tell she was holding herself together for me. I wished I could be strong like Alice. Instead, I was seconds away from completely losing it and having a nervous breakdown in the passenger seat of her car.

I thought back to the night I saw him at 40 Deuce. I _saw_ him buy the drugs. I _saw_ him do the drugs. He _admitted _he had been using since his birthday. And I _told_ him he was destroying himself…

_But I never believed it._

I didn't know the extent of it. I couldn't even fathom Edward would ever be capable of going this far. I didn't think…_Oh, God – I just didn't think!_

After about twenty minutes of Alice driving while I hyperventilated next to her, we arrived at UCLA Medical Center, where it was complete and utter mayhem. The traffic was jammed and reporters were roaming the streets blocks before we even pulled up to the front of the building. News vans lined the street in each direction; some were carelessly parked on the sidewalks. It looked like a circus.

I gaped at the mass of people that practically blocked every entrance and was legitimately scared. It made me angry; all these people were only there to get the latest, most sensational story. None of them _cared_ about Edward.

Alice parked her car in a loading zone, and security was already waiting at the side entrance to escort us up the service elevator. The ride up to the fifth floor was filled with the same uncomfortable silence that had characterized our trip from the hotel to the hospital. There was so much I wanted to say to her: _I'm sorry for ignoring you; I'm sorry for being such a shitty friend. _But now was not the time. The only thing I cared about was knowing that Edward was ok.

The elevator doors dinged open; Jasper stood on the other side, waiting for Alice. He was rigid, extremely tense. He gave a small smile that did not reach his eyes when he saw Alice. Then his eyes widened in complete shock when he saw I was standing next to her. He scanned me up and down, and I held my breath, waiting for his reaction. After a brief second, he gathered me into a hug.

"It's good to see you, Isabella."

"Oh, Jazz…" I could feel the tears threatening to spill over again. "How is he?"

Jasper pulled back and started walking, leading the way in front of us. He grabbed Alice's hand and kissed it softly.

"He's in the ICU, but he's in stable condition. He's still unconscious; the doctors say he may be out for awhile. Right now, they're only allowing two visitors at a time in his room – Dr. and Mrs. Cullen are in there now."

We rounded a corner and came to a private waiting room – Emmett and Rosalie were the only two people in there. Emmett sat in a chair with his head between his hands, while Rosalie stood behind him, stroking his back. Rosalie saw me first; she gently placed her hand on Emmett's shoulder to get his attention and gave me a sad smile.

Emmett's head shot up, and we immediately made eye-contact. I had never seen him in such a panicked state before. _Come to think of it, I had never seen him upset._ His eyes were red and puffy around the rims, evidence that he had been crying heavily. Just seeing how broken he was caused me to get choked up. I had to place my hand over my mouth to stifle the sobs that were trying to escape. His eyes bore into mine with such intensity and fire…and then he snapped his attention to Jasper.

"What the hell is _SHE_ doing here?"

I gasped and instinctively took a step back; Emmett continued to glare at me.

"I brought her here," Alice spoke up in my defense; although, I could hear in her voice that she was starting to second-guess her decision.

Emmett jumped up and strode across the waiting room to stand in front of me in three long, quick strides.

"What are you doing here, Isabella?" he repeated. "You're _not our friend_, remember?"

Hearing Emmett throw my own words back at me was like a stab to my heart. This time I couldn't restrain the cry that escaped from my mouth. I hastily tried to wipe at the tears that were now pouring down my face.

"I needed to know that he's OK," I whispered. "I care."

"You CARE?" Emmett roared. His massive build towered over me; I was starting to get frightened. "You don't fucking care, Isabella! _You_ didn't care when _you_ left him! You weren't there when he was completely broken because of _you!_ You didn't beg him to put down the bottle because _you're_ not worth it! _You_ left him when he needed you the most! _You _did this to him!"

"Emmett, please…" I begged him to stop. Each accusation he threw at me felt like a kick to the ribs. I was in hysterics, doubled over in pain.

"That's enough, Emmett!" Rosalie yelled.

She grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the waiting room, away from me. Alice was by my side, tentatively putting her hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged her off. _I didn't need her sympathy. I deserved everything Emmett said. _I glanced up, and Emmett's eyes were still boring into mine.

"Get the fuck out of here!"

"Emmett, no!" Rosalie gasped.

Emmett ignored Rose's protests next to him. "Leave!"

I glanced around at the others. Everyone stared back at me, horrified and not knowing what to do. _This was Edward's family…I was no longer a part of it. _I lowered my eyes, ashamed to look at any of them.

"I…I'm…sorry," I choked out.

I spun around, wanting to make as quick an exit as possible. I ran down the hallway, unsure which direction I should be going. My vision was completely blurred by the tears that filled my eyes. Emmett's words continued to echo in my mind.

_You did this! You did this!_

"Isabella, wait!" Alice called out behind me.

I spun around. "Alice…I can't…I shouldn't have come."

"Emmett doesn't mean it…"

"He does, Alice! And he has every right to say that to me! I shouldn't have come," I repeated. "Stay here…Edward's going to need his family and friends. I'll get a cab back to my hotel. Just…please let me know any updates?"

Alice nodded sadly. I could tell she was torn between leaving with me and staying to support Jasper. She didn't need to choose. Alice rushed forward, throwing her arms around me. I held onto her tightly, desperate for her not to slip away.

"He'll be ok," she whispered, trying once again to reassure me.

I pulled away from her and wiped at the tears streaming down my face.

"Thank you," I mouthed to her.

I turned around and walked down the hallway, leaving Alice with the rest of Edward's support system. I wasn't sure how I was going to get out of the hospital. The outside was a complete media frenzy and I didn't want to try and force my way through that crowd of vultures. Hoping to find a nurse's station or a security officer, I continued to make my way through the corridors. As I walked past each room, I couldn't help but look in, hoping for a glance of Edward.

_I just needed to see him. I needed to know he was OK._

I rounded a corner and was nearly knocked off balance when I ran head-first into Esme. I gasped, and Esme's eyes widened, as she realized who had just slammed into her. She looked completely worn down and weary. Her face was red and blotchy; her hair was falling out of a messy bun that was in stark contrast to her usually elegant appearance. Her eyes showed how exhausted she was. It was hard to believe that it had only been an hour since Edward arrived at the hospital. She looked as if she hadn't slept for days.

"Esme…" I began to say, tentatively. _I couldn't bear for Esme to hate me like Emmett did._

"Oh, Isabella!" She grasped at my arm, squeezed it tightly, and then pulled me towards her, wrapping her arms around me. "Thank you so much for coming!"

I fell into her embrace, openly weeping into her shoulder. I had always looked at Esme with a sense of awe and jealousy. She was always so well put-together, and it wasn't just about the image with her. It was absolutely clear that her world revolved around her family and she would do anything for them. I looked up to her; she was the perfect mother. I couldn't help but feel envious that she wasn't _my _mother. Of course, Esme never treated me as anything less than one of her own children when I was with Edward. I was immediately welcomed as part of her family; another aspect that made me love her.

"Oh, Esme, I'm so sorry!" I bawled. She pulled me in tighter; we both leaned on each other for support.

"The doctors say he should make a full recovery, but they don't know when he'll wake up. When I think about how close we came to losing him…" She trailed off and I shuddered against her; I couldn't think about that. "Carlisle is meeting with some of the doctors. The rest of the group is in the waiting room. Come, I'll take you to them."

I pulled away from her and shook my head. "I already saw them…I just wanted to make sure Edward was OK. I should get going now."

"Isabella, please stay. When Edward eventually wakes up, I know he'll want to see you."

_Talk to Edward?_

In my state of panic to rush over here and find out his condition, I never once thought about having to actually face him again. _What could I say to him? _I looked back towards the waiting room and thought about Emmett's wrath. I couldn't go back there.

"Esme, when Edward and I broke up, we didn't end on good terms…I'm not sure he'd even want to see me. I don't think I'm welcome here."

Esme followed my gaze down the hall; her eyes narrowed. "Did someone say something to you?"

I looked down, not wanting to get Emmett in trouble with his mother. "It's my fault, Esme," I whispered.

Esme's face crumpled in pain and she immediately pulled me back into her arms.

"Oh, sweetie! Edward has put me through _hell_ these past few days! I can only imagine what he put you through. I have been wracking my brain, trying to figure out where I went wrong as a mother…what I could have done differently. But when it comes down to it, Edward is a grown man and responsible for his own actions. Nobody else is to blame. _You _are not to blame," she emphasized.

I wanted so badly to believe her, but nothing could erase the overwhelming sense of guilt I felt. Esme looked back down the hallway to the waiting room and then gently put her hand on my shoulder, guiding me in the direction she had just come from. We stopped in front of a door that was flanked by two large security officers. My heart began to race when I realized where we were and who was on the other side of that door.

"I know Emmett is desperate to see his brother…but take a few minutes and say what you need to say to him."

I glanced up at her hesitantly. _Could I really do this?_ As if she heard my inner struggle, Esme nodded and opened up the door. I took a deep breath, braced myself, and stepped inside the room. I heard the door softly shut behind me.

I was alone with him. So many times I had imagined various scenarios where I saw Edward again, yet I never thought he would be unconscious in a hospital bed. Machines that were hooked up to Edward beeped sporadically, monitoring his heart rate. There was very little in the room: two chairs by the side of the bed…a bed table…Edward…me…_and all the pain that hung in the air between us_.

I tiptoed over to the side of the bed, afraid that I would wake him – even though I knew it wasn't possible. I couldn't stop the new onslaught of tears that I began to shed just from looking at him. It was like looking at a distorted picture of the man I loved; I couldn't see _My Edward_ anywhere inside the shell of a man that was lying there. He was much thinner, having lost a lot of his body muscle. His face looked gaunt and pale. He had large dark circles underneath his eyes, making them look sunken. It was absolutely heartbreaking to see: my strong and confident Edward…was so frail.

I reached out and lightly brushed some stray hair out of his face. His hair had grown since the last time I saw him. I had to fight the overwhelming urge to crawl into the bed with him and wrap my arms around him. Instead, I sat down on the chair next to the head of the bed and gently laid my hand on top of his.

"Hi," I said, barely above a whisper. "It's me."

I paused, almost imagining that Edward's eyes would shoot open at the sound of my voice. He remained still. I stared down at our hands, unable to keep looking at his face. I tried to form the words I wanted to say to him, but my thoughts were racing through my mind so fast, and I had no clue how to feel around him - or what I _should _feel.

_I love you._

_I hate you._

_You hurt me._

_I hurt you._

_It's your fault._

_It's my fault._

_I'm sorry._

"Do you remember the night you came to Forks and told me you loved me?" I started, unsure of where I was even going with the story. "I knew I was in love with you before we even left the tour. I was so scared to tell you; I didn't know how you'd react. When I went back to Forks, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I loved you; even though you were thousands of miles away and we had gone our separate ways. I couldn't get you out of my heart…I still can't.

"When you said those words to me…it was the most euphoric feeling I've ever had. Every time I was with you, I felt like I was on a high. _You_ were my drug, Edward…but maybe that wasn't healthy either."

Feeling braver, I reached up and stroked his cheek.

"I'm so sorry…" I gasped as the regret and grief pounded into my chest full-force. I dropped my head onto the side of the bed, sobbing into his arm. "I didn't realize…I was so hurt…_Why did you do it, Edward?"_

My pain turned into anguish. Edward should NOT be lying in this bed, unconscious.

"Do you realize how many people love you and are worried sick about you? If I had known, I would have helped you! But you didn't fucking let me in!"

I was so torn and confused.

_This was his fault!_

_This was my fault!_

_He cheated and lied to me…I couldn't forgive him._

_He needed me._

I looked frantically around the room, as if I was searching for an answer to my internal struggle. My eyes landed on the bedside table. A clear plastic bag, labeled "Patient," was lying there with all his personal possessions: his cell phone, wallet, sunglasses, keys, and a small black notebook. I immediately recognized it as Edward's song book. Whenever he had lyrics stuck in his head, he'd immediately write them down in the notebook he always kept in his back pocket.

I reached out and opened up the bag, pulling out the book; I took one more glance at Edward to make sure I wasn't caught red-handed. While Edward had never had a problem with me seeing his song book before, I couldn't help but feel it was now an invasion of his privacy…still I couldn't resist my only chance to read his thoughts.

I flipped open the pages, looking at his scribbles. One page in particular, dated May 2nd, caught my attention; we were still together at this point.

_Everyone thinks that I have it all  
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls  
If I should tumble, if I should fall  
Would anyone hear me screaming behind these castle walls?  
There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls_

The raw honesty in his words sent me reeling. _How long had he felt like this? Why didn't he tell me?_ Even when we were together, he still felt all alone. I thought back to the time when he wrote those lyrics. It was during my first month on the current tour – before Edward's hurtful words were broadcast to the entire world, before Charlie quit, and before our accident. We were so happy back then. Or, at least, _I was so happy_…I thought he was too.

I remembered the photo shoot we did with _Vanity Fair_ and how much fun we had at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. To the photographer's credit, the pictures turned out absolutely gorgeous; we were both dressed in black, posing in a golden field, laughing, and goofing off with one another. We couldn't keep a straight face throughout the entire shoot because of all the absurd phrases the photographer kept shouting "to get us in the mood."

"_That's right, Isabella, baby! Feel the passion between you two!"_

_I threw my head back and laughed. I was in Edward's arms and he was lifting me off the ground by holding onto my backside. He had two large handfuls of ass cheeks and he squeezed them, pulling me close to his erection. _

_Oh yes, I could definitely feel the passion._

"_Edward! Stand up straight! You're the man! You're domineering! You're the King of Rock!" the photographer shouted._

_Edward looked at me and made a silly face. "I thought Elvis was the King?"_

"_No, it was Michael Jackson."_

"_Wasn't he the Prince?"_

"_I thought Prince was the Prince."_

"_Enough silliness! I want to see passion!" the photographer demanded._

_Edward leaned his head forward and kissed the nape of my neck. I instinctively threw my head back, giving him greater access, and closed my eyes._

"_Well, if I'm a King…you're the Queen."_

"_Madonna."_

"_Princess?" He moved his kisses up to my jaw line._

"_Britney," I countered. "Face it, Cullen – I'm not royalty, like you are."_

_Edward nuzzled my cheek and I couldn't help but giggle, feeling his stubble against my skin. I felt his lips smile against me._

"_That's because you're on a whole other level, Bells. You're my goddess."_

I closed my eyes and tried to shove the memories of us deep down, where they had been locked away the past six weeks. I couldn't dwell on the past; it wouldn't do any good. Those were happier times…better times…but not our reality anymore.

I looked back down at Edward and his tormented face; even in his sleep he didn't look peaceful. Edward's reality was filled was so many demons…none of which I had any clue about. He looked like a lost little boy, scared and all alone. And my reality…well, I had no clue what my reality was anymore, since it had come crashing down around me a few hours prior.

I brushed at my tears and turned my attention back to his notebook, turning the pages some more. The next entry was dated, July 1st, a few weeks after I walked out on him. I paused for a brief second, unsure if I was ready to read his thoughts about our breakup, before curiosity finally got the best of me.

_What am I supposed to do  
When the best part of me was always you?  
What am I supposed to say  
When I'm all choked up and you're ok?  
I'm falling to pieces…_

Guilt consumed me. I looked back at Edward's motionless body; Emmett's voice continued to scream at me in my head.

_This is all your fault! This is all your fault!_

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I repeated to him. I kept opening and closing my mouth, trying to say everything I needed to say to him…not like it mattered, since he was unconscious, but I needed to get it off my chest. Too many emotions were running through me, and I could barely make sense of them. I felt like I was sinking from the amount of grief and guilt that was weighing me down.

Without thinking, I reached over to the table, grabbed a pen, and found the first blank page in Edward's notebook. I stared at Edward again…somewhere deep inside that body was the man I knew so well. Even though he appeared to be, he wasn't lost; he just needed to find himself again. I closed my eyes and tried to write the words I was unable to speak to him.

I frantically scribbled all the thoughts and emotions that swirled through my head. I had no intention of reading them to Edward; they were for my eyes only – a catharsis for me. I regretted a lot of things and was torn because of the decisions I had made. I knew that our relationship had been seriously damaged by all of his lies. There was no way we could have fixed that. Yet, if I had stayed…_could I have fixed him?_

I heard voices talking outside the door and quickly threw Edward's notebook back down on the table. The last thing I needed was Emmett walking in and catching me "snooping." I stood, expecting that my time with Edward was up, and waited to be confronted by the next visitor. I was surprised when Carlisle walked through the door.

The tall, blonde-haired man stood in the doorway – his eyes darting back and forth between me and Edward. He was dressed in khakis and a v-neck. He had always been dashingly handsome, and it was clear where his sons got their looks. However, in the fluorescent lights of the hospital room, he looked tired and aged. Carlisle walked over to me and grasped my hand.

"Isabella, I'm sorry that we're seeing each other again under such circumstances."

I nodded, unsure how to respond. _Did Carlisle blame me too?_

"I want to apologize for Emmett's words to you. You're not the person he's mad at – you just happen to be the person he took it out on."

Carlisle walked over to the bed, checking on Edward's vitals.

"Emmett's mad at Edward, and he's mad at himself. Yesterday, our family attempted to hold an intervention," he explained. Carlisle frowned and looked down at Edward. "It was poorly executed and I take responsibility for that. Instead of listening to us, Edward became furious and stormed out of his house…that's the last we saw of him."

I stayed silent, waiting for Carlisle to continue. He looked down at his son with a mixture of love and agony. There was no doubt that Edward was breaking his father's heart. He sighed and looked back up at me. The pain was radiating from his eyes.

"Emmett blames himself…Hell, we all blame ourselves," Carlisle corrected. "Right before Edward stormed off, Emmett and Jasper quit the band. Rosalie refused to be Edward's publicist. We were all hoping that would be the wake-up call he needed. Instead, he saw us as abandoning him. Emmett feels he's at fault because he threatened to leave Edward."

I looked down, ashamed and unable to face Carlisle.

"I left Edward," I whispered.

Carlisle took a few steps closer to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Isabella, this is _not_ your fault. Edward needs to admit that he has a problem and ask for help. It's not your responsibility to fix him."

"I should have been there for him!" I agonized.

"What could you have done, Isabella?" Carlisle asked in a non-condescending way. "Just watched as he destroyed himself? How could you have helped him when he refused to admit he had a problem?"

"Maybe he would have stopped…"

Carlisle wearily shook his head. "Everybody that loves Edward has already pleaded with him to stop. He's a stubborn boy; unfortunately, he got that trait from me. Edward never listened to anyone else's advice growing up. He always needed to make his own mistakes and learn from them."

Carlisle grabbed Edward's hand and squeezed it.

"It's a terrifying thing…to helplessly watch your child and not have a clue how to fix things for them. At least when they were little, you could set boundaries…punish them for their mistakes. Now, you just have to watch them and hope that you've given them enough love and support for them to grow on their own…but you never stop worrying."

I watched Carlisle, looking at his son reverently, and took a step backwards; I felt as if I was intruding on a private father-son moment. My thoughts went back to Edward's song lyrics. _Edward was so blind! He was never alone! Why couldn't he see that?_

"I should get going…"

Carlisle turned around, surprised, as if he had forgotten I was in the room.

"Thank you for coming, Isabella. It means a lot to Esme and me."

"I just wish there was more I could do," I offered helplessly.

Carlisle gave a knowing smile. "You being here is enough. Edward still loves you very much."

I swallowed, unsure how to answer. Of course I still loved him…but it wasn't enough.

"I just hope that when he wakes up, he realizes how much _everyone_ loves him, and he gets the help he needs."

* * *

**Edward POV**

_The sound of a piano was the first noise that I heard. I wasn't sure how long I had been walking around. I felt like I was wandering around aimlessly, but with the soft tinker of the keys, I suddenly knew exactly where I needed to be. I leaned over the banister, looking down at the great hallway below me for any signs of life; I saw nothing._

_My feet flew two-at-a-time down the spiral staircase; the notes from the piano were getting louder as I got closer. When I finally made my way down the never ending staircase and rounded the corner, I saw her._

_She sat in a long, flowing, white gown at the piano bench. Her back was to me as she gently stroked the ivory keys. The windows in the large marble room were open and the white curtains kept blowing in the breeze, billowing around her. Her long, brown hair cascaded down her back. She was a vision of beauty._

_I walked forward and quietly sat next to her. She kept her head down, watching her fingers glide across the keys. I sat in awe, just watching her beauty and trying to capture her essence._

"_You're not supposed to be here," she said quietly to me._

"_There's nowhere else I want to be."_

"_I want you someplace else," she pushed._

"_Where?"_

"_You know where." It sounded as if she was singing to me._

_I placed my fingers on the keys and began to play along with her, accompanying her melody with my harmony. I wasn't even sure what we were playing._

"_I want to be with you, Bella."_

_She withdrew her hands from the keys and placed them on her lap, watching me as I continued on with the music._

"_But I'm not here."_

"_It's the only place I can find you."_

"_You're not opening your eyes."_

"_Please…stay with me."_

_She sadly shook her head and stood up from the bench. I tried to get up with her, but my fingers were stuck to the piano. It seemed necessary for the song to continue playing, or else everything around us would stop._

"_You're leaving me?" I asked when she took a few steps towards the door._

"_It's time."_

"_For what?"_

"_For you to open your eyes." She smiled, walked away, and disappeared - leaving me alone, in the huge, empty room. My fingers continued to fly across the keys. I tried to stand up…Bella said it was time…I didn't want to be stuck here anymore. But I couldn't move . . ._

* * *

Everything was dark. I could hear muffled talking, but couldn't make out what was being said or who was saying it. I felt hot, very hot…and thirsty. I felt like someone had just told me to open my eyes. But, for the life of me, I couldn't even remember how to do that simple function. I tried to focus on my muscles to make myself blink, but I couldn't feel anything.

Someone was in the room – _why couldn't they help me? Didn't they see me struggling?_ I listened closely to the muted voices, hoping I'd figure out what was going on.

"Edward…blame…not yours."

_They were talking about me! I was right here in front of them, but they were acting like I wasn't even here._

"…so scared…"

"What you said…Isabella…not right."

_Isabella? They were talking about Bella?_ I tried with all my might to force my eyes open.

"I was so angry, Rose!"

_Emmett! This time I could definitely make out Emmett's voice._

I struggled again to open my eyes…nothing. I inhaled a deep breath and tried to get their attention another way.

"Em…" My voice came out soft and raspy.

There was silence in the room, and for a second I thought they had disappeared, before I felt a hand grasping mine.

"Edward! I'm right here, buddy. Rosie – go get Mom and Dad!"

Almost effortlessly, as if I hadn't been trying in vain for the past few minutes, my eyes flickered open. I was lying on a bed and Emmett's face was hovering over me. His eyes were red and, by the look on his face, I couldn't tell if he was about to hug me or strangle me.

I glanced around at my surroundings and quickly realized I wasn't in my room…or a hotel room, for that matter. I was fairly positive by the tubes that ran from my arms and the cold, sterile smell the wafted through the air that I was in a hospital.

"What happened?"

Emmett frowned. "You don't remember anything?"

I shook my head; the small act immediately caused me to wince in pain.

"You had a drug overdose, Edward. You nearly died!"

_I OD'd? What the fuck? I know my limits. I have it under control._

"I couldn't…how?" I asked, bewildered.

Emmett's face contorted into rage. "You tell me how! Do you have any clue what you put us all through? What you've done to Mom?"

As if on cue, Esme and Carlisle rushed into the room with Rosalie following behind. Esme ran over to the side of my bed and threw her arms around me, sobbing into my shoulder. I tentatively placed my hand on her back, trying to comfort her. I had never seen my mother so scared and upset. I glanced around the room at the expressions that were all fixated on me – they all held so much pain in their eyes.

_I did this._

"Oh, Edward! Thank God you're alright," Esme sobbed.

"I'm…sorry," I choked out.

_What else could I say?_ The guilt of what I had put my entire family through was hitting me full force. I thought about all of them at my house, pleading with me to stop using. _How long ago was that now?_ They had been so desperate, and all I did was lash out at them in anger. I looked over at my father, whose eyes were filled with so much sorrow, and immediately felt ashamed.

"I didn't think…"

"That's right, you didn't think!" Carlisle snapped at me. "You didn't think about your career…you didn't think about your life…you didn't think about everyone that loves you and has been worried sick about you!

"What would we have done if you…" Carlisle's voice broke and he quickly turned his back towards me.

I had never seen my father so shaken. Sure, it pained me to see Esme crying over me; but to see my father break down? I couldn't handle the shame. I was weighed down by guilt; as if all my demons were sitting on top of my chest, pinning me down.

"I'm sorry," I repeated.

Esme stood up and wiped the tears from her eyes, composing herself. "The important thing is that you're alive and that you get the help you need."

"I won't do it again," I promised.

Emmett's eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted when a nurse whisked into the room and starting playing with the monitors by my bed.

"Folks, I know that Mr. Cullen just woke up, and you all want to be with him. However, I need to check his vitals, and it's important that he gets enough rest. You can all come back in an hour."

Carlisle held up his hand to stop Emmett from continuing on with his thought. "Edward, we'll leave you alone. You should clear your head and spend some time thinking about what to do."

Rosalie pulled out her cell phone. "I'll give Jasper and Alice a call and let them know you're awake. They were here for hours before Esme finally sent them home."

"They were here too?" I was floored that all my friends had rushed to my side. The guilt of what I had done continued to eat at me.

"_Everyone_ was here, Edward." Rosalie was speaking to me but her eyes narrowed and she glared at Emmett.

There was a moment where nobody spoke. Instead, they silently passed meaningful looks back and forth with each other. Something was going on and they weren't telling me.

"What happened?"

Esme took my hand in hers and used her other hand to smooth down my hair. She smiled at me sadly. "Isabella was here."

My heart constricted and I had to close my eyes, hoping to block out the wave of emotions that hit me.

_Bella…MY Bella had been here._

I had pictured her coming to me every night. I drank myself into a stupor so that I could conjure up images of her next to me. And _now_ she had finally come back to me. She was there by my side…_and she saw me like this._

Grief and embarrassment washed through me. _No! It wasn't supposed to be like this!_ I was supposed to get my life back on track and prove to Bella that we could be together again. _She wasn't supposed to see me at my worst!_

I took a few deep breaths to try and steady my breathing and opened my eyes; everyone had left the room. I was left alone with the steady beeping of the heart rate monitor and the nurse, who was writing information down on the chart at the end of my bed.

"If you hadn't been rushed to the hospital when you were, you might not have survived." The nurse kept her head down, continuing to write. "You're a lucky man, Mr. Cullen."

_Lucky?_ I didn't feel lucky. I felt like the most unlucky son-of-a-bitch there was. I had lost everything. I lost Bella. I probably lost my career from this incident. I had lost the faith of my family. And now, I almost lost my life. _I had nothing._

The nurse left me alone to my thoughts – something I wasn't necessarily ready to face. So many emotions were flooding me that I couldn't grasp one long enough to make sense of anything.

_Guilt._

_Grief._

_Anger._

_Shame._

_Disappointment._

I glanced over at my bedside table and grabbed a large Styrofoam cup with a straw. Shaking slightly, I brought it to my lips and emptied it with one long draw. _How was I supposed to fix any of this? How could I live with myself after all the pain I had caused everyone? All I was doing was making mistake after mistake. _

I placed the empty cup back on the table and noticed my black song book sitting on top of a plastic bag with the rest of my belongings. I gently picked it up and leafed through the pages. Now was as good a time as any to get my thoughts down on paper.

When I turned to the last page, my hand froze. The handwriting was not mine, and I immediately recognized it as Bella's. I brushed my hand across the ink, wishing it was her I was touching instead of just her words. _She had been so close._

I paused before reading her words, as fear crept into me. _What if she told me she hated me? What if she told me she found someone new…someone better…someone worthy of her love? _I couldn't bear to lose her a second time around.

But I also couldn't bear to sit here, with the only form of _real_ communication I'd had with Bella in almost two months, and _not_ read what she had to say to me.

_I didn't mean to leave you stranded._

_Went away 'cause I didn't want to face the truth._

_Reaching out, reach for me, empty handed._

_You don't know if I care, you're trying to find the proof._

I exhaled a breath I didn't know I had been holding, as I read her lyrics. _Did she still care? _She obviously showed up to be by my side. _That had to count for something, right?_ I wondered how long she stayed, and why Emmett and Rosalie seemed so hesitant to tell me she was here. Did she say something to them? Did she come with Jacob?

I tried to push away all my insecurities and continued reading.

_There were times I'd wonder,_

_Could I have eased your pain?_

_Why did I turn away?_

Realization suddenly hit me; the guilt that had been consuming me was magnified tenfold onto my loved ones. My parents, Emmett, even Bella…they all felt they were to blame. _And why wouldn't they – I had been placing the blame on everyone __but__ me! _But this was nobody's fault but my own.

I pushed Bella away.

I lied to her over and over again.

I chose drugs over her.

I chose drugs over my family.

I chose drugs over my career.

_And, for the life of me, I couldn't even remember why anymore._

None of it made sense to me. For the first time, I realized…maybe I _did_ have a problem. No man in their right mind would willingly walk away from the best things in his life.

I touched the final paragraph of her words and read them.

_I wish I could save you._

_I wish I could say to you,_

_I'm not going nowhere._

_I wish I could say to you,_

_It's gonna be alright._

I felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach. The pain that I had put Isabella through, and continued to put her through, was overwhelming. And here she was, even after we had broken up, still feeling a sense of responsibility towards me. It wasn't fair to her.

I read over her lyrics a few more times – not wanting to break the last connection I had with her. As I continued to read into the meaning behind her words, a new emotion started to edge its way into my heart; something I hadn't felt in many months: _Hope._

It was obvious that Isabella wrote these lyrics when she was full of guilt and regret. I didn't want to read _too_ much into her words – she hadn't written of undying love for me. _But Bella did wish things could be different._ She wished she didn't have to leave me. She wanted to stay by my side and for everything to be alright.

_I wanted that too._

A sudden resolve came over me, like something in my brain _finally_ clicked – maybe it was because the drugs were out of my system, or maybe it was having been so close to death – but I realized that I still had a chance to fix this. _Maybe that's what my family was trying to tell me before._

I didn't know if I'd ever get a chance to be with Bella again. But I knew that continuing down this path would never give me that opportunity…_unless I wanted her to rush to my side the next time I overdosed. _

Ever since my birthday, the guilt and self-loathing had been clawing at my insides, tearing me apart. A voice inside kept telling me that I wasn't good enough…that Bella deserved more from me. _Well, maybe I deserved more from myself._

It was time to grow the fuck up.

It wasn't my parents fault for spoiling me.

It wasn't Emmett's fault for sticking his head in the sand about my problems these past few months.

It wasn't Bella's fault for leaving me.

_It was time to take responsibility for myself._

My thoughts were broken when the door to my room creaked open and Carlisle walked in. I could see how tired he was; he even walked at a slower pace, making his way over to my bed. I had made him exhausted…physically and emotionally.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, pouring fresh water from a small pitcher into my cup and handing it to me.

"Like a giant asshole," I admitted.

I saw a slight smile on Carlisle's lips. "While I wouldn't choose those words, I'm not going to disagree with you either."

"I really messed things up."

"Some mistakes can be fixed, Son…and the ones that can't be fixed are the ones we learn from."

I nodded and stared down at the cup in my hands. _This was it._ This was the opportunity that I needed to grab onto, before I lost my nerve and reverted back to my cowardly ways. _Now was the time._

"Dad?" I asked hesitantly. "Do you think you could contact your friend again at _Promises_?"

* * *

**James's POV**

Well, it looked like Cullen was going to live. I had finally gotten the call from his royal majesty, fucking Aro, and was in the elevator on my way to our meeting. Aro seemed to have calmed down some and was back to normal. Normal for Aro was being a pompous prick with a huge stick up his ass. Aro was always so formal, so "professional." The fucker obviously thought he was better than me with his Stanford degree, Harvard MBA, and his huge corner office_. _

But, I had to give him _some_ props. He had taken three spoiled rich kids, who all had silver spoons stuck up _their_ asses, and he'd molded them into a legitimate, hugely popular rock band. And the 'thanks' he got? The lead asshole, _Edward_, practically kills himself and now their tour schedule is totally fucked.

Stepping out of the elevator, I made my way down the hall towards Aro's royal chambers. _Fucking bastard. _Everywhere I looked I saw polished marble and expensive looking art. No weird, fucked-up looking flowers here.

_Some day,_ I told myself_. Someday I'll be the fucker with the big corner office. I'd know how to handle a fuck-up like Cullen. Aro coddled his talent._

I walked up to Aro's fuck-hot assistant. Those tits can't be real. "Hello, Claire."

"Good afternoon, James. Aro is ready for you and you can go on in. Refreshments have already been delivered, but let me know if you need anything else."

That offer caused a few inappropriate thoughts to flash through my mind, but this wasn't the time. I wondered if she was office eye-candy or actually good at her job. The word was that Aro didn't screw around with the help.

"Thank you, Claire. I'll be sure to let you know." I gave her one of my best smiles, but she merely nodded. _Figures. Another smug, stuck-up bitch._

I entered Aro's inner sanctum. Aro was at his desk; it was a massive, dark mahogany structure with elaborate carvings all the way around the front. His large chair had matching carvings along its back.

_Yeah, this is definitely Aro's throne room._

Aro was speaking quietly on the phone in a language I didn't understand and had swiveled around in his _throne_ to stare out the window as he talked. I took this opportunity to walk over to a table filled with a variety of appetizers and chilled drinks. _Nice._ I grabbed a stuffed shrimp and popped it into my mouth.

"James! We have good news and bad."

I quickly swallowed and turned to face Aro.

"The bad news is that we'll have to postpone the rest of The Volturi's tour for at least a month. But, the good news is that Edward has agreed to go to rehab and get cleaned up."

"Wait, how is that good news? Not only will the tour be delayed, but it might affect his 'bad boy' image to go to rehab like some middle-aged, alcoholic actress."

"James, I'm surprised you would see it that way. Nothing is more important than getting Edward healthy again. We can work on his reputation and manipulate the publicity. However, I can't do much with a _dead_ rock star, at least not long term. I like Edward. He has real talent and it would have been a terrible loss if he had died."

_Whatever, you kiss-ass, pompous prick._

Then Aro's expression brightened and a huge smile spread across his face. "But first things, first: I am so impressed with what you've done for Isabella. It was a BRILLIANT move on your part, but you should have cleared it with me first, since it involved one of my clients too."

_What the fuck is he talking about? Isabella's career is in the crapper, and I haven't gone anywhere near his clients._

"Isabella visiting Edward in the hospital was just an incredibly shrewd move on your part. The photos that are coming out look great. Everyone is running them. It looks like the next issue of _People_ will have the Cullen overdose as the lead story and the cover will include both a stock photo of Edward and one of the pictures of Isabella at the hospital."

_Holy shit. How did I not hear about this? Right, the stupid bitch never calls me to get permission to make a move like she should. But, at least this time, it looks like she finally did something smart for her career._

"Well, Aro, I am sorry about not checking with you first, but there just wasn't time. I had to pull her out of the premiere and get her to the hospital as quickly as possible in order to maximize the chance of some great pictures. After you called me about Cullen's overdose, I just knew this was Isabella's chance for some great publicity."

Aro smiled again and led me over to still another ornate table in his humungous office. This table was covered in charts, calendars, and pictures – including the pictures of Isabella at the hospital.

_Excellent. I think we're finally going to have something to work with to rebuild her career._

We spent the next two hours working on various strategies, as well as contingency plans, for Isabella's career. The next few months leading up to the announcement of the Oscar nominations would be crucial. Even at this early stage in the process, the Oscar buzz for Isabella's song was very strong. The drama of the overdose would probably help make the song even more popular. An Oscar would be huge for her at this early stage of her career.

Leaving Aro's office, I wearily made my way back to the elevator. It had gotten late and most of the staff had already left for the night. I reached for the elevator button, only to be startled as a shadowy figured appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. Spinning around, I came face to face with a tall older woman. She was impeccably dressed in a dark green suit. Her mostly grey hair was pulled back, away from her face, and was mixed with strands of red. Her professional demeanor told me that this was no ordinary secretary, and clearly she was not office eye-candy.

"James Laurent?" Her voice was clear and strong, without any hesitancy or uncertainty.

"Yes, Ma'am, that's me. How can I help you?"

"I'm Ms. Cope, Mr. Denali's personal assistant. Mr. Denali would like to speak with you. You will come with me." She turned slightly and pressed the 'up' button for the elevator.

_Holy fuck, I've never been to the top floor. Wait, Mr. Denali? Shit! This can't be good. What have I done now? Is this about Isabella? Fuck. Did that whore, Victoria, file a complaint? But surely Mr. Denali wouldn't handle that kind of problem . . ._

My mind raced through the possibilities as the elevator door opened, and Ms. Cope inserted a special key card into the elevator's control panel that would allow it to go to the top floor. After the short distance up, the doors silently slid open, and I stepped out and into another world. I felt like fucking Dorothy landing in Oz. Where the offices down stairs were incredibly elegant and sophisticated, this floor seemed to take opulence to a whole new level that I'd never experienced. I slowly exited the elevator and began to look around.

"Mr. Laurent?" Ms. Cope quickly brought me out of my reverie.

_Shit. I probably look like some kind of fucking tourist visiting their first art museum – which is actually not far from the truth. Damn._

"Follow me, please." Ms. Cope smiled slightly and turned to lead me down the hallway to the right of the elevators.

I thought about what I knew of Eleazer Denali. He owned half of Sony Music. He was one of the most powerful and wealthy men in the music industry. He typically didn't deal directly with the managers at my level. Aro, being the head of Sony, sometimes dealt with him, but not on a regular basis. I had seen Eleazer Denali once, at a company event here in LA, but I had never been introduced to him. I thought back to my impressions of him from that time: He was tall and tan. More importantly, he carried himself with the ease and casual grace of someone who had unlimited money and power. _That's going to be me someday – unlimited money and power. Then I can tell everyone else to go fuck themselves while I have anything, or anybody, I want._

Suddenly, Ms. Cope was pulling open a door and ushering me into an office space that must have spanned at least half of the building's top floor.

_Christ. I thought Aro's office was impressive. This office ...well, there are no words ..._

"James, we have a _situation_ that we need to discuss. Sit." Eleazer Denali's voice was smooth and seemed to have a slight accent.

_It's that bitch, Victoria! I knew it! Who the fuck does she know that could get me into this kind of trouble? I am fucked._

"Certainly, Mr. Denali. How can I help?" I quickly sat down in a chair facing him from across his desk.

"I'm sure you're aware that my daughter, Tanya, has recently received some bad publicity."

"Yes, of course, I was sorry to hear about that."

"Well, my daughter is very dear to me. Since the death of her mother, she's all I have. As you know, she's wonderfully talented. Like her mother, she has a beautiful voice and the face of an angel."

_Christ,_ _where is he going with this? _I nod and decide it is best not to speak anymore than necessary. I mean, Tanya is okay, but she's hardly the next Katy Perry.

Eleazer continued, "She needs someone to help rebuild her career. I've been looking for just the right person to manage her. You are going to be her manager and make her a star."

_Holy fucking hell. Did I say I was fucked? I am completely, utterly screwed. There's no way I can make Tanya Denali a star._

"Of course, sir. It would be an honor to manage Tanya's music career. She is an exceptionally talented, beautiful girl. Um, are you aware that I also manage Isabella Swan? Err . . . She's targeting an audience demographic that would be similar to Tanya's; my experience with artists who appeal to this type of audience is excellent. Aro personally asked me to take over her management."

Denali leaned forward in his chair, placing his elbows on the desk while his face hardened into a mask of rage and hate. Something about the change in his demeanor actually sent a slight shiver up my spine.

Denali continued, his voice taking on a menacing edge, "I know _exactly_ who Isabella Swan is. Tanya has explained to me how this Isabella seduced and bewitched Cullen, which led to him leaving Tanya and breaking her heart. She also explained to me how Isabella was able to plant drugs on her at the airport so that Tanya would be forced to leave the tour and Isabella could steal Tanya's fans.

"You're going to help me with that part of my _situation_ too. Clearly,_ Isabella _does not know who she's fucking with. I've been working diligently behind the scenes to keep Isabella from receiving any sort of positive press. I can't go after Cullen. He's the label's biggest money maker. I love my daughter, but I'm not willing to piss off the other shareholders. Besides, Tanya tells me that he has been Isabella's puppet throughout this whole ordeal. You can see how he has suffered because of his relationship with this _Isabella._

"I want you to end Isabella's career. She needs to fade away and go to that obscure place where all former reality TV stars go."

Stunned, I replied, "But, sir, if I end Isabella's career, that could very well end mine. I have been given the job of making Isabella successful. Aro expects results. I could lose my job."

And then Denali started to laugh. I couldn't figure out what the fuck was so funny. Shifting nervously in my chair, I decided to shut up and listen. _Because I am a smart motherfucker, and I will figure this out. _

"Look, James, you're focusing on the wrong things. I am Aro's boss." Denali paused. "I tell you what. You make Tanya a star. I want Isabella Swan to go away. I don't care how. You make this happen for me, and I'll give you Aro's job. You could be the top manager at Sony Music. You can have his office here in LA, if that's what you want. You just need to take care of my _situation_ and I'll take care of you. I can also see a really nice bonus in the upper six figures coming your way."

_FUCK YES! This is it! This is MY chance! I can fucking do this! Isabella be damned. I'll find a way to build a fan base for Tanya. Hell, maybe I can buy her some fans . . . I will be the most important manager at SONY music. Ha! I could even end up telling those Volturi assholes what to do!_

"Mr. Denali, I just want to assure you that you've come to the right person. I can handle your _situation_. I won't let you down. I will immediately start working on a plan. I'm sure you realize that this won't all happen overnight, but you will start to see results soon."

"Excellent, James. I knew you were the right person for this job."

I rose quickly and extended my hand across the desk.

Denali also stood and then grasped my hand, shaking it firmly. Dropping my hand, he stood looking at me. I thought I saw something flicker in his eyes, but I couldn't dwell on it as I was obviously being dismissed. I quickly turned and left his office without another word or backward glance.

Reaching into the elevator, Ms. Cope swiped her special key card and turned back towards her desk. I watched her retreating form as the doors slid closed.

_Holy fucking shit._ I laughed out loud as the words to an old song popped into my head. _"My future's so bright, I gotta wear shades . . ."_

Then the reality of my situation hit me. How am I going to keep Aro happy while I manage to undermine the strategy that we just hammered out over the last few hours? At least I knew what the strategy was. That would give me an enormous advantage in this game. Besides, Isabella is such a consistent fuck-up that I probably won't have to do too much to sabotage her career. As for Tanya, some ideas were already floating around my head.

_I am one smart mother-fucker and I can make this happen!_

A smile slowly spread across my face as the elevator doors opened and I stepped out into the parking garage.

_Well, it looks like I'm going to be screwing Isabella after all, - just not the way I had originally hoped._

* * *

**A/N: **OK! Please give **Coleen561 **LOTS of love for her awesome James POV. He's devious and disgusting and a very well thought-out character. You probably won't be seeing much more, if any, of James's thoughts. BUT – I'm trying to convince Coleen to write some more for me! I wanted to set up another story of secondary character outtakes during different pivotal moments from this story (e.g., Jasper during the intervention, etc.) I don't really have the time to do that and continue on with Bella and Edward's story. So I've asked Coleen to do it for me. Honestly, it's really exciting to see her take my characters and run with them.

So if you'd be interested in reading an outtakes story, please hound Coleen as much as I've been ;)

Song lyrics are: Castle Walls – TI & Christina Aguilera, Break Even – The Script, and Save You – Kelly Clarkson.

And here's the link to the Twilighted forum to join in on the debate (take the spaces out):

http :/ twilighted. net/ forum/viewtopic .php?f=44&t=14587


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25:**

**A/N: **Hello friends! I _am_ alive! First and foremost, I truly, truly apologize for not updating in 6 months. It's a completely shitty thing, and trust me, having been left hanging with some of my favorite stories, I know that it's _not_ a good feeling. Thank you for all the messages and comments, asking for me to continue the story. I never intended to stop writing for so long, but it was nice to see so many people invested in my story.

Ok…so a little explanation for why it's taken me so long to update. I think my last update was right before we moved into our new house. After finally unpacking and decorating, I thought I was finally ready to write. Then my husband and I went on vacation for our one-year anniversary. When I came back, I thought I was _finally_ ready to write. THEN, I found out **I'm pregnant!** So needless to say, my life has been pretty eventful these past few months.

I'm due in March, so I'm really hoping I can finish this story before then because I'm not sure I'll have any free time on my hands for awhile after that. But I also don't want to make false promises. I'd love to say that I'll update every two weeks or once a month from now on. But I just don't know. I promise to keep writing whenever I can. (Trust me, the reason this chapter is so long is because I was literally writing in chunks over the past 6 months.)

As always, a shout-out to my beta, **Coleen561**. She's another person I missed bouncing ideas back and forth with over these past few months. Hopefully you're not disappointed with the chapter after waiting so long!

* * *

_Will I ever get to where I'm going? _

_If I do, will I know when I am there?_

_- Incubus_

_Day 1_

**Bella's POV:**

"_Isabella! What do you have to say about Edward's overdose?"_

"_Can you give us any updates?"_

"_What did you two talk about when you visited at the hospital?"_

"_Are you two back together?"_

"_Why did he overdose, Isabella?"_

Silently, I pushed my wa through the crowd of reporters who were stationed outside the front door of my apartment building. I hadn't been able to sleep after leaving the hospital, and after a six hour plane ride back to New York, I was seconds away from reaching my boiling point if one of these reporters didn't move out of my way.

A female reporter all but blocked my way, standing in front of the doorman, who was trying to grab the door for me. I, not-so-innocently, slammed my shoulder into her, causing her to stumble backwards, and giving me enough space to get into the lobby and away from the frenzy that was now locked outside. I had already planned to hole myself up in my loft for the next few days; the circus that awaited me as soon as I exited the building only solidified that plan.

As I rounded the corner to the elevators, a figure sitting in one of the chairs stood up. A small cry escaped my mouth, seeing who it was, and I ran forward, throwing my arms around him.

"Jake!"

He pulled me into the hug. "I would have waited outside for you, but…"

"Say no more," I groaned. I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the first available elevator, taking one last glance around the lobby. "C'mon, let's get upstairs. Who knows who else is lingering around here?"

The elevator doors closed, and I fell back against the wall, resting the back of my head on the cool mirror, and closed my eyes.

"How are you managing?" Jacob asked.

"I didn't think I _was_ managing," I responded, not bothering to open my eyes.

The elevator bell rang, informing me that we had reached my floor. When I opened my eyes, I saw that Jake had picked up my bag and was waiting to follow me to my loft. Once we were in my apartment, I silently took my bag and made my way to the bedroom. Throwing my travel bag onto the bed, I went into the bathroom and spent a few minutes washing my face. Re-entering the living room, I found Jacob, still standing and waiting for me. A deep frown crossed his face, which I ignored.

"So, I should have two episodes of Bridezillas saved on the DVR," I said nonchalantly, making my way into the kitchen. I opened up the refrigerator and looked around. "Beer or wine?"

Jacob walked up behind me and placed his hand on top of mine, pushing the refrigerator door closed. I kept my head down and closed my eyes, not bothering to turn around and face him.

"Isabella…talk to me…what happened?"

My thoughts spun out of control to everything that had happened in the past 24 hours: the premiere, the overdose, being with Alice, hearing Emmett's harsh words, seeing Edward so weak and fragile. I stayed up, chain smoking and pacing, in my hotel room that night, trying to make sense of everything. My thoughts continued to whirl the entire flight back to New York. And still I had no answers. I was still as lost as I was sitting next to Edward in the hospital. _What could I do?_

Jacob spun me around so that I was eye-level with him. "Don't shut me out."

I shook my head and sighed. "It was a mistake to go there."

I walked past him and sat on the couch, placing my head in my hands and closed my eyes. I felt the cushion shift next to me.

"Did he say anything to you?"

I shook my head, sat back, and sighed. Then I rehashed the entire scene starting with Jacob's phone call and ending with Carlisle's last words to me at the hospital. Jacob sat and listened intently. He barely reacted while I told my story, except for a few muttered curses when I got to the part about Emmett telling me to leave. When I was finally done with the whole ordeal, I stood up and got some water, suddenly feeling extremely parched.

"So he never knew you were there?"

I shook my head. "It's probably better that way."

"I thought…" Jacob trailed off, seeming lost in his own thoughts. He glanced back up at me and shook his head. "I just thought you had talked some sense into him."

"At this rate, it doesn't look like anyone can."

Jacob stared at me, perplexed. "Isabella, haven't you see any of the news this morning?"

I snorted. "That's the last thing I want to see – more pictures and rumors of Edward's overdose and my name thrown into the mix of it all."

Jacob smiled wryly at me. "For someone whose name is all over the media, you are the least up-to-date person in current events that I know. Whether it was you, his family, or the overdose…_something_ knocked some sense into Edward. He checked himself into rehab this morning, Isabella."

As I had done so many times in the past 24 hours, tears immediately formed and started rolling down my cheeks. Jacob was by my side, pulling me into a hug. He was more than used to seeing me cry over these past two months. Except this time, for the first time since our breakup, I was finally crying tears of _relief._

* * *

**Edward's POV:**

Pale colors and empty walls.

I wasn't sure what exactly I had been expecting when I entered Promises Rehab. I guess, in my mind, the place would have looked more like an insane asylum, and my room would have been padded. Pale colors and empty walls.

Instead, as the attending nurse gave me and my parents a tour of the grounds, the place looked no different than any other Malibu mansion I had been to. The center was located a short distance from the beach, with its own private walkway down to the water. The grounds boasted of a pool, tennis court, basketball court, and plenty of lounge chairs sprawled across the perfectly manicured lawn. This rehab center looked more like a spa getaway.

We made our way down a corridor to the patients' rooms.

"What do you think?" Esme asked, placing a hand on my shoulder as we stopped in front of a closed door.

I hadn't said much to anyone since Carlisle had put in the phone call to Promises. Truthfully, I was stunned that it only took a few hours for representatives to show up to my room and inform me that I was being discharged immediately into their care. I'm sure Carlisle knew there was only a small window of opportunity open before my denial kicked back in. And, if I was being honest with myself, it already had.

The entire ride to Promises, I convinced myself of all the reasons why going to rehab _wasn't_ a good idea – my fans, the tour, my image. But even with all of those excuses, something kept me stationed in the back of the van as we moved closer and closer to my impending doom. Perhaps it was that both of my parents were on either side of me, hands clasped on my legs, almost like their own way of shackling me to the car. Knowing how much I had disappointed them, and how much more I could potentially break their hearts, kept me locked in place. Or maybe it was the lack of my brother's presence in the car that was a constant, silent reminder of how I had already damaged so many relationships. Evidently, simply _saying_ I was going to rehab wasn't enough for Emmett to forgive me yet.

I looked out the window at the end of the hallway, to the gentle waves crashing onto the sand, and then back to my mother, who was still waiting for an answer.

"I think staying in a place like this for 30 days will have me cured in no time," I said a bit too optimistically.

Carlisle frowned at my over-eager response.

"This may be a nicer living situation than you expected, Edward, but I can assure you that they follow the same 12-step detox program as any other rehabilitation center."

"Meaning what exactly?"

"Meaning…nothing about this is going to be simple, Son. There are going to be plenty of days when you are just going to want to walk right out of here and quit. And you're a grown man; there is nothing anybody can do to hold you back. So are you prepared to fight like hell for your sobriety?"

I thought about my strained relationship with Emmett and the nonexistent one I had with Bella. I thought about the band and my career, and how it had all come crashing down. It was time to stop trying to escape my problems by running away. I still had plenty of things worth fighting for.

I simply nodded at Carlisle, as the orderly opened the door to my new home for the next month.

"I'm ready."

The room was much less glamorous than the rest of the house. Probably half the size of my bedroom at home, the room had two beds, two dressers, and a small bathroom attached. Much to my dismay, I saw that one half of the room was already occupied. The bed closest to the window had some bags surrounding it, and above it were various posters of different rock bands. Some of the guys in those bands I knew and had partied with on countless occasions.

I groaned and looked back at the orderly, just as she was leaving the room.

"What the fuck is this? I didn't sign up for a roommate!"

"All rooms are double occupancy," she said, smiling, as she closed the door behind her.

I looked around at, what I now viewed as, my tiny prison. There was no way in hell they were going to have me sleep with someone else. I was a fucking celebrity! I didn't share a room with one bathroom! I thought back to the last time I even had a roommate. Aside from Bella, which didn't really count, I hadn't shared a room with anyone since the first few months I attended college.

"This is some fucked up shit they expect!" I lashed out at Carlisle.

"Edward, relax! Having to live with someone else is the least of your problems. For all you know, this guy may end up being another celebrity. You two could be friends."

As if to completely debunk my father's last comment, the door was promptly thrown open and a short, skinny kid with brown hair entered the room; he couldn't have been any older than eighteen.

The kid stopped dead in his tracks when he saw us, staring back and forth between my parents and me, wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

"Holy shit, you're Edward Cullen!" the kid spit out, after finally finding his voice again.

I turned back to Carlisle, completely ignoring the pint-size boy beside me. "Where the fuck is your friend? I want to speak to him right this instant!"

Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly frustrated, and ushered us out of the room.

"Nice to meet you," Carlisle said back to the boy, who was still staring in wonder. "Edward will be back to formally introduce himself soon."

"Like hell I will!"

I stalked down the hallway, following my parents and fuming the entire way. After we rounded a few corners, Carlisle came to a closed office door and gave three sharp knocks. Printed on the door in bold, black letters was: **Dr. Sam Uley, MD.**

"Enter," a calm but firm voice called out from behind the door.

Carlisle opened the door to a man who appeared to be in his late thirties. He smiled when he saw Carlisle and stood up to greet him, shaking his hand. The man towered over Carlisle, which was impressive because Carlisle is nearly as tall as me.

"Ah, Carlisle and Esme, so good to see you again! Although, I'm sure you would have preferred different circumstances," he said with a tight smile. Dr. Uley then turned his attention towards me. "And you must be Edward. How are you finding your stay so far?"

"Terrible!" I spat out.

Dr. Uley looked amused but waited for me to continue.

"You put me in a room with a kid! Not just a kid – but a fan! I _don't_ share rooms," I nearly growled out the last part.

"Well, Edward, I assure you that you'll be sharing a lot of things here at Promises. Roommates are required for all patients. It gives you a form of accountability, as well as a confidant."

"Like I'll be confiding anything to a teenage kid!" I scoffed.

Dr. Uley smiled wryly. "I think pairing you with Seth Clearwater is the perfect match. You may be surprised at what you can teach him…and what you can learn from him, in return."

I shook my head, highly doubting that a kid that probably hadn't even finished high school yet could teach _me _anything. I'd traveled around the world and probably seen more than this kid ever could imagine.

"Edward, I know this is all foreign and uncomfortable to you, but it's all part of the process. While you're here, I must ask you to respect the process, if you want to manage your addiction. You _do_ want to change, correct?"

I frowned and looked back at my parents, who were now staring at me apprehensively. I could see all the fear in Esme's eyes as she waited, holding her breath. They were already picturing me leaving, before I even gave it a chance. I broke eye contact with them, feeling a new wave of guilt all over again for what I was doing to them. Carlisle's words from earlier came back, hitting me over the head like a ton of bricks: _Are you prepared to fight like hell for your sobriety?_

I looked back into Dr. Uley's eyes.

"Yeah, I'm ready," I repeated for the second time that day.

Dr. Uley extended his hand and grabbed mine, shaking it. "Good! Well, let's get you back to your room so you can unpack in time for dinner! This will be where you say goodbye to your parents. Carlisle and Esme, I will see both of you next week for our first family counseling session. And Edward, I will see you tomorrow for our first one-on-one session!"

After a brief, but tearful, goodbye from Esme, and Carlisle pulling me into a hug and telling me how proud he was of me, I made my way back down the hall towards my new room and new roommate. Carlisle may have been proud of me, but I still didn't feel like there wasn't anything worth being proud about yet. So I managed to stick it out for one night…I still had no clue how to get my life back on track.

I entered the room and the skinny kid, who had been lying down, shot up off his bed and stood in front of me awkwardly.

"Um…hey."

"Hey," the kid squeaked out. "I'm Seth."

I nodded and started to unpack some of my belongings into the empty dresser by my bed.

"Edward. But you already knew that."

"Yeah, sorry about that earlier. I swear I'm not like a fan or anything! I mean, your music is good, don't get me wrong. But I'm like a Disturbed guy," he rushed out, motioning back to the posters on his wall.

I nodded again, unsure how to respond. Seth continued to watch me as I moved about the room, making me extremely uncomfortable.

"So, um, when did you get here?" I asked, feeling the need to start a conversation.

"Yesterday. So far it's ok. There's some cool people that you'll meet at dinner. We spend a lot of time in group therapy in the mornings and then we have our one-on-ones in the afternoons."

"And at night?"

Seth shrugged. "Relax, play games, meditate."

"Not my typical night."

Seth laughed. "Me neither. But it's cool so far. I mean, for only being here a night…it's cool."

"So what are you in here for, kid? You have to be, what, seventeen?"

Seth bristled. "I'm eighteen. And I'm an alcoholic."

For some reason his statement amused me. I drank plenty of beer with my friends when we were underage – but I never considered myself an alcoholic.

"Jesus, kid – aren't you a little young to have that type of label? Everyone drinks when they're a teenager!"

Seth sat back down on his bed, putting some distance between us. He scratched the back of his head and kept his eyes glued to his sneakers.

"Yeah, well…I started drinking when I was ."

I froze and stared at Seth, completely taken aback by his statement. This was a kid – _just a kid_.

_And here I thought my stories would make people cringe._

"Well that's….shit," I muttered, not even sure how to continue with my sentence.

"Yeah," Seth said, looking back up at me. "It's shit."

* * *

_Day 7_

**Bella's POV:**

I paced back and forth in the lobby of Sony's New York headquarters, waiting to speak with James. I was furious, and while I was never shy about voicing my opinions with him before, this time I was absolutely putting my foot down.

James had called me the day before and informed me that he had set up an important business meeting that could potentially skyrocket my career. Of course, as with any of James's ideas, I was apprehensive, but at this point I also needed to do something to get my career back on track. James informed me that he would be meeting with another client, but he was more than sure that I was capable of taking care of myself (I definitely heard the sarcasm dripping from his voice from across the other end of the phone).

So, after making myself up to look as professional as possible by putting on a black pin-striped skirted suit, I made my way over to Balthazar's for my breakfast meeting. I was anxious to shift the focus back onto my music. Instead…I was pitched a complete joke.

When I arrived at the restaurant, I was introduced to Eric, a producer from VH1. Before I could even take the first sip of my coffee, Eric had already gone into a 30 minute pitch about the new reality show they had lined up for me.

"_We'll follow you around on all your adventures in New York – going to all the parties, following your career, and, of course, finding true love!" he said, giving me an exaggerated wink. "You'll be a household name in no time! And, don't worry, we already have writers working on some great one-liners you can say throughout the episodes to make you appear cute and ditzy!"_

My fingers tightened around the fork I was holding; I had to rein myself in before I stabbed the man's hand.

"_I don't see how making myself appear to be an idiot is going to help my music career," I said point-blank._

"_Your music will be in all of the episodes! We'll be following you on your rise to fame! Look at some of our other music sensations and how famous they became after their reality shows: Jessica and Ashley Simpson, Brooke Hogan, Paris Hilton…"_

"_Their music careers are all dead!" I spat out. "All those shows do are highlight a bunch of talentless people who are famous for doing __nothing__. NO ONE will take me seriously if I do a reality show – especially if you have me acting like a bumbling idiot!"_

"_Isabella, I think you misunderstand – this is a chance to be famous…everyone will know who you are."_

"_I know with my face all over the tabloids, it may not look like it…but I value my privacy and personal life. The only thing I want a spotlight on is my music. I am looking for ways for people to stop focusing so much on my image and take my music seriously. How would I ever accomplish that as a reality-star bimbo?"_

After silencing Eric, I promptly left the table and hopped on the subway straight to James's office. _Did he really think having me on a reality show was a good idea? Was this all a joke to him? Was he even taking my career seriously? _

"Ms. Swan? Mr. Laurent will see you now," the receptionist called from behind the large front desk, breaking up my thoughts.

I strode down the hall and pushed open his door, without even bothering to knock. James looked up from his desk, a smug smile plastered onto his face.

"Isabella, I wasn't expecting to see you today. Everything went well with your meeting, I assume?"

"Do you really think I'm an idiot?" I spat.

James placed his arms behind his head; he sat back in his chair and propped his feet on the desk. "Isabella, there are many words I would use to describe you. However, 'idiot' isn't in the Top 10."

"A reality show? Seriously, James? Did you actually think I'd say yes?"

"I thought that you'd jump at the opportunity to be portrayed in a positive light, Isabella. Give the public a chance to see the fun and quirky side of you…you know, all those qualities I _so_ enjoy about you," James drawled.

"My music is my main priority!"

"Ah, see that's where we differ, Isabella – your name is my priority."

"Reality shows are a last resort for washed-up celebrities. Please, James…I'm sure there are other ways," I pleaded.

James put his feet back down and began to play with a pen in the middle of his desk. "There may be…but if I remember correctly, you signed a contract with me stating you'd do as I saw fit."

He stared me straight in the eyes and smirked, making me feel immediately nauseated.

"I see this as your only option, Isabella."

I stared at him dumbfounded…was he _forcing_ me do this? Was he _threatening_ me? He continued to watch me, amused, as I tried to make sense of what he was implying. His comical expression only infuriated me more.

"You can't make me do something I refuse to do, James! I'll go to Aro! If it's between selling my integrity and losing my record deal, I'll walk away from it all right now!"

James sat up straight in his chair, the smug smile immediately wiped off his face. He briefly seemed caught off-guard, but immediately masked any reaction.

"There's no need to bother Aro," James said quietly, looking out the window of the high-rise. "If you refuse to do the reality show…then you are going against my judgment, as your manager."

I was taken aback by the sudden change in James's demeanor. Not even a minute before, I had been sure this would end in either a conference call with Aro or me kicking and screaming as I was dragged from James's office. And now…he was dropping the issue. _What was going on?_

"So what now?" I asked, voicing my concerns out loud. "You just wait for the next reality show offer to drop on your desk? What about my _music, _James?"

James stood up and walked over to a small table by the window, filled with various papers. He looked down and lightly rummaged through them.

"Oh, your music is still very much at the front of my mind, Isabella," he muttered, more to himself. "As it so happens, I just spoke with Aro this morning about the plan for your next single."

Finally feeling like we were going to talk about something worthwhile, I took a few steps forward and sat in one of the seats in front of James's desk. He continued to leaf through the papers, his back towards me.

"With all of the publicity surrounding you and Edward's _unfortunate_ circumstances, Aro wants to pounce on the positive press you're finally receiving. It seems that people believe that you, the prodigal girlfriend, have rushed back to be by his side during his time of need."

"That's not the case."

"It doesn't really matter if it is the case, does it, Isabella? Aro sees a way to finally get you out of the mess you created and have the media back on your side."

James turned around and looked at me, waiting for a reaction. I clenched my mouth shut, willing myself not to snap until I heard everything he had to say. When he realized I wasn't giving him the response he hoped for, he continued.

"Aro wants your next single to be _Anytime._ The fact that the lyrics to that song are all about being there for your love when he needs it, means everyone will immediately associate the song with you and Edward. Aro sees it as a win-win situation, helping to push your music back into the spotlight, while garnering sympathy for Edward while he's in rehab."

James turned his back on me once again and looked out the window. He paused. During his silence, I was fuming; I refused to use Edward's situation as a way to further my career. I refused to do it when my name was dragged through the mud, and I refused to do it now. I was tired of riding on Edward's coattails and just wanted to prove to everyone that my music could stand by itself.

"Of course," James continued, "I've already let Aro know how stubborn you can be, and I didn't think there was any way you'd agree to using your next single to exploit Edward's situation. Personally, I would like nothing more than to see your name in the press without Edward Cullen's anywhere near it."

James turned back towards me and I stared at him, completely bewildered. Seconds ago, I had been ready to pounce and tell him exactly where he and Aro could place my new single. But now it seemed…_did James actually make a decision for me that was in __my__ best interest?_ I felt like everything was upside down. _For once_, James and I were on the same page.

"Umm…yeah, I completely agree," I said, almost unable to even form the words.

James's smile slowly spread across his face. He strode back to his desk and sat down, facing me. "Let me be frank, Isabella. I'm tired of fighting you at every turn. I have plenty of other clients I could be focusing my time and energy on. I'm resigned to the fact that you think you know more than me, so I'll let you do things your way…and if it all blows up …you only have yourself to blame for ruining your career."

_Ah, there's the Asshole James I was missing._

"I'm thrilled about your confidence in me," I drawled sarcastically.

"You've been wanting to do an upbeat rock song for your next single – by all means, let's see how the radio reacts to 'Rocker Isabella Swan.' But if I _could_ make one suggestion…your best bet for instant airplay is _Since U Been Gone_. It's catchy and could easily be marketed as the next girl anthem."

I sat back and took in everything James said. I wasn't quite sure about James's reasoning behind this sudden change. _Did he want me to succeed, or was he ready to wash his hands of me and be done?_ As much as it bothered me that I didn't feel supported by him, the fact of the matter was, I _never_ felt supported by him. Giving me the power to control how I wanted my music to be conveyed was what I had been wishing for! But now that I finally had it, I couldn't help but feel there was a catch. Still…_Since U Been Gone_ was a good idea for a radio hit.

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud buzz from the intercom.

"Mr. Laurent – your next client is here to see you."

James hit a button on his phone. "I'll be right out." He turned his attention back to me. "Take some time to think about it, Isabella. You're scheduled to premiere your new single next month at the VMA's."

James stood up and opened the door, signaling it was time for me to leave.

"So this is really it? You're letting me have the final say?" I asked, still trying to wrap my head around his sudden relinquishment of power.

James cocked his eyebrow. "If that doesn't appeal to you, I'd be happy to get VH1 back on the phone and tell them the reality show is on."

I threw my hands up, exasperated, and walked out of James office towards the lobby. My mind was whirling with the repercussions of what was about to happen. _Was this all a trick? How would Aro react when he realized I wasn't playing into his media game? Was James letting me choose my next single, only to offer no promotion? _That couldn't be the case if I was now scheduled to perform at the VMA's. I knew the direction that I wanted to take my career…_but would James actually let me go there?_

_Something was definitely up._

* * *

**Edward's POV:**

After one week in this God-forsaken place I was already clawing at the walls, trying to get out. It was all too _real_ for me – the stories, the addictions, the pain. Each day after I woke up I was assaulted with more harrowing testimonials of the other patients here. _Just listening to their stories made me want to drink._

Patients like Seth. At the age of nine, his parents abandoned him, leaving him in the care of his abusive uncle. Seth would get into his uncle's liquor cabinet to try and numb the pain, only receive worse beatings when his uncle found him drunk. After too many visits to the emergency room, Child Services finally stepped. His life continued to spiral out of control, bouncing around numerous foster families. Finally, he ended up with a family whose father worked at Promises. They were willing to adopt him, even at age eighteen, but only if he went to rehab and got cleaned up. I could understand his desire to have a loving family in his life.

At a different group session, a young girl named Leah shared about her struggles with an eating disorder and self-mutilation. Her story reminded me of every other angst-filled teenager out there, and I had just started to tune out, when the group therapist asked Leah why she needed perfection in her life. Leah remained silent for awhile and then quietly opened up about her step-father molesting her.

Every story left me feeling physically sick. It was no wonder each person in the facility had an addiction – their lives had been filled with nothing but pain and suffering! At each meeting, the therapist would ask me if I wanted to share my story, but I constantly refused. What could I tell this group of people?

"_Oh, I'm an international rock star and pretty-much had the world at my finger tips – but I decided to fuck it up anyway and do drugs."_

Who was I kidding? _These people_ had real problems.

_Me?_ I was just a _joke_.

To make it worse, at my first Family Counseling session, Esme sat there weeping the entire time, trying to figure out where _she_ went wrong with me. She insisted on drudging up every rebellious or "traumatic" moment from my past, trying to figure out what was the cause of my addiction. I sat silently, gripping the arms of my chair, listening to her sob on and on. For some reason it made me angry. _Why couldn't she realize this wasn't about her? This wasn't about anyone but me._

Noticeably absent from the counseling session was Emmett. I couldn't blame him. At this moment, I wanted nothing to do with me either. But if I was being honest, it would have been a relief to have Emmett in the same room screaming at me. I was tired of everyone placating me. The therapists and counselors simply nodded when I acted like an asshole, saying they'd let me go at my own pace. Dr. Uley, who I refused to open up to, sat quietly in his office – as if he thought by playing the silent game, I would eventually crack and pour my heart out to him. And my parents were basket-cases, still blaming themselves.

If Emmett were here, he'd blame nobody else but me. Even as I spiraled out-of-control on the tour, and he was clearly at his rope's-end with me, Emmett never had a problem telling me what a little _shit head_ I was being. He would tell it to me straight – how I had fucked up everything, ruined my life, and destroyed all my relationships. And while I already knew everything he would say to me, I felt like I needed to hear it – to constantly be reminded of what I had done…to continue being punished for it.

After my parents left, I continued to sit in Dr. Uley's office, waiting to be eventually dismissed. I watched as Dr. Uley made some notes in my file until he looked up and made eye contact with me.

"So what are your thoughts on the first Family Session, Edward?"

I shrugged; I knew he was still trying to get me to open-up. "Uneventful."

He gave me a wry smile then went back to writing another note. "I don't think your parents would feel the same way."

"Yeah, well, my parents don't really seem to _get_ what the problem is."

Dr. Uley dropped his pen and stared at me. "So, what is the problem, Edward?"

I shrugged.

_Me. The problem's me – not them._

Dr. Uley waited a few more minutes in silence before he finally realized that I wasn't going to respond. "Your brother didn't show up today."

I knew the tactic he was trying to pull. It wasn't going to work.

"Yeah, well, he's angry," I said nonchalantly.

"Are you angry?"

"Not at him."

Dr. Uley's eyes met mine again. "Who are you mad at?"

_Me._

I shrugged again and looked down at the carpet.

After about five more minutes of silence, I glanced back up at Dr. Uley, who was still staring at me. "Can I go now?"

Dr. Uley sighed and took off his glasses. "Edward, why are you here?"

I stared at him incredulously. _Was this a trick question? _

"To get better?"

"And do you feel it's working?"

"Well, I haven't had a drink or snorted in seven days, so it's a start," I said sarcastically.

"And when you leave here…if someone were to offer you a line of coke…would you be able to say, 'no'?"

"I dunno, Doc, you tell me. Aren't you supposed to be giving me the tools?"

Dr. Uley sat back in his chair. "Edward, being here is no different than getting treated at the hospital for an ailment. I can't help you get better until I know what your symptoms are. So far you haven't opened up to anyone here about your problem."

I couldn't help but snort at the ridiculousness of the situation. "I drink and do drugs…I thought my problem was obvious."

Dr. Uley pushed forward in his chair; his gaze penetrating mine. "But _why_, Edward?"

Something inside me finally snapped. I was tired of his questions. I was tired of being here. And I was tired of everyone trying to get me to open up, like I had some hidden sob story for why I am the way I am.

"Because I'm an asshole! Ok, Doc?" I yelled at him. "My problem is I was bored with nothing better to do than party all the time! I wasn't molested like Leah or abused like Seth. I don't have any _real_ problems! I have two great parents, who _somehow_ still love me after all the shit I've put them through! I'm just a selfish rock star, who got everything I ever wanted – and it _still _wasn't enough!"

Dr. Uley blinked, seemingly unaffected by my rant. "Hasn't getting _everything_ you wanted been part of the problem?"

"So you're saying I use because I'm spoiled?" I scoffed. "I've already told you, my parents aren't to blame for this."

"I'm not blaming your parents," Dr. Uley said, writing something down again in his notebook. "Edward, when did you get into the music industry?"

"I dunno…I think I was eighteen when the label picked us up."

Dr. Uley nodded, continuing to write, without looking up. "And you were given your own team of handlers, correct? To make over your images and transform you?"

I nodded.

"And what was your image?"

"The bad boy."

"And do you agree with that?"

I chuckled to myself. "Well, look where I am, Doc – wouldn't you say I'm a rebel?"

Dr. Uley stopped writing and looked back up at me. "I'd say you were given that identity, Edward – and that's the problem.

"There's a famous developmental theorist, named Erik Erikson, who came up with different developmental stages that lead us into adulthood. His theory was that, while genetics do play a part, the environment effects how a person develops as well. Your culture, Edward, was significantly different than most other adolescents growing up."

"I'm not quite following you," I said, not really caring to hear a lecture on psychology.

"In Erikson's stages, if you cannot overcome a stage – you're stuck at that developmental period in your life. It's the developmental explanation of immaturity."

"So you're telling me I'm immature?"

"Emotionally – yes," Dr. Uley said, cleaning off his glasses.

Part of me wanted to punch the shrink and flee the room as fast as possible. But there was another part of (probably the part that realized my immediate reaction _was_ immature) that stayed in my seat, ready to hear him continue his explanation.

"Edward, at the time that you entered the music industry and other people started making decisions about your life, you were in Erikson's Adolescent Stage of Identity vs. Role Confusion. Basically, the typical time of an adolescent's life where they're trying to find out who they are – this is usually resolved when the teen leaves home to find themselves, going off to college or what have you.

"At that time in your life – and consequently even now – you have not been able to go on your own journey of self-discovery, finding out your identity. You were thrust into the spotlight and _told_ who you should be. Every decision was made for you. Consequently, the process of becoming an adult – taking responsibility for your own actions – has been stripped from you. Thus, you've been stuck in this stage, experiencing role confusion and trying to decipher who is the _real_ you.

"Of course, these are all Erikson's theories, and we have plenty of theorists that we can go through with our time together," Dr. Uley dismissed passively. "Does any of this make sense to you?"

I stared back at Dr. Uley, dumbfounded. _Did any of it make sense to me? It was my fucking life! _I constantly felt that I was living a double-life: Volturi Edward and Edward Cullen. Yet, I couldn't explain it to anyone for fear that people would think I had split-personality disorder. _Hell, I was even scared I had it! _But here was this doctor, who not only summed up my entire inner-struggle, but did so with more eloquence than I could have ever mustered.

I nodded my head and stared down at my hands, unsure where he was going with this theory.

"You said that a person's stuck in a stage until they can overcome it?" I asked. Dr. Uley nodded his head. "What's the next stage?"

"Intimacy vs. Isolation."

"But I've had intimacy!" I countered back. "With Bella! She's the only woman I've ever loved. I _could_ be myself around her. She knew the _real_ me! Hell, I think she knew who I was more than myself."

"Ah, which leads me back to my original question, Edward – _Why?_ Why are you an addict?"

"I thought your little theory just established why," I said, now getting annoyed.

"I think we both know plenty of immature assholes in our lives; not all of them are addicts, Edward. Most people aren't like Leah or Seth – they don't start drinking or trying drugs because of some traumatic past. It's usually peer-pressure, or curiosity, or just easy availability. But the reason _why_ you are an addict is the same as every other person in this facility – you've used it as a way to cope.

"So the question is, Edward, when did it stop being about partying and start being a coping mechanism?"

I thought back to the times I had drunk excessively or used drugs. All of those times occurred on tour; usually because they were so readily available to me. When I got together with Bella, I stopped experimenting with drugs. Obviously, I didn't have a problem then. I wouldn't have been able to stop so easily if I had.

But something about this current tour made me start to fall apart. If I was being honest, those feelings of insecurity happened before we even started. Maybe I was setting myself up for failure. Something about my relationship with Bella, announcing it to the world, and then being away from her for weeks at a time, made me question everything about myself. That's when those feelings of having a double-identity started.

But even then…I didn't automatically turn to drugs. My thoughts went back to the night I still tried to forget – _my birthday._ That's when I started using coke again. But that night…that was an immature and _stupid_ decision. It was my choices after that, that led to me having to cope with the mistakes I made.

"I guess it was when I started lying to Bella."

"So, the one person who knew the _real_ you…didn't know you anymore?"

The truth to what he said hit me hard. I sucked in a deep breath and absent-mindedly rubbed my chest, as if Dr. Uley's words had physically punched me in the heart. I nodded my head and bowed it between my hands, unable to deal with the onslaught of pain that had just emerged.

"Edward, I can see you're processing a lot of emotions right now. Tell me what you're thinking."

I looked back up at Dr. Uley, fighting back the tears that were welling up in my eyes. "How can I figure out _who I am_…without _her_?"

* * *

_Day 14_

**Bella's POV:**

I stood outside the coffee shop on 12th street, took a drag off my cigarette, and adjusted my sunglasses for the umpteenth time, hoping not to be recognized by any renegade paparazzi. The minute I saw the brown-haired pixie bouncing down the street, I stubbed out the remains of my Marlboro, and waved.

I hadn't spoken to Alice since that night in the hospital, so I was genuinely surprised when she left me a voice message saying she was in New York and wanted to meet up. I immediately called her back. It wasn't fair that I had shut her out of my life during the breakup, and she had been there for me throughout his overdose when she didn't have to be. It was time to get my friendship with Alice back on track.

"Hey! What are you doing in New York?" I asked, pulling Alice into a hug as she approached me.

"Fashion week is in two weeks, so I figured I'd come and get some things ready for the big event!"

We walked into the coffee shop and sat down at a table, giving the waitress our orders.

"So, is that what you're doing now? Working in high-end fashion?" I asked in a fake sophisticated voice.

"I wish! I'm just doing some freelance styling for a few different celebrities. I'm going to scope out some of the designs while I'm here before I style them for the huge event."

The waitress arrived with our drinks, and Alice took a sip before continuing on.

"Say – you should let me style you for Fashion Week!"

"That would be amazing…but I don't know if I'll be on the guest list. Aro and James haven't exactly been communicating what their plans are for me."

"Who cares what their plans are? You're my guest, so you're on the list! Now please let me style you! You're one of my favorite people to dress because you just let me do whatever I want!"

"That's because I don't know any better and have no clue what you're doing."

"I'm taking that as a yes!" Alice said, cheerfully taking out her phone and typing something in. "Oh, I already know what fall colors will look amazing on you!"

"I can hardly wait," I said dully.

We continued to make small talk as we drank our coffees. The air was heavy with all the unsaid issues lying between us, but neither of us was brave enough to approach it first.

"How's Jasper?" I asked.

"Oh, he's fine. He's back in LA working on some of his own sounds in the studio. It really all depends on what happens with the band…" She trailed off, but the issue of Edward still lingered.

I sighed, knowing I was going to break down and ask. _I had to know._

"How is he?"

Alice shook her head. "I haven't heard much. I know he's been at Promises for the past two weeks, so at least he's taking it seriously, and he hasn't left."

I nodded, unsure how to continue the conversation, but still having a ton of unanswered questions.

"Listen, Isabella, about that night…" Alice began.

I waved her off. "I shouldn't have asked you to take me there; it's my fault."

"To hell it's your fault!" Alice spit out, and it was the first time I heard her get truly angry. "You had every right to be there, and I should have been a better friend and stuck up for you. Emmett had no right to say what he said! Rosalie was horrified at his behavior. And when Esme and Carlisle found out, he looked like a 5-year-old kid getting punished."

Under different circumstances, the visual would have had me chuckling, but the memories of that night were still all too real.

"It doesn't matter now."

"It does," Alice pushed. "Besides…I know Emmett feels horrible about what he did."

"He does?"

Alice sighed. "It's not just Edward that's fallen apart, Isabella. We all have. When Edward lost you, it's like we all suffered the consequences and lost you as a friend as well."

I looked down guiltily; she was absolutely right.

"I'm not saying it's your fault. I would have probably done the same thing in that situation…but we're all trying to fit the pieces back together now. We've all missed you, Isabella. I know Emmett, Jasper, even Rosalie want to reach out to you – but they're afraid you'll just hang up on them."

My thoughts ran back to Emmett chasing after me, my last night on the tour.

"_You are not my friend!" _I had spat at him. And then he twisted those words and threw them right back into my face at the hospital.

"A lot of things were said on both sides, Alice. Things that shouldn't have been said…"

"So now's the time to clear the air. Listen, I know they were a part of your life _because_ of Edward. And I'm not saying that Edward needs to be back in your life. But things ended so suddenly…and so badly…"

I swallowed hard, taking in everything Alice was saying. It was true; I missed my friendships with everyone. Rosalie and I had finally come to an understanding and actually enjoyed being around one another. Jasper was always the sweet and sensitive friend I could go to with any problem. And Emmett…he was the big brother I never had. I thought of him as my family.

"You're right," I finally rasped out. "I'll, um…I'll give Em a call."

"No need to." Alice beamed. "Now, don't kill me…but I actually spoke to him on the way here to meet you. I told him it was ok to call you tonight."

* * *

_Day 21_

**Edward's POV:**

I walked down the hallway, prepared to face my third family counseling session for the week. While things between my parents and me were still tense, it was getting better. After finally opening up to Dr. Uley about my problems, I was able to get a clearer understanding of how everything started to fall apart. I was able to explain some of that to my parents at our last counseling session, and I think they finally understood that they had to stop blaming themselves.

My talks with Dr. Uley had started to get better as well. He was helping me to figure out who I was really…and most importantly, the kind of man I wanted to be.

"Alright, Doc, let's do this," I said, opening the door to his office. But I was stunned silent and frozen in place, staring at the person standing next to Dr. Uley.

"Em?"

Emmett stood there awkwardly, twisting his baseball cap in his hands; he was unable to look me in the eye.

"Hey, um, I asked Mom and Dad to let me speak to you alone."

I nodded and walked inside, sitting down in my usual chair. Having Emmett here wasn't at all what I expected. And I wasn't sure if I was ready to have a confrontation with him yet. Dr. Uley and Emmett glanced at me and followed suit, sitting down in each of their chairs.

"Edward, I know Emmett's arrival comes as a shock to you," Dr. Uley began. "But I was glad when he reached out to me this morning and said he wanted to come. I know this is a conversation you may not want to have now, but I'd rather you deal with your emotions behind the safety of these walls before you leave the facility."

"What, you think Emmett's words are going to hurt my feelings?" I scoffed. I knew I was being an asshole. I was turning right back into that guy Dr. Uley and I had been working so hard to change…but it was like a switch had been flipped, and I wasn't sure how to turn it off.

"Edward…we've hurt each other a lot," Emmett said.

"Yeah, well…you were pretty much right with everything you said."

"I was angry…I'm not gonna lie, I'm _still_ angry. I'm trying not to be. I want to be supportive and proud of the steps you're taking. But I can't stop being angry."

"Why is this so hard for you, Emmett?" Dr. Uley asked.

"You don't know what it's like…"

Emmett glanced at me, and I could see the pain radiating from his eyes. He bowed his head and wiped his hand over his face, keeping it covered. We remained silent in the room, except for Emmett's labored breaths. When he finally spoke up again, his voice was broken.

"You don't know what it's like to watch your little brother destroy his life right in front of you," Emmett sobbed.

He wiped at his face again; this time I saw the tears pouring down his cheeks. I held back my own sob and bit my lip hard, trying to focus on the pain, instead of watching my big brother dissolve in front of me.

"I tried so hard…I thought maybe if I do this, or say that – he'll come to his senses. But nothing I did was enough."

"Em…" I choked out. I couldn't bear to hear him say any more.

"I thought I lost you!" he turned to me and cried out. "That entire drive to the hospital, I thought, for sure, you were dead! And the only thing I could think about was my last words to you were that I didn't want you to be my best man!"

"I'm sorry, Em. I know I hurt you and so many other people. I know I'll never be able to make up for what I did…but I want to try."

Emmett paused and wiped his face. "That's the first time you've sounded like my brother in a long time."

I didn't understand what he was talking about.

"What do you mean?"

"For the past couple of months, every time I've talked to you, all I've heard were the drugs…just a bunch of lies and denial. I'm starting to remember what sober Edward's like again."

"Yeah…I'm starting to remember too," I said wryly.

Emmett looked down at his baseball cap that he was still twisting, put it back on his head, and let out a loud sigh.

"I, um, have something else I need to tell you too – but you're not gonna like it."

"Ok?"

"I spoke to Isabella this week."

I immediately felt all my defenses rise up in front of me. _He spoke to my Bella! What did he say? What did she say? _I nervously glanced up at Dr. Uley, whose eyes were fixed on mine – he was obviously gauging my reaction to see if Emmett should continue. I let out a few deep breaths and nodded for Emmett to go on.

"There's something you should know about the night you overdosed." Emmett kept his eyes on his feet, and I waited with bated breath for him to continue. "When Isabella came to see you…I was so angry…I wasn't thinking straight…"

"What happened, Emmett?" I asked, impatiently.

"I threw her out of the hospital. I told her it was all her fault, and she had no right to see you."

Before I could even register all the words that Emmett had spoken, I was on my feet. I lunged towards Emmett, fists flying.

"Edward!" Dr. Uley yelled, jumping out of his seat.

I had Emmett pinned against the wall, my arm pushing into his neck. He didn't bother to fight back.

"Why the fuck would you do that?"

"I was so scared that I had lost you! I was angry! I blamed her! I blamed myself! I blamed you! And when she walked in…I just snapped."

"Edward, if we're going to continue this conversation, you're going to have to step away from your brother," Dr. Uley said, stepping between us. "Otherwise, I'm going to have to ask Emmett to leave."

I relaxed my arms, dropping them to my side. After staring at Emmett, and still debating what to do, I finally decided to listen to Dr. Uley and walked back to my seat.

"This wasn't her fault, Em," I moaned, falling back down into my seat. "None of this is. It's not yours, Mom's, or Dad's. It's all mine. This all lies on _me_."

"I know that now," Emmett said, sitting back down as well. Dr. Uley still stood off to the side, guarding our conversation. "Which is why I called her and apologized."

"What did she say?"

"What do you think she said?" Emmett laughed, sadly. "It's Iz – of course she forgave me. She also got on my ass about not visiting you yet. She said if she could forgive me, it was time for me to forgive myself as well and come talk to you."

_God, I loved her so much. I would have given anything to hear her voice. She wouldn't even need to talk to me…if I had just heard her speak those words to Emmett, it would have been enough to help me sleep at night._

"I'm sorry I attacked you," I finally said to Emmett.

He rubbed the back of his neck and grinned. "It's ok. I deserved it. I would have even let you throw in a few punches."

We both chuckled, and for a moment it felt like we were back to our old selves again – that we weren't having a tense conversation while my therapist watched intently on the side.

"So what now?" I asked.

"Just keep doing what you're doing, bro," Emmett said. "You'll be out of here in no time."

"What about the band?" I asked tentatively. The last thing Jasper and Emmett said to me about the band was that they had quit. I wasn't sure if this was still the case.

Emmett glanced nervously between Dr. Uley and me.

"Aro actually called me yesterday…I don't want to worry you, but he's making it clear that if we don't go back on tour at the end of your 30-day stint, he's going to sue us for the amount of the tour."

"But that's…"

"Millions," Emmett finished my sentence.

I looked frantically at Dr. Uley. "What if I'm not ready after 30 days?"

Dr. Uley sat back down at his desk. "If you haven't passed the program at the end of the first 30 days, then you will be under doctor's orders to remain in-treatment. However, if at the end of the 30 days you're released from the treatment facility, I would still strongly advise you to go into an out-patient program. Going immediately back on-tour is putting yourself in a dangerous situation."

"And if Aro threatens legal action?" I asked, glancing between Dr. Uley and Emmett.

"If your doctor says we shouldn't do it, then we won't do it, Edward!" Emmett said.

I looked back at Dr. Uley, still waiting for a response from him.

Dr. Uley sighed and took off his glasses. "If you absolutely have to go on tour, then we'll set you up with a support system to insure you have someone to talk to at all times. But you're also going to need full support from your family as well."

Emmett nodded, clasping his hand on my shoulder. "I'm here for ya, bro. I never want to see you go back to that place again."

I shook my head. Part of me felt relieved to know that Emmett and I were on good terms again. But I couldn't help the feeling of dread that was rising up inside of me once I left this place.

"Me either."

* * *

**Bella's POV:**

I sat with Jacob on my couch, finishing the last of my beef and broccoli, while the credits to Brideszilla rolled. Jacob had been gone for the past two weeks on an assignment, and now that he was home, we were back to our regular Thursday-night festivities.

Jacob stood up to get us some more beers from my refrigerator.

"Do me a favor? Flip on the Yankees game for a second. I told some of the guys at work I couldn't go to the bar because I was watching the game tonight. At least I should know the score."

I snickered as I flipped the channel. "What, too embarrassed to say you're watching Brideszillas with me?"

"Mortified." Jacob flopped back down on the couch, handing me my beer. "So what all did I miss in the exciting world of Isabella Swan while I was gone?"

I spent the next half hour describing my conversations with Alice and Emmett, and the weird interaction I had with James. After replaying the entire conversation James and I had, I finally caught-him up with everything.

"And you haven't heard from James since?" Jacob asked.

"Nope."

"I think you may be right; I think he's trying to wash his hands of you…but what I don't understand is why would he try to do it now, when Aro wants the focus shifted back to you?"

"That's what I don't get either! One minute he sticks up for me and tells Aro that I won't sing a stupid love song to profit off of Edward, and then the next he leaves me hanging in the dark for two weeks."

"What did he say about your next single again?"

"Just that he was finally letting me have the upbeat rock-song I wanted. He was going to tell Aro that I'll be releasing _Since U Been Gone_. I'm supposed debut it at the VMA's next week and then it will go into heavy rotation on the radio."

"Hmm…." Jacob took a few more swigs of his beer, seemingly lost in thought.

"What?"

"I don't think James has your best interest in mind."

"I thought we had already established that," I said, annoyed.

"Yeah, but I don't think he's doing you any favors with your next single. I mean think about it, Isabella. Aro wanted you to do a slow love-song so that people would associate it with Edward. Well, what do you think an angry, upbeat song about an ex-lover is going to remind them of? And instead of people rooting for you and Edward to get back together, you're going to look like the heartless bitch that's deserting him in his time of need."

"Oh, shit." I gasped. Jacob was absolutely right. This would cause an even worse backlash than all the fake press I received when Edward and I broke up. "But why is James doing this?"

Jacob shrugged. "Maybe he realizes he can't order you around, so he wants to cut his losses."

"Well, what should I do? Should I go to Aro?"

"Aro's just going to make you sing the song he wants."

"So I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't?" I asked, annoyed.

"You're looking at it all wrong," Jacob said, smiling at me. "You're in a prime position right now. James isn't keeping tabs on you. You can do whatever you want – so take back your career and do the music you want to do."

"That's easier said than done," I said, frowning and thinking back to when my career was at its peak. I had such a strong support system around me; it was easy to pursue my goals. My father was my manager; Edward pushed me to make better music, and I had already established a fan-base in Europe and with some of The Volturi fans.

Now, I had nobody. I had a non-existent manager, no support system, and probably half of The Volturi fans hated me. My image had been changed around so many times within the past year that I wasn't even sure I knew who I was anymore.

"I can't do this on my own, Jake," I said, voicing my concerns out loud.

"Just go with your heart."

"That's the problem! My heart is in pieces! I'm completely lost, Jake! I don't even know who I am anymore – as a daughter, as a friend, or as an artist! How can I try and steer my career back in the right direction, when I have no fucking clue where I should be headed?"

"Let me remind you of the girl who won me over at my first interview," Jacob said, shifting his body on the couch so that he was now fully facing me. "The girl who made America fall in love with her and her music. It wasn't because of Edward Cullen or because you had some big, flashy image. It was because you were _real_. You sung from your _heart_. If you felt a certain way, you sang about it…and soon everyone who heard the song shared in your emotions. That's_ raw talent_, Isabella. You don't need any special marketing skills…you just need to do it."

"How?"

"Stop trying to tiptoe around the Edward issue with your next single. Just sing what you're feeling and people will understand."

"I already told you how I felt," I said, miserably. "Lost. I feel like I'm never going to be the artist I truly want to be, and I don't even know who that person is anymore. I feel like I'm back to starting at the beginning again."

"Well that's easy," Jacob smirked. "You have plenty of songs you wrote about trying to break into the music industry. Let's start back at the beginning."

* * *

_Day 28_

**Edward's POV:**

Two days. In two days I would be out of Promises and back to my normal life. The thought terrified the shit out me. Dr. Uley said I had made tremendous progress throughout my time in rehab, and he had complete faith that as long I continued to follow the system, and reach out to my support system when I needed them, I would be able to manage my addiction.

I was glad that he had faith in me because I wasn't so sure of myself.

I knew that the minute I stepped out those doors I would be bombarded by the media, Aro, and all the mistakes I had made in the months leading up to my overdose. Now that it was coming to a close, I could almost view Promises as a luxury – a place I could focus strictly on myself without any outside influences.

I arrived at my regular time for one of my last meetings with Dr. Uley. As soon as I sat down in the overly plush chair, Dr. Uley was ready to get down to business.

"So, Edward…two more days."

"Oh? I hadn't noticed," I said sarcastically.

Dr. Uley gave a slight smile, now fully aware of my humor.

"What are your biggest concerns?"

"Is it enough time?"

"Edward, no one can put a time on recovery. For some people, thirty days is enough to make it stick. Others will come back to Promises a few times. I've given you the tools you'll need out in the 'real world.' You've worked the system here and now understand your triggers and the reasoning behind some of the choices you've made. I can only hold your hand for so long, before you have to go out on your own."

"Kind of like sending me off to college, huh, Doc?" I laughed. "I have to find my identity on my own."

Dr. Uley smiled, fully aware of my reference back to Erikson's Stages of Development. "How very astute and _mature_ of you, Edward."

"There may be hope left me for yet, huh?"

"Oh, there's plenty of hope."

"I just want to get better and change. That's what my family deserves. That's what Bella deserves," I said, getting serious.

"Stop right there," Dr. Uley said, holding his hand up. "I want to make something _very_ clear. You'll never 'get better,' Edward. You are an addict. You will be an addict for the rest of your life. All you can do is manage – day by day.

"One more important point, Edward. I know that you want to make amends for everything you put your loved ones through. But you cannot change for them. Getting sober can't be done for anyone else but _yourself_. Do you understand?"

I nodded.

"And while I have you here, I want to talk to you about your Bella. I know that you love her. I know that you want to make things right. But you also need to come to the realization now, before you leave here, that not everyone is going to forgive you. _Bella may not forgive you._ She may want nothing to do with you ever again! If that happens, it's _your job_ to let her go. Your self-worth and the accomplishments you've made while being sober don't depend on what someone else thinks of you. If you don't understand that, you'll turn straight back to drugs. Have I made myself clear?"

I swallowed and nodded again.

"I need to hear it from you, Edward. By all means, try to make amends with Bella – but if she's not willing to forgive, are you willing to walk away from her?"

I thought about how I had already lost Bella. The only thing that kept my hopes alive at night was thinking of crawling back on my hands and knees, begging for forgiveness. I wasn't expecting for Bella to take me back with open arms. But there was still a bit of hope kept alive in me, that she could forgive me just as easily as she had done Emmett. That somehow everything could be right between us again.

To hear Dr. Uley say I may have to accept that she'll never forgive me and walk away from her was something I hadn't anticipated. _Could I really accept that I may never be able to make things right with her? Could I just walk away? _

I thought back to the life I had imagined with Bella…living together, asking her to marry me, watching her walk down the aisle, eventually having children together. I knew this was the type of life Bella wanted. And if I couldn't give it to her, then she still deserved to find that happiness with someone else. Maybe by her being able to find happiness, I'd eventually learn to be happy as well. _I would do it for her._

I looked back at Dr. Uley. "I'm going to fight like hell for her, Doc. But I'm prepared to walk away."

* * *

_Day 31_

**Bella's POV:**

Jacob sat next to me in the back of the plush limo, as we waited to arrive on the red carpet. While he said he agreed to accompany me as my date to the VMA's strictly for a chance to meet Taylor Swift, I knew he had come more as my moral support. After all, he hatched the idea for the crazy plan I was about to execute; he had an obligation to make sure I saw it to the very end.

My talk with Jacob the week prior had definitely provided me with some more insight towards James's plans. I still wasn't exactly sure _what_ his plan was, or _why_ he wanted my next single to fail, but there was no doubt about it now that he had definitely hung me out to dry.

Jacob reached out and squeezed my hand. "How ya feeling?"

"Nervous as hell."

As the week led up to my first big performance for the VMA's, James had little-to-no contact with me. I had received emails and phone calls from his receptionist, simply telling me the logistics for rehearsal times. James had informed Aro and MTV that I would perform _Since U Been Gone. _What should have been a week full of preparations to help get me back in the spotlight, became a scramble to find my own resources.

If I had any doubts that I was making a bad decision, they were all laid to rest when I went for my final dress rehearsal, and James didn't even bother to show up. I reasoned with myself that had James actually taken the initiative to be a part of my music and come to my rehearsal, then he would have surely known that I decided to change the song at the last minute. Instead, he would just have to be as surprised as everyone else was going to be the minute I went live. I was well aware that by going against Aro and James's orders I could be committing career suicide, but at least I was going out on my own terms. Besides, I was hoping that if Sony decided to drop me, another indie record company would hopefully see my vision and pick me up.

It hadn't even occurred to me how much of my career I was forced to do on my own, until the day before the awards show when I suddenly realized I had never been given a stylist. Luckily, Alice had saved the day for me, and we spent the majority of the night drinking wine and trying on various outfits she had originally picked out for an actress from _Gossip Girl_. We eventually decided on a black lace, one-shoulder Valentino dress. The dress was the perfect mixture of elegance and sexy. Alice paired the outfit with a pair of black pumps and returned later in the afternoon to do my hair and make-up.

"_Alice, I think you've officially turned into my fairy godmother," I told her, giving one last twirl to make sure I was presentable._

"_Yeah, well do me a favor – if you see Blake Lively, duck and walk the other way. This is the dress she had her eye on."_

We arrived at the front of Radio City Music Hall; a handler opened up the door, informing us where to go first. Jacob glanced over at me and smiled.

"Isabella, you look incredible tonight. Your song is going to be amazing. You've always dreamed of being at the VMA's and now you're performing! Stop worrying and just have fun!" He stepped out of the limo and reached out his arm, pulling me out with him.

Bright lights immediately started flashing, causing me to step back a second for my eyes to adjust.

"If you wanted me to loosen up, you should have let me open up that bottle of tequila in the limo," I said through clenched teeth to Jacob, still smiling for the cameras.

Jacob chuckled. "As soon as we get inside, I'll get you a drink. I promise."

Jacob stepped to the side, letting me walk down the red carpet on my own. I had already decided I wasn't going to do any interviews; I knew who all the questions would be about. I did a few poses for each of the different reporters and quickly moved my way down the line before anyone had a chance to ask me any questions.

Just as I neared the end of the carpet, Jacob slid up beside me, looking anxious.

"Hey, I'm just gonna meet you inside."

"What happened to being my moral support?" I teased. "What's the deal?"

Jacob nervously glanced at a reporter at the end of the line, and then turned his back towards her. "That's Vanessa."

"Vanessa? Your ex?"

He nodded. "I can't face her…not after all those drunken messages I left, begging her to take me back."

"Wait? There was more than one message?" I asked, bewildered. Jacob didn't respond, looking down ashamed. "Oh my God, Jake, please tell me you didn't sing any other cheesy 80's songs?"

Jacob grumbled something incoherent and turned to walk away. I grabbed his arm, pulling him back towards me. "Jake, wait!"

"I can just imagine how pathetic I must seem to her! And here I am, tagging along as your entourage…I just can't, Isabella, ok?"

All the fears that I had for what was to come later that night dissipated as I realized that as much as Jacob was there to support me, I needed to support him too. I clasped his hand and pulled him along with me down the rest of the red carpet.

"You're not my entourage, Jake. You're my date." Jacob shot me a questioning look, but I simply shook my head. "Just trust me."

It was obvious why Jacob was head-over-heels for Vanessa; she was beautiful. Her skin was a golden tan, which seemed to glow against her long, bronze, curled hair. As we got closer to her, she turned and gave me a radiant smile. But the smile slowly slipped off her face as she noticed who was with me; I could feel Jacob tense up. She quickly recovered and turned her attention back towards me.

"Isabella Swan! It's such a pleasure to speak with you! I had heard from the other reporters you weren't giving any interviews tonight."

"I wasn't," I smiled sweetly back at her. "But then Jacob told me he knew you and that you were an excellent reporter. I figured if you were as great of a reporter as Jacob was, then I was in good hands."

Vanessa's mouth hung open as she stared back and forth, trying to make sense of what was in front of her. I waited for Jacob to say something, but he continued to remain silent. He was like a deer in the headlights.

"How do you two know each other?"

"Oh, Jacob's a good friend of mine! He won me over at our first interview. He takes my music seriously and has been a constant source of support – which is exactly what I need for my performance tonight."

"Yes, I'm sure it must be hard performing with everything that's happened recently. Tell us, how is Edward?"

I immediately bristled, even though I knew the question was bound to come up. "Edward's story is his to tell, not mine. I'm sure when he's ready he'd be happy to schedule an interview with you."

"We all saw the heartbreaking pictures of you rushing to Edward's side after his overdose. Are you two back together? Or, is there someone new in your life?" She added in the last question, looking back at Jacob.

"Sorry, Vanessa. After all the public scrutiny I went through these past few months, I've decided to keep my private life private. I'm sure you understand." I grabbed Jacob's hand again. "Well, we better go."

As I turned to leave, Vanessa focused her attention back to Jacob. "I'm a bit surprised you're not on this side of the carpet tonight, Jacob. You used to be interested in telling the story…not being a part of it."

Jacob seemed to regain control of his voice. "I'm not part of the story, Vanessa. I'm just here for Isabella."

The two continued to stare at each other, causing me to feel like I was intruding on something private. I gave a slight cough; Vanessa was the first to break eye contact, glancing back at me.

"Well, I'll let you two get inside." She paused before speaking a bit lower. "You look good, Jacob. You've changed."

"Yeah, well you're the one who told me we all have to move on with our lives at some point, right?" I could see the pain flash through Vanessa's eyes before she quickly masked it. Jacob must have noticed as well; his next words came out barely above a whisper. "Take care, Nessie."

Jacob grabbed my hand and quickly pulled us towards the entrance to the theater. I glanced up at him, unsure of what he was thinking. "You OK?"

Jacob shook his head. "You should have just let me walk past her. I always thought about what it would be like if I got to see her again; believe me, it didn't involve having you make her jealous."

"I'm sorry, Jake. I just wanted her to see what she was missing."

"Yeah, well, it goes both ways."

We entered the lobby where various people were mingling before the show started. I placed my hand on Jacob's shoulder, causing him to stop walking and turn to look at me.

"Jake, go back and talk to her. Tell her how you feel. It's obvious she still has some sort of feelings for you."

He shook his head, turning away from me. "I've told her countless times how I felt. I begged her to take me back. Trust me, showing up by your side at an awards show isn't going to suddenly change her mind."

I opened my mouth to retort but Jacob waved me off, clearly letting me know he was done with the conversation.

"Listen, I need a drink…and I promised you one too. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Hey, maybe you'll see Taylor Swift at the bar!" I said, trying to cheer him up. Jacob just grumbled and walked away.

I really felt bad about interfering in Jacob's love life. I'm not sure what I had intended to happen when I dragged Jacob over to Vanessa; I guess in some sense I figured he'd come out as the victor. But I should have known better than anyone else: in breakups there are no winners.

I glanced around at the different celebrities drinking and chatting with one another. I felt like an outsider; this whole scene was still new to me. Just as I was about to escape to the bar so that I wouldn't have to awkwardly stand alone in a crowd, I noticed B.o.B. waving me over to talk to him.

I spent the next few minutes laughing and joking around with B.o.B. and his entourage. Never, in all of my wildest dreams about performing on the VMA's, did I imagine to be hanging out in a corner with all of the rappers. The irony was not lost on any of us. After wishing me good luck, I walked off to find Jacob.

A hand rested on my shoulder and I spun around to grab my drink from Jacob, but I immediately froze. All the air rushed out of my body, and I was sure that even the slightest wind would cause me to tumble over. I immediately forgot my surroundings, as everything around me faded into the background. I could only focus on the sight in front of me. It was like staring at a ghost. But he was real. And he was right in front of me.

"Edward."

* * *

**A/N: **I know, I know – I left it on a cliffy! But really, I didn't want to drag out the chapter anymore and I felt this chapter was most important to show what each of the characters was doing during the 30 days. This was more about Edward's transformation…but I will admit, after trying to psychoanalyze Edward for so long – I'm SUPER excited to write the next chapter and get these two interacting again!


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: **Thank you for all the reviews, congratulations, and "welcome backs" I got after the last chapter! It really helped set the pace to keep writing all this week. You'll probably notice that this chapter is much shorter than the past couple chapters I've posted. What can I say? Longer chapters = longer waits for updates.

My beta is **Coleen561** and if you haven't figured it out already, she pretty much rocks :)

* * *

_Do you even know who you are?_

_A rising dream or a fallen star?_

_- Pink_

**Bella's POV:**

"Edward."

He stood in front of me, hands shoved in the pockets of his grey suit pants. My eyes traveled up his body, taking in his open blazer and the hint of a bare chest revealed by his partially unbuttoned shirt. His body was toned, his skin a golden tan. He looked amazing. Better than I had seen him in a long time. _Did he work out in rehab?_ _ God, his muscles seemed bigger than I remembered them. _

My gaze finally landed on his face, and I was taken aback by his beauty. The last memories I had of Edward were of his pale, sunken in face on the hospital bed. Now, as he stood in front of me, there seemed to be a glow about him. He seemed so relaxed, yet his eyes were still filled with so much intensity. He was still the same Edward, but there was something about him that was different…_better._

As I stared up at him, memories overwhelmed my mind.

I wondered how his hair would feel if I could just run my fingers through his messy tresses one more time.

I looked at his lips and wondered how they would taste. Vivid memories flashed through my mind of his lips brushing against mine, traveling down my body, and exploring my most intimate places. Only Edward had ever known how to kiss and lick me until I was wild with desire.

I blushed and broke eye contact with him, staring at our feet, while I silently admonished myself for letting my thoughts drift to places they had no right to be. Thirty days didn't suddenly make him my knight-in-shining-armor again, especially after the months of hell he put me through.

"Bella."

My head shot up, hearing his voice for the first time in months. But it wasn't his voice that had me unnerved; it was my name. The name that only _he_ used for me. I was _his Bella._

_But I wasn't anymore._

"God, you look beautiful," he breathed out.

"You too."

My eyes widened as I immediately realized what had inadvertently spilled out of my mouth. I could feel the heat rushing to my face and took a step back, creating more distance between us.

"What I mean is you look good," I rushed out, stumbling over my words to try and correct myself. He gave a slight smile and nodded his head, letting me know he understood my faux pas.

I stared at him intently, and felt the need to let him know how honest I was being. "You look really good, Edward."

Edward flashed a genuine smile, showing his perfectly white teeth. "Yeah, I feel good…better than I have in a long time."

I nodded, unsure what to say next. Part of me wanted to stay in that moment, staring up at him and reliving our past forever. The other part wanted to flee as quickly as possible. I couldn't do this, not now. Not when I had to stay focused for my performance tonight.

_He couldn't just come back into my life, not when I had finally started to put it all back together._

Edward exhaled loudly and ran his hand through his hair, pulling it at the ends. "God, Bella, I spent so many nights imagining what I'd say to you if I ever saw you again. And now…"

He trailed off and looked away. I gulped, becoming acutely aware of how much my breathing had increased.

_Please don't do this, Edward. Not here. Not now._

"What I put you through was horrible," he rasped out. Once again, his eyes were staring intently at me. "You deserve so much more than just an apology. I know that nothing I do or say could ever be enough."

Hearing his admission was becoming unbearable. This was not the Edward Cullen I had known for so long. This was Edward Cullen knocked off his pedestal; a humble Edward that I had rarely seen. I opened my mouth to try and stop him, but my throat was closed and my mouth felt parched.

"I've been talking a lot with my therapist…he's been helping me see how everything turned into such a shit storm. Why I'm so fucked up." He said the last part barely above a whisper.

My heart betrayed me; it wanted nothing more than to reach out and take his hand. But my head refused. His words may have chipped away a little bit of the wall that was now surrounding my heart. But I had too many defenses up to let down my guard that easily.

"Listen, I'm in town until Tuesday. I'd like to…if you'd let me…just talk. I'm not expecting anything to change," he rushed out. "But I owe you an explanation…I owe you a lot."

I shook my head, unsure if I could give him that. Before I could respond, Edward's eyes darted beside me, and he bristled. Jacob walked up to my side, holding two drinks in his hands. His eyes darted warily back and forth between Edward and me.

"Jacob," Edward said tersely.

Jacob gave a quick nod, handing me one of the drinks. "Edward."

Edward shifted uncomfortably, shoving his hands back into his pockets. "Listen, um, if you're willing…give me a call. Good luck tonight."

Edward turned to leave, but stopped and turned back toward us. Had I not been standing right there, I would have never believed the next words that came out of his mouth.

"Jacob, I owe you an apology. I'm sorry for fighting with you. You should have never been fired."

Jacob stared back at Edward, dumbfounded, before finally giving him a small nod. Edward's eyes flashed between the two of us again before he turned and walked away. I let out a deep breath I didn't even realize I was holding. Jacob placed his hand on the small of my back, steering me towards the entrance to the theater.

"You okay?"

I nodded, but couldn't say anything more. My mind was still trying to make sense of the entire interaction with Edward.

Jacob shook his head in bewilderment. "When did tonight turn into the ghosts of exes past?"

* * *

An hour later, I stood backstage in a long, billowing, white dress, waiting to be called to the stage. I paced around in a circle, shaking my arms, and blowing air out of my lips, trying to focus. My conversation with Edward had left me completely unnerved.

I had looked for Edward a few more times throughout the night in the theater, but never saw him again. I hadn't seen Emmett or Jasper either. I wondered if The Volturi was doing a surprise performance. _Why was Edward here?_

A loud, frustrated sigh escaped my lips. I could _not_ be thinking about him right now! My entire career was hinged upon this one performance tonight. I could not let Edward Cullen get in the way of my music anymore.

I was caught off guard when a hand roughly grabbed my elbow and whipped me around. James stood so close to me, our noses were almost touching. He wore a menacing sneer on his face.

"Did you think I wouldn't find out about your little scheme, Isabella?" he spat at me.

I wrenched my arm out of his grasp and stood up straight. Inside my heart was pounding, but I refused to let him see he was scaring me.

"I don't know what you're talking about, James. Had you contacted me at all this past week, or even been here for my dress rehearsal last night, you would have known I decided to change the song."

"Oh, now poor, little Isabella Swan wants me to hold her hand throughout the entire process?" he sneered.

"I expect you to do your _job_, James – it's what you get paid to do."

"My job was to make sure you had the next hit single for Aro. We decided on Since U Been Gone. You don't get to call the shots here!"

"No? I thought you made it perfectly clear in your office that you were giving me more control over my music. I have only myself to blame for my career – isn't that what you said?"

James stayed silent. I could see his jaw twitching, and he flexed his fists a few times. I knew I finally had the upper hand and got braver in my confrontation with him and stepped closer.

"So tell me, James, what are _you_ so worried about? If I'm about to create career suicide, you can easily just wash your hands of me. That's what you want anyway, right?" I poked my finger into James's chest, causing him to take a step back. "I'm onto you, James. I know exactly the type of backlash I would have received with Since U Been Gone – and you can be sure I'm going to let Aro know too."

James threw his head back and laughed, immediately causing me to lose some of my nerve. "You stupid, little girl! Do you actually think _I_ suggested Since U Been Gone to Aro? As far as he knows, you've been insisting on that song for weeks, and I've been trying to persuade you differently."

My fists were balled so tight that I could feel my nails digging into my palms. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to hold back the angry tears that were ready to spill out. _Not now, Isabella. Not in front of him._

"Why are you doing this?" I hissed. "If you didn't want to manage me, why'd you make me sign that contract?"

"Oh, I saw potential in you, Isabella. But then I got to know the _real _you." James stepped closer to me, practically growling in my face. "You're nothing more than a spoiled, little brat. You want a manager to be like your daddy – someone that will say yes to your every whim. You want to ride on your famous boyfriend's coattails, but only when it's convenient for you. But what happens when you take all that away? I'm left to work with a _no-talent_ _bitch_."

My hand cracked against his face, his head whipping to the side. When he turned back to face me, his eyes held so much hatred that I was genuinely scared of what he would do next. I took a wary step away from him. He brushed his fingers across his cheek, gave me a wicked smile, and then stepped towards me again. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for contact.

"Isabella? We need you to take the stage now. You'll be on right after the commercial break."

I opened my eyes to see a stagehand, with headphones on her head, standing next to me. I quickly nodded and stepped away from James, giving him one last glance.

"Good luck on that new song of yours, Isabella," he mocked behind me. "You're going to need it."

The stage was cloaked by a large curtain as I sat down at the piano and tried to calm my nerves. James had left me completely rattled. My heart was racing, my breathing was shallow, and my hands could not stop shaking. _How the hell was I going to perform in five minutes?_

I closed my eyes, wishing I had let Jake come backstage with me when he asked if I needed moral support. I imagined him standing next to me and decided to give myself the pep talk I knew he'd be saying to me right about now.

"Ok, Isabella, you will _not_ let James get the best of you. That is exactly what he wants. Go with your gut. You've got a good song. If you didn't, James wouldn't be so threatened. Just close your eyes and play the song. Nobody else matters."

I took a few more deep breaths and opened my eyes; my hands now lay still on the piano keys.

_I could do this._

On the other side of the curtain, the crowd roared to life. I knew whoever was introducing me had just stepped out on stage. _This was it._

The applause continued to go on for much longer than I expected, and I started to wonder what was happening at the front of the stage. And then I heard his voice. _Edward._

"Thank you. It's been a long road to recovery, but I'm happy to be standing here tonight – alive and thirty days sober."

The crowd immediately started applauding again, and I could only imagine he was getting a standing ovation. I wondered if this was another one of James's schemes to throw me off of my game. Glancing towards the side of the stage, I could see James furiously yelling at some of the nearby stagehands. It looked like he wasn't enjoying this surprise anymore than I was.

"But I'm not here to talk about myself tonight. I'm here to talk about our next performer – someone who means more to me than, I think, she'll ever know."

All the calming exercises and the pep talk I had just given myself immediately flew out of my mind. My heart started hammering all over again.

"Isabella Swan is one of the most talented singers and songwriters I have ever known. Unfortunately, during these past couple of months, her music has been overshadowed by the gossip of our breakup. She was portrayed as the villain. But let me tell you…the only thing Isabella was guilty of was loving a guy who wasn't good enough for her. _I_ chose drugs over Isabella."

The truth of his admission felt like a weight pressing heavily on my chest. I couldn't breathe and I tried, desperately, to quell the sobs that were building up inside of me. A bottle of water sat on the end of the piano and I grabbed it, trying to drown the tears that threatened to spill out.

"She was slandered in the media for no reason. And instead of telling the truth and letting everyone know that I was a cheating drug addict, she took the high road. Something I never did. So I'm here tonight to not only tell you how drugs can destroy your life…but the lives of all the people you care about the most.

"Isabella is performing tonight because of how talented she is. So now, it's time to start focusing on her music…instead of having her continue to pay for my mistakes. Ladies and Gentleman…Isabella Swan."

The curtain began to rise, and I could see the crowd on their feet, applauding; I wasn't sure whether it was for me, Edward, or both of us. I closed my eyes, trying to tune out everything around me and get control of my emotions. Edward's words cut directly to my heart. And as much as I wanted to hear everything he said, I was nowhere near ready for it.

The musicians on stage started in with the haunting melody I had chosen for my intro. I took deep breaths, focusing on the music. The background singers broke in, singing the same two lines from another one of my songs I had chosen.

_Do you even know who you are?_

_A rising dream or a fallen star?_

The lyrics were from a song I wrote after American Idol, called "Lonely Girl." While I didn't choose it for my next single, the questions I posed in that song years ago were still relevant in my life today. I decided to start off my performance with the words to that song to show my transformation. I was choosing my destiny.

I let the singers' voices fill my head, as I reminded myself of who I was. _This is your dream, Isabella…don't let anyone else take it away from you._

Taking one last deep breath, I opened my eyes and started playing a new melody on the piano. My head remained down; I didn't dare look anywhere else except my fingers as they slid across the keys. Here at the piano, I was safe – this is where I knew myself the most.

_Skies are crying, I am watching,_

_Catching teardrops in my hands. _

I looked up and saw James staring maliciously at me from the side of the stage. No doubt, he was going to try and make my life a living hell after this performance. But all that mattered now was this song and what it meant to me.

_Only silence, as it's ending,_

_Like we never had a chance._

I looked up again and was startled this time to see Edward standing in the wings. He was leaning against a wall, his arms crossed over his chest, and his eyes never left me; a huge smile spread across his face as he watched me sing. Of course Edward knew the song; he helped me write it.

_You can take everything I have,_

_You can break everything I am,_

_Like I'm made of glass._

_Like I'm made of paper._

I glanced at James again. He was still frowning, glancing back and forth between me and Edward. Another figure stood next to James, who I immediately recognized as Aro. My heart soared when I saw that he was beaming back at me. _This was it! Maybe my plan was working! _With renewed confidence, I turned my focus toward the crowd, singing louder than before.

_Go on and try to tear me down,_

_I will be rising from the ground,_

_Like a skyscraper._

_Like a skyscraper._

When I finally ended the song, there was a brief moment of silent across the theater before the crowd rose to a roaring applause. I stood up next to the piano and took a bow, while trying to discretely wipe some of the tears from my eyes. If it all went downhill from here, at least I would have this moment to remember.

I stepped off the stage and came face-to-face with Aro and James. My eyes briefly scanned the rest of the backstage area, but Edward was no longer in sight. Aro clasped his hand on my shoulder, smiling broadly at me.

"Well done, Isabella! Beautiful song choice! I'm so glad James was able to convince you to change singles!"

"Well, you know how stubborn Isabella can be," James said, nervously laughing.

"What can I say…it was a last-minute decision." I had to bite my tongue not to curse at James in front of Aro. As much as wanted to tell Aro the truth about James's schemes, it was futile. He clearly wouldn't believe that his "best manager" had been setting me up this entire time.

"And I must say, my idea to have Edward come out and introduce you was brilliant!" Aro continued. "I know James wasn't pleased with me keeping it a secret from him, but I couldn't risk ruining the surprise! This has gone so much better than I planned! Now whenever anyone hears Skyscraper on the radio, they're going to immediately be cheering for you and Edward to make it back up to the top."

My smile dropped as I realized just what Aro was implying. Of course…the song was going to be about Edward. The song I had chosen to show my independence from this entire mess was now going to be used as his "comeback song." _Everything was always about Edward._

"I have big plans for you, Isabella! Big plans!" Aro gushed. "I'll be in New York all week. Let's set up a meeting on Tuesday to discuss your next steps from here."

I nodded mutely and watched as Aro walked away, leaving James and me still glaring at each other.

"You got lucky, Isabella."

"Luck had nothing to do with it," I seethed. "I expect our contract will be annulled at the meeting on Tuesday?"

James laughed. "And lose my biggest stake in the company? Not a chance in hell."

I clenched my fist again, but this time I resisted the urge to swing at him. If he was going to make a game out of my career, I refused to play the role of pawn. I spun around, walking away from him as fast as I could.

"Go fuck yourself," I muttered as I made my way to the dressing rooms.

* * *

Jacob and I sat together on the floor of my loft, already into our second bottle of wine, with bags of potato chips strewn around us. Once the VMA's were over, I decided to skip the after parties. I was still in a foul mood from my confrontation with James, and I didn't want to have to deal with the countless questions I was sure to get about Edward. Truthfully, I also didn't want to run into Edward anymore tonight either.

As soon as we got back to the loft, I changed into a pair of pajamas and wiped off my makeup. Jacob's blazer was thrown across one of my couches. His shirt was disheveled and un-tucked, with half the buttons undone. We both looked like complete messes, and neither of us cared.

"Fucking James! I'll show him who's a no-talent bitch!" I muttered into my wine glass.

"Why'd she have to look so goddamn beautiful?" Jacob whined.

"Trying to take credit for _my_ song while he was sabotaging me!"

"'You used to be interested in _telling_ the story, not being a part of it!'" Jacob mocked in a high-pitched voice.

I paused, mid-sip, and stared at him. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Jacob looked down at his empty wine glass. He went to pour himself another drink, then shrugged and placed the whole bottle against his lips. When he finally pulled it away from his mouth, he looked at me sheepishly. "Vanessa."

"Oh my God, Jake! Why didn't you just go back and talk to her?"

"There was nothing to say."

"No?" I asked, raising my eyebrow. "'Cause it sure looks like you have plenty to say to the wine bottle that you're pretending is her."

"It doesn't matter. She's heard it all before."

I sat there, mulling over my glass of wine, trying to think of a solution to Jake's heartache. "Tell me, Jake…have you ever apologized to her when you _weren't_ drunk?"

Jacob shrugged. "What does it matter?"

"It means a lot if you're only calling her to drunk dial!"

"It's not like that…"

"Listen," I cut him off. "If you want her to take your apology seriously, then you have to have a real conversation with her, face-to-face. Give her a call tomorrow morning. Or better yet, show up at her office."

Jacob snorted. "Yeah, like I'm going to take any love advice from you!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked, indignantly.

"It means you don't follow your own advice! I know you heard the same speech I did, and it sure as hell sounded like a sincere apology."

I bristled, not wanting to turn the conversation to Edward. "That was different. That was for show."

"Oh yeah, because publicly telling the world that you're a cheating drug addict does great things for your image!" he said sarcastically.

Not wanting to hear what Jacob had to say, I yanked the bottle out of his hand and took a swig of wine.

"What did he say to you before the show?"

I shrugged. "He wanted to apologize…he said he owed me an explanation and wanted to meet up."

"Are you going to?"

I shook my head.

Jacob looked at me sternly. "If you want me to meet up with Vanessa, then you have to go talk to Edward."

"I don't think I can!"

"You're an idiot, Isabella," he said, matter-of-factly, ignoring the death glares I was now sending his way. "You are! You've been dealing with this Edward Cullen shit for months! I've watched your heart get ripped out time and time again either because there's a new scandal in the news, or he's had an overdose, or he's gone to rehab. Whether you like it or not, both of your names are always going to be tied together. So the least you deserve is some _closure_."

"He's going to want more than that."

"It doesn't matter what he wants! You don't owe him your forgiveness, Isabella. But you owe it to yourself to get the apology he never gave you."

I sat and contemplated what Jacob was telling me. I thought back to everything Edward had told me tonight. Hearing him apologize and own up to his mistakes wasn't something I heard often. I wanted to believe that he had changed and truly taken rehab seriously. On the surface, it looked like he did. But I was scared to allow even the smallest part of me open up to him. _What if he hurt me again?_

Still…Jacob did have a point. I needed closure. Perhaps knowing that Edward was in a better place would allow me the chance to move on, to not feel so obligated to him. To finally rid myself of the guilt I still felt.

I stood up and walked into my bedroom, grabbing a spare pillow off my bed. Returning back down the hall, I tossed the pillow at Jacob, who looked at it curiously.

"I'm going to bed. You can crash on the couch tonight."

Jacob looked at me and smirked. "Is going to bed your way of not wanting to talk about this anymore?"

"No, going to bed means we're both cut off, and I need to sleep on it," I said, picking up the last of the wine bottles and dumping them in the trash. "Now give me your cell phone."

"What? Why?"

"Because friends don't let friends drunk dial." I snatched his cell phone out of the pocket on his blazer and walked back into my bedroom, closing the door before he could protest.

Once I was alone in my room, I took out my own phone, staring at it and contemplating my options. He was only in town for one more day. _Could I really go through with this?_

"It's just a talk, Isabella…nothing more," I reaffirmed to myself.

Before I could second-guess my decision, I quickly tapped in his number; a number that was still seared into my memory.

"Hey, it's me….we should talk."

* * *

**A/N: **When I originally thought about the plot to this story, I was just going to use Pink's "Lonely Girl" as the song Bella sang at the VMA's because I wanted to tie the title of the story into the plot. However, as soon as I heard Demi Lovato's "Skyscraper," I couldn't picture any other song for Bella. Hence why I have a mixture of both.

So next chapter we get even more E&B interaction. Yay!


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: **I bet nobody thought they'd ever get an update to this story again, huh? It's been a year and a half and for that, I truly apologize. Before reading this chapter, I do have a few things I want to say:

First off, I'm sorry for the lack of updates. I completely understand if readers have given up on my story. Being a new mom has completely taken over my life (in a fantastically good way). I've spent a long time trying to figure out how to juggle a full-time job, being a mom, being a wife, and still finding time for me. Unfortunately, the "me time" is usually the first to go. My son is now 15 months old, and life has started to get a bit easier, but now we're adding a second one into the mix! I'm due with Baby #2 on Christmas Day.

Also, due to my crazy long absence, I've lost my amazing beta along the way. If my writing seems a little off from before, this is probably why. I'm also throwing out there that if there are any experienced betas who would like to take me under their wing to help with grammatical errors and story ideas, please message me!

Lastly, I can't promise when the next update will be (which I know truly, truly sucks). If you choose not to read this chapter and simply wait until that place and time when the story is finally finished, I understand that as well. I do want to let you know though, that I have never given up on this story. I didn't just simply get the writing bug again and start writing Chapter 27 a short while ago. This chapter has actually been worked on in tiny bits and pieces all throughout the past year and a half. So while I can't promise you punctuality…I can promise you dedication to finishing this story.

With all that being said, I've missed you all and am happy to be back in the FanFiction world again :) I hope you enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 27**

_I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited_

_But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it._

_I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded_

_That for me, it isn't over._

- _Adele_

**Edward's POV:**

After seeing Bella at the VMA's the night prior, I had low expectations that I'd hear from her again. The situation was _awkward_, to say the least. My eyes landed on her in that gorgeous, lacey, black dress and before I could fully process what I was doing, I was standing in front of her…without a clue what to say.

Certainly, professing how much I was still utterly in love with her wasn't going to automatically win her back. I could already see in her eyes how much she wanted to flee from the situation. What she needed from me was the truth. An apology. But I couldn't give her that in the middle of a crowded lobby, thirty minutes before she was about to perform. At least not the proper one she deserved.

I had left _Promises_ with a new resolve to start afresh. I was determined to be the type of man that I knew I could be – that Bella had originally _seen_ in me. This wasn't just for Bella. It was for everyone that had put faith in me and knew I was so much more than some one-dimensional image on a billboard. But, most importantly, it was for _me_. Because, for the first time in a long time, I realized that I _could_ be more. Edward Cullen, the rock star, and Edward Cullen, the man, could be the same person. I just had to find that balance, start making decisions for me – not based off of what other people _thought_ of me - and _finally _be at peace with myself.

I was nowhere near at peace with myself yet. There were still too many wrongs I had to right. I knew I would never truly be able to fix everything. Realistically, I knew that my relationship with Bella was probably permanently broken. I knew what I did was unforgivable. But my heart hoped that somehow she'd see that I was a new, changed man. And _maybe_ she could learn to love me again.

As I walked away from Bella in the lobby of the VMA's, I felt the slim hope that I had, for any sort of reconciliation with her, slipping through my finger-tips. And while it killed me to think I may have blown my one-and-only opportunity with her, I had to stay focused. I had a job to do. I may not have been able to control whether Bella chose to speak to me or not, but I could start to clean up the mess I had made for Bella during the path of my destruction.

When Aro first approached me about being a surprise opening presenter for Bella's VMA performance, I knew that if Bella had any inclination of Aro's plan, she would have shut the whole idea down. She was so stubborn that I was sure she would have even put a halt to her VMA performance, just so she wouldn't have to set foot on the same stage as me. My first response was an immediate "no." I had already put Isabella's career through so much turmoil, I wasn't about to do anything to risk it again. But the more Aro pushed the concept of this being the platform for my rise back to the top, the more I realized I could turn this around so that the focus was back on Bella, where it rightfully belonged.

I realized, as I gave my introduction speech, that this may be the only apology Isabella would hear from me. And while I hoped to God that she was listening to my words, they weren't meant just for her. It was for everybody else listening. I wanted to finally shut them up and leave her the fuck alone. I couldn't protect her when she needed it the most, but I'd be damned if I was going to let it continue. The message was loud and clear: _None of this was Isabella's fault_. She was too goddamn talented of a singer to be dragged down just by being associated with me. I was finally stepping up and taking responsibility for all my mistakes. And while I realized it was probably too late for _us_, I hoped it wasn't too late for _her _and her career.

After I stepped off stage, I watched Bella's performance, captivated, from the wings. Her eyes stayed closed as she tentatively sang out the first few notes, but her voice grew stronger with each line of the song. There was something about Bella…her voice…her music. Listening to her sing always made my heart stop.

Once her performance was over, I quickly left the show. I didn't need to stick around to see who won what awards. I certainly wasn't going to keep tempting myself by being around a bunch of drunk celebrities. And I wasn't going to talk to anyone or give any interviews. The night was about Bella. She deserved all the attention.

It was around 2am when I got the call from an unknown number. I had been lying in bed but was unable to sleep; my thoughts continued to swirl around Bella. Glancing at my phone, I was tempted to ignore the call, but something inside nagged at me to pick up. I was completely caught-of-guard and elated to hear Bella's hushed voice on the other end.

She wanted to meet. She was giving me a chance to talk. My heart rushed with a sense of hope that maybe, just maybe, she would let me fix this and make it all right. Our conversation didn't last long. After deciding on a time, we discussed various meeting places, but they were all vetoed by Bella. She didn't want to go any place in public, where the paparazzi could follow. Finally, she let out a heavy sigh and suggested I just come over to her loft.

While I knew it wasn't her first choice for me to be inside her home, I couldn't stop the images from playing through my head as I slept that night. I dreamt of walking into her place, apologizing profusely to her, and professing how much I still loved her. I pulled her into my arms, demanding she tell me she didn't love me, only to have her lips crashing against mine. We stood, tangled up in each other, kissing passionately, before I swept her up in my arms and carried her towards the bedroom, familiarizing myself with every inch of her body once again.

I woke up in the morning with a wet and sticky mess in my pants. I'm ashamed to admit it wasn't my first wet dream about Bella either. _Not in the least._

I arrived at Bella's loft at 10am. After checking in with the front desk, I made my way up to her floor. I must have stood outside her door for a good 5 minutes trying to compose myself and calm my nerves.

_What if she thought her phone call last night was a mistake and didn't want to talk to me?_

_What if she wanted to meet to tell me to stay the hell away from her?_

For a split second I debated just turning around and walking back towards the elevator. For as much as I wanted to change, the insecurities and self-doubt still ebbed their way into the forefront of my mind. Before I let my fears overtake me, I steeled myself, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and remembered the words Dr. Uley told me.

_This isn't about getting her back, Cullen. This is about doing the right thing. You need to apologize so that you can move on…so you can both move on._

Finally, I exhaled and shook my head and shoulders, feeling like a quarterback that was about to go in for a big play in the game. I rapped on the door and braced myself, knowing I was about to come face-to-face with her again.

All the _what if_ scenarios I had running through my head didn't come close to the shock I had when the door opened.

Jacob Black stood on the other side of the door, staring at me wide-eyed. He was completely disheveled. His hair was matted and pointing in different directions. He was wearing the same outfit I had seen him in the night prior, his shirt completely untucked. It was obvious he had spent the night.

I had to push down the feelings of anger and jealousy that were quickly rising up inside of me. _I had no right to those feelings. Not anymore. _The images of Bella and Jacob together in magazines, which had set me off on one of my last benders, flashed briefly in my head. I thought back to Jacob appearing by Bella's side at the VMA's. _Of course, he was her date. _And then my mind replayed the scenes from the dream I had about taking Bella in her room. Except, instead of _my hands_ and _my lips_ all over her body…it was Jacob touching her, kissing her, making her cry out _his_ name.

_I felt sick._

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Jacob yelled, turning back around to face the inside of the apartment. Glancing over his shoulder, I could see Isabella standing in the hallway. She was wearing jeans and a blue tank top. "This means I have to go see Vanessa now!"

A small smirk escaped from Bella's lips, but she didn't say anything; she simple shrugged.

Jacob sighed and ruffled his hand through his hair; as if that was going to suddenly make it look better. "You could have at least given me a heads-up," he grumbled.

Jacob brushed past me, not bothering to acknowledge me, as he walked down the hall to the elevator. I was left standing out in the hallway, looking in towards Isabella, who was staring back at me. We were both frozen in our spots. Eyes glued to one another, but neither of us speaking. It was as if both of us were waiting for the other to make the first move. To take that first step towards each other.

"Um, can I come in?" I finally asked.

"Oh, um, yeah…of course," she said, shaking her head as if she was coming out of a trance.

I took one step over the threshold, closing the door behind me. Unsure of where to go, or what to do, I stood waiting at the door. The space between us was vast, but I had the feeling Bella wanted to keep it that way.

I watched as Bella quickly shuffled her way over to the kitchen. Her head stayed down, as if she was trying not to make eye-contact with me. "Um, do you want anything to drink?" she offered, opening up the refrigerator door and looking inside. "I have water, coffee, wine, beer…"

The minute she said the last word, her head shot up from behind the refrigerator, giving me a horrified look. "Oh shit! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean…"

I waved her off and gave a small laugh. "It's fine, Bells. I'm not going to suddenly break down and go on a binge just because you mentioned alcohol around me."

She nodded but seemed to be studying me, as if she was debating if I was being sarcastic or not.

"I'll have water," I said and took a few steps towards the kitchen, closing a bit of the distance between us.

Bella pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and placed it on the island that separated us. I took a swig and watched as she pulled another water bottle out and fidgeted with the bottle cap. She was more nervous than I was. I wondered why she had decided to invite me here, when it was glaringly obvious that this was the last place she wanted me to be.

I wondered what she was thinking at the moment. It killed me that the one person, who I could read like a book, was so closed off to me now, that I barely even recognized her anymore. She had built up such a large invisible wall between us that it was virtually impossible to reach her. And the person I saw behind that wall was just a shell of the Bella I once knew.

The warmth was gone from her smile and eyes. I had never seen Bella so guarded around anyone. I had to take another gulp of water to choke back the emotion that was building up in my throat. _I did this to her. _Here I was, trying to show Bella how much I changed…_but I changed her_. We were the two people who shared our hearts and souls with each other…and now we didn't even know each other anymore.

"Um, do you want to sit down?" she asked, walking towards the living room and gesturing to the couches.

I nodded and sat down on the large, white couch. Bella took a seat at one of the loveseats located on the other side of the coffee table –the farthest seat away from me. She curled up in the chair, feet on the seat cushion, hugging her knees.

"You were amazing last night," I said after a brief moment of silence, finally feeling like I needed to break the ice.

Bella shrugged and took a sip of water. "Well Aro's happy with it; that's all the matters."

"His isn't the only one that matters," I challenged. "Everybody's talking about your song this morning, Bella."

She kept her eyes down, picking at the paper on the water bottle. "That's only because of the speech you gave."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat; this wasn't how I had intended for our conversation to start. "Honestly, Bells, I wasn't trying to take the spotlight off you. I felt everyone needed to know the truth…_you _deserved it. But you have to believe me…I didn't mean to make you more uncomfortable."

Bella glanced up at me, briefly meeting my eyes, before shifting her focus back to the bottle in her hand.

"I…" she paused, seeming to mull over the choice of her words. "I appreciate what you said."

I let out a sigh, feeling a bit of relief lift off my shoulders, but it was still nothing compared to the heavy weight of all the guilt built up inside of me. I had come here to tell her everything…but now that the opportunity I had dreamed about for the past 30 days was finally a reality, my throat suddenly closed up. I didn't even know where to start. I scrubbed my hand over my face; when I looked up, she was staring straight at me. _This was it._

"Bella, I did so many things to hurt you. And no 'sorry' is ever going to fix it. But I'll never stop apologizing. I need you to know that I made all those horrible choices…but that wasn't _me_. And I _never_ want to be that person again."

Bella pursed her lips and nodded her head. She remained silent and I realized that she was waiting for me to go on. I took another deep breath and composed my thoughts.

"When I went to rehab, I thought I was just going to be able to kick this drug-addiction and I could get back to my normal life. But I realized I had to deal with my own problems first.

"I lost myself, Bella. Somewhere along the way, the lines got blurred between who I really was and my persona. When you met me, I was fully enjoying being portrayed as the womanizing, bad boy. But when I was with you…you saw right through me, Bells. I could just be _me_ around you. But the more and more those two worlds collided…I just didn't know how to be the Edward Cullen the media expected, and the _real_ Edward Cullen. I thought I could just turn one persona off and the other on. But pretty soon I just didn't know what was real anymore.

"I'm not telling you all of this to make excuses for what I did. But it helped me understand why I started using drugs as a coping mechanism."

Bella quietly nodded again, barely blinking. For a second, I wondered if she had even been paying attention to a word I was saying. She was so stoic. Finally, she cleared her throat.

"This is a lot to process," she said, hoarsely.

"I know. I had 30 days," I smiled, ruefully.

"And now?" Bella asked, tentatively meeting my eyes again. "Who are you…now?"

"Right now…I'm a guy trying desperately to make amends and dig myself out of the hole I buried myself in," I said, sadly. "I'm still trying to figure it all out. But I'll tell you one thing, Bells. When I was with you…I was real. _We_ were real."

Bella let out a small sob and quickly covered her face with her hand. "I'm sorry…It's just all too much right now."

"I know we can't go back to the way things were," I rushed on, feeling I had to clarify myself. I didn't know how much longer she'd give me, and I needed to share as much of my heart as I could with her. "But I need to make this right. I need you to know that I'm trying hard to be the man you first saw in me. That's who I _want_ to be. I can't take it all back…but _God_ I wish I could. I would give it all up, Bells – the fame, the fortune - if it meant I didn't have to make those same mistakes. It wasn't worth losing myself. It wasn't worth losing _you_."

"Stop!" Bella cried out. Her whole body shook as she gasped for breath and frantically wiped at the tears on her face. "I can't do this right now! I can't, Edward!"

I didn't think it was possible for my heart to break any further, but as I watched Bella, trying so hard not to cry in front of me, I felt a stabbing pain in my chest. I wanted nothing more than to go over to her, pull her into my arms, and tell her that everything was going to be all right. But I couldn't.

"I thought I was ready…" Bella continued, between shallow breaths. "To see you…to hear what you had to say…for closure. But this is all just ripping the wounds open again. I want to know why. I want to know everything. But I'm just not ready."

I lowered my head and ran my fingers through my hair, yanking at the ends hard. I had to squeeze my eyes shut, unable to look at her anymore. It was too much to bear.

"Please forgive me, Isabella," I whispered. "I'm so sorry. So _so_ fucking sorry."

_How would she ever be able to forgive me, when every time I looked at her, I knew I'd never be able to forgive myself?_

I glanced back up at Bella. She was using the bottom of her palm to wipe away the tears from her face. Her eyes locked on mine and she continued to stare at me; her gaze piercing right through my soul. I couldn't look away if I tried. I don't know how long we stayed staring at each other. The room was silent except for the sporadic sniffles that came from Bella as she tried to compose herself.

It seemed as if she was searching for something inside me. For what, I wasn't sure. But I prayed to God that whatever she was looking for was still there.

After a few minutes, Bella finally broke eye contact and turned her head to stare at the wall. She remained silent, and it seemed as if she was trying to gather her thoughts. I didn't dare speak.

She let out a heavy sigh, with an almost final resolution, and turned back towards me. "I forgive you," she rasped out.

My heart leapt out of my chest as she uttered the last words I had ever expected her to say to me.

"Bella, you don't have to say it if you're not ready…" I rushed out, but she put her hand up to silence me.

"I can see you've changed. There's a peace about you that I haven't seen in a long time…maybe even ever," she said wistfully. "What happened…happened. We've all been through the fall-out. But whatever deep, dark place you were in…I don't want you to stay there."

Bella dropped her legs to the ground, and leaned in towards me. For the first time, I saw a bit of that warmth return back to her eyes. "I want you to be happy, Edward. I want so badly to believe that you've turned your life around. And I want to be happy too. But I can't do that if I keep reliving the pain from the past. So I _need_ to forgive you – not just for you…but for me."

I let out a shaky breath, trying hard not to let my emotions get the best of me in front of her. _This is why I would never stop loving Bella. _Even after everything I had put her through, she was still able to forgive me. Not because she _had_ to, but because she knew we both needed it.

_And this is why I had to finally let her go_. Because _she_ needed it.

"God, Bella, you don't know how much I want to just hug you right now," I breathed out. Bella gave me a sad smile, making it clear that this was still a boundary she would not let me cross.

"So what now?" Bella asked; obviously feeling the need to change the subject. "What are your plans?"

"I'm still focusing on my recovery…one day at a time. I ruined a lot of relationships these past few months, so it's gonna take some time working to build them back up. I have a lot to prove, to show that I can be different. That I _am_ different," I said, with a more steely resolve. "As for The Volturi, we're set to resume the European leg of our tour in a few weeks."

Bella's face widened with surprised. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"No," I said, honestly. "But it's business."

"Edward…" she said, hesitantly.

"I've already set up a plan with my therapist at _Promises_," I said, trying to reassure her. "Am I nervous? Hell, yeah! Which I guess is a good thing…I'm not kidding myself that this recovery is going to be easy. But I've got a strong support system around me. I'm going to set up weekly phone-sessions with _Promises_, I've got the rest of the gang there to help me, and my parents are going to alternate flying to different cities to be there for me as well.

"I guess it's a lot of babysitting," I said, shamefully. "But I haven't really proven I can be all that mature."

Bella looked at me, and for the second time I could see the warmth glow back in her eyes. "I think you're showing just how mature you are by putting all these plans in place, Edward."

"Yeah, well the show must go on, right?" I said, snidely. "What about you, Bells? What are your next plans?"

Bella shrugged. "I'm sure James has some fabulously awful idea up his sleeve for me."

I was concerned from Bella. I had put her entire career in jeopardy these past few months and, while I knew she was fighting like hell to get it back, I was worried she was starting to lose some of that fight in her. The Isabella Swan that I saw last night had laid everything out on the line. Today she just seemed defeated.

"Are you happy?"

Bella looked at me, surprised. "That's a loaded question."

"With your career, I mean."

She looked down and went back to peeling at her water bottle. There were now flecks of paper all over her legs. She stayed silent, seeming to mull over her answer, before she looked back up at me and gave a small shrug.

"Are _you_ happy?"

_No._

_I'm getting there._

_I don't know if I'll ever be happy again._

I couldn't say any of those things to her. So I simply followed her lead and kept my focus on the bottle in my own hand.

And so there the two of us sat…lost in our own thoughts, but unable to voice any of them to each other. I hated, after so many months, finally being this close to Bella and yet still feeling so far away. She had forgiven me…it should have been enough. _So why did it feel like everything surrounding us was still unfinished?_

Bella interrupted the awkward silence in the room by clearing her throat. She stood up and brushed the tiny pieces of trash off of her legs. "Um…speaking of my career…I have a meeting with Aro later today, so I should probably get ready…"

I realized this was my cue to leave. I reluctantly stood up and walked to the door with Bella following behind me. There was still so much left unsaid hanging in the air between us. I didn't want to leave because I knew that the minute I stepped outside that door, Bella would most likely be closing it on me permanently. I just couldn't bear to say goodbye.

I stood with my hand on the doorknob, unable to walk away from her quite yet. She stood inches away from me, fidgeting with the bottom of her tank top. I wanted so badly to place my palm on the side of her face and kiss her one last time; to taste her lips; to feel her breath against me. A small lock of her brown hair had fallen over her eyes and, before I even realized what I was doing, my fingers reached out to brush it away from her face.

Bella immediately went rigid, which caused my hand to drop in midair. _She wouldn't even let me touch her._

"Sorry," we both gasped simultaneously.

"I didn't mean to…"

"It's my fault," I cut her off. "It wasn't my place."

_My place._ My place used to be beside her. My place used to be _inside_ her. And now…I could even fucking touch her.

I scrubbed my hand over my face and sighed. "Bella, thank you…for giving me a chance to apologize. I know it's not enough…but I'll never stop trying to fix it."

"Just fix yourself, Edward. That's all you need to worry about."

"Is there anything I can do to help…with James and Aro, that is?"

Bella gave me a small smile. "When have I ever let you help me with my career, Edward?"

And just like that, I saw a bit of that fight come back to her. She was just as determined to do this on her own as ever. She was just as stubborn. _She was just as amazing, if not more._

"Don't lose that spark, Bella. And don't _ever_ let them make you forget who you are. You're the best goddamn singer I know, Bells – you remember that."

Bella bit her lip and nodded. I could see the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes once more.

"Take care, Edward," she whispered.

I swallowed the lump that had been rising up in my throat and gave her once last, lingering look. For months I had been haunted by my last memory of her walking out on me. This is how I wanted to remember her now.

"Goodbye, Bella," I said, hoarsely.

Before my emotions could betray me anymore, I quickly turned around and walked out the door. Knowing full well that I was walking away from the best thing that ever happened in my life. And knowing that I had no other choice.

* * *

**Bella's POV:**

I sat in an empty boardroom of Sony Music's New York headquarters, tapping my foot nervously, and waiting for my meeting with Aro. As hard as I tried, I couldn't clear my head from all the events that had happened earlier in the day. From the moment Edward had walked into my apartment, I was put on edge. Even, now, hours after he was gone, I still felt as if I was holding my breath…waiting for the other shoe to drop.

When I first woke up, it had taken me a few minutes to wrap my head around everything I had done the night prior. At first, I had wondered if my phone call with Edward had been a dream. But a quick check to my recent call log on my phone, made me realize that not only had I talked to Edward…but I had invited him over to my apartment.

As I raced around my room, trying to make myself look presentable, the feeling of dread continued to rise up from my stomach to my throat. And when the doorbell rang, I had to cover my mouth, unsure if I was going to throw-up or scream in terror.

_What was I thinking letting him even take one step back into my life?! If this was for closure, why did I feel like I was about to rip open every wound I had tried so hard to close?_

And then there he was…standing in the doorway, waiting to be let in…still as gorgeous and fresh-faced as the night prior. _Who was this new Edward?_ He seemed to have an inner-peace inside him that I couldn't quite pinpoint. I wanted so badly to believe that this was the _real_ Edward. The Edward Cullen that was here to stay. But looks can be deceiving…and Edward had deceived me far too many times.

I wanted to stay, relishing in this new calm aura that seemed to be radiating from him…and yet, at the same time, I wished desperately to flee the entire situation. It seemed as if lately, my mind and my heart could never figure out how to feel about Edward. He was his own anomaly.

When Edward finally began talking, the last thing that I expected to hear, so directly from him, was the truth. I had prepared myself to hear the remorse and apologies. And even though I, so desperately, wanted to know _why_ everything fell apart, when he began to open up about all of his insecurities and inner-demons, the truth of everything was just too raw to handle. He had 30 days to process everything about himself; I couldn't do the same in 30 minutes.

And yet…_I still forgave him_. It wasn't something I had prepared to do when he first walked in the door. I was prepared to hear his apology and give myself the closure I needed from him to let myself begin to heal and move on. But as our heartache lay exposed between both of us, I realized that I would never fully be able to move on from Edward. Reliving the past only brought up all the old pain that I had spent months pushing deep down inside of me, trying to ignore. And seeing this new, honest Edward, caused a fresh wave of torment, thinking about _what might have been. _I was finally seeing glimpses of _My Edward_ again. Only he wasn't mine…and he never would be again.

We were broken too far beyond repair. The best thing to do, for both of us, was to focus on fixing ourselves. Edward had already started to do that. And as much as I had been trying to, I realized I was never going to fully succeed unless I let my heart forgive him. I had clung so tightly to the anger, hurt, and bitterness. And while I couldn't simply erase all those feelings, I knew it was time to start letting go. It's so funny how much I refused to be seen as the victim of the relationship in the media. And yet, if I was really honest with myself, I painted myself into that role with Edward. _Maybe, in our own different ways, we were both victims._ But it was time to move out of those roles. I had been wallowing in self-pity long enough.

I frowned, thinking back to Edward's question of if I was happy. Not surprisingly, he also avoided the question when I deflected it back to him. I had to believe that we would both get to that point again someday. Deep down, I knew my conversation with Edward was the first step I needed to get back on that path.

_So why did I only feel sadness when I said goodbye to him, and closed the door to that chapter of my life?_

My thoughts were broken as the door to the conference room opened, and Aro and James strode in. Aro was beaming from ear to ear, while James stood rigid and tight-lipped behind him.

"Ah, Isabella!" Aro exclaimed. I stood up, as he walked over to my chair, grasped my hands, and gave me a light kiss on the cheek. This was certainly the friendliest greeting I had ever received from him. "Everyone it still raving about your incredible performance last night, my dear! We couldn't be more proud! Isn't that right, James?"

Aro took a seat in the rolling chair next to me, while James gave a quick nod and pulled out the chair across the table. I was glad to have a table separating myself from that disgusting pig. He was glaring at me, and while I refused to make eye-contact with him, I could feel his gaze roaming all over my body. I shuddered, revolted by the thought of him

"Isabella, I know that you've felt your career has been put on the back burner the past few months," Aro began. "Truthfully, it has. You were unfortunately under a lot of scrutiny from the press and I was hoping that by trying to keep you out of the spotlight, the media storm would eventually die down. I realize, now, the mistakes I made when handling that situation. It was wrong of us to not put out a release on your behalf, and I understand how unsupported you must have felt. I apologize."

I glanced over at James, who was furiously biting his cheek. I could only imagine how much he was inwardly screaming, "_I told you so!"_ I wasn't sure if he was more irate with me or Aro at this point.

"What we need to capitalize on now,"Aro continued, "Is the positive press that you're finally receiving. Now's the time to put your career and music back on the fast track. I wanted to meet with you today so that we can finalize your plans for the upcoming months. James, what have you been working on?"

I turned and stared smugly at James. _Yes, James, tell us what great plans you have for this "no-talent bitch."_

James cleared his throat. "Well, I had a fantastic deal with VH1 for Isabella's own reality show…but she's refused any sort of negotiations with them." He shot me a deathly glare, but Aro only nodded at him to continue. "The initial reaction to the Candies campaign was rather positive. Isabella has become quite the sex symbol and to continue capitalizing on that, I've set up more photo shoots for her with _Maxim_ and _Esquire._"

Without realizing it, I groaned out loud, causing Aro and James to both stare at me.

"This has nothing to do with my music," I explained. "That's why I refused to be a part of a reality show. I think the focus right now should be on my music and I think that the reaction from last night's performance only proves it."

"Isabella's right,"Aro agreed. I could see that James was fuming with that statement.

"I think the fact that her next single is becoming such a huge hit already shows that the focus is still on her music. However, she still needs to be in constant media circulation as well, "James countered.

"But why does it have to be the same typical lingerie and bathing suit pictures?" I argued. "I think there's a way to be tasteful and still be sexy. Look at the classic pinup pictures! They were sexy because they showed just the right amount of skin, while leaving something to be desired."

"I think Isabella is on to something here,"Aro said. "Why don't we keep the photo shoots scheduled with _Maxim_ and _Esquire_. However, let them know that we plan to do a retake on the classic pinup shoots of the 1920's."

I was inwardly gloating. I couldn't believe that Aro and I were on the same page when it came to my career, and more importantly, James couldn't either! For once, it was two-against-one when it came to James's ideas – and if he wasn't going to listen to me, he HAD to listen to his boss!

"Quite frankly, I'm disappointed that you haven't put much thought into Isabella's career, James..."

_Me either, Asshole._

"We need to be pushing her music harder than ever…"

_Take that, Motherfucker!_

"I'd like Isabella to go back on tour…"

_You hear that, Douchebag?!_

"…starting in two weeks with The Volturi in Europe."

_WHAT THE FUCK?!_

"No!"

"Hell, no!" James and I both exclaimed at the same time.

Aro nodded, grimly. "I was expecting this reaction from you, Isabella. James, however, I had thought you would be on board with such a huge opportunity."

"With all due respect, Aro,"James said, quickly composing himself. "Isabella has already been the opening act for The Volturi two times already. That show has been played out. I have plenty of other artists that are more deserving to get their big break opening up for them. Isabella, however, needs to headline her own tour. She's done being an opening act."

"I couldn't agree more,"Aro said. "Which is why I plan to make this a double-headline tour."

"No!" I protested again.

"How does this help Isabella's new image?" James argued. "We're simply throwing her back to being aligned with Edward Cullen all over again!"

And now I was back to agreeing with James. _What the FUCK was going on?!_

Aro turned his chair so that his full attention was on me, now ignoring James. "Isabella, I'm going to be very frank with you. The past few months have not been kind to either you or The Volturi. Last night, the VMA's sparked enough interest for both of you again, but neither of you are safe. Both of you are at a precipice in your careers where one wrong move could send you into oblivion, or the right move could put you both back on track to the top. I believe that this is the right move.

"I'm taking your career very seriously, Isabella. I now see the error in my ways from before. I plan to manage your continuous promotion in the United States while you're gone, and James will oversee your success in Europe. I plan for you to return from Europe as an A-list celebrity. Everybody will have to take you seriously."

"_Nobody_ will take her seriously!" James spat. "Let's just be honest, Aro, you need her to gain positive press for The Volturi. This has nothing to do with Isabella's career. Everyone will see that Isabella has gone running back to Edward and your star-child will quickly have all his sins forgiven! Isabella's just collateral damage in all of this – just like she was before!"

Aro's eyes darkened. He continued staring at James, but directed his words to me. "I assure you, Isabella, that is not my intention."

"Would you like me to put out a press release saying they're back together as well? I'm sure Isabella would be more than happy to pretend to fall back in love with Edward and only have her success measured by who she's fucking. Wouldn't you, Isabella?"

"That's enough, James!" Aro barked. He pinched the bridge of his nose and mumbled something to himself in another language.

I felt like a ping pong ball being bounced back and forth between Aro and James. Here they were, arguing about the fate of my career, and I hadn't been able to speak up once! _What the hell did they think they were doing?!_

"Isabella, would you mind if I spoke with you alone for a few minutes?"Aro quietly asked.

"Absolutely not, Aro!" James roared. "She's _my_ client and any decisions regarding her career will be made by me!"

"I think I have a bit of say in my own career!" I finally spat out, sick and tired of the two of them deciding my life.

I glanced between Aro and James, unsure of what to do. I was absolutely opposed to hopping back on tour with The Volturi after everything that had happened. I may have forgiven Edward, but that didn't mean that I wanted to go back to having a relationship with him again. I thought this meeting was going to be about making my own name for myself…and instead Aro simply wanted me to go back on Edward's arm, as the doting girlfriend. There was no way I would fake that. And if Edward was honest about changing his image, I knew that he wouldn't agree to it either.

James seemed to voice all of my reservations. However, it had already clearly been established that James did not have my best interests in mind when it came to my career. He _wanted_ me to fail. So, obviously, something about this situation made him nervous – enough to go toe-to-toe with Aro.

"James, I'd like to speak to Aro alone."

"You're a fucking idiot, Isabella!" James said, jumping up out of his seat. "Don't pretend you're above this whole sexy image of yourself one minute, and then agree to whore yourself out for publicity the next!"

"James, wait outside!" Aro's voice boomed, echoing in the large conference room.

"This is so fucked up!" James mumbled. He stalked to the door and slammed it behind him with such force, it caused me to jump. Aro remained silent and seemingly unnerved beside me.

"I apologize for James's outburst, Isabella."

I shook my head and took a deep breath. "Aro, I can't do what you're asking me to do. I know, since the beginning of my career, my name has constantly been linked with Edward's. And I'm not stupid – it's going to be a long time before that fully goes away. But I thought you would understand that now's the time I need to make a name for myself. I need to distance myself from Edward as much as possible."

"Isabella, please believe me when I say that I understand your concerns…and I do agree with them. But, at this point in time, it's simply not that easy."

Aro looked me directly in the eyes and sighed with resignation.

"I rarely admit my mistakes to many people, and I'm about to do so twice with you today. I was wrong for trying to make you a pop artist. I thought that pairing you with James would be the best move for your publicity, and once you made a name for yourself, we could market you as the rock artist that you wanted to be. I believe your true talent lies in the music that your write. I just didn't trust the public enough to understand that about you at first. I was wrong."

"So trust my instincts now, Aro,"I implored. "Putting us back on tour together won't help."

"You're looking at this emotionally. And from your perspective, I understand why you're against this…but look at this from an objective point-of-view. The public loves a good redemption story. Last night proved that they want to see you and Edward succeed. This tour will garner so much more revenue and publicity than either of you could ever do on your own. People will be swarming to see both of you back on top. Right now, both of you _need_ each other."

"I understand that this is a huge money-maker for you, Aro. But you're doing it at the expense of people's lives and emotions. Have you even discussed this with Edward? He's trying to remain sober and you're asking him to go back to pretending to be someone he's not!"

"I'm not asking either of you to pretend. Quite frankly, I don't even think the public would buy into a fake relationship. I'm asking you to be real and be yourself. You are absolutely right that the public loves the songs you write. They love them because of your honesty. I think this tour will have you writing and singing some of the best music yet. It's a win-win situation for everyone involved."

"You see it that way. I see it as playing with fire," I countered. "Let's forget about all my concerns for a second. Edward needs a strong support system with him this tour. He doesn't need me around to confuse him."

"Oh my dear, Isabella,"Aro said, with a twinkle in his eye. "You don't think I've already thought about that? _You_ are the biggest support system he'll have! Having you on tour with him every day will be the biggest incentive for him to stay sober!"

"So you're using me?"

Aro shook his head. "I'm doing no such thing. I've already told you – you _both_ need each other right now."

"I don't need Edward to help my career, Aro! I _can_ and _will_ do this on my own!"

Aro sat back in his chair and pointed his fingers up to his lips, silently contemplating. _Was this it? Was he about to give me an ultimatum? Was I about to lose my career?_

"Isabella," he began after a few minutes. "I know we met shortly after your accident and you had concerns about James as your manager. How do you feel about him now?"

_I hate him._

_He's a lying, dirty scumbag._

_He scares me._

I mulled over my choice of words, unsure where Aro was taking this conversation. Finally, I decided to be straightforward. "I want out. He doesn't have my best interests in mind and has made it perfectly clear that he can't stand me."

"I told you that if you still had issues with James, I would place you with a new manager. Why haven't you addressed any of this with me?"

"Because of the contract," I explained. "He holds it over my head any time I try to go against his wishes."

Aro looked at me, surprised. "What contract?"

"The contract he had me sign when I asked to get off The Volturi tour. He made me agree to keep him as my manager for one more album."

Aro angrily drummed his fingers across the mahogany table; he seemed to be deep in thought. "Tell me, Isabella, do you have a copy of this contract?"

I shook my head no.

"Seeing as I knew nothing about this contract James decided to make with you, I will have to check into the actual authenticity of it. This was not something arranged by Sony, and first and foremost, your contract to Sony overrules whoever your manager is here at the label.

"Isabella, I'll make a deal with you. You know that I only manage the highest grossing acts for the company. I plan to continue to give you the right publicity you need, here in the United States, while you're over in Europe. If you headline this European tour, I have absolute faith in you that you will return on the same level, if not bigger, than The Volturi. I promise you, that when you come back, I will take over as your manager. This contract with James will be null and void."

"If you have that much faith in me, why can't you just take over as my management now?"

Aro smiled. "I can't just take everyone's clients that I want around here, Isabella. It's understood that once a musician reaches a certain level, then they'll receive top management – you need to get to that level first."

"James has been screwing up my career since day one!" I argued. "How the hell am I supposed to go over to Europe with him for a month and expect to come back as successful as you predict? Why can't you travel with The Volturi and help oversee me? Why does it have to be him?"

"I'm too old to travel with my clients; that's why I have Demetri." Aro looked away from me, towards the door that James had just stormed out. "Besides, I have business that I need to take care of here and it would be better for everyone if James was in Europe. If you ever have any concerns while you're over there, you can contact me directly. Do this tour – and I promise you – everything will be cleared up when you return."

I sat and mulled over his proposal. Just a few minutes ago, I had been so adamant that I would never return on tour with The Volturi. And now, he actually had me second-guessing myself. This had the potential to be one huge disaster. I would be stuck, for a month, traveling in close quarters with James and Edward – two men that I wanted to stay far away from for two completely different reasons. I could already picture the countless ways that I would end up getting destroyed.

But then I thought back to Aro's words he had just spoken to me: _"You're looking at this emotionally." _

_Hadn't my career taken a turn for the worse when I let emotions control every choice?_

I removed myself from the biggest tour of the year because I couldn't handle being on tour with my ex-boyfriend. I willingly signed a contract with James, knowing it wouldn't turn out well, because I was willing to do anything to get away from Edward. I refused to defend myself to the media, even as I watched my entire career go down the drain. I had worked so hard, and for so long, to get my music heard and be taken seriously – yet _I _was the one that had so easily thrown it all away over a broken heart.

For so long I had Charlie guiding me and my career. Then Edward became my mentor. Hell, I even went to Jake looking for advice. I was constantly seeking others to help me make the best decision.

_Maybe it was time to start looking out for myself and trust that I could do this on my own._

I weighed the pros and cons in my head, deciding which would be the best choice for me. If I said no, and walked away…I would either be walking right back into James's slimy grasp…or Aro would make sure that I left for good. If I said yes, I could still be walking into a trap with James…but Aro also had made me a promise…

_And Edward_…I shook my head, deciding I couldn't even factor him into my decision. If I did, my emotions would be controlling me all over again.

I bit my lip and looked at Aro. "No fake relationship, right? Not even alluding to it."

Aro nodded. "Correct."

"And I can sing whatever I want to?"

"As long as you keep writing new material while you're on tour," Aro smiled.

I looked Aro straight in the eye, as this last question was my deciding factor. "And when I get back…James is out of the picture for good?"

"I promise."

I took a deep breath and nodded. "We have a deal."

* * *

**James POV:**

I paced around my tiny office, cursing to myself and smoking the last of my cigarettes. It was late and the rest of the staff had left the building hours ago, but I was still trying to come up with a plan after everything happened today. _More like an explanation for Mr. Denali. _Aro had royally fucked me over with Isabella Swan, and part of me couldn't help but feel maybe that had been his intention all along.

_Did he know about Mr. Denali's plans? _I shook my head, reasoning with myself that if he had any clue that I was trying a coup d'état on him, he would have fired me already.

_So what the fuck happened in that board room to make me lose all control over Isabella Swan's career? And how was I going to get it back?_

I stabbed the end of my cigarette into my desk, not even caring that I was leaving a burn, and thought back to the events earlier that day. I had walked into that board room, overly confident that I was quickly on the path to Isabella's "self-destruction."

For weeks now, I had been subtlety letting Aro know that Isabella was being less than cooperative when it came to her music. I had planted the bug in Aro's ear that Isabella was choosing the wrong song for her VMA performance. And while that bit of the plan backfired, it still didn't hurt me, since Aro believed I had finally talked some sense into her. There had been a few other opportunities that Aro wanted me to present, which I always conveniently "forgot" to mention to her. All Aro needed to know was that Isabella was continuously passing on these great offers.

I was utterly dumbfounded when Aro presented Isabella with the idea to go on tour with The Volturi, and irate that he hadn't decided to at least consult with me about the decision first, before dropping it on both of us at the same time. _What sneaky sort of plan was this man up to? _

Of course Isabella joining The Volturi for a double-headline tour was a no-brainer. It would instantly skyrocket her career back to the top, and give her all the positive publicity she could ever hope for. The sales revenue would be off the charts, and I could only imagine the millions of dollar signs that danced around in Aro's fat head. Isabella would have been an idiot to turn down that offer. _But I was banking on the fact that she __was__ an idiot and would most certainly put her career second to her pathetic romance with Edward Cullen._

When Aro asked me to leave the room, I couldn't help but feel uneasy. _Why did he need to speak with her alone? What sort of scheme were the two of them collaborating on?_

I wasn't a fool. I had clearly heard Aro tell Isabella that he planned on handling her promotion in the States if she went on tour; I knew exactly what that meant. Aro sat on his throne at the top of the food chain around here. He could have his pickings of any artist he wanted to, and since he was the Head of Sony, he only chose to work with the talent that would produce him with the most money. He was planning on Isabella becoming the next biggest act for Sony. And he was promptly going to steal her out from under me.

_Not if I can help it, Mother Fucker. Your days are numbered. By the time you have any clue what's going on, you'll be thrown out of the top floor of this office building so fast, you'll come __begging__ me for a job!_

There was just one problem with my plan. _Isabella Swan._ How did that bitch manage to thwart every move I made?! She didn't even have a clue what was going on! But now the stupid cunt decided she _wanted_ to go on tour with The Volturi! And I was going to be shipped off to Europe with her.

I scrubbed my hand over my face, completely frustrated. This may have thrown a wrench in my plans…but it certainly wasn't going to stop me from making my way to the top. Isabella may have been given a great opportunity, but I would be with her every step of the way to make sure she fucked it up. And Aro would be across an entire ocean to even know what was going on.

When Denali had first approached me, everything was strictly business. I was doing whatever I needed to do to advance my own career; if there happened to be collateral damage along the way, then so be it. _But now it was personal. _I didn't trust Aro anymore. And I couldn't wait to see his face when he realized I stole his job right out from under his nose.

And Isabella Swan…_It was now my personal mission to take that bitch down_. By the time I was done with her, she'd be begging to suck my cock for just one more of her measly songs to be on the radio. I palmed my hand over my hardening dick, thinking about all the demeaning things I'd make her do while I sat in Aro's chair in that huge office.

My pornographic thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing. I swallowed hard and composed myself, knowing full-well who was on the other line. Even though I had been waiting for his call all day, I was still dreading it.

I cleared my throat and picked up the receiver. "Mr. Denali, we have a problem."

* * *

**A/N: **So there you have it. The good news is we'll get tons of E&B interactions from here on out – and (my favorite) sexual tension. :)


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